رسائل

اكتب الاشياء الي ما گدرت اكولها بصوت عالي.

[lone-pine-poetry]

But I’m a compulsive liar when it comes to my own ruin.

lone pine poetry, excerpt from I'm Sorry I Lied

[lone-pine-poetry]

i know i run from affection. i'm not in denial. i know exactly how fast i can disappear when something reaches for me with open hands.

lone-pine-poetry, excerpt from Love Is Just Another Word For Knife

[lone-pine-poetry]

And the worst goddamn part is that love could sneak up on me and show up loud right now, and I still wouldn’t believe it, and I’d still turn it away at the door. (There’s no knocking. There’s no knocking. Leave me be.)

lone-pine-poetry, excerpt from Train Crash

[lone-pine-poetry]

And god, I’ve got issues. More than just abandonment (you’re going to leave. I just don’t know when).

lone-pine-poetry, excerpt from Train Crash

[lone-pine-poetry]

People stared at me like I was speaking the wrong prayer out loud. Not cruelly. Worse, like I was out of order. And they questioned me like a suspect, like I was invading their livelihood, and I must repent for the ways I've chosen to show up in the world.

lone-pine-poetry, excerpt from Dove in the Dark: a transgender origin story

[lone-pine-poetry]

For a moment, I thought: maybe this is what it looks like when you belong. Maybe this is how it could have been if the math, and the stars, and fate had been kinder.

lone-pine-poetry, excerpt from Dove in the Dark: a transgender origin story

[lone-pine-poetry]

I fear that the next time might leave me bleeding out quietly into myself. And nobody will ever see how unsteady I’ve always been.

lone-pine-poetry, excerpt from Dealt Cards 4 Violent Creatures

[lone-pine-poetry]

maybe this is what they mean by splitting. not into good and bad, but into open and gone. into worship and withdrawal. into loving like the world is ending and leaving before the leaving kills me.

lone-pine-poetry, excerpt from Cathedral-Sized Devotion vs Closed Hands

[lone-pine-poetry]

I’d meet him in a bar or some shit, and he’d smell the heart rot in me, and I’d tell him, “I know I look like I’ve been touched by the hands of a taxidermist, but it was me all along. I just needed to stay upright somehow. Preservation is ugly work.”

lone pine poetry, excerpt from Law of Attraction

[lone-pine-poetry]

But love is a knife I never learned how to let go of. And if my hands are not bloodstained, then the blade is not sharp enough. If I am not cut open in your presence, then you are not looking closely. If I am not your victim, then you do not love me in a way I understand.

lone pine poetry, excerpt from Law of Attraction

[lone-pine-poetry]

But I’m a compulsive liar when it comes to my own ruin.

lone pine poetry, excerpt from I'm Sorry I Lied

[lone-pine-poetry]

...but here I am anyway, believing in you the way I should've believed in God.

lone pine poetry, from Annotating: You’re Late and I’m Tired of Bleeding Out Somewhere You Can’t Even See

[lone-pine-poetry]

I would've made sure my own trauma didn't bleed into your life...I would've made sure I didn't stain your life with the absence of my mother's love. I would've been so careful with you...

lone pine poetry, from Annotating: You’re Late and I’m Tired of Bleeding Out Somewhere You Can’t Even See

[lone-pine-poetry]

God, I think I just want to know that all my suffering meant something and that I can be loved anyway.

lone pine poetry, from Annotating: You’re Late and I’m Tired of Bleeding Out Somewhere You Can’t Even See

[lone-pine-poetry]

...while I'm still waiting like a pathetic dog that doesn't know if it's about to be euthanized for merely existing wrong, or taken home by forgiving hands instead.

lone pine poetry, from Annotating: You’re Late and I’m Tired of Bleeding Out Somewhere You Can’t Even See

[shinydreamlanddeer]

عزيزي ميم انت لا تظهر لي بالكامل،

تريني أجزاء صغيرة فتنطوي على الأجزاء المهمة التي ارغب بها، أتساءل كم ملعقة سكر تفضل في شاي الصباح؟،

من تفضل أكثر أسامة ام محمد؟،

هل انتبهت يوما لمروحة السقف التي تئن من التعب؟.

لا اريد الا "سلامتك" مثلما يقول العرب.

ستكون أنانية فظيعة لو اردت ما لا تستطيع منحي إياه. وانا يا ميم بعيدة جدا عن هذه الصفة.

تحاول التملص، الاختباء، لم اتعود عليك هكذا، لكنك الآن ما انت عليه ولن يتغير هذا الأمر.

ميخالف، كلمة اكررها على نفسي كثيراً، أدرك الآن اني ابحث عن شيء آخر ويجب أن أبحث عنه في مكان آخر.دمت سالماً يا نبي قلبي.

[shinydreamlanddeer]

عزيزي ميم، والعزيز من عظم قدره، وارتفعت منزلته، وصعُب نَيله، وله في القلب مكانة رفيعة.

ترغمني أفكاري على الكتابة اليك، ظللت اقول لنفسي: أن لم اكتب عن الامر، سأنساه، لك أن تتخيل كيف انتهى هذا الأمر معي...

لا سبيل لي لأرسال اي شي على فضاء الواتساب، لقد حذفت رقمك منذ فترة ليست بقريبة.

والآن أشعر كأني أؤلم نفسي في كل خطوة اخطيها.كيف حالك؟ ما هي اخبارك؟، لا اقولها من باب المجاملة، لاني افكر بهذه الأسئلة بشكل يومي.

حلمت بك البارحة. لا اتذكر ما حدث، اتذكر وجهك فقط، استيقظت وانا اشعر بخواء فظيع، كأني اخر من بقيت على قيد الحياة في هذا العالم، لك أن تتخيل شعوري...

لا اعلم إن كان هذا الشعور مصدره انتقالنا لبيت جديد لا أشعر بالانتماء له، ام إن كان السبب اني لا اعلم كيف حالك، بالحقيقة لا أعلم اي شيء عنك.سيمضي كل شيء. حتى اسوء الأحوال تمضي. كل ما عليك فعله هو الاستمرار. عليك أن تستمر يا ميم.

هل تستطيع أن تعدني بهذا ؟..

كتبت بتاريخ

10/06/2025

11:11 ليلاً

بعنوان ما نگدر نسميك