Crack My Chest

River Elise Hadley. 28. Medical Doctor. No sleep until I'm done with finding the answer.

[river-hadley-blog]

Heroes & Thieves || Sydri

[syd-klein]

River’s warmed her, from the inside, all the way to the tips of her fingers and toes. Other people had told her such things, that she was perfect, but in the world of dance, there was no such thing. There were a couple more pounds to be shed, a little tighter on the turns, another hair out of place. She felt content for once, curled up beside someone who truly seemed to care about her, however misguided her mind may be, but her heart was true, and for Sydney, in this moment, that was enough. It was refreshing for someone to see her as not only just the dancer, the prima ballerina that was going to take the stage by storm, but just as Sydney Klein. It didn’t happen often, especially not anymore when people rarely looked twice at her because of her leg. “Enchanting,” she whispered softly, tasting the word on her tongue. No one had ever called her that before, and she found that she liked it, especially when it came from River. With all the struggles they’d been fighting over the last couple days, Sydney found that giving in didn’t mean she was tossing away her dignity or anything like that. She hoped that River would keep her promise in letting her go back to her home tomorrow. She had no idea how this changed their relationship, whether it would have any bearing, but for now, the dancer was content to fall asleep in the arms of someone who cared about her. “Even if I’m… enchanting, still, thank you. You gave me something…. really important. I’m glad it was you,” she said, a huge yawn interrupting her words before she pressed closer against River, eyes closing.

[river-hadley-blog]

A strange, somehow hot, swell of emotion blossomed in her chest at Sydney's words. Her soft voice, the way she moved closer to her, pressing their bodies together, River felt like she was looking at her with brand new eyes, starting all over, thrown back to the very first moment they met and she'd ached to know her, only now, finally, she might have a chance. I'm glad it was you... That was such a stark contrast to what felt like a lifetime ago when other words ad stung so much more than she'd ever showed. The first she'd touched her Sydney had cried, begged, pleaded for it not to be her, and now, curled against her side, she was glad... River dipped her head, pressing her lips to the soft skin of her temple, smiling against it as a huge yawn erupted from the dancer. "Go to sleep..." Her own voice was soft but scratchy, her blue eyes heavy with emotion that she knew would never manifest itself as words. "Goodnight Sydney..." Reaching up, she cupped her still slightly flushed cheek gently, looking down into her honey dark eyes before she kissed her more tenderly than she'd ever kissed anyone in her life. Settling beside her, River tightened her arms around the dancer's tiny frame, closing her eyes and waiting to hear Sydney's breaths even out.

[river-hadley-blog]

Heroes & Thieves || Sydri

[syd-klein]

Sydney had only ever had sex one other time, and it had been less than enjoyable in her eyes. But this… this was indescribable. She had never felt so much passion at once, and her body felt like it was about to come apart at the seams. One last flick and a curl, and suddenly she was falling, her body bucking and shuddering as waves of pleasure washed over her. She heard a loud moan, and it took her a second to identify the voice as her own as she held on to River for dear life. She could feel the doctor clenching around her fingers, evidence of her release coating her hand as her body twitched, slowly coming down from her high. Finally, everything stopped and was silent except for the heavy breaths that floated into the air. She opened her eyes with immense effort, and Sydney looked into darkened blue eyes with a small, lazy smile on her lips. She nodded, her entire body feeling heavy as she tilted her head up to kiss River again. “Yeah, I’m okay. Better than okay,” she mumbled, pulling River down to lie next to her. It was like she’d been stripped completely, and she felt emotionally and physically naked next to the doctor. However, Sydney was too tired to think of the consequences of her actions, and instead, she nestled next to the other woman, pressing close for warmth as the sweat cooled on her bodies. “Thank you,” she whispered into her neck. 

[river-hadley-blog]

River watched the smile form on thin pink lips, and her own lips pulled up in response. The kiss was unexpected, and she barely believed it was happening fast enough to return it, before it was gone. Everything was suddenly so good, too good, and the swell of emotion in her chest for the dancer in her arms surprised her. As slender arms pulled her down, she went easily, laying beside her, her own arms automatically reaching out to wrap around and pull her close, to hold her, intimately, in a way she didn't remember knowing how. She wanted to make a remark about doing it anytime, in response to Sydney's thanks, but what actually fell from her lips was unexpected, "Don't thank me... you were perfect..." Her voice was a low husk, her ice blue eyes studied the top of a chocolate brown head as a slim body nestled into her side. All this was strange to her, holding someone like this, wanting to be close to them, to feel the tickle of soft breaths on her neck, not the bite of cool night air as she slipped out the door, the window, the lobby. Tracing Sydney's spine, River felt the perspiration cooling on her skin, and reached down to pull the comforter up, wrapping it around their entangled bodies, pressing a soft kiss to a sweat cooled temple before she could think about what the action meant. "You are perfect..." The words were never meant to be said aloud, but none of it was ever meant to happen, and with Sydney's head tucked under her chin, and no eyes on her, judging her, River's lips were suddenly loose, "Not because you dance, or any of that shit... You're just..." She struggled to find a word, a noun to pin down the reason why she had been drawn to Sydney in the first place, the thing that had prompted her to steal her away, the extra element beside the drug that made her still impossible to let go. "You're enchanting..." Her tone was scratchy, and surprised but not embarrassed by her own words, she gave a soft breathy laugh, shifting a little to lay comfortably against the pillows. Her lips brushed against soft dark hair and River looked out into the semi darkness as she thought; for the first time in so long she was still, motionless, content just to lay there. For the first time in so many years, she had stopped running.

[river-hadley-blog]

[river-hadley-blog]

Heroes & Thieves || Sydri

[syd-klein]

Sydney flushed as River returned those crass words to her, but at the same time, the blood burned hot in her veins when she realized what the doctor wanted from her, from little Sydney Klein. This beautiful goddess wanted her and only her, and she wasn’t sure how it was supposed to make her feel. She wanted to look away from that icy blue stare, but it captivated her, freezing her where she was, and she was powerless to do anything but succumb to her kisses and the way her body responded so perfectly to everything River did. She felt herself stretching, being filled by River’s fingers, and Sydney reciprocated, fumbling slightly as two fingers slipped into her entrance, trying to mimic the fluid, languid strokes that she felt pushing into her. She was so inexperienced, and it was clear in the way she could barely keep her fingers moving, but soon, she found a rhythm, pumping in and out as best she could. Remembering the things River had done to her, Sydney curled her fingers experimentally, feeling the pads of her fingertips brush up against a rough patch, and she marveled as the doctor bucked against her hand, an internal trigger. With her free hand, she cupped the back of River’s neck and pulled her down to kiss her again, her lips like a drug that she needed in order to stay grounded and coherent. She could feel herself tipping towards the edge, her muscles stretching and contracting against the fingers pushing inside her, and let out a low whine as she sucked on River’s bottom lip. “Pl-please,” she whispered against them, eyes closed as her head fell tilted back. “I’m so close…”

[river-hadley-blog]

She'd found her. Two slim fingers pushed into her, and as River groaned in pleasure, she knew that finally, she was getting to the girl behind the dancer, behind all the imposed morals and ideals - she was finding something real. Sydney fumbled, her movements choppy, her swollen lips parted, gasping for air, but to River, it was all so perfect. She looked down on her, entranced by everything she was, all the things she was becoming, as the doctor watched her metamorphosis, a fragile little butterfly finally becoming a free flying bird. "Sydney..." The name was breathy on her lips as fingers curled inside her, and River's head fell back, her hips bucking under her touch. The gentle pressure on the back of her neck surprised her, and she was smiling as she leant down and covered the dancer's mouth with her own. Every stroke she made inside her was heaven, the give of her muscles around her fingers, before she felt them clench on her digits. The plea was so easy to give in to, and River knew that Sydney wasn't the only one close to coming undone. "Sydney..." The name was on her lips again, husky, gasping, as she picked up her pace, her thumb brushing the other girl's clit as she buried her fingers inside her, filling her completely, rubbing them over her sensitive spot. She was crashing towards orgasm, she could feel it, but she could also feel Sydney fast approaching her own beneath her. A flick of her thumb was all it took to make sure that the dancer went first, though River fell off the edge in the second after her, her body shuddering, their ragged breaths mixing as she found release and felt Sydney find her's on her fingers. As finally the shuddering stopped, and she regained some control over her body, River kissed Sydney's lips gently, letting it linger, as one hand pushed sweat damp fair back from her forehead, and the other stayed where it was, still pressed inside her. She could barely catch her breath to speak, and she hardly pulled back from her lips as she whispered words into the sudden silence, "You okay?"

[river-hadley-blog]

Heroes & Thieves || Sydri

[syd-klein]

Sydney let out a desperate cry as River pulled away, moving back up towards her. Immediately, she missed that warm tongue, the delicious friction, and she wanted it back. She almost sobbed, thinking that the doctor was teasing her again, leaving her right on the edge, but before she could even think, a hand had replaced the tongue, while her own fingers slipped against a wet heat. Sydney’s eyes widened, realizing what River was doing as her hips bucked up against slender fingers. Don’t think. Those the words that echoed inside her head as the woman leaned down to kiss her. As she tasted herself for the first time, mixed with River. She willed her fingers to slip and slide against River’s core, circling anxiously at first, but slowly, she grew more confident in her movements, encouraged by the doctor’s sounds. Suddenly, the game changed as River pushed a finger inside her, drawing a sharp cry from her lips as she whispered against her lips, telling Sydney to say those words she had always avoided. “Pl-please, River,” she gasped out. “Please… I need you to…” The words stuck in her throat and she whined as the woman teased her. “Ineedyoutofuckme,” she said in a rush, a raw, animalistic sound dragging from her mouth. “Please…”

[river-hadley-blog]

River felt her writhing below her, the way her hips canted up off the bed, and she could already see in her dark eyes that she had won. Inexperienced fingers slid over her soaked core, though Sydney found her confidence quickly and River could hear her own sounds of approval, pleasure, spilling from her lips and into the air to mix with her's.  The way she struggled with the word, the desperate whine, they were delicious, but nothing was better than the moment the phrase River had asked for came rushing from her lips, breathy, desperate, perfect. She wanted her, she'd said it aloud, she needed her... River moaned her approval, feeling her arousal spike, her hips bucking against Sydney's hand. "Only if you fuck me..." The words were delivered with no hesitation as she rocked her hips back, brushing her entrance against the dancer's fingers to show what she meant. "I want you inside me..." Her voice was a husky purr, her blue eyes glittering with arousal, as she held Sydney's gaze, determined not to let her flush and look away, not to let her go back to playing the woman who only knew how to be a little girl. "Fuck me..." She repeated the command again as she leaned down and kissed her, her thumb rubbing over her clit as she began to move inside her, deep languid strokes. With every one River savored the feel of her muscles gripping her fingers as she pushed them into her, and the hot wet drag as she slid them almost all the way back out, the pace steady, waiting, for the dancer to do the same.

[river-hadley-blog]

Heroes & Thieves || Sydri

[syd-klein]

It was like she was drowning, but in a good way. Like she was suffocating in River, and yet, she never wanted to leave. She couldn’t get enough of her. Sydney wanted to touch her, feel her under, over, on her skin. It was like someone else had taken over and she was just along for the ride, even though it was her voice that called out River’s name in breathy gasps. It was her legs that the doctor caressed as she pulled away her underwear. Any other time, Sydney would have bolted straight up, to try and get away from her, but now, with nothing between them, she couldn’t get closer if she tried. A white heat seared through her entire body, as her back arched, her body silently begging for more. River barely gave her a change to catch her breath before diving back down again. The only thing that kept her from falling away completely was a warm hand, twisted around her own and keeping her away of her body. Each drag of her tongue sent another spike of arousal shooting through the dancer, and she wasn’t shy in vocalizing her approval, quiet moans and whimpers filtering into the air. She had never felt so alive, like every nerve in her body was on high alert as she twisted and writhed against River’s tongue. After days of teasing, she was already standing on the precipice, torn between desperately trying to hang on and letting herself freefall off of the cliff. 

[river-hadley-blog]

River looked up, dark blue eyes watching her, her ears tuned to the sweet chorus of breathy gasps, moans and sounds of approval, pleasure, that she never in her wildest dreams hoped she might be the one to elicit. She'd spent countless hours working on her drug, and now, with Sydney laid out below her, every single one was worthwhile. She was getting close, River could tell by the way her body arched up off the bed, the way her hips bucked up under her tongue, and unwilling to let it be over, she lifted her head. She barely hesitated before she was crawling up the mattress, unceremoniously yanking off her own underwear as she went. One hand slipped easily between their bodies, her fingers finding Sydney's swollen nub with practised speed, while her other hand guided paler fingers between them, pressing them to the wetness she could feel soaking her inner thighs, prompting her to touch her. "Don't think..." The words were a breathless whisper as she circled her clit, and with one last look into darkened brown eyes, River leaned down to kiss her, knowing she would taste herself on her lips. Nothing felt real, yet she was deliciously lucid, perfectly aware of every single reaction she garnered from the body below her's. Dipping her fingers lower, she pressed lightly against her entrance. Any other day she might have spent more time, teased her, worked her body right to the edge before letting her fall, but now, she just needed to feel her undone. Sucking her bottom lip gently, she pushed one long finger inside her, moaning her own approval as the digit was engulfed in tight wetness, another following shortly after. "Tell me to fuck you..." The demand was husked, growled against swollen lips as she held her fingers still, pressed deep inside her, curling them slightly to pressure the magic spot that would get her a response. "Tell me how much you want me to fuck you, Sydney..."

[sandyquintans]

[river-hadley-blog]

Heroes & Thieves || Sydri

[syd-klein]

All rational thought left her head the moment their lips touched, and it was all Sydney could do not to completely lose herself. Her fingers clutched at River’s bare back as she pressed down against her, a discontented groan escaping her lips just seconds before she tore her shirt off her head. Before she even had the chance to feel self-conscious, soft lips were searing against her skin before they were on her breast, sucking and teasing and tugging at the bud, making Sydney feel things she never even thought were possible. Her nipple strained for attention as River pulled away, cool air rushing to tease it even more. Everything moved so quickly as the doctor hiked up her thigh, their legs entangling as a strong leg pressed against her center. Sydney’s hips bucked up, seeking out that pleasurable friction as she felt a slick warmth against her own skin, undoubtedly River’s arousal. If she was in a right state of mind, the dancer would be blushing and trying to pull away in embarrassment but she felt safe and secure in the woman’s arms. Even if she had no clue what was going on, she didn’t feel incompetent which had been her worst fear. Sydney pressed her hips up again, letting out a soft gasp as her swollen bundle of nerves rubbed against River’s skin, sending bolts of pleasure firing through her body. “Ri-River…” she gasped out, eyes shut tightly as she tried to hold onto something to keep her grounded.

[river-hadley-blog]

River heard her name, something so personal, so perfect, in the way it fell from swollen lips, all breathy, drawn out, caught on a gasp. Her blue eyes bored down into brown, telling her that she'd heard, before she let her lips attack the soft skin of Sydney's neck again. Everything that had happened, their past, and even the future, it didn't matter; just being able to be with her like this, touch her, kiss her, feel her, suddenly, it was enough - she just needed more. Rolling her hips again, River's breath caught as the apex of her thighs rubbed against smooth skin, the pressure sending a delicious pleasure skittering through her veins. She could feel Sydney against her, even through the thin material of the dancer's panties, she could feel that she was hot, wet, and with her own core throbbing, she ached to feel more of her. Her lips were burning a trail of kisses down her body without her permission, her own panties clinging to her skin, uncomfortable against her oversensitive flesh, but as she reached Sydney's, it didn't matter. Hooking her thumbs into the thin material, she pulled it down her long legs, throwing the useless garment onto the floor and gently coaxing her thighs apart. River didn't give Sydney time to be shy, bashful, modest, allowing herself only a second to drink her in, before she was leaning down to taste her, her tongue running one long stroke between her folds. She hummed her approval as she licked her again, hands reaching up to rest gently on her hips, one finding Sydney's and twisting their fingers together as her tongue circled her clit. She could feel every reaction now, just as much as she could see and hear it, and River looked up, her darkened blue eyes searching for brown as she pleasured her, wondering if finally, she'd get to see beyond the perfectly poised, innocent little ballerina, to the very real girl that she knew lived somewhere underneath.

[river-hadley-blog]

Heroes & Thieves || Sydri

[syd-klein]

Sydney didn’t know what River saw in her. It was like the doctor was seeing someone completely different, who hadn’t been broken. Someone experienced and not naive like she was. She had no idea what she would even do, yet still, River seemed utterly entranced by her, and she couldn’t understand why. She was terrified that she had been built up into some grand vision and when she actually saw the dancer for what she was, the older woman’s image would be shattered, and she would get scary again. Maybe that isn’t what would happen, but she still couldn’t believe that she could live up to what was expected of her. She kept saying things like perfect, and Sydney would never be that, no matter how much River or her mother or her dance teachers wanted her to be. Perfection would always dance just beyond her reach, always teasing her and never being hers. Sydney’s breath hitched as the doctor settled low on her hips, her weight settling over her, and she stared up at stormy blue eyes that looked down at her as though she were some priceless artifact. Eyes widening as River pulled off her shirt in one swift movement, her fingers twitched, as though she wanted to reach up on and touch, but she wasn’t brave enough to do it. As the doctor leaned down, it was as though a magnet were propelling her forward, and the words had barely left her lips when Sydney kissed her. There was something inherently different about this kiss. She didn’t know whether it was exhaustion that was fueling her or maybe she was just tired of denying herself, but when she kissed River, for once it seemed like things made sense. There was still no way of getting around the things the woman had done to her, but yet, she couldn’t think of any of those reasons right now. All she could think about was River kissing her, hovering over her, and one timid hand reached up to touch her soft cheek.

[river-hadley-blog]

River had barely taken a breath after the words when Sydney surged forward and kissed her, though her lips fit perfectly against her own, her tongue already begging for access to her mouth, before she caught herself, pulled herself back. The willingness of the kiss surprised her, sent a thrill crawling over her skin that River had never expected to feel, but this wasn't just another one night stand, another series of desperate kisses, grabbing hands, a rough fuck, and she wouldn't let herself treat it like one, even though she wasn't sure that she knew any other way. Her lips tasted faintly of vanilla, and River registered that it was strange that she could smell her own shampoo on velvet soft dark hair as her fingers twisted in it. Her body was on fire, her back arched down to press as much of her skin to the dancer's as possible, though her nipples brushed rough cotton not smooth skin, and River groaned her discontent softly, pulling back from the kiss. Looking down into darkening coffee brown eyes, she reached for the bunched shirt and pulled it off over her head, suddenly, gloriously conscious that they were both in nothing but their panties now. She didn't have time to decide, her body acted without her, and she was already leaning back down, hungry kisses raining down over newly exposed skin. Her lips enveloped a soft pink nipple, her blue eyes the dark sky reflected on the ocean at night, as she looked up at Sydney, her hands on her tiny waist. She watched her, cataloguing every reaction, storing it away, until the nub was stiff, taut, begging for more attention against her lips, and she released it. Reaching down, River caught one of her thighs easily, pulling one leg up around her hip as she slipped her own between her's. She was so slight, so delicate, so easily moveable, and River was lost in it all, lost in her, as she moved back up the mattress, hovering over her as she ground her hips down, humming in pleasure, finding friction as she gave it.

[river-hadley-blog]

Heroes & Thieves || Sydri

[syd-klein]

Sydney’s eyes widened in surprise when River said that she would take her home tomorrow, that she would get to return to her place and live without the other woman constantly hovering above her and living in a state of fear of not knowing which River she would encounter. However, before she could ask for another confirmation, soft lips pressed against her own, though her brain was still processing for her to respond. After tonight, she would get to go home. But what would that mean for tonight? When River pulled away, she told Sydney not to think, but that wasn’t something the dancer knew how to do. She wished she could give River what she wanted, to stop over-analyzing everything and just let it go, but still, doubt plagued her. She was being honest when she didn’t know how the doctor made her feel. There was so much more involved than just simple attraction. What would this mean for her morals? For her sexuality? For the very person she was at the heart of it all. Could she shelve it all, just to make the woman who may have just given her her dream back happy? “Okay.” The word slipped off her tongue before her brain could register it, and a secret thrill ran through her body. “Okay,” she whispered again, turning her head to meet River’s blue blue eyes. She let her brain shut down, and to just let her body feel, each nerve, each sensation making her feel more alive. “Just… I don’t know what I’m doing. I won’t be… good,” she mumbled, a red flush creeping up her cheeks. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

[river-hadley-blog]

River hummed softly against the soft skin of her neck, the first time Sydney agreed, not even registering the words as real, though as she heard them again, she looked up, her blue eyes heavy with a hope that she hadn't allowed herself in a long time. It was surreal in the best of ways, yet as the dancer agreed, she could feel the shift, palpable beneath her, her body coming alive under her touch, unfrozen, no longer resisting. She'd never dreamed she'd have her like this, that she'd have her consensually, get to feel her move beneath her, unforced. "How could you ever disappoint me?" It was a serious question, and looking down at Sydney, her dark hair fanned out on the pillow, her treacle brown eyes expressive, a blush on her cheeks, River knew the answer - she couldn't. She paused for a second, just to look at her, not fighting to keep the awe out of her expression anymore, somehow unsurprised that the dancer had no idea how beautiful, how perfect she really was. River struggled to find the words, everything she wanted to say was just a mass of feeling in her chest that refused to morph into anything verbal. "This isn't about me..." Her voice was soft, rich as her lips skimmed the column of her neck, her fingers pushing up the hem of her shirt now, brave. "It's about you... and you're perfect... That's why I chose you..." She didn't say anymore, too scared to break the moment. Moving slowly she straddled the dancer, looking down at the expanse of smooth pale flesh that was exposed with her shirt pushed up under her breasts. Never shy, River pulled off her own shirt, tossing it to the side, unashamed that she wasn't wearing a bra. "You're perfect..." She repeated the words as she lay down above her, her breath catching in her throat as her exposed torso pressed against Sydney's. "Just kiss me?" It was breathy, husky, desperate, yet it was a definite question, and with her lips hovering just about Sydney's, her dark hair falling down around them like a curtain, River waited for her to decide.

[river-hadley-blog]

Heroes & Thieves || Sydri

[syd-klein]

Sydney relaxed when River promised that the treatments were done, regardless of whether or not it actually worked this time, and she prayed that she could trust the doctor. When she gently nudged her back onto the bed, the dancer went willingly, too exhausted to put up much of a fight. Sinking back against the pillows felt heavenly and she kept her eyes closed, not wanting the light to interfere with her relaxation. She felt River settle down next to her, and rather than tensing, Sydney lay there, unmoving, waiting for the words that she somehow knew were coming. Her fingers continued combing through her hair, disentangling the knots that had matted in sleep and thrashing around when the drug had coursed through her ruined tendon. The question pained her more than she thought it would. Despite everything that River had done to her, it still hurt her to hear that tinge of sadness in her voice, and she realized that she couldn’t quite explain why she kept wanting to leave River. That’s the way it was supposed to be. She had kidnapped her, and she couldn’t become some weird Stockholmsy victim. Tensing as the woman drew nearer, her voice becoming huskier as their eyes met, Sydney wanted to pull away, but found that she couldn’t. It was as though her body refused to listen to the cues that her brain was screaming, and she shivered as soft lips fell against her throat, gently teasing though little more than that. She just couldn’t see why River didn’t understand that this was something that she didn’t know how to navigate. It was like going through a crisis of identity, morals, and sexuality all at once, while simultaneously struggling to keep her head above water. Sydney didn’t know how to answer her question. She didn’t know what she felt. “I don’t… know…” she admitted finally, turning her head to look at River. Everything that had happened between them had been coerced, mostly. But at the same time, Sydney couldn’t deny that they had chemistry. “Please… I just want to go home…” She was tired of living in confusion and constantly doubting herself. She wanted things to go back to the way they were, to the simplicity of it all.

[river-hadley-blog]

Sydney faltered, her answer didn't come right away, and River's heart jumped with a hope that she wasn't expecting to feel. Their eyes locked, and she suddenly felt naked, exposed - though she had fought for acceptance, for her to feel something, now that there was a question over whether or not she did, it actually felt strange. "Stay tonight?" Her voice was soft, rich, and her blue eyes held brown as she looked down at her, "Just tonight, and tomorrow, I'll take you home..." She waited a few seconds, just long enough to let her words sink in, but not long enough to let the dancer reply - if she was going to refuse, she didn't want to know. River leaned down, hovering above her lips, her blue eyes still on brown ones, before she let them slide closed as gently, she covered Sydney's mouth. The kiss was sweet, and she pulled back, willing the lips below her's not to be lifeless, to move against her, move for her, even if it could only be for one more night. "Don't think... Just give me tonight, and don't think?" It was a question not a command, and she tilted her head, searching dark eyes for the answer, trying to pre-empt it before it came, though the waiting made her uncomfortable and she let her lips fall to her jaw. The way she was kissing her, it was different now, hungry, but softer, a way she wouldn't have allowed herself in the beginning. Sydney wanted to leave her, just like everyone left, and if tonight was to be their last, then she'd let herself be as she was, unobstructed by pride. Her skin was soft under her lips, smooth and supple, and River automatically let the fingers that had been combing through her hair move down to rest gently on her hip, ghosting over the sliver of flesh exposed below the hem of her shirt. "I just want to know you..." Her voice was rough as her lips reached Sydney's ear, the words breathy against it as she trailed them over the sensitive skin, "Tell me that you aren't the least bit curious about me... Tell me that this doesn't make you feel good at all..." As she spoke River let her breath catch Sydney's neck, her fingers dipping a fraction lower on her hip, as she prayed that she couldn't.

[river-hadley-blog]

[river-hadley-blog]

Heroes & Thieves || Sydri

[syd-klein]

Sydney relaxed when River said that it was the last time she would have to go through with this, whether it worked or not. Even though past experience had told her that she had no reason to trust her word, she still did. “Promise?” she asked tiredly, needing that extra confirmation. She didn’t flinch away from River’s touch, her warm fingers smoothing back her hair and scratching against her scalp. It felt good, peaceful, like it was helping chase the pain away. “It’s okay,” she mumbled, closing her eyes. After that ordeal, she was exhausted again, even though she had just woken up. Her leg ached something fierce, and all she wanted to do was go back to slee. “It’s… it’s like last time,” she said finally, a little hesitant to put all her faith in River. “It’s just this deep ache, way down inside. It’s draining, almost,” she admitted, taking a deep breath before opening her eyes again. “Last time it took almost two weeks before the pain went away. Does that mean I have to stay here until you know?” she asked, blurting out the words before she could help herself. She cringed, knowing what that sounded like, as though she was counting down the days before she could get out of this apartment, but Sydney missed her home. Her dinky little apartment, her crappy TV, her own bed. “I just want it to be over.”

[river-hadley-blog]

River listened to her speak, amazed that she still hadn't pulled away from her, though she could hear the exhaustion in her tone. Brown eyes closed and River tilted her head to look at her, her delicate features relaxed now, calm, beautiful in the gold light that streamed in through the window. She watched the hand that she knew was hers play through thick dark hair, it was gratifying somehow, the visual affirmation that she was touching her like that, and still, Sydney was at peace. "I promise..." It was easy enough to do, she couldn't hurt her anymore, she was more than just a leg to her now, more than just a dancer, she was Sydney and she was perfect. She hummed softly, unwilling to respond to the comment about the pain being similar to last time. Last time had been a failure, and she wasn't sure if she could take another, let alone Sydney. The next question came, and shattered her moment, and instead of tensing up under its weight, River just let it wash over her. Anything they had was mere exhaustion, maybe a little confusion on Sydney's part, but her words, they were the truth; she wanted to leave her. That thought was hard to swallow, and River didn't want it to be as true as she knew it was. Though her logical mind believed it, something inside her still coerced her into pushing for something more. Tipping her own body, she nudged Sydney back onto her pillows, leaning on her elbow as she continued to play with her hair, coming through it until her fingers were ghosting over her collarbones. "Why do you want to leave me so badly?" Her voice was low, scratchy, a melancholy note creeping in that she'd never permitted. "I know... I've made mistakes, but I just want to know you, Sydney..." She trailed off, her blue eyes piercing, feline, as they looked up into brown. "Why do you try so hard to pretend that you don't feel anything between us? You're not on a stage now, nobody's judging..." Her voice was slipping into a purr, though River didn't notice, leaning down to let her lips skim the dancer's neck, lingering long enough to taste the soft skin there, but pulling back before the kisses could become predatory. The guilt, the pessimism, it disappeared, falling away like black feathers in the breeze as she inched closer to her, and River knew, she wanted to be closer still. "Don't you feel anything?" 

[river-hadley-blog]

Heroes & Thieves || Sydri

[syd-klein]

Sydney felt a cool hand on her cheek, and a quiet voice murmuring to her, though the pain was too intense for her to even try and decipher it. It was all she could not to scream out in pain, to remain rigid and as still as she could while the drug worked its way through her leg, licking a hot fire again her muscles. She wondered briefly whether this is what getting dipped in battery acid felt like, everything melting and disintegrating. She didn’t know how long she remained like that, teeth clenched, body completely rigid, eyes squeezed shut. Until finally, the fire slowly faded into a dull ache, deep in her bones. That same ache she had become acquainted with just last week returned, and she relaxed her body back onto the bed. Vaguely, she registered River leaving, though she was more focused on getting her own heart rate back to normal. She jumped in fear as she heard loud banging and a sudden crash from where River was, and she sat up slowly, her face still devoid of color and sweat on her forehead. The doctor came back after a long moment, sitting on the bed next to her and looking horribly guilty. Sydney’s voice was hoarse from how tight she was keeping her vocal chords, and she coughed a couple times to clear it. “I’m okay,” she mumbled hoarsely, closing her eyes as she leaned against River. It didn’t even register in her brain how that might have looked. She was just exhausted, despite having just woken up, and the dancer wanted to go back to sleep. “But it’s over. You said… you said this will work, right? This is the last time? No matter what?” she asked quietly. She couldn’t go through that again.

[river-hadley-blog]

Sydney's voice was too rough, hoarse, yet as she felt the warm weight of her leaned against her, River almost let herself believe the words. It was strange. She'd tried so hard to get anything from her, anything other than tears and disinterest  and now, after she'd just accidentally burned her alive, she was willing to touch her? She inwardly scoffed at herself, knowing it was probably just the exhaustion, though she let herself reach out to smooth some hair back from her forehead, the skin cool and clammy under her touch, damp with sweat. She nodded instantly at the question. "This is the last time." She didn't want to do it again, see her body stiff, her jaw clenched, hear the broken pleas form her lips, and so, for better or for worse, she was done. Her fingers were still in Sydney's hair, running through it, their pads scratching against her scalp, soothing, and she almost pulled them away, but she couldn't find a point. So many lines had been crossed, and she was strangely lucid to it all; bathed in the cold hard afterglow of Sydney's pain, it seemed almost stupid to stop now. "I am sorry... I don't know if you can believe that..." Despair was sinking a deep black hole into her chest, and River wanted to just give up, give on running, give up on her drug, on Sydney... She wasn't sure if the thought of letting her go hurt more than trying to keep her was beginning to, and she sighed into the silence. "Does it feel any different?" She almost didn't care, yet a tiny part of her couldn't help but be curious. She had believed the drug would work, whole-heartedly, yet in the face of such a glaring error, doubt painted over all her optimism, a heavy impenetrable black. 

[river-hadley-blog]

Heroes & Thieves || Sydri

[syd-klein]

Sydney didn’t move as River disappeared, returning with vials of the new drug, prepping each syringe carefully. She lay still, as her leg was draped over the other woman’s lap, her fingers smoothing over her flesh. Tensing as she waited for the series of injections, she jumped as the first needle pierced her skin, injecting the chemical into her injured leg. River was quieter this time, trying to sooth her, but Sydney turned away from her touch, inhaling and exhaling sharply through her nose. There was no pain yet, and slowly she began to relax. Maybe she actually had fixed it. A minute or two ticked by, and she tensed again, waiting for the sharp bolt of pain she knew was coming. Without warning, her entire leg seized and she let out a pained cry, her hands flying down to squeeze her leg, as though that singular motion would stave the pain off. Just barely missing biting her tongue as her teeth gritted, Sydney let out another sob as another sharp pain lanced up her muscles. Tears streamed, unbidden, down her cheeks as that same familiar fire licked up her leg, consuming it wholly. River hadn’t fixed the drug. If anything, the pain seemed almost worse this time. She felt like she could barely move, her eyes shut from the force of the pain, and her entire body was rigid. “Pl-please… please, stop,” she forced out breathlessly, her voice tight. “I can’t, stop…”

[river-hadley-blog]

River tried to ignore the way Sydney turned from her touch, telling herself that soon things would be different, that maybe once Sydney was fixed they could start over, start again, she could do things better. She watched the clock on her nightstand, out of habit more than anticipation, watching the seconds tick had been terrifying before, this time it was soothing almost, counting down the two minutes until no pain would come. She jumped slightly when the leg tensed below her hand, and as Sydney gripped it. She waited for her to relax, for the beat of pain she had felt herself to pass through her body and let her breath again - it never did. The tears came, and River watched through confused blue eyes, shaking her head as she struggled to understand what was happening, though with Sydney's features twisted in pain, coherent though evaded her. "Shit..." The word was quiet at first but it got louder and louder as she repeated it, realising quickly what was happening - that once again, she had failed. Sydney's eyes were squeezed tight shut though tears still streamed down her cheeks, and River pulled herself together quickly, catching her cheek in her palm, trying to do something other than stand there uselessly as she was. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... It's almost done, you're nearly there..." She repeated the same words over and over again, a storm building in side her with every second it went on until finally, Sydney's body went slack. Leaning down, River brushed her hair back from her eyes and waited for them to open. "Sydney... I'm so sorry... It was fine, you saw, when I tried it, it was..." She trailed off mid-sentence as she realised her own mistake. A choked, "I'm sorry" was all she managed before she pushed herself up off the bed and disappeared into her closet. She slapped her fists hard against the smooth brick walls until finally the ache was too much, then she swiped her arms along the shelves that lined the back wall, scattering her expensive shoes everywhere, though she didn't care - she didn't deserve them. Of course the drug hadn't hurt her, she had barely any dead tendon to deal with, and the pang she felt was nothing more than what natural ageing had caused her to have; for Sydney, it was a different story entirely. Catching her breath, she returned to the bedroom, perching on the bed beside the other girl, hanging her head in her hands before she looked up. "I... I'm sorry..." Her voice was quiet now breathy, and she hoped Sydney couldn't see the wetness she could feel, the glaze shame had put on her eyes, as she turned to her, "Are you okay?"

[river-hadley-blog]

Heroes & Thieves || Sydri

[syd-klein]

Sydney didn’t move as River got up, presumably to bring something back to prove to her that things had changed. It didn’t matter. The dancer knew that inevitably she would give in. After all, she wasn’t able to leave until the doctor well and truly believed she was cured, and after last night, that was the only thing she wanted. She didn’t sit up when River returned, only turned her eyes to watch as the woman readied a vial, and plunged the syringe into her leg without hesitation. Her eyebrows lifted in surprise at how nonchalantly she did so, watching carefully for any reaction. A minute or two ticked by, and she caught the way River stiffened in pain, though she relaxed a moment later. She held out her hands as she began to walk around the room, no limp, though it wouldn’t have mattered since she didn’t have a limp to begin with. The important part was that she wasn’t crying and screaming in pain. There had been the brief tiny moment, and then this. Biting her lip, Sydney stared at the empty syringe that lay on the duvet cover. Was it really worth another shot? It was obvious that River believed in this cure, and Sydney wanted to believe her too. She didn’t trust her. No, she didn’t trust River as far as she could throw her, but this could be her only way out. If this was the cure, then she could leave soon, go home and get away from all this mess. “Fine.”

[river-hadley-blog]

River was a little deflated by Sydney's response. Even with tiny rivulets of blood starting to make their way down her leg from the injection sites, there was no smile on her lips, no excitement, no gratitude. "Take off your pants then..." River turned away, leaving for the kitchen to get the rest of the equipment, eager to hide her disappointed eyes. As she collected the remaining viles and loaded the syringes, she told herself that it would be different when Sydney could walk right, when she was dancing around the apartment - then she would get her smiles. Returning to the bedroom, River perched on the end of the bed, running the alcohol wipe over Sydney's leg, its contours familiar under her fingers now. "Just try to relax... Dont thrash around or you'll end up getting both of us unnecessarily stuck with needles." She smoothed her fingers over Sydney's skin one last time, there was no medical necessity in the touch, it just served to steady her nerves, though whether it soothed or worsened Sydney's she had no idea. She administered the injections quickly, almost wincing every time the needle pierced creamy smooth skin, the way Sydney jumped a little at the first shot - hurting her was so hard now, and she was glad she'd fixed the drug beyond the moment of discomfort she had felt. Satisfied the process was complete she set the equipment on her nightstand, moving to the head of the bed, letting her fingers brush Sydney's cheek, her blue eyes fixed on her face. "In a minute, you'll get it... just for a second, okay? Just... try to stay calm... It's going to work this time, I know it..." The ghost of a smile graced her lips as she let her fingers move to brush Syndey's knuckles. She didn't expect her to take it, but her hand was there anyway, if only to convince River that one day, she might.

[river-hadley-blog]

Heroes & Thieves || Sydri

[syd-klein]

Sydney didn’t struggle when River reached out for her, tugging her closer so their bodies molded together. She didn’t blink when the doctor said she had fixed her cure, or when she turned her to kiss her. Sydney didn’t do anything, knowing that what she thought didn’t matter. River seemed to think of her as part girlfriend, part pet, and part lab rat. She didn’t really have a say in anything that happened to her body anymore it seemed, so there would be no point in putting in the effort. She tensed briefly, however, when River said that she had eliminated the pain part of the cure. There would be no lasting burn or ache, no tears brought on by the chemicals rushing through her system. Still, with River wrapped around her so intimately, Sydney didn’t know what to say. She could see in her eyes that the doctor was earnest about this. She truly believed that she had fixed what needed to be fixed, and she would get to dance again. There was no doubt or confliction in her eyes, and yet, she didn’t know what to say. She had been just as earnest when pressing Sydney up against the wall the night before, remote control in hand as people watched them hungrily. She had been just as earnest when Sydney was handcuffed to her bed, begging her to stop. “Do I have a choice?” she asked finally, unmoving, eyes staring up at the ceiling.

[river-hadley-blog]

River was instantly disappointed. There were no smiles, no light in Sydney's eyes, no excitement at what she had achieved. Her expression was still the same, still blank, still empty, and River thought she might as well have just carried on with the tears, because really, this was just as bad. She picked at her bed covers gingerly, the warmth between them suddenly not so comforting, not so sure. "Yes..." Her voice cracked a little on the word and she looked away, frustrated. She had made mistakes, she knew that, but this... this time was different. "I need to show you..." The words were barely a whisper, and she repeated them as she untangled herself from Sydney, pushing up off the bed and stalking back to the kitchen without a word. She picked up a tray and began to collect her equipment, alcohol wipes, a syringe, a needle and a vial of the drug. She hurried back to the bedroom and dumped the items on the bed, unceremoniously dropping her sweatpants, unaware of the fact that was just in her shirt and panties as she sat herself down on the mattress. Even with the drug fixed, the needles still wouldn't be pleasant, especially when wielded by her own hands, though River knew she had no other option. "You have a choice, but first... Let me show you." She was already wiping down the area around her left knee as she spoke. "It wont affect my movement because I'm already fully mobile, but you'll see... No pain, you'll see that you can trust me." She looked up for a second, her blue eyes holding brown before she assembled the syringe and drew up the drug. She popped the cap off the needle and took a deep breath, her fingers already probing deep into her own leg, feeling between muscle layers, mapping out a chart for what she was about to do. She didn't wait for Sydney to agree or disagree or do anything else besides, she simply took a deep breath and plunged the needle into her skin. The first sharp scratch of steel cutting through muscle made her jump, but she depressed the plunger and withdrew it, repeating the motion over and over without hesitation, until the barrel of the syringe was empty. Sitting back, she waited, her blue eyes on Sydney again. The clock on her nightstand ticked out two minutes, and River's breath caught audibly in her throat as a red hot burn began somewhere behind her knee, though as soon as it came, it was gone. "It hurt for a second... that was all, just a second... look, I'm fine." She got up and walked around a little before perching back on the bed beside Sydney and taking her hand... "I fixed it, please... Trust me..." She wanted to reach up and touch her face, but thought better of it, and simply waited for her to reply.