Roar

grievances

[rashashash]

Another fight. A disagreement about instincts. They just cannot accept that there are people different from them.

And the non-stop assumptions and misunderstandings. The insults and disdain. It never ends.

I was way past my boiling point. The non-explosion must be wreaking havoc inside me. Because now I feel so sick. This probably has terrible long-term effects.

Now, just being near them, hearing them, thinking about them, makes me lose the will to live.

This won’t be the last. But how much more can I endure, I am afraid it is coming to an end.

A dark, bitter and ugly end.

[rashashash]

Finally, the person who I tried so hard to convince finally yields! In a triumphant, humiliating silence!

After repeatedly telling them that a tiffin carrier is simply not used for heating up food nor storing food in a fridge. Repeated explanations that a tiffin carrier is made to resist change in temperature in order to preserve the food’s original temperature, and therefore will be ineffective to be used to store food in a fridge, or to be used as a vessel for heating up food. After repeated explanations of this, they still were adamant they were in the right, and failed to grasp the concept, believing that a tiffin was the right vessel to use in storing food in a fridge, or being used to heat up food.

No. No it is not.

Today, they finally understood that. After they had to see blatant proof that it simply does not work.

I had used the tiffin to steam some food in a pot. Just to humour them. And I wasted precious electricity and power to let it steam longer than other foods needed, just so that it could even penetrate the insulated walls of the tiffin. Even 10 minutes of full power steam should even heat it up just a little bit, no? Even I thought, such an extended heating period (ignoring that the external heat may actually damage the tiffin in the long run, sigh) might even do some semblance of heating the food?

ALAS IT DOES NOT.

And show the proof, I did. After letting the excess heat cool off, the bottom of the tiffin, the point that had been closest to the heat source, was still ice cold. All food below the surface was unaffected from the heat, cold and unpleasant to eat.

All I had to say was “Is this proof enough?” For it to shut them up real quick.

TAKE THAT.

AND TAKE YOUR FRAUD FACTS WITH YOU.

What is disgusting and embarassing, however, is that they still lacked the grace to admit they were wrong, to recognise their faults, after being so adamant, so outspoken in their belief and argument. After I tried to prompt them gently, in light of this evidence, PLEASE STOP DOING THIS. They couldn’t even talk after that. My further questions, gone unanswered. Conversation stood cold. Eventually, they left the room quietly.

Sour as that person’s mood may be now, it is more important to look at the greater damage they have done. Irreparable damage. They had successfully convinced others in their circle on their methods, successfully brainwashing others to their fallacious cause. Who knows what chaos has occurred due to that false belief. Or, it is possible that the others managed to discover (without harm done, hopefully) that this was a wrong method, and thus also watch this person attempt to brainwash and gaslight others to their cause. Attempts at convincing the person to stop, go unheard. Broken relationships increase, and that person becomes more and more isolated in their fallacious thinking, with little to no one attempting to save them from themselelves any more.

Sham teachers are a sham. Fraud leaders are frauds. A greater sin on par with a tyrannical dictator, truly.

Just, zero grace, that person. Always wants to be superior and fails everytime. Fails so easily. Such a sore loser.

When will they learn? At this point, I truly pity them. My attempts to help them out of their own madness grow fewer. I tire of it.

[rashashash]

So angry and upset, every single day.

So disappointed. Can’t trust anyone. Not enjoying. Being tread on constantly.

When does it end.

[rashashash]

Is this what it feels like, when friends just don’t want to be friends anymore.

What do you do when your friends of 20 years start becoming your enemies? Gang up and bully you and ostracise you? Band together and attack you? And you have no idea why, what you have done wrong, and they won’t tell you, they shut you out completely.

It’s heartbreaking.

[rashashash]

Wrote out a more genuine, healtfelt and peace-making letter to that person. Wrote out my feelings, my wishes for peace, my wishes for no further hostilities.

Had a heartfelt talk after that with them about the misunderstanding, with some tears.

Finally, a tiny breakthrough, a light in this darkness.

Finally a little understanding.

[rashashash]

The more fighting there is, the less I learn, the less I grow.

And there is fighting everyday. Every encounter. Every interaction.

Constant misunderstandings.

And it was expected of me to grow and mature in such negative environments, as if it was praiseworthy?

Only then, would I earn your respect?

This is the work of a true gaslighter.

Well, you can keep that, thanks.

There are different ways to grow.

There is no question that they would jeer and cheer for my failure. I see that sabotage maneuver clearly.

And it becomes clearer and clearer each day.

[rashashash]

How to back away from a fight peacefully:

1. I wish I knew

[rashashash]

Opinions have now become overdeveloped.

So developed, so strong, that they won’t bend or break to another’s opinion.

To bend or break, is as if admitting defeat.

And the stronger those opinions are, or the more emotionally attached to, or the more protective towards those opinions are, the fiercer the struggle will be.

The fiercer the fight. The fight to stand your ground and defend yourself.

It is all such a chore.

No one bending or breaking, until one side is dead and silent.

[rashashash]

That person tried to school me on something I had taught them again.

So facepalm-worthy. I cannot help but be offended. I try not to but it’s just so blatantly... arrogant? That makes me go internally “seriously?!”. Like how do I not feel disgusted? How do I be immune to this?!

When will it stop?

Too many fucking times. Is this their form of entertainment??

And they wanted to claim credit for it, saying that they are the one who figured it out. Saying instead that I am the one causing a problem, when I didn’t carry out the practice.

The fact is, that person doesn’t know well enough on how to circumvent that problem. They wrongly assumed that the practice prevented the detrimental result, when in fact it had nothing to do with it. They couldn’t tell. Or, from their experience, they were convinced that the practice improved the situation, and so convinced that she “educated” others to carry it out as well.

And my honest experiences were, no, I do not face the same detrimental result every time on my end. When I do, then I make the best out of that detrimental result anyway since it’s not so serious, and there IS always a way to make the best of the situation. And I tried to share a solution to address that detrimental result, but it was brushed away with a roll of the eyes.

Both sides stubborn and sticking to their points of views, neither side backing down. Neither side conceding to the other. Ever again.

Forever at war now, is this how it will be?

So sick of it. I can never see this person again. For both our sakes. We can just go our separate ways and never have to bother each other again, live our lives better for it.

I dream of the day that it will never be necessary to even argue over such things. Why did it start? Why did they have to say that? Why did they not remember that it was me who taught them? And then they had to go and be factually incorrect, or so I perceived. I can’t let that slide, or they get reality wrong! They would misunderstand and misjudge! Like... how am I supposed to make it clearer for them?! How am I supposed to teach this person?!

All over simple disagreements, different experiences, different conclusions, and it all turns out so shallow.

Can’t believe I finally say this. But it’s true. My patience has run out. Zero. No more to spare. My precious time and energy wasted again and again on these trivial matters.

[rashashash]

When in bad company, you only need to wait for something to go wrong.

[rashashash]

As soon as the glut of negativity removed itself from the group, there came a sharp, almost piercing wave of negativity, and then relief. Just pure relief at having them gone. 

May they do well whereever they are next going, and not do the same shit they had done here. 

Hopefully, this will let me heal a little as well. I’ve had enough turbulence. 

[rashashash]

The rot has spread severely and deep in their clique. Sometimes, it is hilarious how oblivious they are to their own putridness, how they choose to cultivate the problems into catastrophes. Most times, it is just really really sad. I hope they wake up from it once they remove themselves from the toxic environment - themselves as a group. If they don’t, well then I’m glad to have not become infected by them. I had believed that these people could be reformed, but when they are so brainwashed by their own negativity and venom, nothing good could be expected after all. I may have once respected them, and perhaps even liked them beyond tolerance, but the doubt, the uncertainty, the fear, the pride, on both ends perhaps, because no one dared to take the step further, they all just got in the way of us connecting with each other. Perhaps they will learn in their next chapter of their lives. The sheer memory of their most profound actions welded into my mind that I never want to follow them, nor do I ever want to see them again. 

I recognise it, but not as intense or blatant as this, not as up close as before. Such wonderfully rubbish people. May they learn a thing from their future sufferings, if any. 

[rashashash]

[rashashash]

I guess it’s time to leave.

I feel like I might never want to come back though.

Why do I have the sense of duty that I need to shackle myself here?

To feel needed? To feel important? To be of service?

It’s all in the mind in the end. A sense of belonging.

And they will not pay a single thought to your presence or absence.

But in this way, it does more harm than good to myself. I know that. Known for too long.

I must find a way to wake myself up from it. It’s time.

[rashashash]

The madness never ends.

Trying to gaslight me daily, this person.

They cannot even survive with their own mind, with how often their opinions and moods change with the wind.

It’s not healthy to be with them. But then such people cannot be allowed to be left alone or allowed to hurt more people.

It is a social duty to prevent this madness from spreading.

Any further attempts at reconciliation is futile. This person is no longer the person I looked up to. Maybe they never were. Maybe I was just fooling myself into believing them, looking up to them.

I feel sick.

They wish for me to be as turbulent as possible? Well, they can’t have that.

[rashashash]

Too many ignorant people trying to preach.

Please take a look at yourself first before doing that.

[rashashash]

It’s so upsetting.

The boss is dumber than the colleague, and the colleague is fully exploiting it, at the expense of the company.

I don’t even know how to describe this injustice.

Will it be worth anything if a whistleblowing is done?

How do people like this exist?