[professionaldeipnosophist]

Is this how it’s supposed to be ?

Instead of drowning- depression rolls off of me

Instead of rolling with it

I left it all dead and behind me

Remind me, why was I sad before

Yeah life’s fucking hard

but It’s Not going anywhere

And these days are brighter

and the reasons are neither

apparent or evident

But adding up moments

I’m thinking that new shoes alone isn’t what made me feel whole again

I won’t feel that hole again

That emptiness complements who I was last year, but doesn’t agree with me now

[professionaldeipnosophist]

It’s never gonna stop

The pictures flicker violently in front of me

This movie’s all I’ve got

And now that it’s started

It’s never gonna stop

The nights are always worth it

If the days all feel the same

I know I can’t become a winner

If I don’t play the game

I’m done

I did it

I’m on the path to being finished

[professionaldeipnosophist]

I was staring at a mountain

And I didn’t want to climb it

Starting from the ground -

I’m not at the peak yet

But I hoped that i would forget

How it felt to come down..

My brain chemistry is changing

I just hope my broken mind can be enough

And for all the time it’s taking

It took twice as long to become So fucked up

But now Im so sick of waiting

Cause each night I give up my dreams

For a chance to get this out

only I know if im honest

When these words escape my mouth -

If I told you I was lying,

I think you still would believe

You could drag me up to heaven

and then I finally couldn’t leave

But I’m going nowhere

I’m happier here

I wrote you a new song

It didn’t take me too long

I closed my eyes and I found ..

All the different ways to

Show you that I love you

And I made them into one sound

With all the promises I’m breaking

Now I’m surprised that we haven’t given up

But I’m sick of self defeating

And the devil isn’t here to call my bluff

Oh my god I’m finally healing

my friends think that I feel better

Or at least that’s what I said

Cause I need to keep convincing

All the voices in my head

Each night you wake up worried

That I’ve finally run away

So this song is my reminder

That nomad’s here to stay

Because I’m going nowhere

[professionaldeipnosophist]

But now it’s the next morning

“5g”on repeat because it never gets boring

Scream my heart out while driving

I’m either dying or thriving

There’s no emotions between

or I don’t know how to find them

I’m searching -

No

I’m falling- asleep on the cold ground

AirPods in, melomaniac addict who just found a new sound

Found my old self in the attic but I can’t throw the - box out

But I’m ready now for the rebound

Am I so charismatic people will listen to me drown?

What beautiful music

Leave it or use it, by all means abuse it

Of course I mean the new shit

If I hear my old recordings I’ll probably lose it

[professionaldeipnosophist]

Thought that I could

Live as a martyr, die on my own sword slowly

When I was just self isolated, feeling so fucking lonely

Can somebody hold me?

No

But at least we can talk now

At least i can find out

Are my decisions as ridiculous to myself as somebody else

Are these revisions in my story worth the sympathy I’m tryna sell?

Well I don’t buy it for a minute

that I’d be content with living

On my own

And I’ve been talking to almost no one transcribing lyrics from my soul into my phone

That’s it for tonight then?

Yes

[professionaldeipnosophist]

Age restricted - agora hill

[professionaldeipnosophist]

I hope you think about me sometimes

Because you know I think of you

I hope that all your prayers were answered

I hope that all your dreams came true

I hope you forget me easily after

Because i know that’s not easy to do

looking back you just see shadows

Of the light we can’t renew

Im still remembering who I am

And how it felt to fly

Close my eyes every evening

And dream across the sky

If I could teleport to you now

I’d try my best to pretend

That we were strangers like the first time

Maybe we still end up as friends

Oh

I love falling

For the first time

Again and again and again

Oh I love hurting

When it’s over

It will end, it will end it will end

[professionaldeipnosophist]

I last cried after my son was born.

Not right away but holding him on my chest when the moment set in

Alone in the dark I was shaking

His life depends on the choices I’m making

I last felt pride when I matched to my first choice

Not because I was told that I couldn’t do it

because it was something I wanted and wanted to prove it

Only to myself

What if I reached for every aspiration, I’ve left high upon my shelf

[professionaldeipnosophist]

I’m thinking really

Most of everything we feel is only

A Mix of chemicals

You say you need me

When the highs and lows you crave are so deceiving

Soon you wont feel at all

I know you’re seeing

Every memory like it’s a movie

Each night was unforgettable

Think back to my last words on that window sill

I’m down for the fallout if you’re down for the thrill

Theres no emptiness in you that I couldn’t fill

If you’re not afraid of trying

[professionaldeipnosophist]

Fuck your feelings. I think I'm talking to every last tumblring sad sack who's too caught up In introspection and their exes to notice that their half assed sonnet is bogus. I think I'm talking to myself 2 to 5 years ago knowing he can't hear me though every word I release makes it easier to breathe in this moment I think I'm making the most of a a medium to remember my days in a way that sparks a part of my brain I'm not used to Most of the time you only have 3 words To capture anyone's attention but I don't use the right hashtags and everyone is sick of "I love you"

[professionaldeipnosophist]

What makes a perfect fall day A bowl of kit kats in the doorway Fun sizes for the fun sized sailor and his sister dressed as twister, the board game. When I was that age it was no different Bags of candy, spending hours just sorting it Now it's snapchats of her brown lipstick, Bio-chemistry and picking out her nail polish Closed eyes, no doubt, with her tongue in my mouth, I'm afraid that I'm not thinking at all But if it starts this slow, we can let it all go, Understanding what it means to fall

[professionaldeipnosophist]

I heard about how you spent your allowance in glass houses throwing parties after hours so no one would question your prowess The only difference between between losing and winning is the two separate places were standing innit, I’m not a rapper but fuck it just pretend for a minute

So I’m seeing the backlash of my last spastic attack on all the fake facts they’ve stacked to trap me in a persona I couldn’t live with

I guess the feeling of healing is less appealing than sending all of them reeling from dealing with their own shit, but really thats just none of your business Innit

[professionaldeipnosophist]

Tonight was a full moon Composed like a nocturne I'm trying to hear you But I'm not in your octave I'll be there in a minute Just come down to meet me Let's sleep together Don't tell me I'm dreaming https://youtu.be/fwbtB4vRXHg

[professionaldeipnosophist]

A few words each day and I’m breathing again A short time in my mind every night with my best friend

A quick note that you passed me in class and you asked me if the future could live on a post it, I’m not sure what was written but I love every decision We had made, now they’ve led to this moment I Feel It Now The Same 6 years ago i played the harsh audio of a cover I sang to “I know you” Confused as you were, I’m really happy you heard because there’s no other way I could show you And I Love You More Today

https://youtu.be/Hl9kSfxuDQ8

[professionaldeipnosophist]

I hear an echo down an elevator shaft I'm so afraid! That the voice that I've been hearing is not a sound my mouth has made When you can't sleep because your own heartbeat Is too fast to explain You're thinking no one in this whole wide world has ever felt the same I see a bight light beam, stream acrossed the sky I'm so amazed a car crash over my shoulder wouldn't break my gaze As the star flies past My whole life flashed before my eyes But I'm okay I realize what I feel inside is far less than insane https://youtu.be/FKHwvIgKWOQ

[94389o395739j953275-deactivated]

[professionaldeipnosophist]

this seat is taken

Smallerson

[r0rschach]