fortress of my depression

[iglovequotes]

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[iglovequotes]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[iglovequotes]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[iglovequotes]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[iglovequotes]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[iglovequotes]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[scribblingdarkthoughts]

I think about you, and the way you loved me.

I think about how your eyes locked mine own.

Some weeks are better than others but my mind always finds you.

How is it you’re still alive in my heart.

Your words echo in my ears.

So many things left unsaid, I need closure and I need you.

How do I let you go?

[danger]

[iglovequotes]

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[scribblingdarkthoughts]

“To love is to destroy”

— Mortal Instruments : City of Bones

[scribblingdarkthoughts]

The moons lure on the city is the kind of light I crave when the darkness seems to consuming, The moons the only real constant in my life the feeling of calm pours down I’m aura as my eyes are swept away in its beauty bringing the child in me forward the child that yearned for the comfort and love lacking in its life. The moon always has been a sight of wonder and hope to that child and will always speak to her when lonely. 🌙✨

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[iglovequotes]

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[iglovequotes]

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[scribblingdarkthoughts]

My body alien

My reality foreign

Blind by tears

Your words haunt my ears

left a bad taste in my mouth

Left my body shaking worse than a 7.8 earthquake

Physical pain my medicine to stay out of my own head

Banging my head against this shower wall

Fingernails meet the inside of my hands

Leaving marks on my own body

As I walk down the halls of an looney ben

I felt the clock ticking each second as if it were an hour

6 days an eternity

My smile a mask of anixousness

My pain a bottomless pit

My demons snarl and growl

Each emotion feeding them

Poking at my insides

My fault my guilt

The soap can’t wash your hand prints off completely

There stained on me like coffee on a white t-shirt

Did I not say “no” firm enough

If you knew me i wasn’t much of a fighter

I guess that’s why i didn’t kick and scream

I froze not knowing what to do

But since that night I fight harder

I fight that feeling to keep that lump down my throat

I tell any strange man that comes near me to back the fuck up

Because I’d be DAMN for that shit to ever happen again

When did I say my body was a toy to be played with

When did I say YES should be the question asked

Now I got this fucking wall to build

To block out the hurt because I’ve endured enough

My trust of mankind broken

My tears don’t come as easy anymore

LIke an empty well echoing there's no more tears to shed

My heart strings refuses to get tugged on by dirty unworthy hands

Sing the song my heart sobs

Write the words that loop round and round

Like a merry go round always turning in my mind

Round and round i turn

There's only so long before i get dizzy

Sick to my stomach

Vision blurry

Contort my lips to say “I’M OKAY”

...

Those restless nights in a hospital bed

Were not wasted

They say recovery takes time

But time is just another thing to count

The hands of a clock move with or without me

And most the time I can’t keep up

Put one foot in front of another

Trying not to trip and fall

Breaking the clock

Is harder than it seems

Iḿ on my own time

I walk my own pace

Ands there's no place to run to

There's no need to keep up when all the best people are left behind

Their stories worth hearing

Their stories lost whispers amongst the crowd

Their stories reminds me I’m not alone

I wish i could collect their pain in jars

Tuck them away and watch

As their faces lighten

As their smiles broaden

Contagious happiness

Every bruise every scar would dissolve

Like sugar in water

A clean slate

A smooth road with no potholes or bumps

Childlike wonder

Put back into their eyes

Gleaming like a million stars in the night

This pain a small fragment in my story

It writes as i write now

Unfinished

My end is nowhere close

The end of this poem is already here

By: scribbling dark thoughts

[scribblingdarkthoughts]

12/05/16

Purity and innocence gone

Like hot water running through my fingers i was unable to catch it

My heart pounding as if trying to break the skin that covers it

My head hits against the shower wall over and over til numb

And that one question repeats

Why?

Why i didn’t i do more to stop what was happening

Why?

Did i just lay there

Did i not say no firm enough

Why didn’t i kick or scream

Even after i still feel his hands that grabbed me

Still feel the places his lips touched

My new reality displaces me

Because it’s never what i had expected

Wishing the old one back

I WANT TO TAKE IT ALL BACK!

Spinning in my own mind as if my thoughts had a mind of its own

My knuckles Slam into the nearest thing bruising them blue and purple

To focus on something other than that Monday night

Guilt ridden and ashamed

Hang me on the cross

Hammered in those nails

Watch as i bleed the blackness that overthrows all my control

They say ill be okay

That life moves on

I want to believe that

By: scribbling dark thoughts

[scribblingdarkthoughts]

In The Cards

I say one word and you snap

Only paying attention to the voices in your head

Getting call names

Aimed to hurt

Since you rather create this wretched wall

Then admit your wrongs

Kick up that dirt

I’ve tried so hard to keep settled;

Where did my childhood run to

While other kids were listening to nursery rhymes like the teapot and the kettle

I got to listen to my mom’s constant battle

I wish i could have been that clueless child

That had no worries or fears

But no i have to keep my feet firm on the ground

For i am the rock your harsh waves crash against

Constantly wearing me down, slowly turning me to sand

The cards of childhood have been played

This game soon over

New cards will one day be dealt

The day i get called mom

And i bet all my money

That I'll do a better job

By: scribbling dark thoughts