[prostatorgasmsgirl]

To My Beautiful Dear friend @submissive-seeking she was words of wisdom and a guide to us all.

She was tough as nails when needed and took no crap. She stood up for herself but even more she stood up for anyone who needed and deserved it.

To those who loved her my heartfelt thoughts are with you.

The world has lost a guiding Spirit but we are the richer for having had her.

To @instructor144 sending you a hug Dear Friend.

[somevelvetmornin-deactivated202]

CATFISH ALERT — George “McKay”

This man is a catfish. He lies to women online to seduce them and fuck with their lives. He is a bad human being. He is a narcissistic sociopath with borderline personality disorder.

He usually tells people he lives in NH, or the greater Boston area. He talks a lot about how his wife died of cancer in April 2010 and how he raised his three children all on his own. He used that story to lure me in, because I am a single mom with terminal cancer. His wife is alive and well and he is still married to her. He talks about a woman he met on tumblr and dated from here who cheated on him with his best friend and then stole his identity and ruined his credit. Lies. All lies. Everything he says is a sob story to lure women into feeling sorry for him. He knows nothing about real D/s, kink, or BDSM. Or even basic human decency.

Stay away from this “man” and if you know anyone who is involved with him, please tell them to stay safe and contact me if they would like to talk. He is a dangerous predator. What I am saying is all firsthand knowledge and my own personal experience. When I confronted George with his lies and the fact I had found his wife, he continued to try and lie, but when I refused to back down he threatened suicide, and when I still refused to back down after the abusive threats of suicide, and I rambled off his wife’s cell phone number, he threatened me with violence.

Please reblog freely. We need to protect each other and keep each other safe. I am putting myself at great risk posting this— emotionally, financially, and physically— but I care about other women and want to do what I can to prevent this predator from continuing to use and ruin human lives. He has been doing this here for years.

[verse50]

Normally I wouldn’t reblog a post such as this. I purposely stay away from Tumblr drama and am very careful about accusing or calling out people, even if there is great effort to pull me into conflicts. However, I am compelled to reblog this for the safety of the community at large and to illustrate how devious predators can be, deceiving even the most shrewd and careful among us.

I first heard about George over a year ago when a follower contacted me needing advice on how to heal after a D/s breakup. Over the course of several months, I learned this woman’s story and how George almost completely destroyed her, nearly to the point of suicide, with gaslighting, lying, manipulation, emotional and physical abuse, and misuse of trust. Together we worked toward her healing and eventually things got better. She warned me that he would come after me because I was the kind of woman he targeted…intelligent, sensitive, artist/writers, with gentle perceptive souls. She was not the only victim. During her healing she confirmed that George had abused many others, at the same time as her, and was desperate to make sure that he never did this again. Months passed. Healing took place and George seemed to be silent, his blogs active but not posting.

Around the first part of July, I was messaged by a blog called societal-dysfunction. I had seen some of his ask answers get reblogged and liked what I read. He had been hearting some of my work for awhile. His message was polite and complimentary of my writing. He wanted me to critique some of his work. I asked if we could move to Instagram so I could leave a voicemail, easier than texting for me. His Instagram was seekingmckay. There were nature photos and two face photos on it. He responded to my voicemail with one of his. He had a THICK Boston accent. We texted for about an hour, talking about writing in general, spiritual and medical issues, and just having a nice conversation. He was polite and well-spoken. His words were spelled correctly and intelligent. He came across as gentle, caring, interested, and high quality- definitely not a fuck-boi or a predator. He told me his wife had died ten years ago and he had raised his three children alone. He had had a bad car accident a few years ago and had to recover from severe brain damage- learn to walk and talk again. As a medical person I was very interested in his recovery and gave him ideas for further therapy. His marriage had been a very special D/s relationship and since she had died he hadn’t really connected with anyone other than one or two relationships. He was very gracious and open, told me his name was George and he was looking forward to getting to know me. 

The next morning I read through the chat again. Something wasn’t right. This was too good. Too smooth and perfect. I contacted my friend about it and while waiting for her response, I picked out the flags.

1. A few paragraphs into the chat, he let me know that he would keep anything I shared with him confidential. This was odd to hear since we hadn’t been discussing that issue or exchanging pics. I don’t share pics online. I knew he was alluding to an intimacy that hadn’t happened yet. An assumed intimacy, trying to make me feel safe. But why? I’d known him all of ten minutes.

2. He said how nice it was to be friends with me and that we were going to be such good friends, he could tell. Red flag. Friendships happen organically. People who just meet don’t say “I’m so glad we are friends.” That might be said months later, but in ten minutes? You are assuming a relationship that doesn’t exist.

3. He described, in long paragraphs, how he was an empath and a healer with many gifts, so often misunderstood by others. The phrasing, the wording, the way he presented this, sent chills down my back. First, because the words were exact copies from my follower friend who IS an actual gifted healer. I was seeing her words in front of me. It was so unsettling. Secondly, people with that depth of spirituality don’t blurt it out to someone new in order to impress. They reveal it further on, after the relationship is trusting enough. I had a strong sense that he was telling me something he had heard from someone else. This was a pink flag that turned dark red the more I looked at it.

4. His name. Could this be THE George? 

5. He wrote responses to my texts using my same wording and phrasing, almost like he had been studying my writing. It wasn’t the texting of a person who had just met me. This is hard to describe but it was very uncomfortable, like he didn’t have his own voice and I was talking to an invisible version of myself. My spidey senses were tingling.

After showing my friend his IG picture we confirmed it was him. I blocked him on all platforms. Just a few days ago, I randomly came across @somevelvetmornin and read her George story. It was eerily similar to my friends. We put together bits and pieces of ours and others stories, some of whom may still be on Tumblr. We put together facts based on IP addresses and real life interactions with George. In addition to the original post, I know the following to be true, beyond a shadow of a doubt:

1.His wife is not dead. She is alive. He lied about being married. 

2.He is not a Dom or D/s practitioner. He is someone who has read a lot of stuff and is interested in it but has zero experience. He lies, abuses a subs trust, and puts them in situations where their consent is violated and stretched beyond their limits, then tries to punish them when they ask for aftercare or a meta talk.

3. He uses the car accident story to explain away long absences and memory loss. This is how he covers his tracks when he disappears suddenly in the middle of a scene when a sub is in physical pain at his order. During his disappearances he is usually managing one or two other women online, despite telling each one that he is a “one sub Dom.”

4. He comes across for months as a caring, nurturing man, meeting all requirements of vetting. He earns your trust. Once the dynamic is established he slowly erodes it, then blames the sub for any fallout. He makes them question their sanity and emotional stability.

5. He mirrors people. He figures out what you want to hear, what you need to hear, and mirrors back your own interests and thoughts to create a connection. This makes a woman think she has found a soulmate. He creates comfort and trust very quickly. He purposely avoids asking for nudes or coming across as a fake Dom in the beginning. After trust is established he becomes more demanding and unethical.

6. Here is a list of known blogs/IG accounts he has operated under:

dominant intentions (all varieties of URL)

seekingmckay

societal-dysfunction

georgemckay

7. He has been abusing women on Tumblr and other platforms for probably well over two years. 

8. When he is in the process of a “dynamic” breaking down, he starts trying to establish another one. Somevelvetmornin confronted George the first week of July about his marriage and lies to her. Around the same time he messaged me. This pattern is confirmed with previous victims.

I could go into many more details but the post is long enough already. This man is dangerous. He is different than your average fake Dom. He is cunning, smooth, gracious, polite, and O so understanding of your needs and emotions. He burrows into your mind and uses it against you. He is evil. He has driven several women to the point of suicide, some needing inpatient therapy for healing. He needs to be exposed so he never hurts another woman again. 

[instructor144]

This is a whole different breed of reptile from the pointless but essentially harmless fuckboys who send unsolicited dick pics. This is a dangerous serial predator who has damaged a lot of people. Be aware!

[shv-eccentrics]

[prostatorgasmsgirl]

Miss my butt!

[a-gurls-goddess]

[let-me-lick-her]

[hbeez1-deactivated20220216]

[lijanaa]

with ℒℴѵℯ

[iglovequotes]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[arnold-ziffel]

She carried something in her heart dear to her…

She didn’t want it to go away… no…

… just not be so loud sometimes…

[its-all-down-hill]

[prostatorgasmsgirl]

[prostatorgasmsgirl]

To feel truly beautiful!

I don’t see myself as beautiful or feel beautiful. This is one of the biggest bugbears my Master has with me, so I have been thinking about why? Why don’t I see the beauty he seems to?

Only this week @prostatorgasm asked to see my body and I shied away from doing so…. not because I didn’t want him to show him as much as I didn’t want him to see me.

Neither of us are models… and yet I see perfection when I look at him, absolute Adonis perfection.

So is it as people say the media’s fault?… an unachievable perfection… maybe but I don’t think so, if you asked those girls if they are perfect and beautiful chances are they would say “no”.

Is it an ingrained learning from “girls should be nice” taught by my parents or society? I don’t think so.

I believe it’s like water dripping onto a rock, an erosion over time of ones self belief that began as a very young girl. Every mishap, harsh word, unkind joke, teasing, mistake, abuse every negative works it’s way deep inside my psyche and thoughts.

I think what happens is I look at myself and I am afraid to look beyond the exterior because I know the inner demons, I know the fears and the hurt, the history and so I only look skin deep at myself. Because what lies beneath is the truly ugly stuff. And so I judge all of my beauty with a tainted vision.

When I look at my Master and others I see the person, the whole person, the outer shell is truly beautiful because of what lies beneath, I see the person with clear vision because I don’t judge them on their history as I do myself.

My Master sees all of me, he sees me as whole, he looks beyond skin deep and sees who I am….. one day I hope to learn with his guidance to know how to do the same…. and to feel beautiful truly beautiful!

[prostatorgasmsgirl]

A hurtful language…

When it’s quiet a message is being reinforced a message that was taught not by you but those before you, those who didn’t understand how traumatizing it was.

Being locked in a cupboard as a child it wasn’t the lack of freedom that scared me it was the silence, it was not knowing when it would end, when someone would bother to talk to me again. Ironically it reinforced in me my own silence a resolve to not speak or show emotions.

Having been married to a man who used silence as a weapon, a way of making me feel unworthy, silence tells me that now, that I am not worth your time or connection, that I am no better than I ever have been before.

None of that is your fault and it’s unfair for you to pay the price, it is however the way my mind works, it is the commentary that I hear in silence.

If I go quiet you know that I have begun the shutdown, I can’t take it anymore in that moment, I am hurting and don’t know how to cope.

You see self discovery messages about sitting in silence, for me I can be in silence but I have to have something to do something to concentrate on a focus outside of myself.

Please understand that silence is a message a palpable message whether it’s received or given it has a language all of it’s own, a hurtful language.

[prostatorgasmsgirl]

Dance of avoidance

During the course of a conversation not once, not twice but multiple times I tried to duck n weave to tip toe around, to do a dance of avoidance. I tried to not say the first thought but to search for something that I thought would please @prostatorgasm more.

Ummmm that wasn’t my smartest move! He knows me so well he saw it on my face long before I tried to open my mouth and come up with something “more appropriate.”

I am guilty of doing the dance in many ways, for example….

Him: How are you? Me: I’m ok….. This is normally a big fat avoidance.

Him: What are you thinking? Me: Nothing…. I am always thinking, it’s who I am.

So why do I do it time and time again? Why do I persist with the dance? Simple I have spent a lifetime searching for this man, and I don’t ever want to do anything that might upset him, I don’t ever want to compromise our relationship.

Unfortunately though the dance has some very negative outcomes, I don’t get heard because I am afraid, he doesn’t know my thoughts because I am afraid and moreover I do the very thing I am trying to avoid, I upset him because he knows me better than any other person and sees it when we are in person, and knows it even when we text one another. So somehow I have to stop the dance of avoidance.

[prostatorgasmsgirl]

Dangerous

Everyone of us has to learn this life, none of us are born with the knowledge that we need.

But….

There is a big problem with the way some people feel that they are an authority of this life and they really know nothing or very little.

Advice is handed out that is simply wrong, or sprouted to others and it is unfounded.

If you want sound advice go to those who actually know who have spent time learning the intricacies and foundations of this life.

Not someone who doesn’t understand the absolute importance of this life and is playing in the as they call it lifestyle.

If this is your lifestyle you simply are playing this is as those who know your life.

Beware of the inexperienced and uneducated who spruke and act as an authority. They are simply dangerous.

[prostatorgasmsgirl]

“Why the negative”… In the last week I have let the negative win, I have let the opinions of others win. It has been with the love and support of so many that I again put myself out here for your discernment and judgement, that I lay myself bare for all to see.

The question is why as @instructor144 so eloquently put it “How you hear the “you sucks” so much louder than a million “Atta girls” hit so hard?

Even though the people saying the negatives had no true meaning in my life they still had an impact.

It doesn’t have to be hurtful nastiness that actually has this impact it can be a simple “I’m disappointed in you” from our significant others.

The bottom line is my mind is wired to serve, to make happy, to be of use, to put you before me, and the “you suck” or the “I’m disappointed” cuts like a knife to my core.

If you are someone who I hold dear and I feel that I have let you down, that I have failed in some way, and that I have not lived up to your expectation. You can say “Good Girl” or “You are forgiven” I will carry the negative not for a minute, or an hour, but for days and weeks, even at times forever.

There have been things that I have done that @prostatorgasm has said “that saddens me” and let me tell you those things each and every one are burned into my psyche, I have made a mental check list to NEVER do them again at any cost. For me his happiness is my world it is my reason.

Take note all who care for someone like me, the negative takes so much longer to heal than the positive sustains us.

Now don’t get all pious and say I have no self-esteem, I work hard on that every single day, I know it is a failing, but above and beyond that is the need to serve and make happy.

We all have our story as to how our self-esteem become battered and bruised. Here is a little glimpse into how it happened for me….

Abused for seven years by a family member, parents found out and it was decided not by me but by them that it was needed to be kept quiet (it was the time it was a small country town, it wasn’t right but it was what it was) met to be husband at 19 married at 23 he abused me through words and emotional put downs.

We all have a story a reason that we have dents and bruises that never seem to heal. That along with the need to make happy and serve is exactly the reason for “Why the negative.”

[prostatorgasmsgirl]

Step aside

I am blessed truly blessed to have the most amazing person in my life, he makes everything feel right, he reassures me when I need it, he does what he can when he can to make sure that I am where I need to be emotionally.

Why then do I let myself get in the road? Why do I think and then think and then overthink every last thing? Even the most innocent of things, the things that I should be able to just roll with.

Why am I like a safety officer trying to put out spot fires that don’t exist?

I can’t control everything I know that I can’t but that doesn’t stop me from trying to pre-empt every last possibility.

In day to day life, I make lists every day of things that I need to get done, I make sure that things are always clean and orderly, it’s my way of keeping control.

The reality is that my brain is wired like this, that for me to survive in life I have learned to be on hyper alert at all times, I don’t have a fight mechanism within me but I sure have a healthy flight one.

How does he stop me from falling into the pit of overthinking and ultimately the dark despair time and time again, he has learned that he needs to make me STOP.

He now knows me well enough that he sees the signs, the little things that I start to say and ask that are the warning that I am going to that place. So blessed.

I do however need to work out a way to stop myself to get out of my own road and let things happen, I need at times to “step aside”.