Why do you even bother?

...Hi. I'm Edell Ausfall... I prefer being alone, but if you must, fine, talk to me. I'm warning you though, I wish you wouldn't.

[scrap-doll-blog]

(( Added a relations page ))

[cataplexy-hat-blog]

He looked at Edell tilting his head and smiled at it. It was really cute to see him wonder about the traditions of his country. He simply knew that the pale head probably thought it was a weird thing. In Quebec, birthday always stays important, compared to holidays like Christmas and New Year.  

Hearing Edell was going to change into formal clothing; the brunet started smiling, extremely excited. It probably also didn’t help the red on his face. And it seemed the pale head was already getting ready to get change too as he was standing up to get his stuff. He was going to turn around and get himself some fancier clothing as well when he felt a hand on his shoulder and the boy’s comment.

"You know, you get red as a beet when you’re embarrassed."

The boy’s suddenly raised his hands to his face, trying to hide his burning cheeks. ‘’A-Aaaaah…’’ he simply managed to let out as he felt sluggish more and more because he was so shy that Edell simply talked about it. Yossua quickly sat down, feeling his leg getting weaker by the seconds before he let himself fall on his bed and hide his face until he felt he gained control of his body.

He also felt like some kind of weird high school kid that was getting overly excited over their crush and that also felt embarrassing to him. What if Edell thought he was being silly? All he could do was encouraging himself to be better as fast as he could to get dressed too.

[scrap-doll-blog]

Edell sifted down to the bottom layers of his clothes, where the more unused and untouched shirts were neatly folded. He carefully sifled through each of them, looking at each of them closely. How could he wear these? Yosh was the type of guy who combined them nicely, but no matter how much Edell thought and stared, he couldn't come up with anything nice. He paused for a moment. 

Yeah. A simple shirt would just do.

Edell pulled out a grey dress shirt and some black pants from the drawer, and shut the drawer door. He glanced over towards Yosh to see him burying his face into his bed, embarrassed. He shot him a smile before deciding to head to the bathroom to change in there, closing the door quietly.

He was about to shed his shirt when he was distracted by something he wasn't exactly used to yet. The bracelet-like sleeve that fit around his left wrist. He frowned. He had passed it off as a sort of fashion statement, and he'll be honest, he liked the look of it, but it wasn't exactly the reason why he was wearing it. He carefully slipped the sleeve off his hand to reveal tight, carefully wrapped bandages. If Yosh were to see, he would surely throw a fit. Probably worse than that. So, so so much worse... So he hid them. Edell's heart ached. It's not like he wanted this at all, either. He hated himself for it. Even though it wasn't much... Edell glanced over at the shirt he had taken out. The sleeves were long, so he shouldn't have to worry about it.

He shook his head lightly to get his mind off of it, placed the sleeve on the bathroom counter, and slipped the dress shirt over his head, pretending the bandages and the pain didn't even exist. After slipping into his nicer, black pants as well, he slipped out of the bathroom, leaving his clothes in the bathroom. 

His embarrassment came sorta late, until after he had left the bathroom. Now, Yosh could see him. What he was wearing wasn't that much... but nevertheless, Yosh was visibly excited for him to dress up. He felt his face heat up, but he wasn't sure if he was blushing. He took hesitant steps back towards the beds, looking away. 

"O-okay. I'm dressed."

[cataplexy-hat-blog]

‘’ Mhm… I understand.’’ He said, smiling bitterly. ‘’ I-I’ll let you take my hand if you want to next time.’’ He said as a joke, laughing a bit to remove the tension.

His attention fully returned on Edell, seeing him removing the hair from his face to show his beautiful eyes. He smiled at him when their eyes met a bit. Of course, he was embarrassed that he was blushing but when he was with someone it was natural for him that his face turns bright red.

‘’ N-no! E-Erm… I-In Quebec I’d have to wear my best clothing so I was wondering if in America they do that too s-since going to restaurant is quite the event! ‘’ he explained, giggling a bit. He was way more relaxed and turning more natural by the second now that he stopped lying and simply changed the subject.

Did he really want Edell to be dressed up for the day? Of course, he never got to see him dressed up. He didn’t go to prom, Christmas in America meant horrible sweaters or normal clothing and nothing really happened between the two of them.

He took a deep breath, unsure of how to say it without hurting Edell’s feelings.

‘’ W-Well if you don’t want it’s fine… b-but I think it would be fresh to see you with a nice jacket as well… We never went to a prom or any good event that required it.’’ He laughed shyly, hiding his mouth with his frail hand.

[scrap-doll-blog]

Dressing up for your birthday? A restaurant visit being a great event? Edell tilted his head a little in thought. Here, in America, they really take things extremely casually, don't they? The idea came off sorta strange the more he thought about it. He wasn't sure if it lessened the meaning of the day, or increased comfort. Birthdays as you grow older eventually lose meaning completely too, as well, right?

Edell didn't have many fancy clothes. After all, he fancied comfort over fashion. Sometimes he didn't mind the occasional collared shirt, though. Other than that, he didn't have many formal clothing articles other than the few necessities for any forced formal events at home. Maybe he could manage a nice looking outfit, even when he was terrible with putting through outfits.

"I'll change into one." Edell spoke, standing up. He looked at Yosh's red face again, and patted his shoulder as he passed him. 

"You know, you get red as a beet when you're embarrassed."

He continued across the room, and knelt in front of the dresser, opening the bottom drawer where his clothes lay. And, it's sorta cute. But he won't say that out loud.

[stormtroopercontrolcentre]

meet the blogger

Name: Ao

Nickname: ???? Ao

Height: 5’7”

Relationship status: Taken

Birthday: December 26

Favorite color: that's too hard, probably a midnight purple

Favorite singer/band: i dunno i like fun. tho

Last song listened: kuusou mesorogiwi

Last movie watched: madoka magica the movie: eternal

Favorite book: i forgot i havent read a book in a long time

Last book read: dracula

Currently reading: none

# of siblings: a older and younger brother

# of pets: like.... 3 dogs

Best school subject: literature

Mac or PC? pc

Cell phone type: iphone 5s i think

Current shirt color: red w/ mother on it (like. the game) also a t-shirt hoodie underneath it

Gamer?: sorta

Day or night?: night!

Summer or winter?: i like the slowpace of winter but i think summer

Most-visited website? tumblr prolly

Celebrity crushes: i never had any of these though i thought yukito nishii was cool for a bit?

[etherealbabby]

[cataplexy-hat-blog]

‘’I-I just startled you?’’ he let out, unsure. ‘’I-I thought i-it was ok s-since you let me t-touch you a bit more d-during Christmas t-time… ‘’ The brunet closed his eyes, apologizing one more time. He managed to force a smile back on his face, his eyes still closed and shows his cellphone to the pale head. ‘’ E-Erm… I texted my brother s-so you don’t have to worry about me forgetting!’’ he forced a laugh out as well, surprisingly natural sounding.

‘Guess I’m still a liar in the end.’ He thought, displeased with how he lied to Edell without truly thinking about it. ‘’ I-I don’t need somewhere fancy! I just want to be with you! ‘’ he admitted, curling some of his hair with his fingers. ‘’ I want to go where you’ll be the most comfortable! If you’re feeling good, I’ll feel good as well! ‘’ he exclaimed cheerfully. ‘’ E-Erm… Will you wear a… You know…’’ his cheeks gained their colors back; a nice crimson color. ‘’  A jacket- I mean a dress shirt! ‘’

If Edell said yes, that mean Yosh would get out better looking clothes for the supper as well!

[scrap-doll-blog]

"I g-guess I just wasn't nearly as prepared this time..." Edell let out quickly. Yeah, he was looking down a bit, wasn't he? That's believable, right? Edell felt a bit disgusted with himself, lying.

He gazed back up at Yosh. His natural actions looked and felt off, but so did he himself. He took a natural-looking, sort of hidden deep breath, before brushing his hair away from his eyes. He refocused on Yosh's face to see him blushing. 

"You want me to dress up more...?"

of course, what he was wearing currently, simply a few thrown on layered shirts for warmth and black jeans, wasn't very nice looking when it came to terms of formality, but Edell hadn't heard of dressing up for one's birthday. It was one of the days where people would celebrate it sort-of personally by wearing their favorite or most comfortable clothes, but nobody else really dressed to the occasion. 

"Sure, if you want me to."

[aglaophonossings-deactivated201]

+4

[aglaophonossings-deactivated201]

【 ♫ ♬ ♪ ♩ ♭ ♪ 】           ❝Terry Lane…❞ He echoed mostly so the recipient on the other side could hear him. Lifting up a finger, he signaled for him to wait a moment before he continued on the phone, ❝'Ey, sorry Mack, I'll get back to you when I get on a main road.❞ Maybe. And with that, he ended the call and placed his hands in his pockets, shielding them from the cold. When that was all said and done, he flashed a quick crooked smile towards the male. ❝Sorry ‘bout that. As you can see-❞ Taking a second, he gestured to himself by spreading his arms a bit, keeping his hands in the pockets of his rather thin coat that was a poor decision on his part. Not to mention the fact he didn’t even know where he was going. ❝-I’m rather new around here. You a local?❞

          A pause, Yulian took a rather long side glance, almost seemingly distracted by something, though he wasn’t focusing on anything particular. The idol had only took a bit of time to think to himself. However, a gush of wind made him quick to shrivel and huddle himself together. Yep, this weather certainly was something he wasn’t going to be able to get used to. ❝Is it always this cold? I’m from all the ways over on the west coast. California. And I gotta say, I’ve never experienced weather like this before. It’s brutal!❞

[scrap-doll-blog]

Edell gazed at the boy rather bitterly as he finished up on the phone. The feeling of having to stall for someone else while waiting for them to finish up with their own business just felt like a giant waste of time Eventually enough, the other finally put his phone away and apologized. It might have been just Edell, but the boy seemed to carry around a bit of an ego. Oh well, first impressions are simply impressions.

"Yeah. I live here."

The flighty boy paused, and then complained even more, and Edell's dull view of things simply just stirred up his impatience even further. His jacket didn't seem any thinner than his own, but yet he was acting as if it was chilling him dangerously to the bone. Brutal? This was nothing compared to further north. They would be calling this warm.

"It's Indiana. The forecast says it'll warm up in a few days, but it'll probably drop back down underneath 10 degrees soon after."

[cataplexy-hat-blog]

Yosh couldn’t see Edell’s face really well since he bow down his head a little but it was fine. From his tone of voice, he seemed happy and that was what was important. ‘’ N-no, the café don’t serve elaborate food, I-I’m hungry so… I-I’d like somewhere we can eat something a bit healthier than cakes… ‘’ he admitted, scratching his still wet cheek.

Yosh really didn’t think of it as a birthday to be honest. He was very excited but it was just like if he was going out on a date. Like friendly date. Isn’t this how normal friend sometime do? He knew in Quebec Griffen would often meet up with his friends to go in theaters or restaurant just for the heck of it, so wasn’t it a bit like that?

And spending time with Edell was always like a gift. When he’d go to him and ask to do simple things like a small walk around the school or just helping with cleaning… it was a big gift to be able to live every single day with him.

His happy time was cut short a bit as Edell jerked away from him this way, protectively protecting himself from his small way of protecting him. He felt like all the color in him were drained as he slowly backed off, laughing nervously.

‘’ Aha… S-sorry… I-I didn’t mean to m-make you u-uncomfort-table… ‘’ he stuttered, looking away. He sat back on his bed, only able to look his knees.

Well he already fucked up, it seems. He pulled out his cellphone shakily and texted Griffen the new address, while he was trying to calm down how scared and embarrassed he was of what happened.

[scrap-doll-blog]

"A-Ah, n-no..."

Edell loosened the slight grip of his hands, and reached one over slightly towards the other boy, who had backed off. Tell him. Tell him it. Confirm it so he doesn't have to worry.

"I-It's nothing, it's just that I guess I have a bit of my touchiness still in me... Haha..."

He tried his best to pull another small smile again, but Yosh's eyes were fixed down at his phone, texting quickly and anxiously. The paralyzing feel of guilt returned to Edell for fucking up the moment again. He shifted back into a more normal, comfortable position, arms by his side and leaning back again. Distracting himself by using his brain a different way, he began to brainstorm restaurants around the area. He had normally avoided them for their large amounts of people. The union's line of small restaurants for the college students were tolerable, for there were normally weren't anyone who wasn't going to school, but other restaurants were normally packed with adults and children. He always kept a small grudge against adults, and their gross attitudes, and although children weren't nearly as bad, they gave him an unknown, unpleasant feeling as he was finishing up high school.

"I g-guess we could go to a sport's bar...Or stop by a non-sit-in restaurant, that's small, like Panera or something like that... But it isn't the most fancy..."

[cataplexy-hat-blog]

He smiled hearing Edell, an honest smile for the first time in a while again. He removed the hands from his face and giggled. ‘’ T-Thank you! ‘’ he said. The pale head really knew how to make him happy and even if it was a lie, it made the brunet happy to hear those words. He really felt like he was someone, a good friend or at least someone that is not a burden or a nuisance to him. Yossua stood up and took a tissue that was in his open bag and blow his nose while walking near Edell and sitting in front of him.

‘’ A-ah! You’re right! Maybe he’ll celebrate with his girlfriend…’’ he said, looking lost in thought. ‘’ E-Edell is really smart! ‘’ he boy lowered his eyes a bit to look his knees and smile. True, Griffen did disappear because of her… so maybe they’ll spend their birthday together…

When he heard the café, a large smile drew on his face. ‘’ R-Really?! You want to go? ‘’ he asked, smiling widely now. ‘’ I-I like that café! The coffee is excellent and the cake is too! A-And being with you makes everything better a-and… ‘’ He stopped himself from talking more, covering his mouth and blushing.

It was true; he remembered dragging him into that place. He was pretty clumsy with how to talk with people and he was extremely pretentious, wasn’t he? But for a moment, Yosh wasn’t sure if he was really happy at the time. To be honest, it was a mask he made to look like a confident boy that was strong and mocked adversity.

Also, Edell never seemed to enjoy the place that much, so maybe a change would be better… A new place where they could enjoy being just the two of them. Possibly a new restaurant that had steak and spaghetti.

‘’ A-A walk sounds good! A-As long as I’m with you I’m ok! ‘’ he said, giggling again. ‘’ W-Why not eating an actual meal, Edell? I-Is there a sort of restaurant with pasta and steak…? ‘’ he asked, unsure. ‘’ I know in Quebec, sports restaurant have both, but I’m not sure in Indiana…’’

He looked at Edell a bit with a smile on his face and looked down on his wrist, noticing he’s been playing with it a lot since he had his head lowered a bit. He stood up and took one of his hands in his. Simply to stop him from hurting himself this way.

[scrap-doll-blog]

Edell managed a weak, very subtle smile, bowing his head a little.

"Mhm... we could manage something similar to a meal at the cafe... Unless you wan't a really big dinner."

Seeing Yosh excited created a much more light atmosphere that was relaxing and happy. Before he knew it, Yosh was beaming about things to do. Edell was beginning to wonder if he had accepted the day as his own as well, when Yosh suddenly stood up.

Yosh interfering with his unconscious fidgeting sent a sudden shock of self consciousness and fear through him, and yanked his arm away back his lap, holding his other hand in his protectively. He doesn't know, does he? Of course not, he would've asked. He just wanted to take his hand. After a few seconds, Edell's face faded from one of slight shock to his original expression. It's okay, it's okay, he probably will just decide that it was leftover feelings from before, when he despised being touched...

[cataplexy-hat-blog]

"It’s not like I feel like I have to do this, y-you know…"

Of course he didn’t know. Yossua thought everything that is given to him is not real and impossible to really happen. He constantly felt like if people were forced to stay with him, especially after the brunet pushed himself on Edell all those years.

‘’ Y-you really… don’t feel forced?’’ Yossua asked, his eyes still hidden in his hands. The tears were dripping down on his whole face and hands now. He gasped for some air and sniffled, his hands now forming a fist to rub his eyes with.

‘’R-Really? He can? ‘’ he asked innocently, sniffing. ‘’ I-I just have to text him our address, right? H-He’ll find us a-and w-we’ll have a good time…’’

Was it really his day? Yossua wasn’t sure since he never had one just for him. ‘’ W-What do people do on their d-day? ‘’ he asked, lowering his eyes to his knees and still rubbing his tearful eyes with his hands.

Even with Edell, Yosh never celebrated his special day. He would force some gift for Edell on Christmas and his birthday and hurry back home since Edell’s family would scare him. And this year he celebrated with Edell at his home, Yosh was too sick to see what was happening, barely able to move around because of his attempt to sleep in the snow.

[scrap-doll-blog]

"Not at all."

Yosh's crying seemed to be lightening up. It helped Edell warm up as well, but he couldn't completely. Yosh may still feel terrible about himself, Yosh may still feel undeserving, and Yosh obviously still hadn't let go of feeling like he has to celebrate an absent person's person's birthday. Or rather, firmly believe that he will come back. The fact that Edell knew that he wouldn't simply made the situation tougher. People can't rise from the dead, after all, but the idea that he could was all he could manage.

"I-If he's not busy. We don't know... so let's at least celebrate your birthday okay?"

Edell felt like standing up and moving over to sit near Yosh, but he still felt a bit nauseous from the ball of anxiety that had resided there. He couldn't act like some sweet comforting friend. He pressed his thumb even harder onto his arm. Shape up. Shape up.

"I was... thinking about maybe going to that cafe again. You brought me to it before our first year started, and you seemed happy, so..."

Back then, was back when Edell was still recovering from the day he had tried to kill himself. It was certainly better than the first visit to the cafe, where he had been hasty and upset, and he was plenty better than he had been, but his body wasn't prepared for the return of the anxieties and worries that had bombarded him before. Both visits weren't as pleasant as they could have been. Edell didn't even know if Yosh thinks of the place as a happy memory, but...

"I-If you don't want to, we can start out by taking a walk together, or something..."

[cataplexy-hat-blog]

Hearing Edell’s words, Yosh face turned bright red as he covered his cheeks. ‘’Y-You said you didn’t want to s-study today a-and I-I…. ‘’ he felt like such a mess right now, with his heart pounding loudly in his chest and his face burning up. Even his ears were burning and he felt extremely flattered in the same time.

It is true; Yosh kind of pushed it away. It was his very own birthday too but he never celebrated it. Not even with his mother. He used to stay inside while everyone was having a good time away and he remembered that his only good time was with Griffen when they’d eat cake and pull each other’s hair over simple things.

The boy tears up, raising his hands in front of him a bit, shaking. ‘’Y-You don’t have to i-if you don’t want! I-I never really thought… I-I mean G-griffen is s-supposed to come b-back… I-It’s his birthday I-I’m just….’’ He looked side to side, fidgeting anxiously.

The tears couldn’t stay in anymore, his face started to get wet by the salty liquid falling down his face. ‘’ T-Thank you f-for thinking o-of me but… ‘’ he felt a huge feeling of guilt and selfishness from Edell’s action. Today was Griffen’s birthday and since he was gone, Yosh couldn’t possibly celebrate this day. There was no way he deserved this day and he never expected Edell to either understand or want to celebrate it either.

Yosh’s breath whistled a bit due to panic and also from all the guilt he was feeling. He lowered his face, feeling horribly bad. ‘’ I-I’m sorry…’’ he let out with a strangled voice.

[scrap-doll-blog]

Seeing Yosh fall into emotion after having the fact brought upon him brought guilt to Edell. 

"It's not like I feel like I have to do this, y-you know..."

He shifted his arms out in front of him, fidgeting and pressing his thumb against his wrist. He felt like looking down, but he didn't want to bring his eyes off of Yosh either. He could have eased subject in better...

But even after Edell said what he said, Griffen was still brought into the conversation again. Edell couldn't break the likeliness of what was going to happen to him, but he couldn't ignore it either. Yosh was persistent in dedicating this day to Griffen and Griffen only.

"I-If Griffen returns, he can come and visit us... This is your day too, you know?..."

All he could do was stare at the panicking and crying boy, fidgeting even more. He didn't know what to do. Yosh was feeling guilt when he shouldn't have to, and he didn't know how to help.

[scrap-doll-blog]

(( expanding edells character through asks more like edell refusing to answer anything at all b/c hes a dumb idiot

  ))

[aglaophonossings-deactivated201]

+4

Being an ι ∂ σ ℓ doesn't make me '' s ρ ε c ι α ℓ '' . . .

 ♭  → cataplexy-hat                 ★      ♪  → corruptionofheart          ★         ♫  → scrap-doll                     ★            ♬  → tvveaker                      ★

【 ♫ ♬ ♩ ♭ ♪ 】           ❝What was that? I still don’t understand where I’m supposed to go.❞ Oh boy, he was at it again. Time and time again, the moment the youth leaves his home city, he somehow manages to get himself lost. This time, there had been an issue with the bus, and he was told it could take all day to fix. And so, with nothing better to do, the blond figured it’d be a great idea to do some sight-seeing. Of course, he quickly regretted that decision thanks to the cold. Winter was most definitely not his favorite season of the year as the harsh winds were not kind to his thin body. Which now caused him to continuously receive rather confusing directions from his manager. Finding himself getting nowhere, the heterochromatic male boldly tugged on the person closest to him’s shoulder to grab their attention all while keeping the cellular device to his ear. ❝I’m sorry, but could you help me by telling me which street we’re on?❞

. . . being м ү s ε ℓ ғ , ∂ σ ε s .

[scrap-doll-blog]

Edell had been aimlessly walking around his neighborhood again. He was indulging in the cold, fresh air and the calming sound of the trees blowing in the wind, face buried into the collar of his jacket, when he was suddenly pulled back into the conscious world of freezing winds and discomfort. A hand had reached over towards him, almost out of nowhere, and tugged on his jacket. Great.

He turned around to see a rather feminine, lost-looking guy, a cellphone pressed to his ear. He was wearing nice, well-picked clothes, and obviously minded the cold. Edell's mood sank, dreading he had gotten himself into an unwanted encounter, but he had no choice.

"T...Terry Lane." Edell spoke, nervously. He pointed behind the boy, over where the other had come from. 

"Turn back. There's nothing but a dead end over this way..."

For a boy who looked flighty, he certainly was one. He had managed to get himself onto a road without any outlet, all whilst obliviously missing all the obvious signs and landmarks that could hint that this ratty lane would eventually lead up to a dead end.

Edell never knew why he always kept ending up here. His body despised the lane, for multiple, several reasons, but he kept feeling attracted to it's hidden, barren qualities. The place was calming and silent, and it helped Edell feel at ease too. 

[cataplexy-hat-blog]

‘’…Don’t you ever think about yourself? ‘’

Yosh stared at him; feeling like a hole was made inside of him. ‘’I-I do…’’ he let out, looking down to his knees. ‘’ I-I made a great painting for our room a-and… ‘’

Why was he asking this? Yossua felt entirely nervous right now, tensing up at his own thought. He kept thinking what he did to be asked of this. Was Edell wondering if he studied for his exam? Yes he did! He studied a lot while painting! So he can have a good grade and be proud of himself!

That’s thinking about yourself, right? Maybe it’s because Edell didn’t see his effort that he was asking. Or maybe he heard some nasty stories…

‘’ A-and I am proud of myself for it…? ‘’

[scrap-doll-blog]

Edell frowned a slight bit. So, he didn't notice. Although most people would've felt hurt, Edell didn't. There was way more important things than his feelings right now. He's used to such things happening, anyway. They didn't bother him too much.

But it'd be nice to make him happy.

Not only did Yosh not notice, but an anxiety that burst was confirmed. Of course, he never did bring it up last year, did he? And the years and years before. He never even told Edell directly. In fact, Edell's exact knowledge of it wasn't there until he had learned about it by himself.

It was Yosh's birthday, and he hadn't uttered a single word relating to it the whole day. No, throughout the years he had spent with him. Griffen was Yosh's twin, despite their different builds and sizes. They shared the same day as a birthday. This day, to Yosh, was not one of celebration, but a day for his brother. A day of hopelessly hoping for his return. And probably a day of other worse memories, ones of neglect and favoring, and one of regret for coming into the world. But, maybe he could change that..? 

"I came home early to spend time with you. You."

Edell wish he could smile a bit for him, but his anxiety and the situation's vague negativity made it difficult.

[cataplexy-hat-blog]

Seeing how the pale head was moving, it distracted him from his concentration. Thr brunet raised his head to the pale head and noticed he was staring at him. His face started burning up. like usual. ” Plans for today? ” he parroted, touching his own face. 

” I-I guess I don’t have anything else than waiting for him… I-It’s an ordinary day if he don’t come back…” he admitted, smiling as naturally as he can. 

But why was Edell asking him this? It sounded weird coming from him. Not that Edell never shown interest in what was happening, but today felt weird, like if he knew something that Yosh couldn’t say. What was he thinking about? 

The brunet closed his eyes for a little moment, wondering if he forgot something. Did he promised Edell something? He didn’t remember talking about anything to do with Edell… Maybe he had plans in mind?

” …Why are you asking me this…? ”

[scrap-doll-blog]

Edell hesitated for a few seconds before saying anything.

It's almost too painful to say anything, now...

He honestly had no idea what the day was. It's that, or he's still convinced that it doesn't matter. Either way, it left him absolutely, completely oblivious.

He could say why, but it'd feel like talking to a block of cement due to it's lack of existence in Yosh's mind. He could make it existent, but it posed to be a difficult subject from Yosh's behavior. But, he didn't want to let it pass like that, like it had last year. Back then, Edell was distant and nervous most the time, the year flew by quickly, and he was too anxious to take any great steps or stray too off the schedule set by life. A sharp  pain rang out from his arm.

Come on. You're alive. You're independent now. You're free. You felt those feelings those weeks ago, didn't you?

"...Don't you ever think about yourself?"

[cataplexy-hat-blog]

The boy looked at Edell and smiled. ‘’ E-Erm… Oh yeah! You’re right! We should bake him a cake, right? ‘’ he asked, cheerfully.

It was true that Yosh was simply hoping for a good ending. Griffen went missing one year ago and never the brunet let go of that happy ending where he’d meet with him again.

Even when Griffen told him that he’ll die if Mai stopped loving him. The thought that he might still be alive was lingering somewhere.

But in the same time, he never came back for a year. Not for Christmas, not for their birthday last year, not for anything. Griffen never texted him back, never sent news or a photo, never was spotted anywhere… So maybe if Griffen’s birthday was coming, Griffen will come back… Because they were twins and he’ll be here to see his big brother, right?

The brunet unconsciously squeezed the cellphone as his smile wavered. ‘’… Was your question about the food…? O-Or did I misunderstand..?’’ His eyes never got up to look at Edell, simply focusing on the orange device.

[scrap-doll-blog]

Edell carefully watched as Yosh gradually showed more and more signs of anxiety. Squeezing, uneasy displays of expression, avoiding eye contact...

At least its better than being completely oblivious...

Edell spread his legs out in front of him and straightened his back upwards again, the new position seemingly intensifying his unwavering, but not intimidating, stare. A stare full of curiosity, wonder, and concern.

"No, no. Your plans for today."

[cataplexy-hat-blog]

‘’R-Really? Y-You’re so great…’’ he smiled, his cheeks turning red a bit. Yosh always felt envious of how easily Edell could learn things! He played with his cellphone a bit more before closing it.

Being asked what he was doing, Yossua smiled nervously. ‘’ I-I need to prepare Griffen’s birthday party! A-After all, it’s an important day and… ‘’ he looked back at his cellphone. ‘’ He’ll probably be home tonight! I just know he’ll be back! ‘’ Yossua said, tensing up a little.

He looked at Edell curiously. ‘’ D-Do you want to come? I-I’ll make a good risotto o-or something… Griffen likes risotto and I’m sure you’d like it too! ‘’

[scrap-doll-blog]

The uneasy feeling in his stomach just intensified. Edell knew that Griffen was...."missing". Or, at least, that's what Yosh believes. It seemed to be a sort of suppression of the implied truth. He was putting his beliefs completely into the 'good ending', but sometimes he noticed when bits of doubt seemed to get through to him. The fact that the day he's completely exposed to the doubt scared him. It happened with him in the past as well, and it caused nothing but a total collapse. But...

"Is that all?"

He had sorta blew off Yosh's question, but in his head his priorities lied on something else. He wondered if Yosh was just being over-modest, but Edell's anxiety didn't feel so. What was simply bugging him not long ago was gradually feeling more and more believable. He didn't let his eyes stay off of Yosh's.