roads not taken

'not anyone can do this' — i shout every day that I’m not anyone... i know my situation and circumstances but i keep going this way; no matter how much i WALK i still remain in the same place...this déjà vu is unwelcomed, it distresses me. the different paths between crisis and opportunity — is the one that i’ve been on a crisis ?

[seungjecnga]

( updates + return )

            hey guys…long time no see !! i’ve been trying to get back into the swing of things, been working on a few things and school has gotten be really busy and exhausted…but i do want to COME BACK to this blog.            after a lot of thought, i will be DROPPING ALL OF MY CURRENT THREADS ( but i am open to keeping several if there are ones people wish to continue ) and if there are SHIPS PEOPLE WANT TO DROP, please, let me know, i’ll work with you on this. i know interests fade and i know i haven’t been speaking to a lot of people about things…so if there is things that have changed, you wish to change, let me know and i’ll happily accommodate you !!             i’ll try to be come back here as soon as i can to finalize things ; anyone i’ve had major ships with, i will be speaking with…but the bottom line is, i’m dropping ALL threads. i’ll post a starter call and i also welcome new ships, please do come talk to me !!

[trashrps]

smut w biting, bruises, hands around necks, deepthroating so hard they can’t speak properly, spanking, comeplay, hella sex toys, desperation, begging, daddy kink, tears, sexting, cocksluts who love it !!! just safe and healthy kink exploration w cute aftercare and domestic bullshit where they rly hella love each other and make each other sandwiches and listen to the beatles on sunday mornings while making breakfast and it’s the best thank u and goodbye friends (◡‿◡✿)

[gucnyu-moved]

( relationships )

         gun’s never had GOOD relationships…or rather, it was very rare for him. he lives quite an ISOLATED life, keeping much to himself instead of reaching out to other people ; he hates attention but he CRAVES it, he craves for company.          his family treats him like the runt of the pack and isolates him due to his choice in career, preferring to be at a DESK than in the field as a soldier or as a police officer. he lacks the familial love most people would get, even his SIBLINGS don’t blink an eye at him. as if his parents has turned his family against him, gun currently lives alone near his school and workplace.          he has DIFFICULTY in making friends due to his odd nature of speaking to himself or seeing things people didn’t. to him, it’s as real as things he could touch but people around him think he’s a CRAZY guy or someone with mental illness so they avoid him at all costs for fear of their own life. gun is very DETACHED from his coworkers and classmates, as well as he’s AWARE of the rumors that’s arose from it – drugs, alcohol, schizophrenia…he’s heard it all.          as for romantic love, gun’s never experienced it. he sees that if PEOPLE want to distance themselves from him, he’ll distance himself as well. due to this, he has a slight trust issue with people that approach him with a FRIENDLY attitude, thinking that they’ve got an ulterior motive ; he doesn’t TREAT everyone this way, however, he likes to hold some HOPE but he never gets too close.

[gucnyu-moved]

( gifted abilities )

         being blessed by a war god gives the certain ABILITIES ( but likes calling them side effects ).          he finds that, aside from the fact that people avoid him because of his oddity, people are also DETERRED by the intimidated aura that surrounds him, he discovers that ALL of his family has that effect on people…perhaps because intimidation was useful in war, in demanding obedience from subordinates. but, he doesn’t want to be INTIMIDATING, so to counter that fact, gun wears sweaters much larger than his figure – as if he drowns in them ( sweater paws 24/7 ), dresses himself COMFY and makes himself look smaller – so that people won’t see him as a DANGER to them or be afraid to approach him.          he also finds that he has an affinity for BLADED weapons, weapons that were more often used in ancient times – knives, daggers, swords, etc. 

[gucnyu-moved]

( sleep )

         because he astral projects when he sleeps, gun sleeps very LIGHTLY so he can wake himself when he feels like he’s about to leave his body. being a light sleeper had it’s benefits and it’s downfall, but it was hard to say for gun – he’s always PERPETUALLY tired. sleeping lightly meant he was easily woken even by the slightest noise, but being in DEEP sleep leaves him vulnerable to the spirit world, either being forced from his physical body OR having his mind penetrable to spiritual forces. he has YET to figure out if there was a way to prevent it from happening, or a talisman he can make to protect himself.

[gucnyu-moved]

( body modifications / body art )

         gun has his ears pierced – two in his left ear, 1 in his right – and he’s considering about getting his cartilage pierced as well…but that’s something for the future.          he has a COMPASS tattooed on his inner left bicep with north pointing towards him ( as if to indicate – home is where i am or home is where the heart is ). starting from his right hip and up his back, is a plum blossom tree in FULL bloom ; underneath the tree is a rabbit ( he claims for longevity ) and a bird perched in the tree. wrapped around his left ankle is the saying, NOT ALL WHO WANDER ARE LOST.          he still intends on getting MORE but he hasn’t figured out what yet.

[gucnyu-moved]

( infatuation / sexuality )

         it would be a LIE to say that he hadn’t had a crush on someone before but this was way back in high school…he’ll never speak about it. it’s embarrassing for him to say and he is still in DENIAL over it.          while he claims he’s still exploring his sexuality, he may have a SLIGHT lean towards male, considerably his first crush / love was a MALE. he’s in denial over this discovery as men don’t love men…at least, that was what his father drilled into his mind, it was UNNATURAL for someone to be in love with the same gender ( what toxic masculinity !! ). he doesn’t know what to do, each time he even feels a slight attraction to a male, he panics, bolts and avoids the problem. afraid to own up to his sexuality, gun LIES about it and keeps it to himself, hoping that it’ll eventually fade like puppy love.

[gucnyu-moved]

          he’ll never admit it aloud, it’s not something he’ll talk about even when asked…it’s all too REAL for gun. it was the first time he really affirmed his own sexuality ( yet he’s still in denial over it ) and the first time he’s really shown interest in SOMEONE instead of something, instead of books, instead of everything but people. it was the first time he felt his heart STOP when he saw someone smile, his breath caught in his throat when they said HELLO to him, his heart beating quickly over a brush of their hands….          when gun was in his FRESHMAN year in high school, he developed the hugest, undying crush for someone in his biology course. crush…yes, that’s what he told himself, convinced himself. he was head over heels for his ONLY friend in the class, his only male friend. perhaps he mistaken PLATONIC love for ROMANTIC love…maybe what he felt wasn’t love and that’s what he said to himself ––– final, firm….nothing else. JUST FRIENDS.          as the years wore on, gun can’t help but to feel himself infinitely attracted to his friend ; puberty came and went, they got taller and handsomer but gun remained small and meek…yet they still stuck with gun, that gave the boy some HOPE that maybe they wanted to be with him. he never suspected anything of his friend, he was grateful to have a COMPANION in his life that wanted to be with him. he took whatever he was offered, never asking for more because he FEARED losing his best friend ––– soft touches, gentle smiles, peals of laughter…he was SURE this was meant to be platonic yet he can’t help but to CRAVE for more, fantasizing for something more.          in their SENIOR year, he had intended to let his friend know that he ( maybe ) felt something more than a friendship…maybe his friend felt it too and that’s why they were so TOUCHY, so close with him. he had hope that maybe he wouldn’t be so LONELY anymore, not have to carry his burden alone. until he overheard the snickering and whispers around the corner, he catches SNIPPETS ––– the weirdo, finally freed, can get away, fun while it lasted…ah, they were talking about HIM. it was no surprise that gun was labeled the school weirdo for his ODDITIES, nor the fact that people wanted nothing to do with him but what really HURT was he recognized the voice.           he hears his heart shatter….the boy he was so in LOVE with, was just being polite ( as polite as he could be ), leading him ON for the sake of jokes. he was the butt of the joke…he feels hot tears flood his eyes and a lump forming in his throat. no, not here his mind reminds him as he turns and books it down the hall, not hiding the fact that he had eavesdropped, letting the group KNOW that he had heard everything. he hears the call of his name, perhaps the last time he’ll hear that voice call his name….it’s ingrained in his mind.          graduation came and went, he fakes a smile on stage, not bothering to shake his best friend’s hand as he heads out of the school yard…ready to just get away from this nightmare, away from the boy who shattered his heart ( and the last, he promises himself ).

[gucnyu-moved]

         gun’s ABILITIES is derived from what would be BENEFICIAL to a warrior on the battlefield due to the nature of his family’s blessing. from rapid healing to remaining SOBER, from sharp wit to heightened senses, gun sometimes is GRATEFUL for the abilities and mostly resentful as they HINDER his way of living.           gun’s healing is faster than normal humans ; it takes less time for him to heal when he’s injured but as compared to normal people, his isn’t exponentially faster and not fraction, somewhere in between ( he’s not sure what it is but he knows he heals much faster )…but it gives him an advantage that he is back on his feet when injured. though, for someone as passive and pacifistic as gun, he doesn’t require it ––– albeit, it takes the pain away from daily pains quicker.           he has HEIGHTENED SENSES which gives him a lot of trouble, almost as if he’s paranoid. sharp hearing, sharp sight ( though, he does wear reading glasses ), sharp nose…these are supposed to help him in battle, heightening his senses to almost something of a sixth sense, to know when he’s being attacked as the hairs on the back of his neck stands. his friends joke that it’s almost like SPIDEY SENSES but he thinks it’s something much more than something so comically simple.           as an aside, gun can’t get OVERLY drunk, perhaps it’s also due to the rapid metabolism his body has from his HEALING abilities. he can drink, get drunk but recover rapidly from a night of heavy drinking but despite so, he avoids alcohol intake. in addition to his rapid healing, it means he needs more nutritional intake to fuel his body, so gun tends to EAT more than his weight at times when he’s over-exerting himself, yet he never seems to gain TOO much weight from the food intake.

[gucnyu-moved]

( jisoo && image )

         jisoo has a huge issue with self image, and this has been a long running issue. despite how his current physical body is of a strong, attractive and handsome male, jisoo struggles with the image of his PAST life ( which was what ultimately lead to his death ). what he sees in his reflection ( as made a figment of his imagination and previous prejudice ) is much different from what people see of him.          jisoo ( or ZHONG KUI ) in the imperial dynasty days was a scholar of high standing, passing the imperial exam with flying colors due to his intelligence and wit. having passed the exam with the title of zhuangyuan ( top scorer ), he had the intention of joining the imperial court as an officer BUT, due to his disfigured and ugly appearance ( as deemed by the emperor ), his title was STRIPPED from him. upon this, in a flurry of fury and anger, he had killed himself on the palace steps by hurtling himself against the palace gates.          though his death was his own fault ( and by some fault, the emperor’s ), jisoo came to learn through CENTURIES of wandering the earthly realm that APPEARANCE is everything. though he looks as he does now, he is rather insecure about his body image and visage, he hides away underneath any sort of masks and clothing he can, unwilling and unwanting to face PREJUDICE ( again ) for how he looks.          often forced to not be so mysterious due to the nature of his current job as a medical examiner ( when he’s in court and attending to the victim’s family ), jisoo is often not without a black face mask and black cap that hides his face ( to which he sees as ugly and disfigured in the mirrors while other see something different ).

[kim-woojins]

how is he so cute and hot at the same time???

[stray-but-okay]

Ethereal 

[treerachas]

christopher bang who gave you the right-

[seungjecnga]

yuseongu‌:

               he watches as she struggles with the bottle and that in itself is a sign she’s probably had enough tonight, but minghao wants to stay in her good books for the time being, so he relents when she shoves it into his hands. setting his own glass down, he opens the bottle with ease and hands it back to her, watching her to make sure she doesn’t hurt herself somehow. the last thing he needs is for her to break something and end up cutting herself on the glass. he’s not sure she’d let him take her to a doctor right now, either. ❝ where should i sleep tonight? ❞ he asks, picking his glass back up and taking a sip of the liquid inside.

            a quiet word of thanks when the bottle was handed to her, spoken in passing instead of being actively aware that she needed to show gratitude to the other for his assistance. weina contemplated if she wanted to grab her glass or just take a swig from the bottle, laziness wins in this small bout of arguing and weina brings the bottle to her lips and takes a mouthful. minghao should be well used to her unladylike behavior that tended to come out behind closed doors...outside, she conducted herself in a mannerly way to keep up an appearance. “ wherever you want, ” weina waves absentmindedly, heading towards the master bedroom’s bathroom...she should get ready for bed, she has work tomorrow at her internship.

[seungjecnga]

heartmemos‌:

“I mean…I’ve given my wife hair ties as presents before.” Mainly because she keeps losing them at the library and she would always complain about not having anything to pull her hair back at home. “If it actually means something to them, I don’t see anything wrong with getting them that. It’s not like anyone else is getting them from you. Why instant noodles though?”

            now his question sends her into a spiral...why instant noodles ?? why was inuyasha so...INTO the convenience food ?? aside from the convenience of it, that was. “ well, i know he LOVES it...though, it can’t be good for his health, ” she replies. it must be ODD that she was buying someone instant noodle was gifts when they could easily pop into any 7/11 to buy it for themselves, but inuyasha doesn’t live in the MODERN world...she can’t say that though....

[seungjecnga]

mvxnn‌:

              The rain had always seemed so normal to Briar. Falling from the sky , washing away the sins of those she had helped leave this world. She didn’t mind it , rather she prayed that it would rain forever. It seemed to soothe her in ways that nothing else ever could. ❛ Is that so ? ❜ Her voice is soft , just loud enough to hear over the light symphony of rain drops against the window. ❛ I don’t think I can remember a time i’ve heard such a thing. I’ve lived in cities my entire life. ❜ Her grandfather would have not wasted resources on a field trip to the country side after all. But she had never known what lay beyond the soaring sky scrapers and excitement within the city. ❛ Come … tell me more. ❜

            a hum in response to her question, sebastian’s eyes were more focused on what was happening out the window. he wants to open it and stick his head outside...but that would mean there would be a mess to clean up afterwards ( albeit, he recalls his mother’s nagging voice each time he returned home after a trip to the beach in the rain...something about mud, getting sick, and getting water everywhere ). perhaps he can be daring and open the window just a crack, enough to let in the air, to let him take in the scent of fresh fallen rain. “ mm...the house...was built beside a lake near the mountains, ” he said, the house...not MY house. “ my mom’s a carpenter so it was good for her that she was near the mountains and the lake...but every time it rains, you can hear croaking in the bushes, as if they’re SINGING... ” he muses, “ harmonizing with the rain, ”

[treerachas]

#1 talent, #1 personality, #1 smile