Doesn't matter when you got legs like yours~

Safe space for sapphics with sexual urges. There's nothing inherently dirty or gross or predatory with being attracted to other women. Trans and non-binary sapphics are welcome. Minors, proceed with caution. Men, this space is not for you, please don't interact. Terfs and swerfs, please go die in a fire (◕▿◕✿)

[sexpositivesapphic]

i guess this is a goodbye note?

Personal things have gone slightly sideways, recently. I’ll be okay, mod L. will be okay, our relationship will be okay.

Ask for my personal off anon, if you’d like.

Thank you to everyone that interacted with this little piece of me. I do love giving out advice. I just... wasn’t doing it for the right reasons, and mod L was kind of just dragged along for the ride.

Best of luck to all of you who are going through any kind of trouble at the moment, and congratulations to those of you who just overcame something, and may everything always be as great as you all are.

And go follow @sapphic-sex-ed. Great blog, same topic, a bit more specific. 

[womanfourwoman]

w4w guide to girls

wow, so you’re probably thinking to yourself or selves right now, “what are girls? where do i meet girls? how do i get them to like me? why does it feel like someone is peering into my mind right now?” and other pressing questions. today i will answer three of them.

what are girls?

girls are girls. they’re whatever girls are. girls are tall. sometimes they are not. sometimes they seem to have inverse heights that distort the space around them. some girls have vaginas or penises or intersex genitals or maybe even nothing. it’s amazing how many things that girls are and often these things are contradictory or paradoxical on the quantum level. if you’re reading this, you may yourself be a girl. if you’re not sure, try asking yourself “am i a girl?” if yourself says yes, then you’re a girl. if no, sorry, this isn’t for you. if you’re not sure or you find out new information later come back and read this another time.

where do i meet girls?

girls can be found just about anywhere. a cave. in a dream. at a noise show. anywhere. sometimes they don’t even exist at all for long periods of time before manifesting themselves physically after a series of rituals involving candles and/or swear-heavy incantations. girls like dark, damp places. sometimes they do not and they like other places. i once met a girl in a house i was living in. that girl was my mom. this is not a guide on meeting your mom. you want to meet a girl you can date. 

how do i get a girl to like me?

no one knows. i once got a girl to like me by mentioning nihilism as a means of survival. sometimes they like it when you make a joke about a horse. i once liked a girl because i saw her lift 200 lbs over her head. there are likely an infinite number of ways to get girls to like or dislike you. this often depends on the girl. is the girl a goth? try wearing all black or, if you don’t own enough black clothing, blotting out the sun with your foul miasma. is the girl into hiking? try corralling deer and wolves into her home to recreate her favorite surroundings. is the girl a timeless entity beyond mortal understanding? try flowers.

i hope this helped and you can all meet some nice girls to kiss or hold hands or enact full communism with <3

[sexpositivesapphic]

What do you do when you keep crushing for het girls and you know you'll never be together but you just can't... stop.. liking them? I'm so tired and worn out..

Spend more time in LGBT/queer spaces.

Meet wlw who are available.

Best advice I can give.

(mod l)

[sexpositivesapphic]

do you think 15 almost 16 is too young to have sex?

Hi.

No, not necessarily. I was active at that age. It really depends on your comfort level and with whom you are doing it.

Best,

(mod l)

[sapphic-sex-ed]

im not sure how to ask this, but am i transphobic if i'm, like, turned off by penises?

That isn’t transphobic in and of itself. It’s commonly referred to as being penis-repulsed. (And many trans women are penis-repulsed, too, which often manifests as dysphoria.) If you end up in a relationship or sexual situation with someone with a penis, you and your partner would have to navigate that yourselves, but otherwise, no. Using that as an excuse to be hostile to trans people, though, that’s where it becomes transphobia.

Check out this recent post about navigating sexual encounters with women with penises, if you’d like more info.

-Mod Sera

[sexpositivesapphic]

my two cents: being penis-repulsed and having genital dysphoria are two different things, I think? I've met many trans women who experience a lot of genital dysphoria but who are okay with other people's penises, and a few trans women who did not have any genital dysphoria whatsoever but who were quite penis-repulsed when it came to interacting with other people.

[sexpositivesapphic]

hi so i'm a gay gal and i reeeeeaaaallllluyy do not enjoy penetration. i've never had sex but like when i'm w myself i hate fingering and i even hate tampons and it's like bleh. but i feel like it makes me very different and i'm worried that when i get a girlfriend i'll have to explain and it'll be weird and i don't know if it's normal.

Don’t worry anon! every body is different and everyone enjoys different things. I’ve met lots of different girls - and in general people with vaginas - who did not enjoy penetration at all, for different reasons or even for no reason in particular.

You will definitely have to talk about what you like and what you don’t, when you find a partner, but everyone has to do that! If you struggle with communicating these things, you could try making a Want - Will - Won’t list and then give it to your partner.

And I mean, it probably won’t be a whole conversation on the psychological deep issues that you clearly must have had to not enjoy penetration [/sarcasm], it may look more like this: “Hey, so, what do you like?” “ummm, I’m a clitoris kinda gal, so if you could focus there it’d be great.” “Cool! So we get to explore with external vibrators?”

[sexpositivesapphic]

i'm just curious, do you think it's okay for me (a 16 year old) to date a 14 year old?

It would really depend on how you connected and their maturity level. I would also recommend you go very slowly. 14 wasn’t too young for me to date but.. I was very mature and quite clever. Its a gray zone in my opinion.

(mod l)

[sexpositivesapphic]

I'm bi and I've heard of people having preference to one gender over others, but is it possible to have a different romantic preference than a sexual preference? Like romantically I'm more attracted to girls but sexually I'm more attracted to guys?

It definitely is. I would say an ex of mine had a strong preference for romance with men, but was almost exclusively sexually attracted to women. (It worked out well for us-NOT, lol). 

It is neither abnormal nor shameful. It’s quite common, I think. 

I’m a lesbian but I can still appreciate masculine people and their characteristics.. even if it will never ever ever go anywhere for me. ;)

So keep on keeping on. :) 

…You might even want to experiment with an open or non mono relationship model, as you want different things from different people. It’s worth considering.

(mod l)

[sexpositivesapphic]

hello!!! so, valentine's day is REAAALLYY close and i've been nervous since january. i am a wlw (i don't have an official label yet? like gay or bi yet) and ? i think i'm demisexual? i RARELY experience sexual attraction and when i do it's w someone i've been w for a long ass time (8 months to a year) and even then it's not guaranteed to happen. i feel so alone ? and i feel like i'm broken. is this normal??? do u have any advice 4 me? sorry, i really just needed to vent. ❤️

Hi :)

I know all about this sort of feeling. As its what I’ve always lived with. Sometimes I feel broken too, because others experience attraction and desire much more simply. And sometimes I’m jealous. 

You are normal. :) Performance and experience of sexuality is a very broad spectrum.

And you will find someone who appreciates you as you are eventually...

I did. :) 

I might suggest experimenting with sex outside of attraction or desire to have it. I don’t want to have it basically ever, but if I go ahead and go along with it or initiate, I can enjoy it. There just isn’t a drive. This helps me feel more normal and connected. I’m missing the heavy attraction part, but for people who seem to have strong drives, being able to have them satisfied matters a lot more to them than why precisely you find it fulfilling.

Of course the healthy and kind ones do you care you’re enjoying yourself..

..But it can be very emotionally fulfilling to be active with a partner. :)

(mod l)

[sexpositivesapphic]

i think i could be lesbian. in my mind and online this is fun and cool and i feel different in a good way but in real life people knowing really scares me and makes me feel different in a really bad way. idk why? my sister recently came out to me so i came out to her too (we both just said we aren't straight) and i feel so awkward around her now and i hate it so much. i feel awkward even when saying i found a girl pretty or smth about girl power and i really hate it. please help

Expressing yourself openly as a non heteronormative person is difficult-especially with someone who is as close to you as your sister no doubt is.

It takes practice; it isn’t easy being openly transgender with family members, even though, at least in my guess, THEY REALLY OUGHT TO HAVE KNOWN. IT COULDN’T HAVE BEEN CLEARER FROM DAY 1. Ahem. But that little outburst aside, you will find that practice makes perfect.

It tends to be odd talking about any real sexual attraction with family members in general. I mean, if it were your mother, would it be easier talking with her about how steaming hot you found a certain boy? I expect not (maybe I’m just old and rigid though). 

You will feel less ashamed of your sexuality and of being openly feminist as you practice being yourself more.

It will be okay. :)

(mod l)

[w-e-t-dreamz-deactivated2019061]

seeing how wet a girl gets for you is one of the hottest things

[sexpositivesapphic]

I'm a demisexual with a pretty high libido, and my girlfriend is demi/ace with a very low libido in most cases - I love her dearly and I know that she feels the same, but my want for intimacy is so high at times that I fear I'm making her uncomfortable. I don't know for certain if she'd ever want to do anything sexual with me, and I think I'm okay with that, but is there any way I can make myself more comfortable as well? I masturbate when possible and it helps, but doesn't get rid wanting touch

Hello there. :)

I’m somewhere more like where your girlfriend is. For me at least, part of the eternal struggle of relationship communication is that I appear to be unavailable when really I don’t exist in a sexual space at all for the most part……What this means for me is that my partner’s do need to communicate with me and initiate, mostly. I can and do myself as well but.. sex rarely occurs to me as an option. And desire is absent. 

Have you talked with her about what her sexuality means to her? My absence of desire doesn’t prevent me from having sexual relationships; it just changes the terms. I get emotional closeness out of having sex. And so I choose to do with my partner. 

You should really clear the air. You say ‘you fear you are making her uncomfortable’-well ask! Open communication is healthy and besides, perhaps you aren’t. Sapphic women often struggle with feeling predatory and I spend a good deal of time reassuring my partner that I am thankful for her libido. 

Now in the case that she doesn’t want or like to engage in anything or isn’t interested in exploring, bravo for accepting her! And well.. What I have often done is had an open relationship. I am not sure that’s an option or even desirable to you. (One of the most amusing parts of my life is that I’m always in an open relationship but I’ve always been strictly monogamous so.. you get what you like out of that!)

Alternatively, there are some really, really wonderful sex toys out there. I recommend magic wands-Hitachi in the US, Doxy in the UK or EU.

Keep talking. :)

(mod l)

[sexpositivesapphic]

I'm sapphic and a virgin and although I'm really attracted to girls, I'm really scared to have sex with them :( People always say things like "other girls always know what to do since they have the same parts" which I just realized while typing is pretty transphobic but also it doesn't apply to me. I don't know what I'd do during sex. I feel like I'm too anxious and hate my body too much and I'll never be brave enough for sex. I'm almost 20 and I've only kissed (and not intensely)

The trick is that you have to get comfortable with openly discussing and communicating while you and your partner learn about each other’s sexual sense of self. 

What you should do is talk-talk openly, talk often, and talk without judgement. Then you two will figure it out together. 

Don’t try to make sex fit a narrative ever. Its about connecting. 

Liking our bodies is hard. I have a lengthy list of complaints, yet, somehow, my partners have always managed to enjoy me. It can help to remember that while we struggle for self acceptance, this isn’t how others perceive us. 

Be kind to yourself. There isn’t a race to have sex. I pushed myself to start having it quite young as I didn’t feel I would be able to get myself to do anything at all if I didn’t (and realistically, pre operatively, I was probably right).

But it was an immensely unkind thing to do to myself. Allow yourself to go at whatever pace feels right. When you are ready, explore and experiment.

All will be well.

(mod l)

[sexpositivesapphic]

Alright so I was able to slim this down to the important parts. I'm really worried I can't be a lesbian anymore. like since I'm underage I kinda limited knowledge on this stuff (and literally everything is super heteronormative) so a lot of my fantasies have fictional guys which I know is different than real ones but I'm still worried about it. Sorry if this is kinda tmi none of my friends are lesbians so I can't ask them

Don’t worry so much about being a lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual.. or well.. any other orientation.

Ultimately, you don’t have to decide and commit to something you don’t have experience with. And even when you have experience, it won’t matter so much. If you love other women, you will be with them.. and if all your partners are women, or most, you will be free to choose to describe yourself as a lesbian if that is what you wish to do.

Whether or not I could have a relationship with a man, I feel drawn to form relationships with women. And I do. And so this is how I live my life: as a lesbian. My partner is bisexual. And that is an equally valid way to live your life and to be.

If you had a gender issue, you would need to resolve it-hormones should be started as soon as possible. But orientation is about self acceptance, not action or identification.

At least this is how I feel.

(mod l)

[sexpositivesapphic]

Hi!! I'm pan but I just wanted to say that, for me, lgbt+ advice columns and podcasts (I recommend the Savage Lovecast for the 18+ crowd) really helped me in getting over internalized crap. I think it's the repetition, it helps the Good Messages get internalized. So I appreciate the work you do, keep it up!!

Thanks! You’re very welcome. It is always good to be appreciated.

:)

(mod l)

[sexpositivesapphic]

how does a 16 year old possibly gay girl date another girl when i don't wanna be openly out the closet. i only know 2 other lesbians at school and i'm not into them in the slightest and they are kinda weird (not trying to be mean bc they're nice) but i'm just not into them. hOw do i do this please. we also don't have a queer straight alliance or any kind of lgbt clubs help

Well, provided you have found the girl.. which I suppose you can do online with some degree of discreetness... You can pass yourselves off as friends in public by limiting how you express yourself publicly. It can be done. Especially since the rules about personal space and how society interprets them are quite different for women than for men..

Having said that, I would discourage dating in the closet. I would work towards coming out, because feeling like someone’s ‘secret’ never feels good. It hurts. It will hurt them and you. So I would recommend not worrying about the other lesbians you mentioned. Come out for your own sake-and your future partner’s sake.

(mod l)

[sexpositivesapphic]

Ok so I have a really weird kink. It's not even a kink all that much but more of a habit. I used to have a thing with this girl who loved being called a certain name in bed and now whenever I fantasize I find myself calling out this name and I feel so grossed out with myself for it. Like my next partner is gonna be so weirded out when it slips out in the heat of the moment. I've tried replacing it with other pet names but nothing sticks. It's so embarrassing I can't even type it out, please help

I’ve found that a big part of reaching orgasm (for me) is focus. Perhaps you are using this word to focus your sense of your own eroticism. It seems much simpler for men, cis or trans, to reach orgasm than it is for women.. It is for me a conscious effort that I have to make to help myself build towards something. If I don’t engage in this inner mental work, so to speak, I won’t ever get there.

And so, don’t shame yourself for grabbing onto a word to help you do that. If you are experiencing a great deal of pleasure, I expect people will notice that much more than the word.

(mod l)