scared2say

here are things i've thought & written down, but just didn't have the guts to say aloud.

[scared2say-blog]

let me love you.

“You deserve better than me,” You tell me over and over, As if I didn’t hear you the first time. And I’m always ready and willing to believe it. But every time I think about what “better” looks like... I see your face. I hear your laugh. I feel your arms around me. I remember what it felt like to lie across your lap, Look into your eyes, And hear you whisper to me: “You’re gorgeous.” I melt all over again.

And I just wish  You’d let me love you.

[scared2say-blog]

(we) can’t keep doing this.

You can’t keep doing this.

I was on the verge of letting you go, and every time I’m ready to,

You come back.

You call me up.

You do something that reminds me of why I loved you in the first place,

And makes me fall in love with you all over again.

And I’ll remember all the sweet memories

That I could list off one after the other.

But I won’t. Because it hurts too much.

And I’d just be left staring off into space,

Fantasizing of what was,

What could have been,

But will never be.

And I can’t keep doing this.

[poemnames]

You will always miss them because they were a part of you but it will be okay.

(via poemnames)

[scared2say-blog]

please don’t ruin it for me.

I’m afraid that if I tell you,

You’ll just go on about

how much money I could make off of

My ideas,

my thoughts,

my love for just 

speaking my mind.

When really

all i want 

is for you to leave me alone,

and just let me

write.

[scared2say-blog]

you’ll never know.

you think I’ve given up, do you?

where are you when I’m alone in my room

pouring my heart and soul out onto paper?

fingers flying across the keyboard so fast

typos are all that can be deciphered?

where are you when the passion you say I lack is sparked?

when i can finally get the guts to say what i’ve been feeling because

i’ve hidden myself behind usernames,

screen names,

instagram posts.

you’ll never know.

because I don’t want you to.

This isn’t for you.

it’s not about you

or money

or fame.

This is for me.

FINALLY.

i’m doing something for me.

And there’s more passion in it than you can possibly

imagine.

[scared2say-blog]

are you happy now? {conformity}

Every time we talk about me,

I want to speak up, and say what I’m thinking,

How I’ve actually been feeling, What I really 

Believe.

But I’m afraid to.

Because the last time I did so, 

You shut me out

Shut me down

And told me that my feelings were wrong.

That I was lying because you knew me better than I knew myself.

And the more you talked,

The more ideas and labels and identities you spoke over me,

About me,

The more I started to believe.

So I stopped shaking my head,

And chose to nod

Instead.

[scared2say-blog]

I love songs that can capture EXACTLY what you’re feeling, when you’re feeling it.

This song did that for me in the Summer of 2016. 

“This one’s for my heavy heart...”

[scared2say-blog]

I know who I am.

I was going to write a lot of angry words

To try to make me feel better about myself.

But then I thought...

Why waste words on something

As insignificant

As your opinion of me?

[scared2say-blog]

sincerest apologies

I’m sorry I scared you.

I guess you just 

Weren’t ready. And I get that.

But make no mistake: you had a 

good thing coming.

And now

it’ll never arrive.

[scared2say-blog]

feels like i’m dreaming

I close my eyes because I’m afraid that if I open them, you’ll be taken away from me...

You’ll change your mind...you’ll leave. 

It’s not that I don’t want to look at you, or that I don’t 

Want to embrace you fully, and drown in everything you are; 

It’s that I can’t face the fact that this is reality - 

That this is actually happening - even though I so desperately want to. 

I don’t doubt because of you; I doubt because of me and my past. 

Sadly, what others have done before you affects us, and it hurts me so to say it.