today, father's day, day before 21st birthday
Today had some interesting things happen. I was at my family's vacation house for the weekend. I don't go there with my family very much because I find it very boring.
I spent the first half of the day in bed napping. I had a dream where I was laying in that bed, and I thought it was real. In this dream I would try to meditate, which caused me to lose all awareness of my body and kind of float in space. Felt like the physical aspect of the mxe high. I found it nice and relaxing, but I was disappointed that I couldn't fully astrally project. Still, it was the farthest I've gotten into the astral in months.
After that I went minigolfing with my family. Was alright. got a banana split afterwords.
I rode with just my older sister on the way home since we had 3 cars, 6 people, and she was going home first. She played this paranormal podcast I heard her mention before in passing. Interestingly enough, the things they talked about this episode were inline with my interests.
They start off talking about sleep, and how bad it is to not get sleep. I haven't been getting enough sleep lately so that's kind of good for me to listen to. Their conversation eventually leads to silk road and the new darknet markets that popped up since it was taken down. The hosts clearly supported drug legalization, and I wondered what my sister thought about this.
Their second topic was the recent death of Alexander Shulgin, and they definitely had positive opinions of him. They talked about mdma and it's histroy. They overall had drug opinions that are very similar to mine, and they did a great job presenting a more positive view of psychedelics than you usually hear in media.
This is interesting because my sister was against marijuana legalization, at least as of december 2013. I wonder if she can understand the viewpoint of the radio hosts, or if she was strongly against it. Maybe she is against weed, but curious about psychedelics? At any rate, it was a kind of strange car ride, but I actually enjoyed the podcast enough to not listen to my headphones the whole ride.
So I get home and feel depressed like i have since i woke up. I lay in bed and feel overwhelmed about school. I even fantasize about dying a bit. I decide to buy weed, because I am in a mood of giving no fucks about anything anymore.
I tell my mom I am going for a walk and she instantly gets suspicious. I quickly give in and admit I am making a purchase. She said something like, "I know I can't stop you from smoking pot, but I want you to make the right decisions." she then tells me that my dad's brother is kind of a pothead who takes little hits throughout the day. She said he always makes mistakes when he is helping my dad, and she doesn't want me to be a burnout. I just told her I won't become a burnout, and I am only smoking it because i am so stressed from school.
So she basically let's me go out knowing I will buy weed. I smoke a little while I am still out, and I just walk around the neighborhood high. I am stoned right now, [censored]. It feels almost hypocritical to feel so good the same day i felt depressed. I guess everything balances out.
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