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💀 most recent fics 💀
heart is full of fairy lights | joshua x reader | ~1.3k | [read here]
purple, white, grey, and black | s.coups x reader | 2.9k | [read here]
you say the stupidest (sweetest) things | seungkwan x reader | 4.5k | [read here]
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seungkwan + marriage of convenience | seungkwan x reader | ~0.5k | [read here]
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💀 most recent breviloquent microfic 💀
seungkwan + "carving" | 50 words | [read here]
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episode 33 (end) & epilogue
🎃 Ongoing Games 🎃 (come play with me!)
💀 send me a svt member and a one-word prompt and i will write you something 50 words or less (fics can be found on the 'breviloquent' masterlist)
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🎃🧡 hi friends! don't forget to eat and drink water and make sure to get some rest 🧡🎃
pairing: seungkwan x gn!reader
rating: 16+ (for swearing)
wc: 4.5k
prompt: seungkwan + "things you said at 1am"
summary: you say stupid shit on the best of days, so when seungkwan comes over when you're having a bad bout of insomnia, the last thing he expects to hear from you is an accidental love confession
warnings: insomnia, mental health issues, dissociation mention
tags: fluff, friends to lovers, first kiss, reader is a little unhinged but who isn't tbh, they're also highkey allergic to genuine expressions of love/affection but they're working on it, banter, stimming, wrestling like children to try and work through emotions, reader is some flavor of lgbt+ (they make an "i've never done anything straight in my life" joke), reader's pov is dramatic bc they're dramatic oops
a/n: this is for @dokyeomin as a part of my emergency commissions (check out the post here) and this was only supposed to be 1k but it 100% got away from me... i hope you still enjoy the fluff and all of the attached nonsense <3
From: Y/n 🔪 [11:47pm]
yo kwannie
if i impulsively decide to go to the 24h convenience store how harshly do u think they'll jusdge me for buying every flavor of gummy candy available
*judge
i wanna see if i can melt them down into one Ultimate Gummy
u know
for Science
Seungkwan pauses brushing his teeth and stares down at your messages.
To be fair, it's probably not the strangest thing you've ever texted him. He's known you since your second year of college, after all, so he has about half a decade of experience with all of your various y/n-isms under his belt now.
Which is how he knows to trust his gut when it tells him that this probably isn't your usual brand of nonsense.
He spits the toothpaste into the sink and dials your number. You answer on the second ring.
“Before you say anything,” you start, “I was only half-serious about the gummies thing. Like, it's a fun idea, you know? In theory. But in actuality? I do not want to deal with the mess that it would create. Or the smells. Well, the smells might actually be pretty good depending on—“
“Uh-huh,” he interrupts dryly. “Y/n, when's the last time you slept?”
The beat of silence that follows is enough to confirm his suspicions, and the hesitant “Um” that follows is just the icing on the cake, really.
He sighs. “The fact that you have to think about it says enough.”
“I don’t need to think about it,” you argue petulantly. “I just… don’t wanna tell you.”
“Y/n...” he groans, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Look, I know, I'm sorry.” And you do sound a little bit sorry, at least. “I'm just. Having an episode. Don't worry about it.”
His shoulders droop as the words sink in. “Episodes” are what you've taken to calling your intermittent bouts of serious insomnia.
Generally speaking, you sleep about as well as the average twenty-something with a caffeine addiction. But every few months or so, it's like your brain completely forgets how to shut off and you end up staying awake for 40+ hours straight.
“Well,” he says, putting his toothbrush away and going back to his bedroom. “You know that ship has sailed, right? You know I'm gonna worry about it.”
Your deep sigh crackles over the line. “Yeah, I know.”
“So. Where're we at this time?”
He mentally braces himself. The two of you have done this enough times now that he knows that you know there's no point in trying to lie or beat around the bush.
“Uhhhhhhh, I'll be hitting the 46-hour mark in about 20 minutes.”
“Aish.”
The fact that you can say that so casually makes his heart hurt. He knows that whenever he doesn't get enough sleep, he makes sure everyone knows it and thus babies him accordingly. But you've always been so intent on hiding anything and everything you struggle with. It's taken years for him to bully himself past the walls you keep hidden behind shit-eating grins and an over-willingness to help.
“Okay,” he says, moving to the dresser to grab an extra set of clothes. “I'll be over in an hour.”
“Wait. What?”
“You heard me.” He tosses the clothes onto his bed before going to grab one of his duffle bags, firmly asserting, “You've got an hour to mentally prepare yourself for my arrival.”
“Honey, you've got a big storm comin',” you quote at him without hesitating.
“You sure do,” he assures with a snort. “Better get ready to feel the wrath of my friendship.”
“Why do you have to love so aggressively?”
He rolls his eyes while he throws his clothes into the duffle bag with one hand. “Because it's the only way you'll accept it, idiot.”
“No, it isn't.”
Your pout is so audible through the phone that Seungkwan has to stop and glance at the screen in disbelief.
“Y/n. Y/n L/n. Do not stand there and lie to my face like that.”
“I'm not lying!”
“Not—” He gesticulates wildly with one hand like he's going Can you believe this shit? to an invisible TV audience. “Okay, tell me this: what did you do the last time I sincerely monologued at you about how much you mean to me as a friend, hmm? No bits, no bullshit, just me telling you how much I love you and how amazing you are.”
A beat. “I'll hang up on you, Kwannie, don't test me.”
He barely resists the urge to shove his face into the bedspread and scream. “You're literally proving my point right now!”
“Kwannieeee,” you whine, because you know he's right.
“Also, because I'm never letting you live it down, I will remind you exactly what you did."
You say his name again, but it's muffled, and he assumes it's because you're hiding your face in shame.
“I gave you a sincere, heartfelt speech about how much your friendship has changed my life for the better and made me become a better person—” he ignores your wordless pterodactyl screech, “—and how do you respond? By staring at me like a deer caught in the headlights, slowly raising your arms to give me double finger guns, winking, and then slowly backing out of the room like an awkward mannequin!”
“...”
“Well?” He puts his free hand on his hip. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”
“… I’ve changed a lot since then.”
Seungkwan rolls his eyes before moving to continue packing his overnight bag. “It was literally three months ago.”
“Yeah, and? Doesn't change the fact that I've changed,” you assert.
“Into even more of a nuisance? Yes, you're absolutely right.” He smiles when he hears you scoff playfully.
“Listen here, Boo Seungkwan. You know that well-rested Y/n is ready to throw down with you at a moment's notice. What do you think sleep-deprived, zero-impulse-control Y/n is going to do the second you get to their front door?”
“Stop referring to themself in the third person, hopefully,” he mutters, finally zipping up his bag and heading to the door. “And then after that, they're going to let me bully them into resting.”
“Hmm. The council has heard your proposal, briefly pondered it, and deemed it “unnecessary” on the basis of: they're a bad bitch that can't be stopped by neither time nor physics nor any god of your choosing.”
Seungkwan scoffs as he puts the call on speaker and sits to put on his sneakers. “Well, “the council” can go fuck right off.”
“What if the council would like to fuck right on?”
Pausing in the middle of tying his laces, he blinks down at his phone. “I'm— what?”
“Okay, real talk, what do you think it would mean in this case? Like, would this be like a 'hop on' versus 'hop off' situation? Or more like an 'I'm down for this' versus 'I'm up for this' kinda situation? Because it would have very different outcomes depending.”
Seungkwan decides that this is a debate better left for another time. “I think it means that I'm going to be at your house soon and that if you're not in your pajamas with hot Sleepy Time tea and the series Planet Earth ready to go, there will be consequences.”
“Booooooo, you whore.”
He finishes tying his laces and jabs his finger at the phone. “Consequences, Y/n.”
“Ugh, fine.”
“See you soon, love you, bye.” He hangs up before you can get another word in, but doesn't move from his seated position in the entryway.
Slowly, he takes a deep breath in and lets it out, taking a moment to lean back on his hands while he stares at the back of his front door. Specifically, at the large collage of sticky notes and pictures and doodles that have taken up residence there.
A few of the notes are ones he's gotten from other members of your shared friend group over the years (the one from Chan that reads "if u eat my rice i'll eat ur kneecaps xoxo" hangs proudly in the center, right next to a picture of him sleeping that Seungkwan managed to capture from an extremely unflattering angle). But most of them are from you.
Dumb puns, meme references, bullshit animal facts you made up just to get him to laugh… almost all of them are stupid in that extremely charming way that only you somehow manage to pull off.
But the one he's staring at now is almost completely hidden by other notes and pictures that have been added to the collage. It's a pale blue, the ink starting to fade a bit with time — the first note you ever gave him, back when you two were just people who happened to sit next to each other in an astronomy class.
Even though most of it is hidden, he doesn't need to be able to see all the tiny words you crammed into the small space to already know exactly what it says.
how do u make a space party? u planet :P
u looked sad today, hope this makes u feel a little better
also if this is 2 forward feel free 2 pretend i don't exist. or punt me in2 the sun idk u'd be doing me a favor tbh
He'd almost skipped class that day because of how bad he'd been feeling, but he'd decided to try and push through. And before that day, neither of you had interacted with more than a polite greeting and the occasional question about the homework.
But then you'd passed him that note, and he'd passed one back that said “that's dumb. but thank you” with a smiley face, and you'd passed another one back that said “do u think lizard people have ever been to space?” and the rest, they say, is history.
Seungkwan shakes his head with a sigh before standing up and grabbing his bag and his keys, striding determinedly out the door. He's got a best friend to take care of.
Seungkwan should be at your place soon, and you're not quite sure what to do in the meantime.
You have your laptop hooked up to the monitor in the living room with Planet Earth queued up, you have the kettle filled with water and ready to go on the stove, and you have mugs and teabags ready on the counter next to it.
The Required Tasks™️ have been completed as much as possible without the arrival of your best friend, and now all that's left to do is wait.
Which, normally, you're not the worst at. You're excellent at entertaining yourself, actually, mostly because there's always something to think about. Whether it be about cute dogs that you've seen over the past week (I wonder if the pomeranian down the street will let me pet him next time), potential plot twists for the new fantasy drama you're a little bit obsessed with (what if Gregothy was cursed the whole time???), or generic ponderings of the human existence as a whole (do souls have the metaphysical equivalent of a fingerprint?), you're pretty much always thinking about something.
Which is totally fine and dandy and cool or whatever when you have the ability to, you know, shut it off. For example, when you need to do something simple and necessary like, oh I don't know, go the fuck to sleep.
You also hate when that manic mental energy somehow translates into kinetic energy as well. It makes you feel like a hamster in a cage, watching yourself running and running and running on that stupid wheel until you exhaust yourself.
Tonight's metaphorical wheel: stimming like wild in the kitchen. Flapping, rocking, (gently) slapping, making weird and fun mouth sounds, the whole shebang.
And again, normally stimming is fun. Stimming is great. But stimming because you feel like if you don't stop moving you're going to literally vibrate out of your skin is, to put it lightly, Not It.
It takes you about ten minutes to work out all of the energy until you no longer feel like your blood was replaced with pop rocks.
With a groan, you lower yourself to the kitchen floor and lay down face first. Because despite how exhausted you feel in every possible way, there's still something like an itch in your conscious, a fucking pea underneath the miles of mattresses that refuse to let you just. Fucking. Sleep.
Your pity party must've lasted longer than you realized (or, more likely, you dissociated for a hot second there) because suddenly someone's knocking at your door at the same time you get a text from Seungkwan.
And you know it's a text from Seungkwan specifically because you got Vernon to help you change your notification settings so that whenever Seungkwan texts you, the "i love you.. bitch" sound clip plays instead of a normal text tone.
For a fraction of a second, you contemplate slowly inching your way to the door like an uncoordinated caterpillar, but you swat the thought aside like you’re swatting a gnat and you awkwardly roll to your feet and make your way to your front door.
Without hesitating, you unlock the door, swinging it open with a flourish and sticking a finger right in Seungkwan's face before he can utter a single syllable, forcing him to cross his eyes.
You open your mouth wide like you're going to say something, pause for a moment, then tap your pointed finger to his nose with a quiet "boop."
He blinks, expression turning deadpan, and sighs. "I should have expected this, honestly."
“Yep!”
You let him into your apartment, and he makes himself right at home, mildly bitching at you as he goes to get the tea ready, and something within you shifts.
The inside of your head is still a bit of a dumpster fire, unfortunately, but inside your chest... something clicks into place that you're not sure that you're ready to name. Whatever it is, though, it's soft and warm and kinda feels like your heart is being hugged.
Smiling to yourself, you follow him into the kitchen.
💤 💤 💤 💤 💤
It was pretty much straight to “business” after that, and it only takes Seungkwan one cup of tea and two episodes listening to David Attenborough's dulcet narrations for him to knock right out, leaning heavily against your shoulder on the couch.
Which means it's now the perfect time to sit there and Admire Your Bro™️.
It's rare to see him so still, you think. He's an active guy, in pretty much every sense of the word, and you always feel a little honored when you get to be witness to his quiet, vulnerable moments like this one.
He looks so serene, face smoothed out and painted in soft twirling shades of blue from the screen of the monitor, though you can't see too much of it from this angle. Mostly you just see his cheeks and stupidly adorable button nose.
And you've seen the same thing a million times before — in all kinds of states and expressions — and despite how much you've tried to ignore it, each and every time you've caught yourself noticing just how cute Seungkwan is, it's caused that thing in your heart to scrunch up, full of the L-word feeling that you've kept unnamed for what feels like forever now.
Except, maybe that thing in your heart is tired of scrunching up. Maybe it's decided that it's tired of forever.
Maybe that thing has finally decided to burrow itself out of the walls you've built up because you find yourself finally allowing yourself to think, Holy shit, I think I'm in love with you.
You don't realize that Seungkwan has completely stilled against you, but you certainly notice when he suddenly throws himself forward so he can turn around and stare at you incredulously. Only he overshoots a little bit and ends up falling off the couch with a squawk and a dramatic flail.
"Oh my god, Kwannie are you okay?!"
He stares at you from where he fell, wide-eyed like you've grown a second head or like the time you'd tried to convince him that birds weren't real and actually just a government conspiracy.
"Am— am I okay? No??"
Now it's your turn to move off of the couch, coming down to his level to see if maybe he hurt himself when he fell. "Fuck, okay, did you hit something? Do you need an icepack?"
Seungkwan being Not Okay is maybe one of the worst things that could ever happen in the entire universe and you're trying not to panic as you reach out to check for injuries.
"No, no, stop—" he bats away at your hands and you stop in your motions, now kneeling in front of him. "I'm not hurt!"
Your brain does the cartoonish screech thing as it comes to a halt, and you furrow your brows. "But.. you just said you're not okay?"
"I'm not!" His eyes are still wide in shock, but he also looks confused and maybe a little bit like he's about to cry?
Oh no. If he cries and it's somehow your fault (because it has to somehow be your fault) you think the world might actually end.
"Okay, uh. I am— confused,” you start, sure you must look as lost as you feel. “But, um, what can I do to help?"
He swallows, and a part of you realizes that he's looking at you with an expression you've never seen before. "Did you mean it?"
Knowing that it's significant but not yet knowing why, you maintain eye contact. "Mean what?"
"What you just said."
You blink. "...that I'm confused?"
He shakes his head. "No, before that."
You have a hard time remembering what you just said when you're not sleep-deprived and worried you've just somehow accidentally caused irreparable emotional damage to your best friend. "Uh... when I asked if you were okay?"
"No, fuck," and it's a shock for some reason, hearing him cuss right now. You hear him say much worse things all the time, but you think it might be the way he said it — with a kind of desperate vulnerability that you're not sure you've ever heard from him before.
That thing in your chest twinges and you think maybe you're the one who's gonna start crying.
He says your name like a plea, and then he's on his knees right in front of where you're kneeling on the floor, reaching forward to cup your face in his palms. "You said— Y/n, you said "holy shit I think I'm in love with you.””
Oh.
You're pretty sure your heart falls right out of your ass and bounces across the rug, judging from the way it comes to a dead stop. You blink at him. Full of new and sinking kind of dread, you whisper, "...I said that out loud?"
He laughs, but it's tinged with incredulity and sounds a little too close to a sob for comfort. "Yes! You did!"
And wait, no, your heart is still stuck in your chest, because you can feel it start pounding against your ribcage in double, triple, quadruple time. He must see the fear in your expression, because suddenly his eyes are narrowed in a determined scowl and he growls, "Oh no you don't."
Then you find yourself going down with a yelp as Seungkwan octopuses himself around you, trapping you within the confines of his surprisingly strong arms and legs as he basically tackles you to the floor.
You try and wiggle away even as you know it's useless, and he grits, "Y/n dammit, answer my question."
"Why were you even awake?” You deflect, getting an arm free and trying to give him a wedgie. “You were supposed to be asleep!"
"I was supposed to be asleep?!” He screeches, easily evading your reach and poking your ribs to get you to reflexively pull back your arm. “You're the one who hasn't slept in literal days! And stop avoiding my question!"
"No!" He has you trapped once again, and you resort to licking his arm.
"Oh my god!"
He muffles his scream into your shoulder, long and frustrated, and then he just... goes limp. He loosens his hold and just lets his full body weight kinda crush the parts of you he's ended up lying on and just... lays there.
This is your chance, you know — to wiggle free and escape and run away from your feelings just like you always have.
But, for some reason, you don't — that scrunched-up thing in your chest holds you back. You stay there, lying beneath Seungkwan on the floor of your living room at one-something in the morning, and the two of you just breathe.
"It's okay, you know," he murmurs after a moment, so quiet you barely hear him over David Attenborough still narrating softly in the background. "If you didn't mean it. It's okay."
Holy shit, I think I'm in love with you.
And you realize how easy it would be to play it off, to blame it on the sleep deprivation, the way you blurted it out like that — to say (to lie) you meant it completely platonically, like the way you propose to Mingyu at least once a month when he cooks you all dinner.
And you also realize, quite shockingly, that despite how a part of you still desperately wants to run away, the larger part of you wants to stay. Doesn't want to run. Doesn't want to lie anymore.
You swallow heavily, briefly close your eyes, and take in a deep breath. "And if I did? Mean it?"
This time, you do notice when Seungkwan goes still. Slowly, he lifts his head so he can look you in the eyes.
When he doesn't say anything, just continues to look at you with an unreadable expression, you try to continue.
"Would you— would that— would it be okay? If I meant it? When I— when I said that I'm in love with you? Is— because um, like you said, it's okay if it's not, and uh—"
Your nervous rambling comes to a stop when he once again cups your face, but it's gentler than before, closer to a caress. The whole time you'd been talking he'd been slowly sitting up, and now he's on his knees next to where you're still lying down on the floor, looking down at you like all the hope in the world is somewhere to be found in your expression.
"Y/n." he says your name like it's something precious, and you feel the absurd urge to burst into tears. "It would be very okay." His thumbs make gentle arcs across your cheeks. "And just to be clear: you mean it in a non-platonic sense, right?” He chews on his lip. “Hopefully, in a very much romantic sense?"
Staring at him staring at you, eyes bright with hope and a little bit of wonder... you can only imagine you must be looking at him the same way. Your chest feels like it's full of helium but also like something warm and gooey is sloshing around in there. And all that hope and wonder and holy shit is this actually happening? is causing your tongue to stick to the roof of your mouth, and all you're able to get past your lips is a breathless, "Hopefully?"
"Oh my god," he groans in frustration, but it's light and airy and makes you think of amusement park rides and fairy lights and how you want to annoy the shit out of this man for the rest of his life, if he'll let you. He's shaking his head, smiling, beaming, and he asks, "Why can you never give me any kind of a straight answer, huh?"
"Because it's my life's purpose to be the bane of your existence until the day we die," you say, reaching up to hold his face too. "Also because I've never done anything straight ever in my life."
And then your body is moving before your brain can think it though, dragging him down until you can press your lips to his and finally, finally know what it's like to kiss Boo Seungkwan.
He makes a little noise of surprise, one that you can feel buzz against your lips before he melts into you. And oh, any thoughts you might have had are forcefully ejected from your brain because all you can focus on are his lips pressed to yours, the way they move slowly, gently, turning this chaste kiss into the most scorching experience of your life. His nose bumps against yours and the heat of his warm breath sends tingles throughout your body, and his hands, fuck, his hands are still holding you gently but also with a firmness that feels like he doesn't want to let you go.
And then he's pulling away, and you whine at him because this may be the cruelest thing he's ever done to you ever in your entire life. "Noooooo, why'd you stop?"
"Because, as much as I'd love to continue to make out with you on your floor while an old British man narrates about life on the Serengeti—” he mercifully ignores the way you choke on your spit at the way he talks about making out with you so nonchalantly "—it's past someone's bedtime."
Your mouth drops open in offended shock. Was he actually going to put you to bed like a child? Like you both hadn't just declared your romantic love for each other? "Are you fucking serious?"
He just stands up and crosses his arms, looking down at you with a single raised eyebrow. You take the part of you that finds it annoyingly attractive and promptly smother it, crossing your own arms from your position on the floor.
"I'm not a baby," you definitely don't pout.
"Hmmm...” And then the bastard fucking pouts at you. “But you're my baby."
You blink at him.
"Welp, that was nice while it lasted,” you grunt, rolling to your feet, “but I suddenly need to relocate to Antarctica and become a penguin herder.”
He pulls you into his arms with a laugh, and you let him, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder.
“You know,” he starts after he's held you for a few moments. “This isn't how I ever imagined how us confessing to each other would go.”
You snort.
“But also,” he continues, “it feels very 'us' doesn't it?”
"Yeah,” you murmur, not bothering to lift your head from his shoulder.
“Mmm, is someone finally sleepy?” he teases, starting to waddle you both towards your bedroom. “Did all the emotions finally wear you out?”
Instead of nodding, you lightly kick him in the shin and the sappy part of your brain that is currently in charge of everything thinks that his indignant squawk is one of your most favorite sounds.
The sappy part of your brain is right, of course, and when you wake up in your bed 15 hours later and accidentally smack him in the face, the urge to run is a little bit smaller than it was before. And the way he flushes bright red after you sleepily kiss him on the cheek is an image you're going to cherish until the day you die.
pairing: joshua x gn!reader
rating: G
wc: ~1.3k
summary: you finally return home to your apartment after studying abroad, and your roommate joshua can't seem to let you out of his sight. some potentially maybe-more-than-strictly-platonic feelings are had.
warnings: none
tags: fluff, pure fluff, oh my god they were roommates, friends to maybe-we-could-be-more-than-friends????
a/n: this is for the lovely ko-fi anon as part of my emergency commissions who requested "soft, fluffy, touch-starved shua" <3
Joshua can't seem to keep his hands off of you.
And not in a sexy way (shut up, Seokmin), but in a way that's... gentle. A simple need to be close and nothing more complicated than that. All night, he hasn't been more than an arms-length away from you. He was the first to greet you when you walked into your surprise "Welcome Back" party, and his touch has been trailing after you ever since.
Joshua can't seem to keep his hands off of you, and like a flower blooming towards the sun, you've been soaking up every ounce of his presence.
You'd missed him — more than you'd thought you would when you left to study abroad for the quarter.
Calls and texts and facetimes hadn't been enough, and as you sit together on the couch — surrounded by friends as you're pressed together at the shoulder, hip, and knee — you think maybe it hadn't been enough for him either.
It's late by the time the rest of your friends have trickled out of your apartment, leaving you and Joshua still pressed together on the sofa. The newfound silence is a peaceful relief, and you sigh as you let your head fall to the side, resting it on his shoulder. You only whine a little bit when he slightly adjusts your positions so that he can wrap an arm around your shoulders, giggling quietly at your annoyance.
"Long day?" he asks.
You simply groan in response, and he gives you a commiserating hum in return, squeezing your shoulders a bit.
God, you'd missed this so much. Just— getting to sit together and soak up the simple physical affection.
You're not sure how long the both of you sit there, but you think you might have nodded off because the next thing you know, Joshua is gently shaking your shoulder.
"Hey, y/n, c'mon, you can't sleep on the couch. Let's go to bed."
You know he's right, but you groan in frustration anyway and lean more of your body weight on him. "Make me," you pout.
His reply is immediate. "Okay."
Uh oh.
"Wait—"
And then he's sending you sprawling over the couch cushions as you let out an indignant squawk. You splutter as he stands up and holds out a hand to you, a calm smile on his face like he didn't just literally shove you over.
"How did I manage to forget how absolutely deranged you are?" you mutter as you grab his outstretched hand.
He shrugs at you, and then he pulls you up so you're both standing. You glare at him half-heartedly, and he just keeps smiling at you like the cat that caught the canary.
After a moment, something in his expression softens, and he gently squeezes your hand. "Let's go to bed. Also, um." His smile turns a little nervous at the corners. "I have a little surprise for you."
"A surprise?"
He nods. "Yeah, it's in your room, c'mon."
You follow him the few feet down the hall to your bedroom door, hand still clasped in his, and then he turns around to face you.
"Wait here," he blurts, dropping your hand as he opens the door and quickly slips inside, closing it right behind him.
You blink at the space where Joshua just was a second ago, wondering what kind of surprise needs him to leave you out in the hall like this.
Less than a moment later, he calls through the door, "Close your eyes!"
"What are you doing?" you call back, suspicious. You don't think he's about to pull some kind of prank, but you also wouldn't put it past him. Especially if he's been hanging out with Jeonghan recently.
"Just close them!"
"Ugh, fine." Still suspicious, you roll your eyes before doing as you're told.
"Are they closed?"
"Yes."
A pause. "Are you sure?"
Am I— You manage to keep your eyes closed as you roll them even harder. "Yes."
"But how can I be sure?" Even muffled through the door, you can hear the teasing in his voice.
"Joshua Hong."
There's a click as the knob turns and the near-silent whoosh of the door opening.
"You know I hate it when you use my full government name." The pout is evident in his voice.
"And you know I hate it when you keep me in the dark." You gesture to your still-closed eyes. "Literally, this time."
He huffs fondly. "Not for long."
Before you can open your mouth to reply, he gently grabs your shoulders and leads you into your room, shifting so that he's behind you.
The teasing atmosphere has melted away, and it leaves you standing in his warm presence. "Open them," he prompts quietly.
You do so, and you can't help the gasp that escapes your lips. "Oh my god, Shua."
Your room looks the same as normal, except instead of being lit by the standing lamp you keep in the corner, the room is softly illuminated by the strings of fairy lights now hanging above your bed.
"You've talked about getting them for forever and..." Joshua starts explaining. "I don't know, I just thought it would be a nice surprise to come home to."
You walk forward, out of Joshua's grasp to get a closer look at the lights. "It's beautiful," you murmur. And you're not just talking about the lights, you're talking about the gesture, too — the fact that Joshua took the time to get the lights and set them up in your room so that they'd be ready for you when you got back.
It's not a grand gesture by any means, but somehow, pressing into all the nooks and crannies of your jet-lagged heart, it feels like one.
You turn back around and without a word, wrap your arms around him and squeeze.
He immediately squeezes back, resting his head against yours. "Welcome back, y/n." He sighs, in what almost sounds like relief. "I missed you."
You know the tears that start to gather in your eyes are in part because of how exhausted you are, but the fact remains that you can't put into any kind of words just how much you missed him too, and just how much that feeling is bubbling up inside your chest and pressing against your ribs.
Squeezing back even tighter, you hope he can feel the I missed you, too you're trying to hug into him.
The world narrows down to just the two of you, holding each other in the glow of the fairy lights, and even though you know you need to sleep, you don't want to let this moment go — let him go.
So you don't. After a few moments, you start to waddle the both of you toward your bed, Joshua going along without complaint, and soon you're both tipping sideways onto the mattress with a startled oof.
You wiggle on top of the blanket until your head reaches your pillow, and you pull Joshua up along with you until you're lying face to face. The fairy lights above you paint galaxies in his eyes, and the look he's giving you is so full of something that it feels like your chest is filled with galaxies, too.
There's a lot that's going unsaid between the both of you, you know, but there's only one question you can think of asking right now.
"Stay?"
"Of course, y/n," he murmurs. And if his eyes hold galaxies, then his smile holds the moon, soft and beautiful and always waiting for you, no matter how far you go. "Always."
pairing: seungkwan x gn!reader
rating: 16+ (for swearing)
wc: 4.5k
prompt: seungkwan + "things you said at 1am"
summary: you say stupid shit on the best of days, so when seungkwan comes over when you're having a bad bout of insomnia, the last thing he expects to hear from you is an accidental love confession
warnings: insomnia, mental health issues, dissociation mention
tags: fluff, friends to lovers, first kiss, reader is a little unhinged but who isn't tbh, they're also highkey allergic to genuine expressions of love/affection but they're working on it, banter, stimming, wrestling like children to try and work through emotions, reader is some flavor of lgbt+ (they make an "i've never done anything straight in my life" joke), reader's pov is dramatic bc they're dramatic oops
a/n: this is for @dokyeomin as a part of my emergency commissions (check out the post here) and this was only supposed to be 1k but it 100% got away from me... i hope you still enjoy the fluff and all of the attached nonsense <3
From: Y/n 🔪 [11:47pm]
yo kwannie
if i impulsively decide to go to the 24h convenience store how harshly do u think they'll jusdge me for buying every flavor of gummy candy available
*judge
i wanna see if i can melt them down into one Ultimate Gummy
u know
for Science
Seungkwan pauses brushing his teeth and stares down at your messages.
To be fair, it's probably not the strangest thing you've ever texted him. He's known you since your second year of college, after all, so he has about half a decade of experience with all of your various y/n-isms under his belt now.
Which is how he knows to trust his gut when it tells him that this probably isn't your usual brand of nonsense.
He spits the toothpaste into the sink and dials your number. You answer on the second ring.
“Before you say anything,” you start, “I was only half-serious about the gummies thing. Like, it's a fun idea, you know? In theory. But in actuality? I do not want to deal with the mess that it would create. Or the smells. Well, the smells might actually be pretty good depending on—“
“Uh-huh,” he interrupts dryly. “Y/n, when's the last time you slept?”
The beat of silence that follows is enough to confirm his suspicions, and the hesitant “Um” that follows is just the icing on the cake, really.
He sighs. “The fact that you have to think about it says enough.”
“I don’t need to think about it,” you argue petulantly. “I just… don’t wanna tell you.”
“Y/n...” he groans, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Look, I know, I'm sorry.” And you do sound a little bit sorry, at least. “I'm just. Having an episode. Don't worry about it.”
His shoulders droop as the words sink in. “Episodes” are what you've taken to calling your intermittent bouts of serious insomnia.
Generally speaking, you sleep about as well as the average twenty-something with a caffeine addiction. But every few months or so, it's like your brain completely forgets how to shut off and you end up staying awake for 40+ hours straight.
“Well,” he says, putting his toothbrush away and going back to his bedroom. “You know that ship has sailed, right? You know I'm gonna worry about it.”
Your deep sigh crackles over the line. “Yeah, I know.”
“So. Where're we at this time?”
He mentally braces himself. The two of you have done this enough times now that he knows that you know there's no point in trying to lie or beat around the bush.
“Uhhhhhhh, I'll be hitting the 46-hour mark in about 20 minutes.”
“Aish.”
The fact that you can say that so casually makes his heart hurt. He knows that whenever he doesn't get enough sleep, he makes sure everyone knows it and thus babies him accordingly. But you've always been so intent on hiding anything and everything you struggle with. It's taken years for him to bully himself past the walls you keep hidden behind shit-eating grins and an over-willingness to help.
“Okay,” he says, moving to the dresser to grab an extra set of clothes. “I'll be over in an hour.”
“Wait. What?”
“You heard me.” He tosses the clothes onto his bed before going to grab one of his duffle bags, firmly asserting, “You've got an hour to mentally prepare yourself for my arrival.”
“Honey, you've got a big storm comin',” you quote at him without hesitating.
“You sure do,” he assures with a snort. “Better get ready to feel the wrath of my friendship.”
“Why do you have to love so aggressively?”
He rolls his eyes while he throws his clothes into the duffle bag with one hand. “Because it's the only way you'll accept it, idiot.”
“No, it isn't.”
Your pout is so audible through the phone that Seungkwan has to stop and glance at the screen in disbelief.
“Y/n. Y/n L/n. Do not stand there and lie to my face like that.”
“I'm not lying!”
“Not—” He gesticulates wildly with one hand like he's going Can you believe this shit? to an invisible TV audience. “Okay, tell me this: what did you do the last time I sincerely monologued at you about how much you mean to me as a friend, hmm? No bits, no bullshit, just me telling you how much I love you and how amazing you are.”
A beat. “I'll hang up on you, Kwannie, don't test me.”
He barely resists the urge to shove his face into the bedspread and scream. “You're literally proving my point right now!”
“Kwannieeee,” you whine, because you know he's right.
“Also, because I'm never letting you live it down, I will remind you exactly what you did."
You say his name again, but it's muffled, and he assumes it's because you're hiding your face in shame.
“I gave you a sincere, heartfelt speech about how much your friendship has changed my life for the better and made me become a better person—” he ignores your wordless pterodactyl screech, “—and how do you respond? By staring at me like a deer caught in the headlights, slowly raising your arms to give me double finger guns, winking, and then slowly backing out of the room like an awkward mannequin!”
“...”
“Well?” He puts his free hand on his hip. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”
“… I’ve changed a lot since then.”
Seungkwan rolls his eyes before moving to continue packing his overnight bag. “It was literally three months ago.”
“Yeah, and? Doesn't change the fact that I've changed,” you assert.
“Into even more of a nuisance? Yes, you're absolutely right.” He smiles when he hears you scoff playfully.
“Listen here, Boo Seungkwan. You know that well-rested Y/n is ready to throw down with you at a moment's notice. What do you think sleep-deprived, zero-impulse-control Y/n is going to do the second you get to their front door?”
“Stop referring to themself in the third person, hopefully,” he mutters, finally zipping up his bag and heading to the door. “And then after that, they're going to let me bully them into resting.”
“Hmm. The council has heard your proposal, briefly pondered it, and deemed it “unnecessary” on the basis of: they're a bad bitch that can't be stopped by neither time nor physics nor any god of your choosing.”
Seungkwan scoffs as he puts the call on speaker and sits to put on his sneakers. “Well, “the council” can go fuck right off.”
“What if the council would like to fuck right on?”
Pausing in the middle of tying his laces, he blinks down at his phone. “I'm— what?”
“Okay, real talk, what do you think it would mean in this case? Like, would this be like a 'hop on' versus 'hop off' situation? Or more like an 'I'm down for this' versus 'I'm up for this' kinda situation? Because it would have very different outcomes depending.”
Seungkwan decides that this is a debate better left for another time. “I think it means that I'm going to be at your house soon and that if you're not in your pajamas with hot Sleepy Time tea and the series Planet Earth ready to go, there will be consequences.”
“Booooooo, you whore.”
He finishes tying his laces and jabs his finger at the phone. “Consequences, Y/n.”
“Ugh, fine.”
“See you soon, love you, bye.” He hangs up before you can get another word in, but doesn't move from his seated position in the entryway.
Slowly, he takes a deep breath in and lets it out, taking a moment to lean back on his hands while he stares at the back of his front door. Specifically, at the large collage of sticky notes and pictures and doodles that have taken up residence there.
A few of the notes are ones he's gotten from other members of your shared friend group over the years (the one from Chan that reads "if u eat my rice i'll eat ur kneecaps xoxo" hangs proudly in the center, right next to a picture of him sleeping that Seungkwan managed to capture from an extremely unflattering angle). But most of them are from you.
Dumb puns, meme references, bullshit animal facts you made up just to get him to laugh… almost all of them are stupid in that extremely charming way that only you somehow manage to pull off.
But the one he's staring at now is almost completely hidden by other notes and pictures that have been added to the collage. It's a pale blue, the ink starting to fade a bit with time — the first note you ever gave him, back when you two were just people who happened to sit next to each other in an astronomy class.
Even though most of it is hidden, he doesn't need to be able to see all the tiny words you crammed into the small space to already know exactly what it says.
how do u make a space party? u planet :P
u looked sad today, hope this makes u feel a little better
also if this is 2 forward feel free 2 pretend i don't exist. or punt me in2 the sun idk u'd be doing me a favor tbh
He'd almost skipped class that day because of how bad he'd been feeling, but he'd decided to try and push through. And before that day, neither of you had interacted with more than a polite greeting and the occasional question about the homework.
But then you'd passed him that note, and he'd passed one back that said “that's dumb. but thank you” with a smiley face, and you'd passed another one back that said “do u think lizard people have ever been to space?” and the rest, they say, is history.
Seungkwan shakes his head with a sigh before standing up and grabbing his bag and his keys, striding determinedly out the door. He's got a best friend to take care of.
Seungkwan should be at your place soon, and you're not quite sure what to do in the meantime.
You have your laptop hooked up to the monitor in the living room with Planet Earth queued up, you have the kettle filled with water and ready to go on the stove, and you have mugs and teabags ready on the counter next to it.
The Required Tasks™️ have been completed as much as possible without the arrival of your best friend, and now all that's left to do is wait.
Which, normally, you're not the worst at. You're excellent at entertaining yourself, actually, mostly because there's always something to think about. Whether it be about cute dogs that you've seen over the past week (I wonder if the pomeranian down the street will let me pet him next time), potential plot twists for the new fantasy drama you're a little bit obsessed with (what if Gregothy was cursed the whole time???), or generic ponderings of the human existence as a whole (do souls have the metaphysical equivalent of a fingerprint?), you're pretty much always thinking about something.
Which is totally fine and dandy and cool or whatever when you have the ability to, you know, shut it off. For example, when you need to do something simple and necessary like, oh I don't know, go the fuck to sleep.
You also hate when that manic mental energy somehow translates into kinetic energy as well. It makes you feel like a hamster in a cage, watching yourself running and running and running on that stupid wheel until you exhaust yourself.
Tonight's metaphorical wheel: stimming like wild in the kitchen. Flapping, rocking, (gently) slapping, making weird and fun mouth sounds, the whole shebang.
And again, normally stimming is fun. Stimming is great. But stimming because you feel like if you don't stop moving you're going to literally vibrate out of your skin is, to put it lightly, Not It.
It takes you about ten minutes to work out all of the energy until you no longer feel like your blood was replaced with pop rocks.
With a groan, you lower yourself to the kitchen floor and lay down face first. Because despite how exhausted you feel in every possible way, there's still something like an itch in your conscious, a fucking pea underneath the miles of mattresses that refuse to let you just. Fucking. Sleep.
Your pity party must've lasted longer than you realized (or, more likely, you dissociated for a hot second there) because suddenly someone's knocking at your door at the same time you get a text from Seungkwan.
And you know it's a text from Seungkwan specifically because you got Vernon to help you change your notification settings so that whenever Seungkwan texts you, the "i love you.. bitch" sound clip plays instead of a normal text tone.
For a fraction of a second, you contemplate slowly inching your way to the door like an uncoordinated caterpillar, but you swat the thought aside like you’re swatting a gnat and you awkwardly roll to your feet and make your way to your front door.
Without hesitating, you unlock the door, swinging it open with a flourish and sticking a finger right in Seungkwan's face before he can utter a single syllable, forcing him to cross his eyes.
You open your mouth wide like you're going to say something, pause for a moment, then tap your pointed finger to his nose with a quiet "boop."
He blinks, expression turning deadpan, and sighs. "I should have expected this, honestly."
“Yep!”
You let him into your apartment, and he makes himself right at home, mildly bitching at you as he goes to get the tea ready, and something within you shifts.
The inside of your head is still a bit of a dumpster fire, unfortunately, but inside your chest... something clicks into place that you're not sure that you're ready to name. Whatever it is, though, it's soft and warm and kinda feels like your heart is being hugged.
Smiling to yourself, you follow him into the kitchen.
💤 💤 💤 💤 💤
It was pretty much straight to “business” after that, and it only takes Seungkwan one cup of tea and two episodes listening to David Attenborough's dulcet narrations for him to knock right out, leaning heavily against your shoulder on the couch.
Which means it's now the perfect time to sit there and Admire Your Bro™️.
It's rare to see him so still, you think. He's an active guy, in pretty much every sense of the word, and you always feel a little honored when you get to be witness to his quiet, vulnerable moments like this one.
He looks so serene, face smoothed out and painted in soft twirling shades of blue from the screen of the monitor, though you can't see too much of it from this angle. Mostly you just see his cheeks and stupidly adorable button nose.
And you've seen the same thing a million times before — in all kinds of states and expressions — and despite how much you've tried to ignore it, each and every time you've caught yourself noticing just how cute Seungkwan is, it's caused that thing in your heart to scrunch up, full of the L-word feeling that you've kept unnamed for what feels like forever now.
Except, maybe that thing in your heart is tired of scrunching up. Maybe it's decided that it's tired of forever.
Maybe that thing has finally decided to burrow itself out of the walls you've built up because you find yourself finally allowing yourself to think, Holy shit, I think I'm in love with you.
You don't realize that Seungkwan has completely stilled against you, but you certainly notice when he suddenly throws himself forward so he can turn around and stare at you incredulously. Only he overshoots a little bit and ends up falling off the couch with a squawk and a dramatic flail.
"Oh my god, Kwannie are you okay?!"
He stares at you from where he fell, wide-eyed like you've grown a second head or like the time you'd tried to convince him that birds weren't real and actually just a government conspiracy.
"Am— am I okay? No??"
Now it's your turn to move off of the couch, coming down to his level to see if maybe he hurt himself when he fell. "Fuck, okay, did you hit something? Do you need an icepack?"
Seungkwan being Not Okay is maybe one of the worst things that could ever happen in the entire universe and you're trying not to panic as you reach out to check for injuries.
"No, no, stop—" he bats away at your hands and you stop in your motions, now kneeling in front of him. "I'm not hurt!"
Your brain does the cartoonish screech thing as it comes to a halt, and you furrow your brows. "But.. you just said you're not okay?"
"I'm not!" His eyes are still wide in shock, but he also looks confused and maybe a little bit like he's about to cry?
Oh no. If he cries and it's somehow your fault (because it has to somehow be your fault) you think the world might actually end.
"Okay, uh. I am— confused,” you start, sure you must look as lost as you feel. “But, um, what can I do to help?"
He swallows, and a part of you realizes that he's looking at you with an expression you've never seen before. "Did you mean it?"
Knowing that it's significant but not yet knowing why, you maintain eye contact. "Mean what?"
"What you just said."
You blink. "...that I'm confused?"
He shakes his head. "No, before that."
You have a hard time remembering what you just said when you're not sleep-deprived and worried you've just somehow accidentally caused irreparable emotional damage to your best friend. "Uh... when I asked if you were okay?"
"No, fuck," and it's a shock for some reason, hearing him cuss right now. You hear him say much worse things all the time, but you think it might be the way he said it — with a kind of desperate vulnerability that you're not sure you've ever heard from him before.
That thing in your chest twinges and you think maybe you're the one who's gonna start crying.
He says your name like a plea, and then he's on his knees right in front of where you're kneeling on the floor, reaching forward to cup your face in his palms. "You said— Y/n, you said "holy shit I think I'm in love with you.””
Oh.
You're pretty sure your heart falls right out of your ass and bounces across the rug, judging from the way it comes to a dead stop. You blink at him. Full of new and sinking kind of dread, you whisper, "...I said that out loud?"
He laughs, but it's tinged with incredulity and sounds a little too close to a sob for comfort. "Yes! You did!"
And wait, no, your heart is still stuck in your chest, because you can feel it start pounding against your ribcage in double, triple, quadruple time. He must see the fear in your expression, because suddenly his eyes are narrowed in a determined scowl and he growls, "Oh no you don't."
Then you find yourself going down with a yelp as Seungkwan octopuses himself around you, trapping you within the confines of his surprisingly strong arms and legs as he basically tackles you to the floor.
You try and wiggle away even as you know it's useless, and he grits, "Y/n dammit, answer my question."
"Why were you even awake?” You deflect, getting an arm free and trying to give him a wedgie. “You were supposed to be asleep!"
"I was supposed to be asleep?!” He screeches, easily evading your reach and poking your ribs to get you to reflexively pull back your arm. “You're the one who hasn't slept in literal days! And stop avoiding my question!"
"No!" He has you trapped once again, and you resort to licking his arm.
"Oh my god!"
He muffles his scream into your shoulder, long and frustrated, and then he just... goes limp. He loosens his hold and just lets his full body weight kinda crush the parts of you he's ended up lying on and just... lays there.
This is your chance, you know — to wiggle free and escape and run away from your feelings just like you always have.
But, for some reason, you don't — that scrunched-up thing in your chest holds you back. You stay there, lying beneath Seungkwan on the floor of your living room at one-something in the morning, and the two of you just breathe.
"It's okay, you know," he murmurs after a moment, so quiet you barely hear him over David Attenborough still narrating softly in the background. "If you didn't mean it. It's okay."
Holy shit, I think I'm in love with you.
And you realize how easy it would be to play it off, to blame it on the sleep deprivation, the way you blurted it out like that — to say (to lie) you meant it completely platonically, like the way you propose to Mingyu at least once a month when he cooks you all dinner.
And you also realize, quite shockingly, that despite how a part of you still desperately wants to run away, the larger part of you wants to stay. Doesn't want to run. Doesn't want to lie anymore.
You swallow heavily, briefly close your eyes, and take in a deep breath. "And if I did? Mean it?"
This time, you do notice when Seungkwan goes still. Slowly, he lifts his head so he can look you in the eyes.
When he doesn't say anything, just continues to look at you with an unreadable expression, you try to continue.
"Would you— would that— would it be okay? If I meant it? When I— when I said that I'm in love with you? Is— because um, like you said, it's okay if it's not, and uh—"
Your nervous rambling comes to a stop when he once again cups your face, but it's gentler than before, closer to a caress. The whole time you'd been talking he'd been slowly sitting up, and now he's on his knees next to where you're still lying down on the floor, looking down at you like all the hope in the world is somewhere to be found in your expression.
"Y/n." he says your name like it's something precious, and you feel the absurd urge to burst into tears. "It would be very okay." His thumbs make gentle arcs across your cheeks. "And just to be clear: you mean it in a non-platonic sense, right?” He chews on his lip. “Hopefully, in a very much romantic sense?"
Staring at him staring at you, eyes bright with hope and a little bit of wonder... you can only imagine you must be looking at him the same way. Your chest feels like it's full of helium but also like something warm and gooey is sloshing around in there. And all that hope and wonder and holy shit is this actually happening? is causing your tongue to stick to the roof of your mouth, and all you're able to get past your lips is a breathless, "Hopefully?"
"Oh my god," he groans in frustration, but it's light and airy and makes you think of amusement park rides and fairy lights and how you want to annoy the shit out of this man for the rest of his life, if he'll let you. He's shaking his head, smiling, beaming, and he asks, "Why can you never give me any kind of a straight answer, huh?"
"Because it's my life's purpose to be the bane of your existence until the day we die," you say, reaching up to hold his face too. "Also because I've never done anything straight ever in my life."
And then your body is moving before your brain can think it though, dragging him down until you can press your lips to his and finally, finally know what it's like to kiss Boo Seungkwan.
He makes a little noise of surprise, one that you can feel buzz against your lips before he melts into you. And oh, any thoughts you might have had are forcefully ejected from your brain because all you can focus on are his lips pressed to yours, the way they move slowly, gently, turning this chaste kiss into the most scorching experience of your life. His nose bumps against yours and the heat of his warm breath sends tingles throughout your body, and his hands, fuck, his hands are still holding you gently but also with a firmness that feels like he doesn't want to let you go.
And then he's pulling away, and you whine at him because this may be the cruelest thing he's ever done to you ever in your entire life. "Noooooo, why'd you stop?"
"Because, as much as I'd love to continue to make out with you on your floor while an old British man narrates about life on the Serengeti—” he mercifully ignores the way you choke on your spit at the way he talks about making out with you so nonchalantly "—it's past someone's bedtime."
Your mouth drops open in offended shock. Was he actually going to put you to bed like a child? Like you both hadn't just declared your romantic love for each other? "Are you fucking serious?"
He just stands up and crosses his arms, looking down at you with a single raised eyebrow. You take the part of you that finds it annoyingly attractive and promptly smother it, crossing your own arms from your position on the floor.
"I'm not a baby," you definitely don't pout.
"Hmmm...” And then the bastard fucking pouts at you. “But you're my baby."
You blink at him.
"Welp, that was nice while it lasted,” you grunt, rolling to your feet, “but I suddenly need to relocate to Antarctica and become a penguin herder.”
He pulls you into his arms with a laugh, and you let him, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder.
“You know,” he starts after he's held you for a few moments. “This isn't how I ever imagined how us confessing to each other would go.”
You snort.
“But also,” he continues, “it feels very 'us' doesn't it?”
"Yeah,” you murmur, not bothering to lift your head from his shoulder.
“Mmm, is someone finally sleepy?” he teases, starting to waddle you both towards your bedroom. “Did all the emotions finally wear you out?”
Instead of nodding, you lightly kick him in the shin and the sappy part of your brain that is currently in charge of everything thinks that his indignant squawk is one of your most favorite sounds.
The sappy part of your brain is right, of course, and when you wake up in your bed 15 hours later and accidentally smack him in the face, the urge to run is a little bit smaller than it was before. And the way he flushes bright red after you sleepily kiss him on the cheek is an image you're going to cherish until the day you die.
pairing: joshua x gn!reader
rating: G
wc: ~1.3k
summary: you finally return home to your apartment after studying abroad, and your roommate joshua can't seem to let you out of his sight. some potentially maybe-more-than-strictly-platonic feelings are had.
warnings: none
tags: fluff, pure fluff, oh my god they were roommates, friends to maybe-we-could-be-more-than-friends????
a/n: this is for the lovely ko-fi anon as part of my emergency commissions who requested "soft, fluffy, touch-starved shua" <3
Joshua can't seem to keep his hands off of you.
And not in a sexy way (shut up, Seokmin), but in a way that's... gentle. A simple need to be close and nothing more complicated than that. All night, he hasn't been more than an arms-length away from you. He was the first to greet you when you walked into your surprise "Welcome Back" party, and his touch has been trailing after you ever since.
Joshua can't seem to keep his hands off of you, and like a flower blooming towards the sun, you've been soaking up every ounce of his presence.
You'd missed him — more than you'd thought you would when you left to study abroad for the quarter.
Calls and texts and facetimes hadn't been enough, and as you sit together on the couch — surrounded by friends as you're pressed together at the shoulder, hip, and knee — you think maybe it hadn't been enough for him either.
It's late by the time the rest of your friends have trickled out of your apartment, leaving you and Joshua still pressed together on the sofa. The newfound silence is a peaceful relief, and you sigh as you let your head fall to the side, resting it on his shoulder. You only whine a little bit when he slightly adjusts your positions so that he can wrap an arm around your shoulders, giggling quietly at your annoyance.
"Long day?" he asks.
You simply groan in response, and he gives you a commiserating hum in return, squeezing your shoulders a bit.
God, you'd missed this so much. Just— getting to sit together and soak up the simple physical affection.
You're not sure how long the both of you sit there, but you think you might have nodded off because the next thing you know, Joshua is gently shaking your shoulder.
"Hey, y/n, c'mon, you can't sleep on the couch. Let's go to bed."
You know he's right, but you groan in frustration anyway and lean more of your body weight on him. "Make me," you pout.
His reply is immediate. "Okay."
Uh oh.
"Wait—"
And then he's sending you sprawling over the couch cushions as you let out an indignant squawk. You splutter as he stands up and holds out a hand to you, a calm smile on his face like he didn't just literally shove you over.
"How did I manage to forget how absolutely deranged you are?" you mutter as you grab his outstretched hand.
He shrugs at you, and then he pulls you up so you're both standing. You glare at him half-heartedly, and he just keeps smiling at you like the cat that caught the canary.
After a moment, something in his expression softens, and he gently squeezes your hand. "Let's go to bed. Also, um." His smile turns a little nervous at the corners. "I have a little surprise for you."
"A surprise?"
He nods. "Yeah, it's in your room, c'mon."
You follow him the few feet down the hall to your bedroom door, hand still clasped in his, and then he turns around to face you.
"Wait here," he blurts, dropping your hand as he opens the door and quickly slips inside, closing it right behind him.
You blink at the space where Joshua just was a second ago, wondering what kind of surprise needs him to leave you out in the hall like this.
Less than a moment later, he calls through the door, "Close your eyes!"
"What are you doing?" you call back, suspicious. You don't think he's about to pull some kind of prank, but you also wouldn't put it past him. Especially if he's been hanging out with Jeonghan recently.
"Just close them!"
"Ugh, fine." Still suspicious, you roll your eyes before doing as you're told.
"Are they closed?"
"Yes."
A pause. "Are you sure?"
Am I— You manage to keep your eyes closed as you roll them even harder. "Yes."
"But how can I be sure?" Even muffled through the door, you can hear the teasing in his voice.
"Joshua Hong."
There's a click as the knob turns and the near-silent whoosh of the door opening.
"You know I hate it when you use my full government name." The pout is evident in his voice.
"And you know I hate it when you keep me in the dark." You gesture to your still-closed eyes. "Literally, this time."
He huffs fondly. "Not for long."
Before you can open your mouth to reply, he gently grabs your shoulders and leads you into your room, shifting so that he's behind you.
The teasing atmosphere has melted away, and it leaves you standing in his warm presence. "Open them," he prompts quietly.
You do so, and you can't help the gasp that escapes your lips. "Oh my god, Shua."
Your room looks the same as normal, except instead of being lit by the standing lamp you keep in the corner, the room is softly illuminated by the strings of fairy lights now hanging above your bed.
"You've talked about getting them for forever and..." Joshua starts explaining. "I don't know, I just thought it would be a nice surprise to come home to."
You walk forward, out of Joshua's grasp to get a closer look at the lights. "It's beautiful," you murmur. And you're not just talking about the lights, you're talking about the gesture, too — the fact that Joshua took the time to get the lights and set them up in your room so that they'd be ready for you when you got back.
It's not a grand gesture by any means, but somehow, pressing into all the nooks and crannies of your jet-lagged heart, it feels like one.
You turn back around and without a word, wrap your arms around him and squeeze.
He immediately squeezes back, resting his head against yours. "Welcome back, y/n." He sighs, in what almost sounds like relief. "I missed you."
You know the tears that start to gather in your eyes are in part because of how exhausted you are, but the fact remains that you can't put into any kind of words just how much you missed him too, and just how much that feeling is bubbling up inside your chest and pressing against your ribs.
Squeezing back even tighter, you hope he can feel the I missed you, too you're trying to hug into him.
The world narrows down to just the two of you, holding each other in the glow of the fairy lights, and even though you know you need to sleep, you don't want to let this moment go — let him go.
So you don't. After a few moments, you start to waddle the both of you toward your bed, Joshua going along without complaint, and soon you're both tipping sideways onto the mattress with a startled oof.
You wiggle on top of the blanket until your head reaches your pillow, and you pull Joshua up along with you until you're lying face to face. The fairy lights above you paint galaxies in his eyes, and the look he's giving you is so full of something that it feels like your chest is filled with galaxies, too.
There's a lot that's going unsaid between the both of you, you know, but there's only one question you can think of asking right now.
"Stay?"
"Of course, y/n," he murmurs. And if his eyes hold galaxies, then his smile holds the moon, soft and beautiful and always waiting for you, no matter how far you go. "Always."
pairing: pirate captain!jun x first mate!reader
rating: T (for the f-bomb lol)
wc: 408 words
summary: being in love with the captain has its perks, except when he sails the ship into a kraken. (it kind of still feels like a perk, tbh.)
warnings: depictions of violence (reader fights a kraken lol)
tags: is this considered crack? idk, it's just silly lighthearted pirate fun :)
a/n: i just think wen junhui silly little pirate captain :') happy jun day!!
A giant tentacle slams onto the deck in front of you, and not for the first time since joining this crew, you wonder what the hell you’ve gotten yourself into.
“Captain!” you scream out over the crashing of the storm, drawing your dual battle axes and hacking at the tentacle. There’s a monstrous scream from somewhere near the bow and the slimy appendage withdraws, though you’re sure it won’t be for long.
“Junhui!” you call again, turning towards where he’s manning the helm. “Did you sail us into a fucking Kraken?!”
“Not on purpose!” he yells back, struggling to maintain his grip on the wheel. Neither the torrential rain nor the sea-beast is making navigation anything close to easy.
You quickly re-sheathe your weapons and make your way across the sloshing deck, sliding past other frantic crew members and scrambling over and around any rigging in your way. Soon you find yourself next to Junhui at the helm and you throw yourself onto one side of the wheel so that you can help him gain back some kind of semblance of control.
"It'll be an easy run, he said," you grunt, the rain making your grip on the wood tenuous at best.
"Hey!"
"Just a grab-and-go," you continue, "we probably won't even need the whole crew."
Suddenly the wheel slips from both of your grasps and starts spinning wildly, sending the crew tumbling across the deck. Scrambling, you're both able to wrangle it back into submission.
"Well, excuse me for not predicting the arrival of a mythical sea-beast!" Junhui gripes back.
You send him a glance, and lightning flashes just in time for you to get a clear look at the delighted grin that takes over his face. The smile you send back is automatic, because this right here is the man you fell in love with — someone who looks danger straight in the eye and decides to giggle.
"You're a fucking madman, Wen Junhui," you tell him, managing to find some rope to help stabilize the wheel right before yet another giant tentacle breaches the water and curls over the deck below you.
"Regret joining my crew yet?"
You decide it's a worthy cause to spare a moment to plant a rain-slick kiss on your captain's cheek. "Only every day, love."
With a flash of lightning and a whoop of joy, you unsheath your axes once more and take a flying leap back into the battle.
haven’t posted anything in approximately 3648595 years so here’s svt as random bits of dialogue from my doc that’s literally titled “random dialogue i will eventually use for Something”
seungcheol- “oh god, what if i emotionally scarred him for life?” / “???” / “actually, now that i think about it, maybe i’m the one with the emotional scarring” / “again: ?????”
jeonghan- “I’m starting to think that maybe you’re the demon” / “maybe the real demons are the friends you made along the way”
joshua- “so i hired a mercenary” / “what?!” / “of ravens” / “…what”
junhui- “vampires are just cannibals on a juice diet”
soonyoung- “oh god. i’m the oblivious idiot”
wonwoo- “pretty boy uses ‘flirt’. it’s very effective!”
jihoon- “what am i supposed to do with this information?” / “admire how organized and color-coded it is?”
seokmin- “you say things and my heart just smiles”
mingyu- “the weight of my own horrible, terrible mistakes are crushing me into sweet sweet oblivion” / “yo @ hyung come bench press his mistakes so he doesn’t die and we can make fun of him” / “pls don’t”
minghao- “I WANNA KISS THEM SO BAD FUCK FUCK FUCK” / “then do it????” / “wtf no???? i cant just kiss them. at the very least i’d have to ask them. and i’d honestly rather throw myself out of your 14th-story window”
seungkwan- “oh sweetie… i say this in the most loving way possible: you are not a clown, you’re the entire goddamn circus”
hansol- “it’s— it’s just tater tots. there’s literally only tater tots in here. why is there only tater tots?” / “i like tater tots. and there was a sale.” / “a sale big enough that you literally filled your entire freezer with bags and bags of tater tots.” / “yes?” / “what the fuck.”
chan- “it’s my childhood dream to someday be as cool as those squirtles. squirtle? wtf is the plural of squirtle”
pairing: joshua x gn!reader
rating: G
wc: ~1.3k
summary: you finally return home to your apartment after studying abroad, and your roommate joshua can't seem to let you out of his sight. some potentially maybe-more-than-strictly-platonic feelings are had.
warnings: none
tags: fluff, pure fluff, oh my god they were roommates, friends to maybe-we-could-be-more-than-friends????
a/n: this is for the lovely ko-fi anon as part of my emergency commissions who requested "soft, fluffy, touch-starved shua" <3
Joshua can't seem to keep his hands off of you.
And not in a sexy way (shut up, Seokmin), but in a way that's... gentle. A simple need to be close and nothing more complicated than that. All night, he hasn't been more than an arms-length away from you. He was the first to greet you when you walked into your surprise "Welcome Back" party, and his touch has been trailing after you ever since.
Joshua can't seem to keep his hands off of you, and like a flower blooming towards the sun, you've been soaking up every ounce of his presence.
You'd missed him — more than you'd thought you would when you left to study abroad for the quarter.
Calls and texts and facetimes hadn't been enough, and as you sit together on the couch — surrounded by friends as you're pressed together at the shoulder, hip, and knee — you think maybe it hadn't been enough for him either.
It's late by the time the rest of your friends have trickled out of your apartment, leaving you and Joshua still pressed together on the sofa. The newfound silence is a peaceful relief, and you sigh as you let your head fall to the side, resting it on his shoulder. You only whine a little bit when he slightly adjusts your positions so that he can wrap an arm around your shoulders, giggling quietly at your annoyance.
"Long day?" he asks.
You simply groan in response, and he gives you a commiserating hum in return, squeezing your shoulders a bit.
God, you'd missed this so much. Just— getting to sit together and soak up the simple physical affection.
You're not sure how long the both of you sit there, but you think you might have nodded off because the next thing you know, Joshua is gently shaking your shoulder.
"Hey, y/n, c'mon, you can't sleep on the couch. Let's go to bed."
You know he's right, but you groan in frustration anyway and lean more of your body weight on him. "Make me," you pout.
His reply is immediate. "Okay."
Uh oh.
"Wait—"
And then he's sending you sprawling over the couch cushions as you let out an indignant squawk. You splutter as he stands up and holds out a hand to you, a calm smile on his face like he didn't just literally shove you over.
"How did I manage to forget how absolutely deranged you are?" you mutter as you grab his outstretched hand.
He shrugs at you, and then he pulls you up so you're both standing. You glare at him half-heartedly, and he just keeps smiling at you like the cat that caught the canary.
After a moment, something in his expression softens, and he gently squeezes your hand. "Let's go to bed. Also, um." His smile turns a little nervous at the corners. "I have a little surprise for you."
"A surprise?"
He nods. "Yeah, it's in your room, c'mon."
You follow him the few feet down the hall to your bedroom door, hand still clasped in his, and then he turns around to face you.
"Wait here," he blurts, dropping your hand as he opens the door and quickly slips inside, closing it right behind him.
You blink at the space where Joshua just was a second ago, wondering what kind of surprise needs him to leave you out in the hall like this.
Less than a moment later, he calls through the door, "Close your eyes!"
"What are you doing?" you call back, suspicious. You don't think he's about to pull some kind of prank, but you also wouldn't put it past him. Especially if he's been hanging out with Jeonghan recently.
"Just close them!"
"Ugh, fine." Still suspicious, you roll your eyes before doing as you're told.
"Are they closed?"
"Yes."
A pause. "Are you sure?"
Am I— You manage to keep your eyes closed as you roll them even harder. "Yes."
"But how can I be sure?" Even muffled through the door, you can hear the teasing in his voice.
"Joshua Hong."
There's a click as the knob turns and the near-silent whoosh of the door opening.
"You know I hate it when you use my full government name." The pout is evident in his voice.
"And you know I hate it when you keep me in the dark." You gesture to your still-closed eyes. "Literally, this time."
He huffs fondly. "Not for long."
Before you can open your mouth to reply, he gently grabs your shoulders and leads you into your room, shifting so that he's behind you.
The teasing atmosphere has melted away, and it leaves you standing in his warm presence. "Open them," he prompts quietly.
You do so, and you can't help the gasp that escapes your lips. "Oh my god, Shua."
Your room looks the same as normal, except instead of being lit by the standing lamp you keep in the corner, the room is softly illuminated by the strings of fairy lights now hanging above your bed.
"You've talked about getting them for forever and..." Joshua starts explaining. "I don't know, I just thought it would be a nice surprise to come home to."
You walk forward, out of Joshua's grasp to get a closer look at the lights. "It's beautiful," you murmur. And you're not just talking about the lights, you're talking about the gesture, too — the fact that Joshua took the time to get the lights and set them up in your room so that they'd be ready for you when you got back.
It's not a grand gesture by any means, but somehow, pressing into all the nooks and crannies of your jet-lagged heart, it feels like one.
You turn back around and without a word, wrap your arms around him and squeeze.
He immediately squeezes back, resting his head against yours. "Welcome back, y/n." He sighs, in what almost sounds like relief. "I missed you."
You know the tears that start to gather in your eyes are in part because of how exhausted you are, but the fact remains that you can't put into any kind of words just how much you missed him too, and just how much that feeling is bubbling up inside your chest and pressing against your ribs.
Squeezing back even tighter, you hope he can feel the I missed you, too you're trying to hug into him.
The world narrows down to just the two of you, holding each other in the glow of the fairy lights, and even though you know you need to sleep, you don't want to let this moment go — let him go.
So you don't. After a few moments, you start to waddle the both of you toward your bed, Joshua going along without complaint, and soon you're both tipping sideways onto the mattress with a startled oof.
You wiggle on top of the blanket until your head reaches your pillow, and you pull Joshua up along with you until you're lying face to face. The fairy lights above you paint galaxies in his eyes, and the look he's giving you is so full of something that it feels like your chest is filled with galaxies, too.
There's a lot that's going unsaid between the both of you, you know, but there's only one question you can think of asking right now.
"Stay?"
"Of course, y/n," he murmurs. And if his eyes hold galaxies, then his smile holds the moon, soft and beautiful and always waiting for you, no matter how far you go. "Always."
latin, meaning 'swan song'
a metaphorical phrase for a final gesture, effort, or performance given just before death or retirement
pairing: seungcheol x gn!reader
rating: M
wc: 1.7k
prompt: @caratober day 20 - zombie
summary: while out searching for supplies, you get bit trying to escape a small hoard of zombies. seungcheol is forced to do the unthinkable.
warnings: angst, seriously so much angst, all hurt no comfort, major character death (you), blood, guns, mercy killing, mentions of suicide, brief suicidal ideation
tags: zombie au, seriously this is just pain guys i'm warning you, non-linear narrative, flashbacks, some mild religious talks
a/n: this was originally a vmin fic i posted to ao3 (on valentine's day of all things holy shit was i okay) and decided to repost here for caratober. i am so sorry. (also fun fact it was the first time i'd ever cried while writing a fic :') this song is 98% to blame for this
five.
"Seungcheol."
It's the way you say his name that tells him something is very, very wrong. The syllables are weighted, heavy, resigned — two stones dropped in the ocean, sinking fast into a suffocating oblivion.
You say his name like the world is ending all over again.
Seungcheol finishes barricading the door from the pack of roamers outside, goosebumps rising on his skin through his sweat as dread courses through him in an icy wave, and he turns.
The first thing he sees is the blood. It's coated your hand where you have it pressed to your right side, just above the hip.
"Fuck, y/n—" His mind is immediately sent spiraling into an anxious overdrive, wondering when and how and where you could have gotten hurt, whether the basic supplies you have between the two of you will be enough until the roamers leave and you can make it back to camp, if—
And then you lift your hand, revealing the wound. It's messy, flesh torn and bleeding steadily — but despite all of that, it's impossible to miss the distinct impression of a set of human teeth.
You've been bit.
You've been bit, and the world drops out from beneath Seungcheol's feet.
"No." He stumbles closer, trembling fingers reaching out and stopping just shy of the wound, before looking into your watery eyes. "No."
It's a command if he's ever given one — because with all of the things the both of you have had to suffer through, had to see and hear and experience these last few years, this had never been a possibility. Never.
Never like this. Never you.
The hand not covering your bite comes up and fists into the front of his shirt. "Cheol."
A million things go unsaid with that single syllable, but Seungcheol can hear them all, can see each one etched into your devastated expression. And because he will always, always, put your needs above his own, he shoves all the crumbling pieces of his own heart down and down and away, instead making room for you to step into his arms and cry against his chest — a mourning for something that has yet to be lost.
You grieve, and Seungcheol refuses to shed a single tear.
four.
"Y/n? What's the matter— why are you crying?"
You giggled, angelic as always, even through the tears. "I'm just... really happy, Cheollie."
"You are?"
"Yeah, just..." You bit your lip, and without thinking, Seungcheol reached out to smooth his thumb over it. You sighed into a smile and leaned into his touch.
"We've all lost so much, you know?" you continued. "But we were still able to find each other — able to find all the others and make a family. And now we have a relatively safe place to live, and I just—"
You beamed at him, laughing, even as tears continued to trickle down your cheeks. Seungcheol wiped them away as gently as he could, and you brought up the little wildflower you'd been holding, one you must've plucked from between the dozens of others that grew in the abandoned courtyard of your new home.
You continued with a nostalgic grin. "Did you know, the first thing you ever gave me was a handful of these?"
Seungcheol blinked down at the flower. "Really?"
"Yeah, I'd just saved you from the homicidal goose that was lurking on the campus quad, and you ripped out a bunch of these right out of the ground and gave them to me as thanks, and then you said—"
"My knight in ripped denim armor," he continued for you, the memory coming back to him with a smile, "can I take you out on a date?"
You beamed at him, eyes turning into crescents, and Seungcheol thought that the world had never felt more beautiful.
three.
You look dead.
"Y/n, hey," Seungcheol whispers, carefully nudging your bare shoulder. Your skin has lost most, if not all, of its color, and you're drenched in sweat. For a moment, your eyes remain closed, unresponsive, and his stomach swoops in fear, but then your eyes flutter open and he breathes out a shaky sigh.
"There you are," he murmurs, cradling your jaw with one hand. "Drink some water for me, yeah?" You nod, and he brings the nearly empty water bottle to your lips, tilting it slowly so you can take little sips. After a few mouthfuls, you hum to indicate you've had enough, and he sets it back down before gently pulling you to lean against him once more.
You let your head loll against his shoulder, groaning quietly; you start to reach out a shaky hand between the two of you, and he takes it immediately, twining your fingers together. You sigh, content.
For a moment, Seungcheol almost forgets.
"You're gonna need to do it soon, Cheollie," you mumble.
Almost.
His fingers twitch in your hold. He swallows.
A part of him wants to play dumb, wants to put off thinking of the horror of the inevitable as long as possible, but that would be the selfish thing to do, he thinks. So he squeezes your hand and whispers, "I know."
You squeeze back. "And you're not allowed to follow me, okay?"
Seungcheol stills. "What?"
"I know you, Choi Seungcheol, and I know what you're gonna wanna do after— after. But you have to promise me that you won't, okay?"
He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Something's encased his lungs in a vice grip.
You continue, "I need you to be strong for me, and I need you to get back to the group, and I need you to survive, okay?" Your eyes, redrimmed and glossy as they are, are wide and pleading, desperate in a way he's not sure he's ever seen before.
Seungcheol hadn't known that his heart could break any more than it already has. "Y/n."
"I know you won't want to live at first," you forge on, holding onto his hand like a lifeline, "I wouldn't either. But Shua and Hannie need you, Cheol. Channie needs you. They'll all need you, and you'll need them."
You're the one they need, he doesn't say — bites back behind clenched teeth, you're the one I need, the one I've always needed, the one I won't ever stop needing.
He closes his eyes, your name falling past his lips in a plea or a prayer.
Suddenly, he's being yanked toward you by the collar, coming nose to nose with your fiery, bloodshot gaze. "I need you to promise me."
And for the first time in his life, Seungcheol hates the fact that he's never been able to deny you anything. "Fuck you, y/n," he chokes out past a sob, reaching out to cradle your pallid face and press a trembling kiss to your lips.
"Seungcheol."
"Okay," he croaks, stealing one more kiss before bringing your sweaty foreheads together. "Okay, I promise."
Anything for you. Even this. Even this.
two.
"Lay with me for a bit, Cheollie?"
His smile was soft as he easily agreed, "Of course." He made himself comfortable in the grass next to you, making sure the two of you were connected shoulder to hip.
You both lost track of how long you spent staring at the stars in silence together, but eventually Seungcheol broke the quiet with a murmur. "What're we looking for?"
You hummed. "The way to heaven."
"Heaven?"
"Yeah." Your hand snuck its way into his and gently squeezed. "My aunt believed in capital 'G' God — used to point out all the different constellations to me and then tell me that when Jesus came back for everyone that he'd take us all up into heaven through the stars."
"Hmm." He chanced a glance at your profile. "Is that what you believe?"
You sighed. "I don't know if I believe in anything, anymore."
"Yeah." He squeezed your hand.
A few minutes passed in peaceful quiet.
"Cheollie?"
"Hmm?"
"Promise me something?"
Another squeeze of your hand. "Anything."
You swallowed. "Stay with me forever?"
Seungcheol rolled over onto his side so that he could look down at you, the love of his life, and tilted your face towards him with a gentle finger crooked under your chin. Voice full of a devout sort of conviction, he whispered, "There's not a single place I'd rather be than right by your side, forever and always."
"Forever and always?"
The kiss, soft and chaste and a universe all on its own, was answer enough.
one.
"Seungcheol."
Your voice is so quiet now, barely a rasp of air, that he almost doesn't hear you even as he cradles you against his chest. "Cheol, it's time."
He wonders if this is what drowning feels like.
He takes a deep, shuddering breath and swallows the lump clogging his throat. "Okay, love. Tell me what you need."
"Sing for me?"
Anything for you — even if it breaks me. "Yeah," Seungcheol's voice cracks, and he futilely clears his throat. "Yeah, of course. What song?"
I might not die, but this is going to kill me. You're killing me.
"S-Something pretty. Please."
Don't make me do this. Please, God, anyone, don't make me have to do this.
"Okay. A pretty song for my pretty baby." With one arm he pulls you impossibly closer to him, and with the other, he slowly reaches for the pistol strapped to his thigh.
He can barely get the notes out past his tears, but he does his best to carry the tune of your favorite lullaby, gently swaying you both in time with imaginary instruments. The gun feels impossibly heavy in his hold, and it only grows heavier as he slowly brings it up behind your head.
For a moment, he considers changing the angle just a bit — just enough.
But he made a promise. He made a promise, and even if it means living the rest of his life as something less than human — not a roamer in body and mind, but in spirit and soul — he'll keep his promise.
For you, he'll do anything.
(zero.)
He pulls the trigger.
And for the second and final time, Choi Seungcheol's entire world comes to an end.
pairing: joshua x gn!reader
rating: G
wc: ~1.3k
summary: you finally return home to your apartment after studying abroad, and your roommate joshua can't seem to let you out of his sight. some potentially maybe-more-than-strictly-platonic feelings are had.
warnings: none
tags: fluff, pure fluff, oh my god they were roommates, friends to maybe-we-could-be-more-than-friends????
a/n: this is for the lovely ko-fi anon as part of my emergency commissions who requested "soft, fluffy, touch-starved shua" <3
Joshua can't seem to keep his hands off of you.
And not in a sexy way (shut up, Seokmin), but in a way that's... gentle. A simple need to be close and nothing more complicated than that. All night, he hasn't been more than an arms-length away from you. He was the first to greet you when you walked into your surprise "Welcome Back" party, and his touch has been trailing after you ever since.
Joshua can't seem to keep his hands off of you, and like a flower blooming towards the sun, you've been soaking up every ounce of his presence.
You'd missed him — more than you'd thought you would when you left to study abroad for the quarter.
Calls and texts and facetimes hadn't been enough, and as you sit together on the couch — surrounded by friends as you're pressed together at the shoulder, hip, and knee — you think maybe it hadn't been enough for him either.
It's late by the time the rest of your friends have trickled out of your apartment, leaving you and Joshua still pressed together on the sofa. The newfound silence is a peaceful relief, and you sigh as you let your head fall to the side, resting it on his shoulder. You only whine a little bit when he slightly adjusts your positions so that he can wrap an arm around your shoulders, giggling quietly at your annoyance.
"Long day?" he asks.
You simply groan in response, and he gives you a commiserating hum in return, squeezing your shoulders a bit.
God, you'd missed this so much. Just— getting to sit together and soak up the simple physical affection.
You're not sure how long the both of you sit there, but you think you might have nodded off because the next thing you know, Joshua is gently shaking your shoulder.
"Hey, y/n, c'mon, you can't sleep on the couch. Let's go to bed."
You know he's right, but you groan in frustration anyway and lean more of your body weight on him. "Make me," you pout.
His reply is immediate. "Okay."
Uh oh.
"Wait—"
And then he's sending you sprawling over the couch cushions as you let out an indignant squawk. You splutter as he stands up and holds out a hand to you, a calm smile on his face like he didn't just literally shove you over.
"How did I manage to forget how absolutely deranged you are?" you mutter as you grab his outstretched hand.
He shrugs at you, and then he pulls you up so you're both standing. You glare at him half-heartedly, and he just keeps smiling at you like the cat that caught the canary.
After a moment, something in his expression softens, and he gently squeezes your hand. "Let's go to bed. Also, um." His smile turns a little nervous at the corners. "I have a little surprise for you."
"A surprise?"
He nods. "Yeah, it's in your room, c'mon."
You follow him the few feet down the hall to your bedroom door, hand still clasped in his, and then he turns around to face you.
"Wait here," he blurts, dropping your hand as he opens the door and quickly slips inside, closing it right behind him.
You blink at the space where Joshua just was a second ago, wondering what kind of surprise needs him to leave you out in the hall like this.
Less than a moment later, he calls through the door, "Close your eyes!"
"What are you doing?" you call back, suspicious. You don't think he's about to pull some kind of prank, but you also wouldn't put it past him. Especially if he's been hanging out with Jeonghan recently.
"Just close them!"
"Ugh, fine." Still suspicious, you roll your eyes before doing as you're told.
"Are they closed?"
"Yes."
A pause. "Are you sure?"
Am I— You manage to keep your eyes closed as you roll them even harder. "Yes."
"But how can I be sure?" Even muffled through the door, you can hear the teasing in his voice.
"Joshua Hong."
There's a click as the knob turns and the near-silent whoosh of the door opening.
"You know I hate it when you use my full government name." The pout is evident in his voice.
"And you know I hate it when you keep me in the dark." You gesture to your still-closed eyes. "Literally, this time."
He huffs fondly. "Not for long."
Before you can open your mouth to reply, he gently grabs your shoulders and leads you into your room, shifting so that he's behind you.
The teasing atmosphere has melted away, and it leaves you standing in his warm presence. "Open them," he prompts quietly.
You do so, and you can't help the gasp that escapes your lips. "Oh my god, Shua."
Your room looks the same as normal, except instead of being lit by the standing lamp you keep in the corner, the room is softly illuminated by the strings of fairy lights now hanging above your bed.
"You've talked about getting them for forever and..." Joshua starts explaining. "I don't know, I just thought it would be a nice surprise to come home to."
You walk forward, out of Joshua's grasp to get a closer look at the lights. "It's beautiful," you murmur. And you're not just talking about the lights, you're talking about the gesture, too — the fact that Joshua took the time to get the lights and set them up in your room so that they'd be ready for you when you got back.
It's not a grand gesture by any means, but somehow, pressing into all the nooks and crannies of your jet-lagged heart, it feels like one.
You turn back around and without a word, wrap your arms around him and squeeze.
He immediately squeezes back, resting his head against yours. "Welcome back, y/n." He sighs, in what almost sounds like relief. "I missed you."
You know the tears that start to gather in your eyes are in part because of how exhausted you are, but the fact remains that you can't put into any kind of words just how much you missed him too, and just how much that feeling is bubbling up inside your chest and pressing against your ribs.
Squeezing back even tighter, you hope he can feel the I missed you, too you're trying to hug into him.
The world narrows down to just the two of you, holding each other in the glow of the fairy lights, and even though you know you need to sleep, you don't want to let this moment go — let him go.
So you don't. After a few moments, you start to waddle the both of you toward your bed, Joshua going along without complaint, and soon you're both tipping sideways onto the mattress with a startled oof.
You wiggle on top of the blanket until your head reaches your pillow, and you pull Joshua up along with you until you're lying face to face. The fairy lights above you paint galaxies in his eyes, and the look he's giving you is so full of something that it feels like your chest is filled with galaxies, too.
There's a lot that's going unsaid between the both of you, you know, but there's only one question you can think of asking right now.
"Stay?"
"Of course, y/n," he murmurs. And if his eyes hold galaxies, then his smile holds the moon, soft and beautiful and always waiting for you, no matter how far you go. "Always."
pairing: idol!seungcheol x gn!reader
rating: M
wc: 2.9k
summary: you're asexual and proud, and have been for a while. so why does seeing ace pride posts sometimes churn something within you? or, the one where reader talks about where/if their asexuality and trauma intersect.
warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced sexual childhood abuse, (these things are only talked about in the vaguest sense but please be careful), anxiety, mentions of acephobic family members
tags: asexuality, asexual reader, established relationship, dialogue-heavy, emotional hurt/comfort
a/n: this is a rewrite of a fic i wrote for a bts queer introspections fic fest, and i want to preface this by saying everyone's journey with asexuality is different and the one reflected here is based purely on my own personal journey. if any of you struggle with any of the same thoughts/questions reader does, that I do, i hope this can remind you that you're not alone 💜
jimbo the himbo @spaceace9393
just a friendly reminder: asexuality is a valid identity. it's not any kind of disorder, and it has nothing to do with disability, or trauma, or mental illness. we are not sick, or broken, or in need of "fixing.” we're just people who don't experience sexual attraction, that's it.
You stare at the tweet for a long, long time. Long enough that your phone screen dims before shutting off entirely, leaving you with only your reflection for company.
Your chest feels... you're not sure how to describe it, exactly. It might be a little bit like when you accidentally clogged the bathroom sink the other day — like there's something cold and murky sloshing around inside your lungs, bits of feelings you can't quite name sinking down to rest on something that's been building unseen for a while now.
Closing your eyes, you breathe in, slow and deep, and then release a shaky exhale. Your fingers start tap-tap-tapping away on your thigh as you realize that you kind of, maybe, really want to talk to someone right now.
You have your kakaotalk app open between one blink and the next.
you
cheollie? are u still at one of the hybe studios?
cheollie 🧡
yeah i'm still here
not working on anything too important rn tho so you can swing by if you want
i have extra ramyeon packs that soonyoung dropped off
they're the spicy kind you like
You can't help but smile softly to yourself. Even though the anxiety of what you want to talk about makes your heart race, you don't think you'll ever stop being endeared by Choi Seungcheol.
you
cheollie ur the best ily ❤️
see u soon ~
cheollie 🧡
love you too ❤️
You quickly throw on your comfiest hoodie, threadbare and fraying at the seams, and you make your way over to the Hybe building. You also stop at a convenience store on the way, grabbing a canned coffee for each of you because you're a good partner like that.
By the time you get to the door of the studio, though, what little confidence you'd built up for yourself starts to fizzle out, replaced by the anxiety simmering on low just beneath your skin. The confusing feelings are still sloshing around inside your chest, so much so that you think about knocking even though you haven't knocked in months — not since Seungcheol started texting you the code of whatever studio he was working in at the time.
Groaning to yourself, you smack the edge of your phone against your forehead a few times before quickly punching in the code and opening the door before you can talk yourself out of it.
Seungcheol is slouched comically in the chair, head so low it's practically leaning against the armrest as his socked feet rest propped up on any empty corner of the desk. The computer's wireless keyboard is cradled against his chest and stomach, keys down, and he's using its smooth back as a makeshift mousepad. ...To play Solitaire of all things, you realize.
You stand there, just blinking for a moment as you process the image in front of you. He looks so stupid and cute and you can't help the grin that pushes against your cheeks.
"Cheol," you giggle. "What the fuck."
"Shhhhhhhh..." Seungcheol's eyes don't leave the monitor. "Don't question the process."
You snort as you finally close the door and walk over to set his canned coffee on the desk, on the opposite side his feet are propped up.
"What process?" You stand over him, folding your arms across your chest as you try to keep a straight face. Raising an eyebrow at his posture, you ask, "The one where you turn into a slouchy slug?"
"Hey!" Seungcheol swings the keyboard into your hip like he's trying to chop down a tree, making you double over even as you start giggling. "I am not a slug, how dare you!"
You just laugh louder and playfully shove his chair away from the desk. He yelps in surprise as his feet suddenly fall to the floor and he nearly topples over, and then he turns the full force of his pout upon you.
"I can't believe my very own partner is trying to kill me," he laments. "What did I do to deserve such betrayal? Did Jeonghan put you up to this?"
"Aww, poor aegi," you coo. You walk over to him and squish his cheeks between your palms so that his lips pucker out comically. "My poor little guppy wuppy."
His dark brows furrow harder and you let out an oof when he jabs you in the stomach with the wireless keyboard he'd managed to hang onto in the chaos, letting go of his face. It wasn't hard enough to hurt (never is) and you just stick your tongue out at him in retaliation.
He rolls his eyes and points to the couch. "Go have a seat, traitor."
You acquiesce with a soft snort, burying yourself in the corner while Seungcheol tidies up the studio. You pull one of the throw pillows into your lap and very quickly end up hugging it tightly to your chest.
For a few blissful moments, you'd forgotten about all of the confused, anxious things swimming around inside of you — forgotten the main reason you'd come here in the first place.
You must zone out, because the next thing you know, Seungcheol is squatting in front of you and trying to catch your eye, one hand gently squeezing your knee. "Hey, Y/n-ah. You doing okay over here? Want me to take you home?"
His eyes are wide and earnest, worry lightly furrowing his brow, and you will never cease to be grateful for how much he embodies unconditional care and comfort.
Shaking your head, you reach out to clasp the hand on your knee. "No, 'm fine." You tug on his hand, a silent request to come sit next to you. "Just wanna talk to you, if that's okay."
"Of course it's okay," he promises. "Always."
When he sits, he leaves a sliver of space between the two of you, leaving it up to you to decide how much (if any) physical comfort you want right now. That simple, little act of thoughtfulness is like the glimpse of a lighthouse amidst the storm that's brewing within your ribcage, and it gives you the courage you need to hoist your metaphorical sails and let the wind take you where you need to go.
You waste no time in anchoring yourself to Seungcheol's side, throwing your legs over his lap and burying your face into his collarbone.
"Hey, jagiya, hey, you're okay," he soothes automatically. His hands come up to wrap around you, pulling you close and rubbing soothing arcs up and down your back. "You're okay. I'm here to listen, yeah? I'm here."
He doesn't say anything else after that, just settles a bit more into the couch and waits for you to speak, always so full of patience when it counts.
It does take a while for you to say anything, mostly because you don't really know where to start. There's still so much swirling around inside you, murky and confusing, that you're not really sure if there is a start.
And a part of you wonders if it's even worth opening up your mouth at this point — the same part of you that's always walked hand-in-hand with your shame and doubt.
But Seungcheol's breathing is a steady rise and fall against your chaotic thoughts, his heartbeat a siren song reminding you that he has always held your hopes and dreams and fears and questions oh so carefully in the palms of his hands.
Eventually, you realize that it doesn't really matter where you start as long as you jump in. So jump you do. "Cheol?"
"Hmm?"
"Do— do you remember when I came out to you and the rest of the group as ace?"
" 'Course I do," he assures warmly, giving you a small squeeze. "Still so proud of you."
You hum happily. But your anxiety is making you feel fidgety again, so you pull one of Seungcheol's arms down into your lap so you can play with his long, sturdy fingers. He lets you do it without complaint, and something within you settles.
You let yourself breathe in, breathe out.
"After you guys," you start, bending and unbending his fingers one by one, "the first person I ever came out to was my mom, you know? And it's— it wasn't that she wasn't supportive. Or like, I think she was trying to be supportive, at least, but." You take a breath. "Do you wanna know what the first words out of her mouth were, after I told her that I was ace?"
Seungcheol hums an encouragement, pulling you impossibly closer with the one arm he still has wrapped around your back. You take another breath, uncurling all of his fingers and holding the spread-out digits in both hands, almost like you're going to try and read his palm.
You breathe in, breathe out. "She said— without any hesitation, she said, 'Oh, is it because of your trauma?'"
You feel the way Seungcheol tenses beneath you, watch the way his fingers twitch between yours like he's trying not to curl them into a fist.
"And I didn't know how to respond to that," you continue, keeping your eyes down, "so I just said 'I don't know, probably.'" You give the same little helpless shrug you'd given then, small and defeated, and you use the motion to hunch your shoulders a little more.
"Y/n-ah. That's..." Seungcheol starts, voice a little rough around the edges like he's trying to keep some big emotion from breaking through. "I can't imagine what that must've felt like."
And you know, you know, that he's filling in the blanks. That he's taking the words 'trauma' and 'asexuality' and drawing conclusions that probably aren't too far from the truth.
You grip his hand tightly between yours and tuck it against your chest like a child clings to a favorite stuffed animal; he presses a gentle kiss to the crown of your head. You both breathe — in, out.
"Yeah. It didn't— it didn't feel great," you admit, an understatement. "And she's not the only one, either. Every single family member I've come out to, every single one of them— that question has always been the first thing to come out of their mouth."
The faces of those family members flash before you, all carrying the same expression — pity, one etched so deep it felt (feels) almost condescending. "Is it because of your trauma?" "Is it because of what happened to you? Did he make you like this?"
"And I just..." You flail the hand not clutching Seungcheol's, searching for a way to put into words what you've been feeling for so, so long. "I have this knowledge living inside me at all times that, to the family members that I'm out to— they'll never see my asexuality as something to celebrate. All they will ever see is my trauma and how this part of myself is something that comes from a broken place."
You think about the tweet from earlier, the hundreds of others you've seen like it, and feel tears begin to gather.
Sniffling, you continue. "And then I'll go on the internet and see all kinds of ace pride and posts about how we're valid and don't need to be fixed and... and I know that. Logically, I know that my ace-ness isn't something that needs to be changed, isn't something that could change, even if I wanted it to, but..."
But.
For so, so long, you have had no idea how to finish that sentence. And it feels like some kind of defeat when you realize you still don't have an answer. "...I don't know," you shrug, helplessly.
Seungcheol presses another kiss to the top of your head, staying silent like he knows you still have more to say. He keeps a steady rhythm of slowly rubbing his free hand up and down your back, a tactile metronome for you to follow.
After a few minutes, you continue with a sigh. "About once a year, I'll talk with my aunt, and she never fails to ask if I'm "still ace" and... I just..." You cut yourself off with a frustrated groan.
"S'okay, aegi," Seungcheol whispers, squeezing the hand you're still holding close to your chest.
"Sometimes it feels like my ace-ness is tainted, you know?"
Even as the sentence feels punched out of you, it's such a bitter relief to finally admit it out loud. Because even though you've never really let yourself put it into words, you are finally able to recognize that this is one of the murky feelings that has been weighing you down — collecting in your subconscious like debris in the gutter. "And it's why bringing up my past can be so difficult for me. Because I'm so scared that people will go from just accepting my asexuality to thinking 'Ah, that explains it.' Like I just gave them the missing piece to a puzzle or something, when before it was just a part of who I am.
"And there's also a part of me that feels like... I don't know, that I'd just be adding fuel to the fire for all the people who like to shit on asexuality. That I'm just an example of why people who think they're ace are just traumatized and need therapy. But... I think I would have always been ace, no matter what happened or didn't happen to me as a kid. And I just...
"I don't know, Cheol," you croak, the tears you've been trying so hard to keep in finally starting to cascade down your cheeks. "I don't know how to feel anymore. I don't know where to fit. If I fit. If it even matters whether I fit or not."
And really, now that you've talked it out a bit, it essentially boils down to one thing.
"I guess— I guess what I'm saying is that I just want to be able to feel like I can be ace and a little bit broken at the same time. That I can be a work in progress and still something... worth celebrating."
You tuck your free hand into the sleeve of your hoodie and use it to wipe away the tears that are still falling. Seungcheol's next exhale shudders a little bit out of his chest, and then he's letting go of your hand so he can cradle your jaw and tenderly wipe at the tears himself.
"Hey, jagiya, will you look at me, please? Will you let me look at you?"
You nod, the lump in your throat having doubled in size between one moment and the next, and he gently lifts your chin until you're eye-to-eye.
"There you are," he murmurs, with a sad lopsided smile. You notice he has tear tracks of his own, and looking into his big, glassy eyes aches and soothes in equal measure. "I'm going to tell you something very important, so I need you to listen carefully, okay? Can you do that for me?"
Again, you nod, swallowing thickly.
Seungcheol's expression quickly melts into something serious. Not something scary, but something solid — a firm foundation for you to rely on.
"Y/n L/n. You will always, always be something worth celebrating. Being a work in progress is a part of life, and you and I and everyone else on this planet will be one until the day we die. I may not know all the answers, and we might never find the ones we're looking for, but if I know anything, it's this: not a day has gone by since getting to know you that I am not so, so incredibly proud of you — of the person that you are and that you are continuously becoming. More than I can really put into words."
You think you could drown in all of the love and support and affection pouring out of Seuncheol, overwhelming you in the best way. It's like your heart has capsized and all of the ooey-gooey feelings are flooding in, pulling you down deeper, deeper, deeper still.
But you've hit your emotional threshold for the day and decide to cut the moment the best way you know how. "Even when I'm an annoying little shit?" you choke out past your now-stuffed nose.
Seungcheol laughs wetly and wraps his arms around you again, tilting you both over so you're both mostly lying down on the couch. "I think maybe especially then," he murmurs, mostly to himself. Louder, he says, "I think we've earned ourselves a nice nap, what do you think?"
You think that sounds heavenly, and you both adjust your positions until you're comfortable and you can feel sleep pulling at your consciousness. Before you let it claim you, though, you take a few moments to breathe.
It feels a bit easier than before, the breathing. The stuff sloshing around inside your lungs doesn't feel as murky as it did before, doesn't feel as suffocating now that you've been able to bale some of it out. You don't have any more answers than you did before, but you have a bit more peace.
And as you finally drift off to Seungcheol's quiet, snuffling snores, you think that having a bit more peace might be enough for now.
first of all, giving you the BIGGEST hug rn (if you're comfy with virtual hugs)
but yeah, asexuality in fanfic (especially reader/self-insert fanfic) tends to be pretty rare. tbh, almost all characters in any of my writing are somewhere on the asexual spectrum unless otherwise stated, but i hope to write more explicitly ace (lol) fic in the future!
and god, yeah, figuring ourselves out is hard enough without people not even knowing/refusing to acknowledge that asexuality exists. especially when you realize it's a whole spectrum that doesn't necessarily line up with romantic orientation either. but if you (or anyone else) ever want to talk about ace stuff/asexuality my inbox is always open!!
Hey :)) I love that promt list.Can I request things you said at wedding with coups
our ending is made for each other
"Choi Seungcheol,” you start lowly, a dangerous edge to your tone, “you had better not be proposing to me right now, at our best friend's wedding."
pairing: choi seungcheol x gn!reader
rating: T
wc: 1.1k
warnings: alcohol (reader gets drunk), lots of cussing (reader has a potty mouth oops)
tags: fluff, just pure ooey-gooey fluff, humor, established relationship, talks about proposing/marriage, reader is an angry drunk and it's adorable
summary: while at their best friend's wedding, seungcheol brings up the fact that he wants to marry reader someday. reader proceeds to have a little bit of a breakdown (the mostly good kind)
a/n: hihi thank you so much for the request! i'm not 100% satisfied with this, but i still had a blast writing it and i hope you enjoy reading it :)
title from svt's 'happy ending' || prompt from this list
You don't process what he says at first.
The wedding reception is well underway, cheesy romantic pop music blasting through the speakers as different groups of people let loose on the dance floor. You've also had a little more to drink than usual, already tipsy and steadily heading towards drunk, so when Seungcheol murmurs something from where he's next to you, it's no surprise that it takes your brain a while to catch up.
And then you think you must have heard him wrong. You turn in your seat and ask, "What?"
Ethereal is the first word that comes to mind when you look at him. His suit jacket hangs abandoned on the back of his chair, and he's rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, showing off his strong forearms. His long hair is pulled into the half-up style that you love, and the colored lights dancing across his face remind you of the stained glass windows you grew up around — like he's something almost holy.
You're brought out of your momentary reverie when he turns to look at you, surprised, like he didn't realize he'd spoken aloud. "Huh?"
You elaborate, "What'd you just say?"
"Oh." He looks back over to where he'd been staring before, and you follow his gaze to where the bride and groom are seated, falling into each other as they laugh about something. When you turn back to Seungcheol, he's already looking at you, a soft smile on his face. "I said, 'That's gonna be us someday.'"
Quite suddenly, you don't think you're sober enough for this, for the way an earnest kind of yearning bleeds out of his big doe eyes — especially when he pulls your hand off of the table to hold it gently between his own and promises, "I'm gonna marry the hell out of you someday, y/n."
You think your heart might have migrated into your throat, and it feels like the rest of your organs have decided to play a spontaneous round of musical chairs.
Of course you've thought about what your future together looks like, of course you have, especially after years of being together. You've spent more time than you'd like to admit daydreaming about what it would be like to go from calling Seungcheol your boyfriend to calling him your fiance and then your husband. And more than once, the two of you have talked about and reaffirmed that you're both in it for the long haul, but…
"Choi Seungcheol," you start lowly, a dangerous edge to your tone, "you had better not be proposing to me right now at our best friend's wedding."
His eyes blow impossibly wide in shock, and you would laugh at his expression if your heart wasn't trying its damndest to suddenly become an Olympic gymnast.
"No, oh my god, no," he assures, squeezing your hand. "He would actually murder me if I did."
You raise your eyebrows, confirming, "No?"
He smiles, sheepish. "No." His expression smooths into something soft and contemplative, and he doesn't let go of your hand as he scoots closer to you, knees touching.
"No, I was just..." he trails off as he searches for words, and you get distracted by the way he starts playing with your hand. It's an endearing habit he has whenever you're together — using whatever part of you he can reach as a fidget toy while he's thinking.
Finally, he asks, "You know how sometimes something doesn't feel real until you say it out loud?"
"Yeah?"
He trails a callused fingertip down your fourth finger, stopping where it meets your palm. "I realized I wanted it to be real." You look into his eyes, and he's looking back at you with a hopeful kind of longing, one that steals the breath right out of your lungs. "That I want it — a future of forever, with you — to be real."
For a moment, you feel suspended in time. The lights continue to paint Seungcheol in a kaleidoscopic chiaroscuro, the music and laughter a faint mumble in the background. You know you love him — have loved him for a long time now — but in this moment, you feel so full of that love that you think your chest might explode like an overinflated balloon.
And since you can't actually explode, your inebriated body does the next best thing. Angry tears start burning in the corner of your eyes, and you feel one of them drip down your cheek as you say, "Fuck you, Cheolie. I'm so mad at you right now."
Seungcheol's jaw drops. "What?"
You use the hand not currently being held to angrily scrub at the tears continuing to fall. "I bet Seungkwan that I wouldn't cry at the wedding, and now I'm about to be out fifty bucks, and it's all your fault."
He laughs, incredulous and confused, and he uses one hand to start gently wiping your cheeks with a napkin. "I— I'm sorry?"
"You should be! You can't spring something so disgustingly romantic on me when I'm drunk and already in a state of heightened emotions!" You send him a particularly scathing glare over the hand he leaves pressed against your cheek. "Especially when I'm realizing how utterly and irrevocably in love with you I am! Fuck you!"
He starts giggling, and it's one of the most beautiful sounds you've ever heard, and it only serves to make you even angrier. With the tone of a man who's absolutely besotted, he says, "I always forget you're such a belligerent drunk."
"Fuck you! I hate you!" He brings his other hand up so that he's gently cradling your face, and his expression is so full of love and adoration that you can't help but pout petulantly at him. "I hate your stupid handsome face and your stupid big heart and your stupid big muscly body full of affection and love and wonderfulness and, like, rainbows or some shit. Space dust. Stardust? Magical star shit. You're full of metaphorical magical star shit, and you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I hate how much I fucking love everything about you, fuck you so much, Choi Seungcheol, god—"
Your tirade cuts off when Seungcheol presses his mouth to yours in what's supposed to be a kiss, but he's smiling too hard for it to really count. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, too, y/n."
"Good." You press a kiss of your own — a real one — into his smile. "Still pissed at you, though."
Hello everyone! I wanted to make an official post to share some of my favourite Seventeen x Reader fics that I’ve read lately, or ones that have continued to stay on my mind. I guarantee I’m going to miss a bunch of them because there are so many talented people on this website, but I plan to make another one of these soon!
(Also, a side plug for my own fics here. I’ve finally gotten around to posting some of my writing, and hope to continue, so if you want to have a browse and reblog/message me your thoughts, please feel free!)
@wqnwoos first up, I wanted to shoutout Hana for all of her writing. I’m going to include some of my favourite recent drabbles, but I literally love all of them, so please go read everything over on her blog. A couple of my faves here, here, here, here and here.
Secondly, I need to shoutout @savventeen: Savv!!! You know how I feel about your writing, and I need to include my favourite Dino fic of all time immediately or I WILL burst: Got My Heart in My Feet (Cause They Lead Me to You) aka one of my favourite fics in any fandom ever. I cannot express how many times I have read this.
The rest below the cut:
Promise Ring by @lovelyhan
- Dino x Reader, F2L royalty/fantasy au aka two of my all time favourite things put together, smut at the end
The Physics of Love by @cheolism
- As a DK bias, I have such a hard time finding DK fics, but this one… This is it. This is the one. DK x Reader, F2L (god, I really have a type)
Coming home by @fairyhaos
- DK x Reader, Established Relationship
Under the Collar by @miraclewoozi
- Go read this fic immediately, but don’t talk to me about it unless you want me to cry. DK x Reader, F2??
What? Like It’s Hard? By @starsstuddedsky
- THEE Hoshy fic. Hoshi x Reader, F2L/idiots-to-lovers, Star I love ur mind
These Endless Summer Nights by @blossom-hwa
- One of my favourite Hoshi x Reader fics. Absolutely stunning. S2L, smut if i recall correctly, summer romance
2.22AM by @secndlife
- Hoshi x Reader, F2??
Burn, Palace, Burn by @fairyhaos
- So this was written as part of the 2k celebration (!!!) and I loved it so much, but everything Yena writes is iconic tbh so go read them all. This one in particular is a Jeonghan x Reader historical/fantasy au and… hehehe. See for yourself
“I Know, But Don’t Say It” by @taetaespeaches
- Jeonghan x Reader, angst, ouchie, so good.
Heart is Full of Fairy Lights by @savventeen
- Another one by the inimitable Savv. Joshua x Reader, Friends/Roomates-to-Lovers
Golden Hour by @dkfile
- Joshua x Reader, F2L
you are my kingdom by @fairyhaos
- Jun x Reader, royalty au
Other People’s Weddings by @neoneun-au
- Seungcheol x Reader. Fake dating. Help
You say the stupidest (sweetest) things by @savventeen
- Seungkwan x Reader, F2L. Look, I know this wasn’t solely written for me, but it was requested by me, therefore I claim this as mine and Seungkwan’s life story. xoxo
On Idiocy, Bugs and the Prospect Of Forever by @wqnwoos
- Vernon x Reader, F2L, one of my favourite lil Vernon fics ever tbh
Every Page is Empty by @neoneun-au
- Another one of my favourite fics, ever. Vernon x Reader, F2L
Sure by @beahae
- Why am I just now realizing that all of my favourite fics are Vernon fics? No comment… Anyway! THIS FIC!!!!!!!!! Wow. WOW. Vernon x Reader, F2L, smut, absolutely stunning
Tidal by @eoieopda
- Vernon x Reader, established relationship, smut (it’s just smut but it’s SO CUTE HELP)
Don’t Sweat It by @miraclewoozi
- Aka the best Lee Jihoon fic ever written. Woozi x Reader, S2L, smut, I’m obsessed with them
The Spring to Your Smile by @wooahaes
- This is a link to all the members’ parts of this series. Loved every single one of them! Genre changes based on member :)
All of @nonranghaes little drabbles hit deep (go read them all) but here and here are two faves!!
A/N: awful, horrible, terrible Hao, Wonwoo and Mingyu slander here. I am so disorganized and couldn’t find any of the fics I wanted to post, so they will be back in earnest in the next one, I swear it.
don't mind me, just wanna rant (feel free to ignore 💀)
so remember that basketball match i was telling you about? the one that was supposed to be on 8th?
yeah, they postponed it to 12th. which was fine. expect i had my english exam that day.
then they postponed it a day later (aka today). which was, again, fine. because it was a prep leave for tomorrow's exam (economics, all of things too)
then, they postponed it AGAIN. to tomorrow. which is not fine because 1. i have an exam tomorrow and 2. it's a close friend's birthday and i was Not happy missing that
THEN THEY POSTPONED IT TO 16TH!!!! AGAIN!!! I HAVE AN EXAM THEN TOO!! FUCKING HELL
and all of this because of the slightly bad weather (aka ✨rain✨ it's not even that bad tbh 😭)
even though both the u14 and u17 teams had their matches on the 8th itself, despite the rain.
the u17 team proceeded to play 2 more matches, despite the rain.
idk why they're making us u19 people suffer so much
my first tournament experience, everyone, please clap 🙄😭
(kill me pls)
THIS IS SO LATE I'M SO SORRY SLKFJSLKDFJ
but omg sky 😭😭😭😭😭 that sounds so horribly frustrating i'm so sorry. especially the fact that they only postponed your group's and not the others??? i'm so sorry your first tourney experience wasn't fun :((((((((((
hi hello here to talk abt the masterpiece that is uts ☀️
are there any deleted scenes that you could tell us about? or scrapped plots/scenarios?
hi hiii skdfhsdf savv calling it a masterpiece... i owe u my life...
anyway uts spoilers technically
yep!! i have scraps leftover from mingyu's part where i wasn't sure what i wanted to do regarding his injury. i had one idea where mingyu would have pushed reader out of the way of a falling, cracked glass jar and ended up with it shattering as it hit his hand. it'd be incredibly messy and painful and i dont really remember why i chose the burn over this? i think i just picked the one i wanted to write more. there was a slight vague part of said 'how gyu get hurt?' process where i considered something like him fucking up his leg while pushing reader out of the way.
actually now that i think about it, i think i chose the burn because it wouldn't have been so 'mingyu saving reader.' i didnt like the idea of reader having to deal with the guilt of being the reason mingyu got hurt and i felt it'd be cuter to just have reader decide to take care of him because they truly cared for him--not out of this sense of obligation.
uhhh the original original ending of cheol uts would have p much outright stated that he and reader had sex (i think i implied it in a few endings but left it entirely up to readers choice on whether they did or not--it was left very very vague). i scrapped the idea entirely because i felt like the emotions in the scene were too high and that they didn't need to take that step, and then later i scrapped the scene entirely (and shared it here) because i wanted reader to be the one who confessed to cheol. like idk i just Really liked the idea of reader taking initiative to confess to cheol and do something special (+ i really like the sentiment i wrote into it where cheol found everyone, but reader found cheol). plus idk my blog is almost entirely sfw (save for that one hosh fic i wrote where its outright stated he and reader bang + i think some sexual implications in my own bday fics that i wrote For Me lol) so it felt weird to end cheol's part of a series by outright saying "yes they sex" esp since im p sure i have some readers who are ace and i didnt wanna alienate 'em if they don't want sex at all
plus also something something reader was still recovering from being sick so i felt like cheol would be Very vigilant about not pushing reader too hard & making sure they were taking care of themself. banished to cuddle in his arms for one million years until he knows ur better >:(
in said og og ending there was a mention of there being a mix of bliss and regret because it felt like reader and cheol had rushed into this kind of relationship when like... he felt like reader deserved something softer. sweeter. to take them on dates and sneak kisses when the others weren't looking. but that he'd ultimately feel relieved in being there next to reader. maybe ill release it at some point haha
i DID however take the part where cheol breaks down crying in the ending of his part from it (the whole 'it's not beautiful to watch a person crumble' thing) as well as the following bits. the line w the 'love itself was an uncertain beast' and cheol admitting that he thought he needed to hide his feelings because hes supposed to be strong and reader makes him weak.
technically i scrapped the idea of doing moodboards to introduce everyone. i was going to do a lil moodboard + have a litle blurb with their alternate name & a little about each. i think that was before i wrote the 'before.' chapter that pretty much said everything + i only finished seokmin's before i changed gears.
i thiiiink i considered 'fawn' as the nickname for reader in the very beginning? but joshua was supposed to be the deer of the group so.
aside from thaaaaat.... im not sure? i think i followed most of my fic plans for UtS pretty closely.
OH OH i can talk about maybe scrapped poly au endings since i know how im ending it now haha
so the original poly au was gonna go fully delulu tbh? one by one they would have all disappeared until it was just reader and cheol, ultimately 'facing the sun' and accepting the memories that have returned to them (and the fact it meant they would disappear from this world). it would have branched off into two endings i think? one where reader refuses to let go, and both reader and cheol agree to just... stay there forever. together.
and then reader would have woken up the next day in a field with a blindfold over their eyes. they take it off to see a pretty man with brown eyes. who is he? and... for that matter, who are you?
and if they chose to let go, accepting that they might never see cheol (or any of the others again) bc as much as they need them, the world needs them more, reader would have woken up in their apartment, annoyed at how long they felt they'd slept. they find a little mouse plushie they don't remember buying, and they can't really remember the dream they had--only that they went to bed sobbing and wishing life would be simpler.
weeks pass. reader ends up getting coffee at a place and overhearing one of the guys behind them whispering about how their drink order sounds good and they forget to give their name for the order. the order gets called out, reader goes over to get it, only to run straight into said guy--who recognizs reader instantly with a quiet 'mouse.' and reader turns to realize they've come face-to-face with vernon (and seungkwan, who was with him), bc i liked the idea of it coming full circle to be reader seeing vernon again and immediately recognizing him as everything started to come back.
the three of them ended up going back to someones apartment while calling all of the others over bc "dude its fucking important" and they all reunite, unsure of what will come next, but glad to be together again, even if only for a little while.
aaaaaand the other ending was going to just be a time loop. reader fully confesses their love to the group and then wakes up in the field the next day, remembering nothing.
BOTH OF THOSE ENDINGS FUCKING SUCK THO-- bc they don't fit the idea of what UtS is to me. a huge part of UtS is the acceptance of grief in a sense and moving forward and i kinda hope to dig into that far more with the poly fic once i finish planning it and get around to writing it. although i do like the split idea? honestly if i bring it back... pretend u all never read this.
omg you guyyysss i've been waiting for someone to ask me this :33 how did you know? *quickly goes and deletes the post i made on my side blog*
@toruro - 3005; NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY OR WHAT YOU DO WHEN I'M ALONE I'D RATHER BE WITH YOU; cliche but one of my favs from him idc
@leejihoonownsmyheart - bonfire; this song does NOT fit brie lmfao BUT i love this song, one of my first favs from him just like how brie is one of my first and fav moots, also a good hype song for me and like brie will always be my no 1 supporter so
@cheolhub - ii. shadows; VIBES i love this song (literally one of my favs) and i love sar and idk its just so feel good and so sar to me
@hwanghyunjinenthusiast - me and your mama; intense but also chill, hot, a song you need to blast in your ears, it creates such a specific mood like i really can't explain this one but trust me
@sunnylovespickles - 53.49; such a fun song like good vibes, upbeat, and at the core of it its about having a good days and enjoying life and like i wish that for sunny
@savventeen - what kind of love; its one of his more like slower less explicit songs and it reminds of me like a bittersweet fic that savv would write
@lovelyhan - feels like summer; such cute fun peppy vibes like it makes me happy to listen to and it makes me happy to talk to kai
@ncteez - heartbeat; sexy smth smth idk the vibes are just there ok
