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I appreciate how this site still feels wild and free despite a lot of us being 30

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HI hello, I hope yall are doing well today, I appreciate those who felt like reading this today

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In a sense I miss trying to be visible online. Having any sort of response to your posts more than once a month is a nice feeling. 

Having the possibility of attracting your old friends back is also cool.

Too bad I have a slight apprehension towards people popping back up into my life tho. I feel like this world is a tad too manipulative for me not to think you're not speaking to me with an agenda and most of the time when I ask, they get defensive. Believe it or not if you're straight up I'm probably more likely to play along vs you giving me some bullshit you made up in the moment. 

But the sad thing is since folks are getting older I would assume one would contact me for something serious and I don't think I qualify for “serious”. Not responsible enough to take on extra responsibilities right now, this includes emotional labor. As I am just beginning to accept that I really never gained my footing in the first place.

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There's a handful of ladies I felt like I gave the wrong impression to since 2019. Part of me wants to double back and repair the impression but I also think my days of approaching women I have no business dealing with are over. 

I felt like I was outclassed multiple times due to not being comfortable career wise within myself. That will be a reoccurring theme until that comfort comes back. I do feel like there was at least one relationship where I could've let something besides insecurity and lust shine, it might not be worth dwelling on, I assume they moved on and are in better situations.

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Im also happy to see a lot of yall who clearly aren't gonna read this post got a nice only presence going around. That's great to see so many careers did take off after 2018

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The “for you” tab on here thinks I'm a girl boss. So many ambitious black women posts. Idk why I was expecting thirst traps.

I guess I should be happy it doesn't think I’m a lesbian lol

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Its really interesting to see how far delusion will take you. You can spend years laughing with others forgetting that ALL commentary you hear about others can be applied to yourself too. Sometimes you need to actually acknowlege where you actually stand with people even if they wont hit you in the head with it.

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Maybe I lied, I might not be mature enough not to ask a little something more of some old connections, but of course that doesn't mean today is that day but yeah its possible and I would want it that way for the time being if mutual because yolo and more things are possible.

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After spending time on other social media more than tumblr full time and living life, I can admit I actually miss the flirty energy on here. Mostly because it was more mutual than thirst not many social medias really encourage that. Even tumblr isnt really like that anymore, a lot of ppl worship and others get worshiped now.. or just dont engage at all.

I appreciate yall that participated with me. I would say do it again sometime but that's probably inappropriate lol

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My cousin from New Jersey came to visit me recently and she asked about you lol. (Apparently she met you when you came to my grandma’s house to pick me up lol) I was like, man Lance fell off the face of the earth (or on my end anyway) lol, I have no idea how he is! Anyway, I hope you’re doing good and staying safe!!

Well that's always a pleasant surprise to see I'm remembered after only meeting me once lol. I think I do remember meeting her too.

Yup I'm here still existing, yeah I'm good and definitely safe! Im confident that you and your family are safe too, but I hope you've been feeling great and safe as well!

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You still on Tumblr?! Lol

Lol nah not really but its still a bookmark I check every now and then when bored

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Technically I should find a remote job, but fr id rather have a hybrid job cuz sometimes I don't wanna be home either.

I also know you can make demands for more having an onsite job now too. Cuz I haven't even seen a job that isn't requesting me work at multiple offices at that too.

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Eh the internet really turns into a tar pit when you type or say the wrong words now a days.

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There's so much less to post these days since every character typed is worth less and less by the week.

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Sheesh, those of yall who are left here are kind of annoying. Sex gif, shit post, thirst trap. No more fandoms anymore. Just admire baddies and go I guess. But hey maybe its because I don't really have any friends or anyone im trying to get to know left on here.

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Tons of messages relating to numbers came up in the last 24 hours.

Looked up my numerology out of curiosity, last time I was more fixated on my life path number this time I focused on soul urge number and personality number.

1 and 9

Today I heard readings for the numbers 3 and 5. my birthday numbers but also related to my life path number.

Also messages for Pisces and Virgo. Very interesting but yeah it reminded me that I’ve been off center. 

My reactions, especially during hardship literally represent all those numbers once they are off center. 

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Typed a whole post about a mindset shift and I lost it. Guess that means just focus on it.