@riscosays - Tumblr Blog

The love of my life has never felt love and uses regret as a warm blanket.

The love of my life has a undeserved ego and an affliction for criticism

The love of my life is a opportunist and cannot put one foot in front of the other.

#riscosays

I have been crumbling. Positive thinking and money was bird feed for a foundation that could not hold me up. I'm doing better than I've ever been. Never learning my lesson I will give and give and give and give until my hands callous and my fingertips bleed. Reciprocation was never on my lists of wants but my needs have outweighed my grotesque frame for so long, why do I need to mention this out loud? Why do the sad wives in my life not get this? Why do the sad witches in my life not get this? Why do the lonely manics that secretly want my tongue not get this? Why do I keep using my cock as a resumè? Doubling as a laundry lists of what I can bring to the table for her. For them.

I've even fixed my pretty teeth. I've even felt my addiction die under the heel of my work boots.

I've even

I've even chewed up Blue Faces and spit them out.

I wish I could shake my 18 year old self: "MONEY MEANS NOTHING, PUSSY MEANS NOTHING MONEY MEANS NOTHING PUSSY MEANS NOTHING MEANS NOTHING MEANS NOTHING MEANS NOTHING MEANSNOTHINGMEANSNOTHINGMEANSNOTHINGMEANSNOTHING"

Then what does?

Pressure.

I had a dream of someone but I cannot remember if it was Myra or Megan. I assume this is a positive step in my "recovery". There was never an old me. An "Old "David. "The old me". Only myself throughout the years with deteriorating armor getting closer to the present me - the moments right now. Having to destroy myself just to rebuild was/is so exhausting but it's worth it. The people I've had to throw away for this to happen- worth it. The people who had to throw me away for this to happen - I'm still on the fence about. The longing for sustenance is still so embedded in me. Just wanting to be loved but never touched, felt but never held, fucked and never understood. As my 20s slip past me like fingers through sand I am so grateful for my ascent out of where I once was.

I once was

Validation is always nice.

The love of my life suffers from paranoia and has a husband she's not in love with Anymore.

#riscosays

Flor Almendarez. Thursday june 17th,2021 10:56 am.

"Hey David. Hope all is well. Laura told me about your big move awhile back. I'm sorry I haven't reach out. I've been busy but no excuse not to check in. Well congratulations, I'm so happy for you. Honestly you will truly be missed. Laura showed me some pictures of you. Love the hair!!! Anyways I wanted to say hi and tell you how important you are to me and thank you for all the support and love. You truly are an amazing friend and don't forget how much I love you.

Don't forget, you will always be someone that will forever mean so much to me. Yes, I agree we did leave things a bit awkward but that will never change the way I feel about you. To speak truthfully I felt like I disappointed you by staying with my husband and not choosing me. I give myself a hard time for not choosing myself. Honestly I wished we talked more after I left Country, you made feel so strong. Lorenzo and Chloe will always be my world and thank you. I honestly would do anything for them. I always think about you. Thanks for listening, it meant so much to me. I will get stronger and choose myself. I love you so much and I hope life gives us the opportunity to see each other again so I can give you a huge hug. Your energy was amazing and so thankful you shared that with me. "

Flor Almendarez. (CONT)

1:59 pm July, 2nd 2021

"Haha I honestly thought you didn't like me. I was like damn this dude is mean haha but i understand. I wanted to tell you that I was growing feeling towards you but again I didn't because we became awkward with each other but I feel like you kind of pushed me away. I tried not to take it personal. Remember, you are not a burden. We all need to talk someone but obviously with people you trust." ...(cont) "I knew you did, I wish we both actually said something. I'm sorry I didn't reply back. I ended up falling asleep and honestly I totally forgot to text you back. But going back to your message we both annoyed each other But I liked our moments. I felt the same way, so happy to go to work and just being there with you was my happy place. I know I can cut people out but terrible people that don't mean much to me. I can't do that with you, I just can't.... you mean so much to me. Always did. I would talk to AJ about you all the time. I miss us, but again we had gone to an awkward stage. "

Maybe I need more than time.

This photo is unedited. I took it at the perfect time.

Receiving my roses while I can still smell them.

If pussy was an antidote

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