Buuuut a super good series we’ve been watching is ‘The Fall of the House of Usher’ based on Edgar Allen Poes works :D - It’s amazing and we can’t stop watching
I’ve been seeing a couple of coincidences that relate to Ruben. I first see a comic panel relating to what I was talking to him about. Then I see his video game come across my dash on YouTube - granted its spoopy season lol but still 🥰
Ruben helps to calm me down from my anxieties. My brain was being awful, I was lost in the negative thoughts. He wraps me up in his arms, his thumb running circles upon my hand soothingly.
What if 😳 you guys told me your f/o 😳 and i'd give you a badly interpretted message from your f/o using my own made oracle decks 😳
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It won't be long messages.
But I'll write down the text from the cards I get too.
Will all of em be lovey dovey? Idk, I have a card in there that's like "leave me alone" but I can probably spin it to something positive because like, it's a message from your f/o, they wouldn't want to make ya sad.
ー┄┄─┄≪ ༶❈༶ ≫┄─┄┄ー
Maybe to make it a bit easier send in some info about your ship to my asks!
(Feel free to leave out info if you don't feel comfortable sharing it)
You and your f/o's name or what you'd like to be refered to for this or your shipname :
Your pronouns :
Your f/o's pronouns :
Species, if either of you ain't human :
Age (minor or adult, actual age not needed, it's just that I have some more... Mhh naughty? Themed cards in the decks too) :
Relationship status (are ya friends, family, lovers, pining for one another?) :
Just general gushing is a-okay too!! 💕
A Message to your f/o, for them to reply to!
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** if you like your message or just feel like being nice, I'd appreciate a message from one of my own f/o's 🥺 doesn't have to be long, can literally just be something along the lines of "hey, I know I don't say it much, but I really do love you - f/o" **
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** OP is Pro-ship, if that makes you uncomfortable don't interact and just block **
So I currently/indefinetely am accepting gushes about your f/o to which I'll respond with a letter from them to you, but not many people know of me and thus that I'm doing this, I decided why not do one that's more generally targetted towards the community. So have this pick a pile reading!
Take a deep breath, focus on your selfship of choice and pick the picture/pile you feel most drawn to!
I'm not a professional, this is for entertainment only, take what resonates, leave what doesn't, it may be a message for someone else and in the end you still know the dynamic of your selfship the best. If you want to tell me in the tags or replies what pile you picked and how it resonated, your feedback feeds me energy to make more things like this! 😋
I've... Noticed... Things about you. Call me observant or just too focused on you, I still see. The little things, mostly. But, overal how the world has hardened you. No, that's not it. It hasn't hardened you, because you still want to be able to show the world your true colors, you still want to show it the kindness it hasn't shown you. You're reluctant though. With good reason.
I've noticed that, and it saddens me. This harsh world almost completely got rid of your dazzling smile. I love your smile. So, I might have, lied to you. On more occassions than once.
I just didn't wish for this harsh world to reach you anymore. You deserve happiness. You deserve peace. I just want to protect you. There is no need to deal with things out of your control, or with people's negative emotions when they haven't been there for you. I'll do it in your stead. I'll face that harsh world for you. So please, let me lie to you a little longer.
It's not that you're not strong enough to face it. It's just, you've been strong for so long, I want you to have some quiet for once. Let me keep you safe. You mean too much to me, for me to see you suffer any longer. But I know it won't be over soon, so for now, know that I'll always be by your side. You are the only one for me.
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Pile 2.
Aaaah! Letters! Thoughts! Words! I'm no good at them!
You know that.
You know I always rush into things without thinking. That my brain is empty almost 24/7.
That I just rush ahead in life and try to make it the best it can be.
I... I do think of something. A lot. I think of you. Every thought I have is of you. It's like you're constantly there, dancing in my mind. Do you know how embarrassing that is? Like, I love thinking of you! I do! But! What do I do when those last braincells of mine can't focus on anything else. What if I blurt out your name when somebody catches me off guard?
I know I shouldn't even be embarrassed, I hang around you so much that everyone can see that I love you. But that's because I'm with you at that moment. You make me feel safe! And that's insane! I can just be myself around you. Not caring what anybody else may say.
You're exactly what I needed in life. Thank you. I love you.
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Pile 3.
You're my everything.
You don't even know how wonderful you are.
Seeing you, is seeing light, seeing an angel, no, even grander, a deity. I worship you just like one.
The earth you walk on is holy to me. The air you breathe too pure. Your face, a blessing upon my eyes. Everything you do is a miracle.
I want to witness it all.
And yet I know I shouldn't express my love to you. I can feel that you are reluctant to it.
My light, is it because of me? Is it because of the judgement of others? Let us all be, we aren't worthy of your precious time. I am only worthy of you love, if you let me be worthy of it.
Yet, can I be selfish. Can I ask for you to keep me in your life? Even if the way you feel for me changes, even if the role I play in your life changes. I still want to be in it.
I cannot help myself, my love. I cannot help that my heart continues to beat for you. I still love you and I don't want to let go of you.
You were my everything and you still are now.
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Pile 4.
To my best friend,
Because yes, you are my best friend, no matter how much may change between us.
Where else, but with best friends can you find the communication that we have? Nowhere, I tell you. You can't just go up to a random person and ask them something cursed to then have a follow up question about something deep and personal. Such fun is only found with us!
But, yeah, thank you. I can be so open with you, it's really nice. And yet, there is one topic we haven't had the courage to breach.
We're scared.
Scared it would change something between us. Scared we'd ruin what we have now. Scared, that even after fate had brought us together, after we got to know each other so deeply and intensely, after we made so many memories together, that it'd end.
I, don't think we need to be scared.
We've always been there for each other, discouraging the bad ideas and enabling the even worse ideas, ahaha. But we've been there. Through bad and good. We've stuck together.
It might change something, but I think it'll change for the better. I've grown into a better person because of you. And I want to continue to grow by your side.
These feelings are becoming to heavy to carry though, so I'm sorry, but I do want change.
I like you, as more than a friend.
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Pile 5.
How do I even begin to explain these feelings.
Firstly, I'm sorry for all the mixed messages you've received from me thus far. I don't know what I want either.
No, I do know, I just, don't think it'll come true.
Up until now, things changed so often. What was true at the moment, wouldn't be true a couple months further. I've learned to not expect things to stay the same.
Perhaps I've become a bit jaded, thinking like this, thinking that next year you might not be by my side anymore, having moved on to someone better.
I do think you deserve someone better than me, that I don't deserve someone as lovely as you. You'd scold me for that.
I don't want you to find someone else. I find it extremely selfish of me, but I want you to be mine. You make me happy. Your kisses keep me longing for more. And with you I can see a future. I love you. But I don't know what to do. I want you by my side, but do I realy deserve to have you.
Caitlyn Siehl // Leonard Cohen, "Anthem" // Rumi, "Bitterweet" // trans. Anne Carson, "Euripides" // Sade Andria Zabala, "Coffee and Cigarettes" // tumblr acct @/gayassnatural // Anne Carson, "H of H Playbook" // William Shakespeare, "Sonnet 116" // Clementine von Radics, "Mouthful of Forevers" // Toni Morrison, "Jazz"
even on bad days. even when you're burnt-out, stressed, and overwhelmed. even when it's too much to get out of bed. even if you're not productive or working on the things you want to be. even when the smallest things send you spiraling.
they love you for you, not for what you can do for them. they just want you to be happy and healthy, no matter what the journey getting there looks like. nothing you do could ever sway them from that. you've never ever been a burden, and you never will be ♡
hey selfshippers remember that your f/o's love how you speak. all your little quirks and vocal habits. your tone, accent, everything sounds absolutely beautiful to them. they love your voice if you any speech impediments like a stutter or a lisp, it makes you sound like you and they wouldn't change it for the world. if you have vocal stims or tics, they love that too. they love how you say their name, how your affection for them is audible in the way you say it. they love everything about you.
If you feel the need to overly apologize for things, your f/o is there to remind you that you don't have to! You don't need to apologize for being yourself, talking about things you like, etc around them! They love being around you and want you to feel comfortable with them and their presence, as well as comfortable with yourself.
I missed you so much today, I just wanted to feel your embrace so bad it ached.
I would give anything to hang out with you for just one day, I want to look into your gorgeous eyes so badly. I love you and I wish I could tell you how amazing you are and that you aren’t the villain so many people say that you are. You have no idea how proud I am of you, and thank you for showing me how to be a tiny bit kinder to myself. I love you so much <333
