» “What’s wrong, mi Rei? If you keep that face it may freeze like that, you know.”
Hesitation had always been his worst enemy. He could never just jump into something, he was not the ‘risk taker’ some believed him to be. He was fearful – of everything. The man had learned over the years, through past relationships and experiences, that something so small could have the impact of an explosion. Something small had the power to potentially wipe out everything he worked so hard for … and that scared him. The present moment was no different.
Here, sat before him, the love of his life. The woman he’d pined for since he was seventeen years old, the woman all his sappy love songs were dedicated to, the woman he would gladly stay up with until 7 AM just to talk about … nothing important, really – and the woman he’d lost once before due to his foolish actions. Did he really want to risk what they had over this? Did he really want to risk losing this magnificent woman a second time?
His lips parted.
No. No. No.
He took a breath.
You can still take it back.
Say it’s nothing.
❝Well … I just – I wanted to ask you –❞
As quickly as his lips had parted, they snapped shut and pressed into a thin line as her dainty fingers curled around his slim wrist.
She pulled his hand in close proximity to her face, and with a playful grin thrown his way she began to press her full tiers against his pale skin. The muscles in his jaw clenched and relaxed rhythmically.
Don’t touch me …
Don’t touch me –
And yet, he didn’t pull away. He wasn’t one to refuse her. He never could. If it were any other moment, he’d welcome her touch, he’d welcome her lips against his skin. The blond would go so far as to say he’d encourage the intimate behaviour, he’d initiate it, even – if it had been any other moment than this one. He didn’t want any contact until everything had been made clear and he was sure the entire thing was false. He still had the underlying fear that it might be true … What if it was true? What if prior to the present moment, her lips, her hands, her entire body … had been touched by another? His stomach churned and flipped uncomfortably at the mere thought of it. It didn’t sit well with him in the slightest. It was then that he realized this must have been how she felt, years ago when they were in the same situation, but their roles were reversed. They had been teenagers at the time, however that by no means excused his actions. Before Rosario, he’d been nothing but a dog, nothing but a skirt chaser. It was easy for him, really, when his father had such success and he was to take over the legacy. Girls flocked, and he took and took selfishly. When the now matured and elegant woman had entered his life at eighteen years old, rough around the edges with a youthful beauty, he was smitten at first sight and persistently chased after her like a puppy no matter how many times she refused him. All the playing around stopped for the most part, and when she had finally become his – it stopped indefinitely. He had been happy with her then, though he had sometimes found himself missing his old way of life. Somewhere down the line, he had a moment of weakness and inevitably hurt her. She left soon after that, and he’d found her again years later – but that was a memory for another time.
The ‘Yang’ half of their duo lifted his gaze to examine her countenance, and upon noticing that her own gaze was not directed at him, followed the direction of her stare with his eyes until they were both fixated on the same object: the magazine accusing the very woman that sat just to the right of the glossy stack of paper of adultery and betrayal. She dropped his wrist in favour of picking up the magazine, and as she read the title aloud, guilt stabbed at the blond’s gut for every word that left her now scowling lips. With a casual question regarding his thoughts on the matter, the star of the media at present tossed the magazine onto his lap with a certain disgust that he’d only seen upon her face and in her actions when refusing someone – when dealing with something unwanted.
Unwanted … unwanted … unwanted.
The word rang in his ears like a sick nursery rhyme.
He’d become something bothersome.
❝I … don’t know what to think, that’s why I want to talk to you about it. You know I’d never usually buy into this shit, but I’m just a bit concerned. I don’t mean to sound like a clingy bitch when I say this, but … where did you go last night? You never told me you went out – and when I tried to call you a few times, you didn’t pick up, so – I just … want to know what happened.❞ The words tumbled from his lips in a rushed mess, but at least he’d managed to voice his thoughts. He was relieved, however she wasn’t impressed with him; it showed in the way she removed herself from his proximity and rounded his desk, her back to him. And this – this was a panic-inducing situation for him. He’d fucked up, he’d upset her – this was their end, wasn’t it? ❝Listen – I … don’t mean to offend you with this. I don’t mean to accuse you or put you on the spot. I just want to know the definite truth so I can burn this … ❞ he lifted the magazine from his lap and tossed it haphazardly onto his desk. ❝… fucking filth, and be done with it.❞ with a slight push to the armrests of the office chair, Rei stood and followed the same path she took not a minute prior, and circled the desk before he sat against the edge of the painted wood. With an apologetic stare to her straightened back, shoulders squared and stance confident, he uttered a quiet ❝Ros?❞ while his arm extended to give a gentle tap to her bicep.
He should’ve kept his mouth shut.
「 ❜♢ : The 」 – The situation really wasn’t one meriting the all-engulfing blue flame that lined the very pits of the hell known as “regret” or “misery.” If anything, it was one that called for the woman to put forth her fiery method of comfort - to hold him down against the chair he had sat himself on and explain to him that there was nothing to fear amidst hungry exchanges of “I love you”s and whatever romantic promise she could make at the moment to calm her anxious man down. In reality, there was nothing of concern between herself and her paramour of old ... but that didn’t hold the woman from testing her ailurophile of a partner all the same. She wished to test the boundaries of his discomfort just as he had done to her before when his wish for a coquettish lifestyle surpassed his faithfulness to her. She yearned for him to fidget and pine for closure that she was so easily denied when he was more at fault than she was at the current moment even as she nodded without reason as he spoke swiftly.
He seemed panicked. Why?
She wished for this, but what purpose did his words hold?
Did he not trust her? Did he believe she was so easily disturbed?
Was this lack of merit and trust what led him to kiss that other woman?
Hn. It seemed he at least didn’t know her well enough to make her want
to toy with him further any less severe.
“Rei.” The sharp retort came with a blunt bite - one that reflected a purposely poorly masked tone of disdain as she allowed for him to prod at the flesh of her bicep although her forearm curled into a tight overlap with its sister extremity over her embonpoint. Her arms curled over the momentarily fuliginous creature that beat against its bony cage within her chest, she canted her head as she spun around on her heels in an almost defiant manner. Rosario wasn’t afraid of the young man -- no; in fact, she knew she was in control of him and that pleased the rotting corpse of a girl that was laid to rest years ago within the confines of her persona. She wouldn’t bend and plead for forgiveness so easily upon seeing him worried and distressed. Hell, she wanted to see more.
Just how far would he bleed to claim redemption and hold onto her?
Even he had his limits to his pride,
but how far would he allow himself to be pushed?
He was her boyfriend.
Her boy. Her friend.
She, too, would not push him too heavily -
she, too, feared to lose him.
Even so, the feline played on.
“I don’t know if you could call this ‘filth.’ It’s a pretty good shot of me on the cover, don’t you think? Jaewoon even looks handsome, although his face is all blurred out. Ah well, no crazy women throwing themselves at him for being my newly found partner, huh? Already had enough of that shit with you.” Audibly disinterested until the end of her thought that hinted at the tryst that led to their major separation, she curled her fingertips around the south edge of the magazine and pulled it vertically north up to focus on it fully with an appreciative smile. Running one fingertip over the silhouette of Jaewoon, she cooed a soft, “Huh,” and allowed it to rest upon the desk once more - except leaving it placed gently onto the flat surface as opposed to slammed down in disgust. Seeking further rapture in possibly drawing out another panicked tristiloquy, Rosario cupped her limerence’s pale cheek and leaned forward to the point where her lips ghosted over his while she contemplated the curvature of his own fleshy tiers that they both undeniably knew were made for her own -- a physical lock to which her tongue was all too often the key, just like their bodies and personalities seemed to be. Yin and Yang, yet Yin played out her role as the more negative of the two signs perfectly upon speaking.
“I’m still surprised this hasn’t happened to you yet. If anything, I expected someone to make a disaster out of you seeing another woman other than me much before I got caught doing the same.” Leaving her diction to be rather questionable in her admitting she was “caught,” she smirked convincingly directly at her true love in an attempt to have him buy the concept of her having some side interest without her even having to openly admit to such a crime.
Knowing she was likely unwelcome to even be in front of him with her lack of a denial of her accusation, she reeled immediately after the last syllable dropped faster than his belt once faced with his woman’s libido. That was the thing -- his woman. She was so very much his own that an even faint failure to recognize such made her amused; not bemused - amused. What had happened to the young boy who was more interested in playing the field and playing even her developing personality? What happened to the man who was notorious for fleeing a relationship after bedding a woman once or twice? What happened to the man who was so sure of himself that if she were to even joke about seeing another man, he’d leave her to it and take himself to another partner immediately after?
This wasn’t the Rei Lee she was used to.
He was weak. He was breakable.
-- above all, he was vulnerable.
Albeit she was seeking his emotional discomfort for her own pleasure, she did feel guilt upon registering all of this. She had known him as a Colossus of a man - not a weathered monolith that stood in his solemn glory of old. Even when he had dedicated sorrowful love songs to her, she was shocked. Even when he confessed his years-old love for her, she was mortified before him. How he had changed -- and how she loved him still. All the shock and embarrassment had turned into comfort and elation. His small moments of discomfort regarding himself or others brought her pride in knowing, his needy kisses and moments in which he clung to her frame even when asleep made her heart soar out of her very chest.
She loved him.
Oh, God, how she loved him.
And oh God how she felt her determination to keep going withering.
Rosario wished to take up Rei into her arms and hold him tightly - to run a hand through his light locks and assure him that he was the only one for her five years ago and how he was the only one for her then, not to mention forevermore. He was her intended, yet she remained with the same collected half-smirk that was focused on him calmly as if awaiting a response, an outburst, anything that would allow her to fall back from her dark pleasures and relight the man’s bright countenance with the fire of her lips meeting the wick of his own. She wanted so much for this, but of course she had dug herself a foot into her grave already and thus she could wait out and simply breathe the unspoken apology for her actions --
I am so sorry. I love you. You are everything to me, no one else.
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