can't go back;

why am i so emotional? no, it’s not a good look, Gain some s e l f - c o n t r o l

[shtconnor-blog]

gdieleanor:

When he finally stated his favour, Elle couldn’t help but be a little surprised and let her eyebrows rise slightly at his words. She thought it would have been something a little more..domestic? Like maybe he had needed some help with some chores, she didn’t expect for him to ask her to be his date at a Halloween party. Connor was already at the top of the stairs before he glanced back at her expectantly, only then she realized that she was supposed to be following him. “Oh- sorry!” Quickly, she moved up the stairs with a sheepish smile then stopping right before him. She noticed his voice tone down slightly, becoming more firm and less rushed as he clarified the fact that there was no double-meaning to his words, and immediately Elle nodded. “Of course, I understand. I wasn’t even thinking about that,” she laughed softly, and it was half true. Elle had still been sort of busy being amazed by the fact that Connor had asked her such a favour because firstly, she didn’t take him for one to attend a Halloween party, but it now made sense after his explanation. “But yes, I am available,” Elle nodded with a smile and her smile only grew after his second- or was it third? explanation as to why he had asked her. “Nice to see I was your last choice,” she teased him as she looked down at the ground, pretending to look disappointed. But when he began setting her up an opportunity to turn him down, Elle had to look up at him in amusement but also disbelief. “When you ask me things, why do you always assume I’m going to say no? And I’m twenty-eight, turning thirty in two years, might as well start early. You make me sound like I’m twenty-two or something,” she scoffed, shaking her head softly. “I’m coming,” Elle repeated firmly. “And count yourself lucky not only for that, but because since I’m assuming that costumes are going to be mandatory for this party and seeing as this is last-minute, I’m also going to go ahead and assume that you don’t have one. So I guess it’s kind of perfect that I have two costumes for the both of us right inside my car.” Elle secretly hoped that he wouldn’t question this and would simply go along with it, because just thinking about explaining to him why she had those costumes already brought a grimace from her face and made her cringe inwardly.

Connor watched as she caught up to him on the stairs, a lazy grin rested on his face. Admittedly, there was something about Halloween and the plans of a party that put him in high spirits. His life was much like a routine, especially since Rachel had left, and it was actually sort of nice that there was at least one day where things were being switched up. Despite his ongoing complaints, he was glad to be invited. The idea of sitting at home alone on Halloween night was sad, even for him. Relieved that she hadn’t taken on any hidden meanings behind the way he’d phrased things, but more so relieved that she’d agreed to tagging along with him, his smile grew wider. “Hey, you weren’t my last choice. —Okay, perhaps you were my second to last choice…but can you really blame me? Taking my kid’s babysitter to a Halloween party doesn’t exactly scream professional.” He furrowed his brows in mock astonishment, looking at Eleanor dumbfounded. “You’re meaning to tell me that you’re not twenty-two?” Teasing, his serious expression broke into soft laughter. Though it was partly true. If she had never informed him of her true age, she could have easily passed for early twenties. It wasn’t just her physical appearance that gave off the impression but also her spirit. Finding a nearly thirty year old with the bright, genuine smile that Eleanor showed up with everyday wasn’t common. That was probably why Cassidy loved her so much, in contrast to the few other nannies she’d had and had never really warmed up to. She kept Connor on his toes - in a good way, though. She always managed to surprise him; one instance being her admittance to already having costumes for the both of them in her car. Cocking a brow, he shot her a suspicious look. “You’re not a psychic, are you?” He inquired, slowly taking a few steps down the stairs closer to her. “Either you already knew this was coming, or you’re secretly obsessed with me and bought us a couples costume in hopes to catch my attention. Which one is it? I’m willing to bet it’s both.”

[gdieleanor]

Eleanor was always a fan of Halloween, what’s not to love? Kids got to overload on candy and adults on alcohol, the holiday appealed to all ages. Except tonight she had to work, so she pursed her lips and shook her head at her friend who she was just speaking to on the phone. “I’m sorry, I just can’t make it tonight. Tyler will be there, though.” She ignored her friend’s exasperated sigh that came from the other line, “okay, love you too, drink responsibly!” Elle called out to her before hanging up. Exhausted from the conversation itself, she sighed tiredly and trudged slightly as she made her way up the house’s front steps then towards it’s front door. Fishing her keys out of her bag, she opened the lock and pushed the door open with her shoulder, shoving the keys back in her pocket. Without even barely taking a single step inside, she saw Connor rushing down the stairs and running up to her. He exclaimed her name, his voice holding an unusual excitement to it and Elle scrunched her eyebrows together in confusion and slight suspicion. He was polite too, taking her coat for her and setting it neatly down onto the couch, then in the rush of his talking, there it was, a favour. Elle didn’t know if she should laugh or let out a sigh of relief first. “Okay, first of all, ‘favourite nanny’, ‘services’, very suspicious sounding favour, how did you manage to make me sound like your personal escort in all in one breath?” She teased with a small grin, narrowing her eyes at him. “And second, god, I thought you were going to fire me or something,” the girl let out a scoff and shook her head, thought she still maintained the light manner to her tone. She stepped around the male, picking up her coat and hanging it up on the rack by their door, along with her scarf that she had just begun to unwrap around her neck. A smile on her lips, Elle turned to face Connor as she put her hands on her hips. “But alright, I’ll bite, what do you need?” It was strange, seeing this side of Connor, and he was grinning too, which was rare and she only saw whenever he was around Cassidy. But right now, this specific, almost desperate side of him, for some reason, it amused Elle.

[shtconnor-blog]

Connor shook his head, his smile disappearing for a brief moment. “Oh, God, no. Cassidy would kill me if I fired you.” He reassured her, before his eyes lit up slightly once getting back onto the original topic. “Right! Okay, so I sort of need you to be my date to this Halloween party.” His favor came out as more of a statement than a question, and he was already rushing up the stairs by mid-sentence. It was nearing late evening, meaning they had just over an hour to get ready. He had nothing prepared, but hopefully Eleanor would be able to dig through his closet and find something suitable. After making his way up the stairs halfway, Connor paused to make sure she was trailing behind him but also out of realization as to the way he’d worded things. “I mean, of course, it’s not a date date. Just my date. You get it, right?” He clarified, his excitement slowly easing. “Sorry it’s so last minute. A co-worker insisted I come, and you’re the only person available. That is, of course, if you are available.” In truth, Connor didn’t have many friends - especially female friends. After having Cassidy, his life had revolved around her. And after his divorce, he was reluctant to get back out there and befriend more women. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready, honestly. There had not been too many options for who Connor could take - it was really either his sister, or Eleanor. His lack of friends was unfortunate, and something he didn’t want to come to terms with just yet. “All of my, uh, my other friends are busy.” He continued on, setting up the perfect scenario for Eleanor to turn down his favor. Trying to explain all of it to her now, he suddenly felt a little ridiculous with the show he’d put on just moments ago. It was as if he’d been a different person. Strangely enough, if he had done the act in front of anyone else aside from her, he would have been dying of embarrassment by this point. But it was just Eleanor. She’d witnessed his playful side around Cassidy countless times, meaning the way he was acting now was unusual, but not completely new. “If you don’t want to, that’s completely understandable. I figure a Halloween party with a crowd of thirty year olds can’t be too much fun.” Connor shrugged nonchalantly although inside, he was hopeful that she’d agree to his invitation. 

[shtconnor-blog]

“Yeah, okay… I’ll be there. Though you haven’t given me much say in the matter either way.” He grumbled into his phone to a co-worker of his promptly hanging up afterwards. His co-worker, one of few that he had made an exception in blurring the lines between colleague and friend, had kept insisting on Connor attending his ‘super spooky, super wild’ Halloween party. To make matters worse, he was required to bring a date. Unfortunately, Cassidy didn’t count. There seemed to be something about Halloween that made everyone, not just kids Cassidy’s age, get involved. Connor didn’t understand the hype. A day dedicated to dressing up in an outfit one spent way too much on, and splurging in sweets. These were both things that could be done during any day of the year and frankly, he felt that holding parties and various celebrations for such simple acts were a waste of time and money. It was hard constantly faking enthusiasm around a six year old little girl who had too much energy to spare. Cassidy, unlike Connor, was always ecstatic about Halloween. however, the holiday had always been on Rachel’s list of duties as they both agreed that he would be useless at dressing up and pretending to enjoy himself at all. Rachel was no longer here though, and that was something both he and Cassidy had learned to accept and adjust to. He knew it bothered her that her mother wasn’t by her side to celebrate with her the way they did yearly, but that was just the way it was from now on. Besides, it wasn’t as if Rachel was making any efforts to make it up to her in any way. In a way, Connor was glad that she was no longer around. At least it showed what kind of mother Rachel truly was. Connor immediately knew it was Elle when he could hear the sounds of their front door opening and closing downstairs. Suddenly, an idea hit him. It wasn’t particularly his best, but he was desperate seeing as the party was tonight. Running downstairs, he straightened himself up and wore his brightest smile. “Eleanor! My favorite nanny.” He exclaimed at the sight of her, his voice unusually perky. “Cass is sleeping over at a friend’s house, so your services won’t be necessary.” Connor explained, taking her coat courteously from her and dropping it onto the couch. “There is, however, one thing you can do for me. I’ll even pay you extra.” Grinning, he eyed her with a mischievous glint in his eyes. This was possibly the first time in months, or even years, that he was this lively around someone other than Cassidy. It felt as if he were a different person, or something had washed over him and was controlling this uncontainable smile of his. 

[gdieleanor]

Elle smiled, though it turned out more as a grimace. She pondered Connor’s words, turning it over in her head. He was right, that’s what a relationship should be, and now she realized that what she and Tyler had was so far from what he had just described that it made her stomach turn uncomfortably. Honestly she’d thought about ending things with him for a while now but.. “But we’ve just been through so much together, you know?” She was making excuses now, but it was true. Elle felt like she owed it to themselves to at least try to make the relationship work, they’d been together for so long, he was Elle’s first serious relationship, and it just didn’t feel right to give up so easily. Though it wasn’t like Tyler was giving tons of effort on his end either. When he cleared his throat, it pulled Elle out of her thoughts and her eyes looked up, silently hoping that she hadn’t zoned out too much. He mentioned his wife, and Elle froze, it was a touchy subject that she knew she shouldn’t delve deeper into. It wasn’t any of her business but she couldn’t help but make a comment about what he had said. “If it means anything, I don’t think you did something wrong. I mean, you’re kind, generous, selfless and I’ve seen your devotion to Cassidy, how you’d do anything for her. So I doubt that it was.. you know, your fault. Some people just don’t work, but I’m sorry if I’m way out of line here.” She almost flinched at her own words, her tone was hesitant and tentative, hoping he wouldn’t find her to be intrusive and simply just tell her to leave. Though she was careful not to say anything negative about his wife. She had been looking after Cassidy for a while now, and considering how much time she actually spent here, she only realized now how little she and Connor really talked. Sure they exchanged pleasantries, and they chatted sometimes when he would come home early and Cassidy would ask her to stay a little bit more, but it was always small talk. Never about their personal lives and things you would only discuss with your close friends. But when he picked up his chopsticks and attempted to follow her motions, light chuckles escaping him as he laughed at himself, Elle was thankful for the change in mood. It was more carefree now, and it slowly eased her, making her feel more comfortable once again. And she bit back her own laughs, not wanting to discourage him. Then, with a frustrated grunt, he set the chopsticks down and went on, calling himself a hopeless cause. “Oh come on! You can’t give up now!” It almost sounded like a whine, “you’re lucky I’m a determined teacher,” she teased lightly. “Here, you just-” and without thinking, she picked up his chopsticks that he set down and put in his hands. Then she held his hands in hers, moving his fingers into the proper position. She struggled slightly with wrapping her hands around his own, since his were considerably larger than hers, but it still worked. “See? It’s just.. it’s just like that..” Elle lead his fingers to move the chopstick up and down, though she couldn’t help the small stutter in her voice, and she hoped Connor hadn’t noticed. “There. You have it,” it was almost a whisper, as she looked up at him, her eyes meeting his and she was reminded of the same moment happening back in the living room. Blinking, she broke away from the eye contact and Elle proceeded on giving him an encouraging smile before looking down. Keeping her hands on his, she guided him on picking up one of the vegetables in his chowmein and slowly, she released her hold on him and sat back properly in her seat. She hadn’t even noticed how close she had leaned into him.

[shtconnor-blog]

“From experience, I can tell you that history doesn’t mean anything if the person doesn’t... truly love you.” Connor replied slowly, a bittersweet smile rested on his face. The memories weren’t difficult at all to retrieve, though that didn’t make the act any more pleasant. He didn’t want to remember any of it - he wanted to remember Rachel as the woman he’d fallen in love with. Not the stranger who’d taken over whom looked to be his ex-wife, staring back at him blankly with little to no remorse. Those times seemed to pop up in his head at the most random times, usually when he wanted to remember them the least. It’d taken him a long time to come to terms with the fact that Rachel didn’t love him anymore, and most likely never loved him as much as she claimed - the male was still attempting to avoid that fact. But he didn’t want Eleanor to be put through similar pain as him. Hopefully the faraway, sad look in his eyes and the way his voice sounded as cold as ice would serve as a warning. Perhaps her relationship wasn’t as extreme as his, since his and Rachel’s relationship had been bound by exchanges of words and a twenty thousand dollar wedding, but a broken heart would be a broken heart nonetheless. “Listen - I probably shouldn’t be saying any of this and you probably shouldn’t be listening to the advice of a thirty year old man but... if you’re making excuses to stay with him, and you feel the need to justify your relationship in front of others, that might be a red flag. I just don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all.” Love was a funny concept. It brought a great deal of overwhelming joy into Connor’s life - the best example being Cassidy. She was the product of two people who’d (supposedly) loved each other so much. So much so, that they made their own little creation. Rachel wasn’t his wife anymore, but the two would always be Cassidy’s parents and no one could ever take that piece of pride away from him. On the other spectrum of things, love brought chaos. Despite all the great memories and discoveries of feelings he hadn’t even been aware existed, he was left alone. Were the many years he’d spent thinking nothing could go wrong, that he was going to be this happy for the rest of his life, worth the years, possibly a lifetime, Connor was going to spend lonely and self-loathing? It was a question he asked himself far too often, but a question that remained unanswered. Perhaps this feeling of loneliness would pass but he couldn’t see that happening any time soon. Happiness was quick to leave, but the same rarely applied to hopelessness. 

As if Eleanor was somehow reading the rush of thoughts racing through his mind, she spoke with a gentleness and certainty in her voice that he couldn’t ignore. There was a load of awkwardness that came with her comforts, but Connor pretended not to take note of it. She was clearly trying hard to cheer him up, even if she didn’t know the complete background of his bitterness. “If you think so, it must be true.” He joked to lighten the mood, laughing under his breath. “Is there such a thing as being too good? Perhaps the nice guys finish last saying isn’t all that inaccurate.” Some people such as Eleanor who only knew his life and personality from an outside view could easily say that he was as good a man could get. Most would pride themselves on these compliments, but Connor hated hearing them. He was always the nice guy - the one who was willing to give up anything for someone who wouldn’t do the same. Women liked nice, sure. But nice got boring. Nice was spending Friday nights watching TV and maybe, just maybe having sex if they were lucky. He didn’t want to be nice, or selfless. He wanted to do whatever made him happy, that was what everyone seemed to be doing these days. In truth, Connor wasn’t entirely sure what made him happy. Cassidy made him happy, but that was a given. His life was a routine stuck on repeat for who knows how long. It was no wonder why Rachel wanted to go for the younger, adventurous neighbour across the street.

“I am getting awfully tired of using my hands for everything...” He said in response to her insistence, shifting over so that Eleanor could bring herself a little closer. Before he could register what was happening, her hand was rested on top of his. At the feeling of their contact, his hand flinched ever so slightly but hopefully subtle enough that she didn’t notice it. The size of her hand was significantly smaller than his, and he wanted to laugh at her determination to teach him. He couldn’t though, as he was practically frozen in place aside from the hand Eleanor was in control of. His eyes searched for hers, reluctantly meeting them with contact locked in place. Their gaze was broken as she continued to help him, his eyes drifting downwards to the food - he’d nearly forgotten that him learning to use chopsticks was the point of all this - and he successfully managed to pick up bokchoy with her guidance. When her voice dropped to a mere whisper, he could feel the mood of the room completely shift into something different. He broke apart as soon as she did, only just now realizing how close she’d gotten next to him. As Eleanor returned to her seat, Connor did the same but purposely avoided making eye contact, keeping his eyes busy with the array of food laid out in front of them. “Uh, thanks.” He said stiffly, going back to playing around with his food. “You’re not so terrible of a teacher, you know.”

[shtconnor-blog]

gdieleanor:

Elle froze at his question, she couldn’t help but feel a little surprised at herself when she couldn’t immediately find any words to answer such an, or at least what seemed to be, an easy question. Biting her lip she glanced up at him and began to nod slowly. “Yeah..” Elle began softly, ‘he used to’ she thought, but instead continued with, “he does, I mean, not all the time, but nothings perfect, right?” She chuckled nervously as she reached up to scratch lightly at her neck. Elle couldn’t tell what made her feel more uneasy, the personal questions, or lying to Connor’s face, literally. But what would telling him the truth do? He was simply the guy she was watching Cassidy for, he paid her to babysit his kid. Not the other way around, he wasn’t Elle’s psychiatrist and she didn’t pay him to listen to her problems. Petty ones at that. She found herself once again, with her eyes on Connor and it made her think, about his own problems. He had so much on his plate already, and who was she to add even more onto it? When he spoke up, accepting her offer to help him with the chopsticks, Elle shook her thoughts away and brightened up with a smile. “Never,” she agreed. Picking up her own set, she slowly positioned them between her fingers, the way you would, raising her hands slightly to give Connor a better view. “It’s not too hard, really. You just hold the first one like this, like a pencil-” she followed her own directions, smiling up at Connor as she showed him, “and set this one on top and just hold it like that. Try it.” Elle nodded encouragingly and gestured at his own chopsticks. When she found the irony in the situation, it almost made Elle laugh. It was so ridiculous. Connor was a teacher for a living, and hear was she, teaching him instead.

Connor took note of the moment’s worth of hesitance prior to her reply, but pretended not to notice. Either she was lying, or getting reassurance regarding romance from the father of the child you babysat put her in an uncomfortable position. He hoped it was the latter. Her answer caused him to raise a brow, slightly concerned. “Well, I suppose that’s true. Nothing will ever be perfect. But… even when he’s putting you in a bad mood, he should still be making you happy, y’know? Like, you’d rather argue with him than have a perfect relationship with anyone else. If that’s not it… then I don’t know. Doesn’t sound good to me.” He was thinking out loud at this point, not giving much attention to Eleanor’s presence. As he spoke, he stared blankly down at his food, toying with it with his chopsticks. Realizing that all of this had been said aloud, Connor looked to her and let out somewhat of an awkward chuckle. Clearing his throat, he shifted his weight. “I mean, I’m probably wrong. I haven’t got a clue when it comes to relationships. My last one ended with my wife cheating on me so, clearly, I did something wrong there.” It sounded like a funny story now - at least by the way he described it - but the memories were still fresh in his mind, and they definitely weren’t pleasant in the least bit. He put on a smile, bitter, but a smile nonetheless. Despite Elle spending a large amount of her time under his roof, they actually didn’t talk too often besides the usual small talk. Their conversation felt a little awkward, as if both of them had more that they were thinking than saying. Really, neither were in any position to judge the other’s love lives. Both were giving half assed explanations and the other was trying their best not to notice it. As if acting as if the conversation that had occurred just moments ago hadn’t actually happened, Connor glanced down at her, a laugh bubbling up as she attempted to teach him the proper way of using chopsticks. He listened closely to her instructions, trying to follow along with her actions and copy. Even so, the male wasn’t able to do whatever she was doing. Letting out a grunt of frustration that was followed by light laughter, he set down his chopsticks. “It’s a hopeless cause, Elle.” He jested, furrowing his brows in mock disappointment.

[shtconnor-blog]

gdieleanor:

Elle opened up her own box of chowmein, right after him and took a bite, picking up some of the noodles using her chopsticks and putting it in her mouth. When he continued asking about Tyler, Elle shifted uneasily in her seat. Usually, she was a very open answer, Elle was hardly a private person which could sometimes be a problem, but in this case, Tyler just wasn’t an easy topic for her to talk about. Their relationship… it was different, no relationship is perfect, of course, but still, theirs seemed a little too much. They fought and argued alot, and she noticed they never really work out their arguments, it was more like Tyler would brush their problems under the carpet and that was it. He just magically expected everything to be suddenly okay. And Elle would have to go along with it or else he’ll leave unexpectedly for a few days, no contact, no explanation, then he’d come back and his story was always the same. ‘I just stayed with some friends, nothing happened, I promise’ and she would believe him. So clearing her throat, Elle turned to Connor, her mouth slightly agape as she didn’t know what to say to him exactly. “Well.. yeah, I mean he’s not.. abusive, if that’s what you’re wondering. But thank you, for asking.” She smiled at him appreciatively, of course when he said he liked to make sure that his nannies were well taken care of, it was probably just common courtesy, but it still made her feel honoured. When it was his turn to answer her question about his own personal love life, it was clear it brought him discomfort, and immediately, Elle regretted asking him about it in the first place. She then remembered what Clarence had told her about his ex-wife, and this sudden realization hit her like a brick in the face. Flushing, she let out a soft, “..oh,” and shook her head. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” With a half pained, half embarrassed expression, Elle eagerly looked for ways to change the subject. She then noticed him toying with his food, almost as if he was avoiding using his chopsticks (something she herself used to do). “I could help you with those, if you’d like,” she offered brightly. If her face was as red as they felt, Elle silently hoped Connor wouldn’t notice.

Although Elle’s response sounded believable enough, he still wasn’t fully buying into her story. Abusive relationship or not, if one wasn’t entirely happy and certain with the person they were choosing to share their life with, they had every right to leave. It was a little ironic of him to say that, seeing as that was exactly how his wife had felt towards him. He personally thought the two had been maintaining a healthy, and excitable relationship but it turned out that hadn’t been the case at all. When Rachel left not only him, but Cassidy behind, all hell broke loose inside of him. Showing emotions on the exterior was something that Connor struggled with at times, but unfortunately, that was only a facade. Of course, she had every right to leave, but that thought didn’t make it any easier on him. Being alone was a fear he hated to admit, but it was there. As a result, he wasn’t the best person to be giving Elle advice. Part of him wanting to encourage her to leave the relationship she was in, but the other half knowing how terrible it was to have your significant other disappear. “Yes, but does he make you happy?” He inquired, probably prying a little too much. Her being happy was really the most important part out of anything, and the question was simple enough to answer. She seemed slightly uneasy talking about her boyfriend, but all her answer required was either a yes or a no. Connor was obviously no expert in romance, but it didn’t take rocket science to figure out that nothing was worth it if one wasn’t happy. Noticing how quick Eleanor was to apologize despite it being his fault for being so sensitive to the topic, the male shook his head. “It’s not your fault.” He mustered up a smile but didn’t say much else, not wanting to drag on the topic any longer. After more than six months, one would think that Connor would be entirely over his ex-wife and prepared to find someone new, but it wasn’t that easy. It wasn’t just how much he’d loved Rachel, thinking that she was his forever. Walking into your wife in the shower with the man who lived across the street was an image difficult to permanently erase. He’d been so happy with her and yet everything still managed to fall apart - how did he know that wouldn’t happen again? The male was relieved at her strong effort to shift the focus onto something lighter, specifically his inability to use chopsticks. He flashed her a genuine grin, before letting go of the chopsticks. “This is usually when I give up and resort to using a fork. But it’s never too late to learn, right?” Meeting Eleanor’s eyes, Connor shifted closer towards her. He took note of the red tinge that spread across her face but made no acknowledgement towards it, although it only made the grin he wore even wider out of amusement.

[shtconnor-blog]

gdieleanor:

As she split apart her chopsticks, Elle couldn’t ignore the slightly awkward tension in the room that practically surrounded them. She knew he found it strange that she chose to stay, but honestly she wasn’t very eager to come home right now, she and Tyler had had a fight yesterday and they’d likely have another one tonight and just the thought of it made Elle internally groan. She was just so tired, and she had hoped that maybe having a simple dinner with Connor would lighten her mood and hopefully distract her from her personal issues. Then, as if he was reading her mind, Connor had asked about her boyfriend, and Elle looked up at him in surprise. She stared for a second, drawn at a blank as to what to answer before forcing a smile and turning back to her food. “Tyler, his name’s Tyler. And you know, things are..” The brunette paused, hesitating. She didn’t want to lie, Elle never felt comfortable with lying to people, but she didn’t want to burden him with her petty little problems either. “Good, I mean as good as a relationship with a man-child can get, at least,” she smiled at him and shrugged a shoulder before taking a bite out of one of her egg rolls. “But hey, what about you? Anything new for you in the romance department?” Elle questioned. It was a lame attempt at changing the subject, but suddenly she found herself really interested to hear his answer. Though if he had been dating, surely she would have heard about it, like asking her to babysit on a weekend so he could go out or something. But she also wouldn’t be surprised if he was, and was simply just keeping it discreet.

Taking the box of chowmein for himself, Connor split apart his chopsticks despite knowing fully well that he was incapable of using them with ease. He toyed with his food as she talked, trying to keep a blank expression as if her love life didn’t actually concern him at all. Which in a way was true, but deep down he was curious. She seemed slightly uneasy at the topic of her boyfriend although he couldn’t blame her. It wasn’t really the type of thing you wanted to discuss with someone you hardly knew. Connor wasn’t entirely sure what her reply was supposed to mean, as one in a happy relationship normally wouldn’t reply with just ‘good’ as an answer. But he wasn’t in any position to delve further into the subject, and he didn’t want to come off as too interested either. The best option was to simply keep the questions casual. “Man-child, huh? I can definitely see the appeal of a guy like that. He’s treating you well though, right? I know it’s none of my business, but I like to make sure my nannies are well taken care of.” Connor grinned, swallowing down a bit of his food. His smile faded a bit once Elle shifted the topic to him, and he suddenly froze inside. He didn’t know why the question took him by such surprise, or why he was struggling so much to come up with an answer. Lying and telling her his love life had even the smallest shred of hope was tempting, but he’d never been the best liar. “Uh, yeah, everything’s great. Nothing’s really changed, but I suppose that’s a good thing. No more unexpected break ups.” He nodded, staring down blankly at his food. His wife cheating on him was still a sore subject that Connor always failed at making light of, and Eleanor already knew that. At the moment, the male had no interest in getting back into seeing people. Taking care of Cassidy and seeing pictures of his ex-wife and her new boyfriend on Facebook was already a handful.

[shtconnor-blog]

gdieleanor:

Elle watched him disappear up the steps, surprised by his change of mind and she frowned slightly. She waited patiently downstairs for him, hanging her jacket back up on the rack and setting her bag down on the couch in the living room, to prove her willingness to stay. When he came back down, he made a playful comment that brought out a soft laugh from her. Looking down, she shook her head at him with a smile, before bringing her head back up to face him once more. “I want to,” the girl insisted. “I mean like you said, it’s a privilege to have dinner with you, and who am I to turn down such an offer?” She grinned. Elle didn’t want him to question her again, so without a second word, she made her way to the kitchen and took out the food Connor had brought in only a few minutes ago. She set them down on the countertop and turned back to face him, “well? You’re not gonna just leave me hanging are you? Because that wouldn’t be very nice, offer a girl dinner and ditch her last minute.” The corner of her lips rose into a playful smile as she began opening up the boxes of food. Though, despite the smile and her confident outlook, she secretly worried that he maybe thought she was being too forward. Because, really, most babysitters would just leave as soon as the parents get home, but this wasn’t that out there, was it? It was just dinner.

Before Connor could even stop her, she’d already made her way to the kitchen, digging through the food. He stood planted in his spot for a few moments, merely watching her out of slight surprise. Her staying over longer than necessary was nothing new, but still, he found it a little odd how Elle wasn’t at all hesitant to give up spending time with her boyfriend. She was still young, and as far as he knew, no one passed up the opportunity to do whatever they wanted on a Friday night. But this was her choice, and he wasn’t going to complain at all for the company. Blinking, the male nodded at her, a smile gracing his lips. Slowly, the male walked over to the kitchen counter and leaned forward on it with his hands as he watched her open up the boxes. He cleared his throat, not entirely sure what to say. Up till now, their encounters were solely limited to talks regarding Cassidy and occasionally extremely vague details regarding their personal lives. Aside from that, he didn’t know much about her besides the fact that she was a miracle worker when it came to taking care of kids. “So, um, I hope you like Chinese.” Connor said in attempt to break the uncomfortable silence before realizing how stupid that was of him to say. She was the one opening the boxes, it wasn’t much of a surprise that they were having Chinese food tonight. He forced out a short chuckle before clearing his throat once more. “So, uh, how’s everything going with your boyfriend? What was his name again?” Truthfully, he was pretty certain she’d actually never revealed the name of her partner, but hopefully she wouldn’t remember that. 

[shtconnor-blog]

[gdieleanor]

Elle bent down to pick up one of the last few toys, Cassidy’s stuffed dog, when Connor had reached down and got there before her. Her eyes met his, and she stopped for a second, stunned by the sudden eye contact. But then he stood back up and it was gone as soon as it came. Blinking, she cleared her throat and straightened herself, brushing her hands off on the front of her jeans. She then started getting ready to leave, he looked so worn down, she assumed Connor would appreciate some time alone. Actually, he always looked so tired to her, from the moment Clarence introduced the two to each other, and until now. Maybe that’s why Elle always felt a certain obligation to help him, in any way possible, maybe it’d somehow lessen the weight he seemed to always carry on his shoulders. But suddenly, when he offered for her to join him for dinner, then brushing it off, seeming almost embarrassed for asking in the first place, Elle caught the sudden change in his expression. He seemed… disappointed..? Though she ignored it and a soft smile appeared on Elle’s lips. She hadn’t even realized how hungry she was until now. “No! I’d love to join you for dinner. I’m sure Caleb wouldn’t mind, besides, I doubt he’ll even notice if I’m gone for a little while.” And she meant it, Elle wouldn’t be surprised if she even got home before him. The brunette smiled at the male reassuringly, nodding as a sign that she accepts his offer. 

[shtconnor-blog]

He tried to hide the surprisingly great deal of joy that came with her agreement to staying a little longer. Her company was enjoyable, but Connor was more relieved that the house wouldn’t feel so empty as it usually did. It’d been six months since Clarence threw a pile of her clothes into a tiny suitcase and walked out, and he felt he would never learn to appreciate the quiet that came with her absence. Having a kid around did help fill the silence, but Cassidy wasn’t too much of the talkative type either. This house was too big for just the two of them, but even so, he wasn’t quite ready to consider moving somewhere new. Instead of smiling, the male raised a brow. As much as he wanted her to stay, he knew she had other obligations to tend to. She was still young, and most likely had a handful of things she wanted to do besides eating take-out at the house of practically a stranger. “You sure? It’s Friday night, Elle. You deserve to be with him. You’ve done enough for us here.” His actions, however, went against his words as he was already picking up his daughter from the couch to get her to bed. It wouldn’t take long since she was already dressed for the occasion and all, thanks to Eleanor. “I’m just going to put her to bed, okay? I can give you a ride home, if you want.” He said, walking up the stairs with Cassidy in his arms, glancing back every now and then. For a few minutes, Connor disappeared upstairs. It always took a while for him to calm her down and to make the idea of sleep sound appealing. After a little tickling and a kiss on the cheek, he returned back downstairs. “So, what’s it gonna be? I mean, don’t get me wrong, eating dinner with me is a privilege, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to.” His lips curled into a crooked smile, an attempt at appearing modest.

[gdieleanor]

Elle glanced up at the clock for maybe the 10th time now, distracted as she played along with Cassidy’s doll game. It was nearing seven o’clock, and Connor was at least two hours late. Elle had already even given her a bath, dressed her in her pyjamas, and when she had asked about dinner, she even cooked up some boxed mac and cheese she dug out in the back of the cupboards. Elle didn’t mind staying for a little longer, really, Cassidy was a pleasure to watch over, but she had grown a little worried, especially when she didn’t receive messages of any sort from him, like, ‘Hey I’ll be a little late tonight, don’t worry’ or something like that. She had even begun to think the worst when suddenly, there he was, rushing through the door, hands full of what she assumed to be dinner. Cassidy looked up at her dad, smiling widely as she eagerly rushed into his arms. Elle couldn’t help but smile too, it was just something about that expression Cassidy wore on her face every time she saw her father come through that door, it warmed her heart, as cheesy as that sounded. Standing up, Elle shook her head as he thanked her, shoving her hands lightly in her pockets. “Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing, really, as always, Cassidy was a perfect little angel,” she grinned at the girl. “More or less,” Elle teased, poking her softly at the side. “Also I, uh- made Cassidy some of that Kraft Mac & Cheese stuff, hope you don’t mind. And don’t worry, I’ll clean this all up before I go.” Elle glanced around the living room and gestured towards the mess surrounding them. “Just go ahead, have dinner, you look exhausted.” She gave him a small smile before already beginning to bending down and picking up the toys that was cluttered around the house. She placed them in her arms as she made her way to the box where Cassidy kept all her toys in the living room. Then she began put all the clothes in the pile, noting to herself get a laundry hamper from upstairs to put them in.

[shtconnor-blog]

Connor glanced down at his daughter for confirmation of Eleanor’s reassuring statement, being greeted back with a wide grin. Shifting his eyes back to Elle, he gave her another look of gratitude. After pressing his lips to Cassidy’s forehead, giving her a quick peck, he set her down back on to the couch. “Is that so? I find that a little hard to believe, but I’m in no position to question it.” A sigh escaped from him as he was happy to be back home but still a little exhausted from earlier on in the day. For a second, the male zoned out, staring into nowhere. But he still managed to catch most of what she’d said, and was quick to nod to show he was still there. “No, that’s perfectly fine. I usually only let her have that junk on the weekends, but hey, it’s better than having Cass starve, right?” Letting out a chuckle, he collapsed back onto the couch next to Cassidy. She was too invested watching TV to pay much attention to his presence or the conversation at hand, which was relieving in a way. Connor shook his head. “You’re our nanny, not our maid. Don’t worry about it, Elle. I’ll clean it up... eventually.” He leaned his head back, running a hand through his hair and shutting his eyes closed for a moment before sitting up straight again and returning back to reality. Seeing her already taking on the role of picking up all the miscellaneous toys, he moved to where she was, bending down and picking up the toy she was just about to take. His eyes met hers but didn’t linger for long, standing back up to drop the object back in the box. It was weird how often this sort of thing happened. Long glances at her was never intentional, but somehow became a habit of Connor’s. After all the toys were collected, he spoke up, knowing now was the only time he could stop her from cleaning the entire house. “I think that’s more than enough cleaning for today. And, uh, I was actually thinking that you could join me for dinner? It’s nearly Cass’ bedtime anyway, so it’ll just be the two of us. No crazy kid to look after. — Ah, nevermind. I often forget you have a life outside of this house. Your boyfriend’s probably waiting for you, you should go.” Connor’s smile faded slightly, realizing he’d have to eat a meal alone just like countless other nights. Of course, eating dinner with your kid’s nanny wasn’t exactly ideal, but any company was better than none at all.

[shtconnor-blog]

Connor rushed into his house, struggling to open the door as his hands were full of Chinese take-out. He usually hated having to bring home dinner instead of eating homemade meals, but there weren’t many other options for days like today. It was almost seven o’clock in the evening, a preposterous hour to return home through the mind of a single dad. On most days, it was always five o’clock at the latest but even that was unlikely. Today, however, he’d had no choice but to put up with an extremely angry parent who’d given him a lecture for two hours about how their son deserved a better mark. By the end of it all, Connor was far too worn out to argue, compromising and changing the grade to a C-. Afterwards, it was marking tests for nearly an hour. As time consuming as the task was, he preferred finishing up all his work at school than bringing it home and letting the work get in the way of spending time with his daughter. Forty or so tests later, the male decided he was too tired to care about the grief he’d get about delaying their grades another day, and also too tired to even think about what he’d be making for dinner. To top it all off, food took practically ten years to order and pick up, then somehow it was already almost seven by the time Connor parked his car into the driveway. He was lucky his sister had miraculously managed to find him a more than reliable nanny, especially one that Cassidy (his daughter) was fond of. Cassidy was extremely picky when it came to those who were taking care of her, and it was a huge surprise and relief when she came to like Eleanor right away. Walking through the entrance, the sounds of his daughter’s laughter and the warm aura of his home already consumed him, bringing an uncontrollable smile to his face. “I’m home!” He yelled over the sound of the TV, slipping off his shoes and making his way to the living room. The floor was covered in toys and dirty clothes everywhere, but he could never be bothered to clean any of it up. Seeing both girls, Cassidy and Eleanor, playing with dolls on the living room floor, he gave Elle a nod of acknowledgement, glad to see she hadn’t left despite her hours ending at five. A he set down the food on the coffee table, his eyes met Cassidy’s. Connor knelt down to pick up his daughter into his arms before standing back up. “Thank you for staying so late, Elle. I would have texted you or something, but my phone died.” He shot her a sheepish grin, glancing down at her.