Chihayafuru Thoughts - Chihaya and Taichi (Ch.140-247) Part 2
This is the second part of me covering the Taichi and Chihaya relationship after Taichi’s confession and resignation from the club to the end of the manga, this time focused on events in Taichi’s arc and how it relates to his relationship to Chihaya. Once again, there’s obviously spoilers here since it covers chapters all the way to the end.
After leaving, it really seems as though Taichi plans to quit karuta, or at least take an extended break, until finding out Suou is a teacher at his cram school (there are some really good write-ups about their relationship that I can’t compare to so check them out!). In general though, being with Suou seems to allow Taichi a space to entertain being a different person as he works through some of his feelings. In the culmination of events (a lot of season three of the anime), he seemingly wants to give everything up. When he watched Harada play Suou, he questioned how it’s possible to give everything you have to something without fear of regret. I’ve always seen his interest in Suou stemming from Suou sympathizing with him and also “not liking” karuta. Having so much ability in the game while also being unattached (or so Suou claims at this point) appeals to Taichi when he’s at his lowest point. If he doesn’t love the game or put weight into winning or losing, he has nothing to lose. I actually think it’s interesting to break down Taichi’s character this way; in the Meijin qualifiers he notes that he wants to be a different person, but still himself (aka a different version of himself). After the events of what season 3 covers though, I feel like Taich is burnt out on trying to change and takes a more extreme avenue when he goes under Suou’s wing. That being said, it’s clear that for all the pain he went through, he cherishes the time he spent with the team, even if it hurts him right now.
He has to figure out why he’s playing karuta and acknowledge that he actually does like it, even it frustrates and challenges him over and over. I’ve always liked the panel where he resolves himself to work through his complicated relationship with karuta because he doesn’t want these memories to be tainted. It’s also nice to see him actually enjoy the game (you can tell by his remarks and body language) now that the pressure is off him. He’s essentially playing to lose (and learn) and not worrying about the team, catching up to Chihaya and Arata, helping Chihaya with her dream, winning in tournaments, etc. This is good for him, he’s able to focus on himself for a while and it more or less proves that part of him always enjoyed the game even if he wasn’t able to convince himself of that. I said this in a previous post, that Taichi seems to enjoy karuta, but the reason he plays is never because he does, which is why he so easily admits that he doesn’t like it when Suou calls it out.
Even though he feels guilt over leaving the team abruptly and for admitting that he’s enjoying karuta so much more on his own, it’s obvious Taichi is still attached to them. When they just barely make it to nationals, and he thinks about how he can’t go as he’s no longer a member, his phone blows up. The team members texted him about their victory and it’s clear that part of Taichi still exists within that team, as he does a victory gesture. It’s also really nice that the members still seem to think of him as a member and keep him updated even though he left. When Chihaya texts him, she includes the fact that the final card was ‘Se’, which Taichi notes to be about fate. He wonders if he is also waiting for fate to bring them back together. This signals to me that Taichi is willing to go back to them once he works on himself and the timing is right (unfortunately doesn’t happen in time but he’s acknowledging that he still wants them in his life).
When the flashback of the third year boys at karaoke happens, we get this panel of Taichi expressing what I feel is a very raw emotion. The reason he probably feels like this is that if Chihaya's hurt because of how things went with him, that means she truly understands his feelings in a way that she hadn’t before. In a way, it proves to Taichi that he meant enough to her that she’d be hurt to lose him or break his heart the way she did. Taichi often felt inadequate and unnoticed by Chihaya despite always being at her side, so this emotion doesn’t strike me as surprising, as it feels like a bit of validation, albeit in a pretty sad way (reminds me of a scene with Kagura in Fruits Basket). He also feels guilty for this and considers it one of the reasons he doesn’t “deserve” to go back to the team.
I actually view him going to nationals as a lapse in judgement for Taichi regarding what he’s trying to do. After nationals, we’re presented the fact that Taichi is practicing assimilation with Suou, seemingly to gain perspective but also to allow himself to be someone else. But in the culmination of his mom being there, Arata and Chihaya playing, and the part of him that’s been longing to go back, he ends up there. However, after that he goes home and later runs from Chihaya because he doesn’t want to return to “himself”, which makes me think he really only returned because he was emotionally charged, even if it contradicted what he was trying to do otherwise.
During the emotional reunion (one of my favorite moments in the series), Taichi apologizes specifically to Chihaya and then to the rest of the team. I think his apology encompasses more than just being sorry for not being there, the same way I felt Chihaya’s “thank you” carried more weight. He seems to be apologizing for a lot; not being there, the way they left things off, leaving his responsibilities in the club to her, for any hurt he caused, etc. I also love how the team seem to understand that Taichi wouldn’t have left them like that unless he truly felt he needed to because it shows how much they trust him. The focus on Chihaya at first is really sweet too; they’ve known each other the longest and have the closest bond, started the club together, and she’s been thinking about him a lot while he’s been gone.
During the Meijin and Queen qualifiers, Taichi starts his “villain arc”. He plays in a trickier, more detached way that relies on making opponents commit faults, something learned from playing with Suou. To me this reiterates my earlier point about Taichi trying to be detached for sake of not being disappointed or frustrated if he loses, especially considering that Harada more of less coaxes his actual desire out of him (wanting to be “where Chihaya and Arata are”). He seems to try acting like a different person, using an interesting answer about being a Shiranami member, taunting Sudo and other opponents, avoiding Chihaya and being thrown off when she talks to him. However, seeing Chihaya struggle is one of the things that brings him back to himself, as is seeing that Arata has won in the west and and finally Dr. Harada’s match. During his match with Sudo, he talks about vanishing cards and holding something dear by holding it at a distance. Then, when the ‘Chiha’ card is about to be read, we see his thoughts of “don’t vanish”. To me, this is representative of a lot of what Taichi has been through; despite the pain he would feel at Chihaya’s side and the pain of their separation, even though they don’t spend time together the way they used to, even though he’s been trying to act like someone else, when you break down his true feelings he doesn’t want to lose his connection to her.
In his first game against Arata, he plays a similarly tricky style as he did in the qualifiers and seems to continue trying to be somewhat detached. He even uses Chihaya as a model (”The answer... lay with Chihaya!) to have an almost childish sort of fun that we’ve never seen him have while playing. After the first game, Chihaya and the other girls let some fresh air and snow into the room, improving the atmosphere, but Taichi thinks about how he doesn’t want to be distracted by her and remember when they played together. However, in the second game, he plays more earnestly (as noted by Yoshioka of the Nagumo society). This is also the game where Taichi and Chihaya have a small moment that seems reminiscent of the days they played on the same team. Seeing how determined she is makes him admit to himself that winning has to mean something, contrary to what he was taking from being with Suou. Suou himself even notes that though some people gain strength from believing that, Taichi is different and that the “real” Taichi isn’t his disciple.
Towards the end of the game, he focuses so intensely on ‘Chiha’ that he physically shakes after a different card is read. And then right before it is read, it glows to him and after taking it, he notes that it was the only card on the field that he could see (”Only that. Only Chiha”). After that, he takes ‘Fu’ incredibly quick and admits that Chihaya’s take of said card (the first card she took like a “real karuta player”) had always inspired him. To me, this is what Sakurazawa meant by saying “there’s a kind of confidence that only Ayase can build for him”. He’s always been inspired by Chihaya; as kids when Arata’s prowess motivated her instead of frightened her, when he watched her win and get to Class A, when she revealed her dream to be queen and when that dream become tangible, etc. and he’s mentioned that her greed has rubbed off on him. Even when he’d been frustrated and dissatisfied, Chihaya’s unadulterated passion for the game has helped him remember why he keeps playing. It’s also interesting to me that the only commentary and reactions we get from Chihaya here are based on Taichi’s takes (in part due to timing I guess but still). In the end, Taichi loses the third game, but by winning the second, he gained something he had verbalized and convinced himself that he would never achieve; beating Arata. Even though he had ambition to go further, I think this is part of why he’s so quickly able to smile and wish for Arata to beat Suou and for Chihaya to become “the strongest in the world”.
Even though he’s apprehensive about watching the matches. It’s clear that Taichi still wants to support Chihaya. He knows how important this day is to her and has watched her struggle and grow to be at the level she’s at. The line about collecting green herbs is about the fact that he’s been supporting her behind the scenes. Having Sumire and the kohais go to the shrine with her, helping Chitose, the kimono, and Dr. Harada get to Omi Jingu, praying for her at the shrine, etc. were all his ways of supporting her. It’s always been kind of sad to me that Taichi can’t seem to think of himself as being one the “herbs”, that even though Chihaya (and Arata for that matter) doesn’t need him there, they still might want him there, but gaining a better self of his self worth is part of his growth and arc. I think this also connects to how he pondered Kana’s question about ‘role’, and how he seems to believe his role may be to simply support others (”Omi Jingu is no longer my destination”, “I just know it’s not me. Chihaya’s ‘core’”), which is why he plans on leaving once he’s done “gathering the herbs”. He’s yet to find the confidence to voice and act on his own desires.
The conversation with Chitose is a good wake up call for Taichi, who has resigned himself to allowing others to accomplish things that he wanted to do. It’s a nice moment where Chitose (and later there’s a line from Tsuboguchi too) puts in perspective that Taichi is his own person with his own desires and there’s nothing wrong with that. Taichi in general struggles with insecurity and self worth, so it’s nice to someone as blunt as Chitose spell it out for him. The most poignant line here to me though is about whether or not feelings are wasted. Though he doesn’t seem to say it, in my opinion it’s here that we see Taichi accepting that even if Chihaya never reciprocates his feelings, he doesn’t have to feel that they were wasted. This is also a nice change in perspective for Taichi who was once worried about putting time into something and fearing regret over doing so. Even if it hurt him at times, it’s clear that he still cherishes the time he’s spent with her and doesn’t want that connection to be cut off. Also interesting that even though he said his feelings may fade, when Chitose asks him, he only says that he was rejected instead of denying his feelings. Taichi saying his feelings may fade may have been fully true, he may have said it knowing that Chihaya could hear and thus trying to make her less on edge, he could have been trying to make it true for himself by saying it out loud but it’s vague enough to interpret. Chitose also mentions a “void” that Chihaya can’t fill, which I’ve always interpreted as Taichi’s lack of self esteem and ability to truly accept himself, something that it’s true Chihaya can’t fix for him.
When Taichi does walk in, it’s in game four. He previously was so happy about Chihaya’s first win that he dropped his phone to the ground in his celebration. Watching her play with all her might against Shinobu brings him to tears. As was apparent from his final game against Arata, he wants to see Chihaya accomplish her dream; the dream that was part of why he agreed to make the club, the dream he saw become something real and watched her claw her way towards for years. After watching both Chihaya and Arata take ‘Chiha’ in the fifth games, he slips out of the room they are watching and Hanano goes out to find him doing practice swings in the hall. This scene reminds me of when Porky loses to Arata and says “this is why I hate strong players, they make me want to try harder” and also shows how different Taichi is now (remember when he wouldn’t practice swings because he was embarrassed?). When Chihaya and Arata win and become Queen and Meijin, we get to see Taichi’s thoughts that he’s always been left behind. However, the quickness in which he declares he’ll be back to defeat Arata next year reminds me of how fast Chihaya challenged Shinobu and how determined Arata challenged Suou. To me, this proves that Taichi has a drive and confidence he didn’t previously have (he previously got upset with himself for not being able to throw down the gauntlet like Arata). It’s proof that he’s not giving up on himself the way his words may lead you to believe (”Omi Jingu is no longer my destination), and now that he’s playing for himself and because he’s acknowledged what karuta is to him, his desire to not be left behind seems healthier and more out of competitive spirit and respect for his friends/rivals rather than a way to ease his insecurity and feelings of inadequacy. When they hug him, he gets his scene of embracing his inner child and accepting himself, which is a journey that has been a defining part of his entire character arc.
When Taichi and Chihaya talk on their graduation day (before she confesses), its visibly clear to me that Taichi has fully come around on the sentiment from his conversation with Chitose. He seems much happier (here and in the scene with Hanano and Tsukuba) and more comfortable around Chihaya again, which to me signifies that he’s fully accepted that Chihaya may never love him back, and yet his feelings for her are still entirely valid. That translates into him using the line about karuta always being a way to connect them; even if their relationship is different than it once was, even if there’s some distance between them because of his feelings for her and neither wanting to pressure each other (he has yet to know her feelings), he can still be connected to her in some way. The bond that they’ve had for so long doesn’t have to evaporate. It seems undeniable that he’s in a better place. And then when Chihaya does confess, he obviously can’t help but feel happy (so much so that he’s brought to tears) because at the end of the day, he does love her, and those were words he longed to hear for so long even if he’s accepted he may never hear them.
// Sidenote // I’ve seen it mentioned that Taichi still loving her and being the one to have his feelings reciprocated takes away from his character growth, but I don’t agree. I think the fact that he’s able to accept his feelings even if they won’t necessarily go anywhere and not get so depressed about is proof he’s gained self esteem. He seems more content with himself and is making decisions for himself based on his own desires. He’s filling the “void” that Chitose alluded to. The only reason I can think of people wanting some of his growth to be shown through him moving on is that they wanted him out of the love triangle, but that’s just my opinion.
Anyway, thanks for reading another long one! Taichi is my favorite character and the one I find to be the most layered in this series, so it’s a bit hard to organize all my thoughts. I tried my best to stay on topic of his arc and Chihaya’s relation to it.
