Small Burrito. @rizrazben - Tumblr Blog

robertjw4688

I look into a

mirror of

grease and ask:

“Am I a

poet or

do I just

whine elegantly?”

Most nights I rest my head and close my eyes. But I don’t think I’m ever really asleep. I don’t think I have REM. And when I do, I just fall into a nightmare each time.

dykespeare-deactivated20181228

every fall teenage girls are like.. “oh , im gonna enter a place of business and order a product which is offered by that place of business because i like the flavor of it” and honestly? how dare they. that’s so annoying. why can’t they buy the beverage that i, a smart man, would prefer to drink

fromrushhourwithlove

Probably because they’re generally indifferent to the flavor of it and rather use it for in group/out group signalling like the giant basic bitch wall-decorations-from-target early childhood education/nutrition hive mind they are.

dykespeare-deactivated20181228

dude shut the fuck up lol

thatwriterchickyouknow

ok i spend all day with teenagers and am paid to educate them and let me tell you most of my girls may love leggings (comfy) and iced coffees (yummy) but i have never, NEVER, seen thirty of them spend a solid month all playing the same boring goddamn video game or had to pry them off their tablets and phones the day some ugly-ass overpriced sneaker drops try and get a group of teenage boys to all stop making the same fucking meme reference all. goddamn. day. then, and ONLY then, can you talk to me about hive mind

cinematic-portraits-deactivated

Kate Winslet in Sense and Sensibility (1995).

Dir: Ang Lee

onlinepunk

why can’t she see???? let her see!!!!!

prayforprada-deactivated2019091

this blind representation

filmaticbby

Carrie (1976) dir. Brian De Palma

belladonianoir

tvcinemagifs

‘’Horror films don’t create fear. They release it.’’ - Wes Craven

glowingangel

“You filled up my nights and then emptied my days.”

— Carrie Fisher, an extract from a poem she wrote in the diaries she kept throughout her affair with Harrison Ford, featured in her novel, The Princess Diarist

quotemadness

“All sins are attempts to fill voids.”

— Simone Weil

Random FB find

▪️First job- Togo girl at Twin Dragon

▪️Dream job- Film set photographer, filmmaker and cat barn owner

▪️Favorite pizza- plain cheese, extra sauce. Sometimes pineapple. Maybe even sundries tomatoes.

▪️Favorite dog- Small ones. Maybe Australian Shepherd.

▪️Favorite footwear- Moccasins

▪️Favorite Candy- Starbursts and chewy fruit chews

▪️Favorite Ice Cream- Mint chocolate chip, pistachio or vanilla bean

▪️Pet Peeve- chewing with your mouth open and making any wet noises while you eat. FUCKING unacceptable.

▪️What vehicle do you drive- 2012 Kia Forte

▪️ How tall are you- 5'5”

▪️Favorite tv show- Rupauls Drag Race atm

▪️Leftie or Righty- Right

▪️Dream Vacation- Christmas in England countryside

▪️Favorite kind of music- good to sing to shit

▪️Favorite Holiday- Halloween 🎃

▪️Night Owl or Early Bird- night owl

▪️Favorite day of week- Sunday

▪️Tattoos & how many- 1

▪️Piercings & how many- ears

▪️Like to cook- Noodles, burgers and nachos

▪️Can you drive a stick shift? Nope!

▪️Favorite color- Depends on the thing. Mod pink, mustard yellow, light gray.

▪️Do you like vegetables- Yes! Except loathe onions, waterchestnuts and those dumb mini corns.

▪️Do you wear glasses- Since I was 5.

I realize all this now.

I can finally lay here and realize in full recognition that I am at this moment one of the luckiest and perhaps happiness girls in whatever vicinity I’m allowed to dream in. Because after editing my moms tribute video and rewatching the Iceland film Seth made, I realize that that I have love in my life.

I didn’t always.

And even if I could have, it wasn’t so easy.

I realize now that the love I receive, will always be the love I give. And it’s only now, when I wasn’t seeking it and it caught me off guard, that I’m completely overwhelmed.

After the ceremony ended in Iceland, everyone began to walk back to the cars because they were cold. But my mom lingered and told me she loved me and we both lost it crying. Gabe and Seth captured the moment that may have seemed a one layered emotion of “how sweet, mom and daughter moment”. But it was a multi-layered moment of “Jesus Christ, the shit that only you and I have been through”. I feel like no one ever asked my mom questions about herself the way I found myself asking her.

She had never thought about it before I asked her by the way she reacted.

No one asked her what her dreams were growing up. Or what she got for her 16 Birthday. Or what did her parents think about her first boyfriend. Or what was the first movie you remember seeing.

My constant probing of my mom made me feel closer to her than I’m afraid any human has tried to pry.

I do the same to jarret, who doesn’t find it as enchanting talking about himself as I do - but I love hearing how different we grew up.

It’s taken me a decade to fully understand jarret and his ticks, love language, needs and space. I’m still learning about his aspirations and life.

Capturing couples for a living has harnessed an unbearable amount of appreciation for the way jarret makes me feel. He’s shown so many gentle and loving ways that he continues after a decade that I saw within the first 2 weeks of dating him. He’s had to grow in other ways, as sure as hell have I. He’s taught me to be better in insurmountable ways. I was just telling my mom that jarret taught me to be gentle and to listen. To be sensitive of your surroundings, something I was terrible at now watching old footage of myself.

But back to bedtime thoughts: I am so fucking lucky because I am loved by my nearest and dearest. One day this may change but I’m relishing the now. I haven’t always felt the love and sometimes the hate wouldn’t let me forget. This is why I broke down crying with my mom in Iceland.

After the ceremony, she got into the car with Jarret’s parents and said “thank you for being nicer to Liz than her own family was, I really appreciate you all”.