not like the movies @sikefabian-blog - Tumblr Blog

“You know what, at least I can admit it. Yes, you did give me the famous painting, but that’s the only good that came out of whatever the hell we had,” she knew in her heart that she couldn’t hid the fact that the painting was them. She remembered the night she painted it. With a bottle of alcohol, and hours of crying alone in her room, she created the feelings she felt about what they had, and what it did to her. Cailin never wanted anyone to see it, and to see her pain, but it was too late. She held her breath, the moment he was inches away from her, trying to keep herself together. The words he said cut her like a knife as she stood there frozen. She allowed another tear and a sob slip out. Letting a couple of minutes go buy, she controlled herself, and walked back inside, and looked for the one person she knew could protect her. Upon spotting Xavier, she immediately grabbed his hand, for reassurance. “Are you okay?” he leaned down and whispered in her ear. “I’m peachy.” she replied in a harsh tone, knowing it was a lie. When they began to present her painting, she grabbed Xavier’s hand, and pulled him to her painting, beginning to start. “This painting is something very….close to me. It was created during a dark time in my life, and a time that I–I don’t ever wish on anyone. The picture of the girl, breaking over the boy is something that represents a true heartbreak. They say it’s the worst pain anyone can have. But, I’m…happy to have moved past it. I thank everyone who said kind words, and thank you for coming.” she quickly said, before turning and kissing Xavier on the lips, and moving past him, feeling the tears coming up again. She grabbed a bottle of champagne, without anyone seeing, knowing well she needed it, and moved to the back of the art gallery, where no one was present. She slid to the ground, and opened the bottle, letting everything go.

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Fabian was used to lying to himself. He always lied to himself ever since he was a child: your parents like you for more than just your success, you are better than all the hate comments you get, you aren’t a terrible person for the things you say, you aren’t a fuckboy for all the girls you sleep with, you aren’t a monster for the way you talked to Cailin, you don’t love Cailin anymore, were just some of the lies he had told himself over the years. And once again, he lied to himself, telling himself he could make it in and out of the gallery with his heart just as destroyed as it was before, but never more. And once again, he was wrong, just like all those sentences before were. As he watched Cailin speaking in front of her painting, he let his own eyes linger the picture, how the girl seemed to break over the boy and the boy was still intact. That wasn’t what had happened between them. He understood she was broken, but little did she know, he was too, but he had been trained to lie from a very young age, she hadn’t. Pouring himself some more champagne, he finished his fourth glass and wiped his mouth, looking up just in time to watch Cailin kissing her boyfriend. The sight in front of him pulled strings inside him that he thought he had lost forever, he thought they were broken beyond repair, turns out that when it came to pain, his heart was always ready to break a bit more. For the first time that night, he let a single tear slide down his cheek, and as soon as he tasted the salt on the tip of his tongue, he exited the gallery, not bothering to call his driver as he walked back home, trying to clear his head, unsuccessfully of course.

#{ & chat: cailin; }#SIGHS LOUDLY

ffsnaya

Cailin watched as the smirk spread across his face. She wished she could knock it right off of him, but she knew it wasn’t going to get better. “I must have meant something to you for me to have hurt you that bad. But it doesn’t matter. I don’t need you anyways. You were just a waste of my time, and I shouldn’t be standing here wasting my breathe on something that was the past. I have a life now where I’m finally happy, and with someone I love. – I mean nothing to you? Well, you’ve meant nothing to me for the past seven months, and it will continue to be that way.” she tried to hold in the emotions she was feeling, but something she will always have a weakness in, is the ability to hold back tears. By the time she let out a breath, a tear fell from her eye. Cailin knew everything she said was a lie, and with her cracking she knows that he might know it to. “Who do I have? I have someone who loves me. Someone who truly loves me, and not someone who pretended to. That’s better than a line of people waiting for me.” she watched his face, as it slowly burned her inside. “You’re right…because I thought I did love you, but I guess it was just bullshit, because what I felt for you was just a distraction. A distraction from what I really needed, and it sure as hell wasn’t you.” she said, before taking a step back, knowing if she was too close, she would crack under the pressure, and cry before him, ruining the cover she had.

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“I’m glad I was just a distraction from what you really wanted, because even if I was, it still got you a famous painting,” he watched as the tear slid down her cheek, his first instinct was to let his guard down and wrap his arms around her, but he fought it with all he had. He couldn’t give in, not now, not when she had brought all her weapons and declared war to him. He wouldn’t be the one waving the white flag. “That’s right, I might be high and I might be a fuckboy or whatever you’re trying to imply I am, but I can still put two and two together and figure where you found inspiration for that painting, and it wasn’t in the guy you claim to love so much,” he shot back at her, not being quite done yet. As he noticed her taking a step back, he took three steps forward, closing in the distance between them and taking a long, deep breath. “I thought I had someone who truly loved me, but where did that get me? Nowhere, so I’d take the line of girls over someone like you, anytime,” he spat, this time turning his back to her and going back inside, disappearing between the bodies of the other people attending, going straight to one of the caterers and grabbing a glass of champagne, downing it in one go.

#{ & chat: cailin; }#DRAKE WOULDN'T TREAT ME LIKE DIS

ffsnaya

Cailin tried to control the emotions burning the back of her throat. The mentioning of his brother brought back painful memories of that night, both in which she slept with him, and the night Fabian found out about it. It was a night she painfully regretted knowing she wanted to save her first time for someone she loved, and not for someone who wouldn’t remember her name the next morning. “I had the right to do whatever the hell I want. Who I sleep with is my business, not yours. It’s not like we dated or anything. All those time we were together, it didn’t even matter what you thought of, because it’s my body.” she lied, knowing very well the second she left that room the next morning, she never wanted to see his brother again, and never did. “You cant say anything about who I’m dating, and what your assumptions are. At least I can keep someone on my arm. And maybe I will get married to him, considering I do love him. They always say second time’s the charm, right? I’ll be sure to send you an invitation, unless you want to show up high to that one.” she felt the words burn her throat, knowing well she didn’t love Xavier, and what her intentions were. She knew he was onto him, and she wasn’t going to let the one thing protecting her crash before her.

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Fabian drew in a breath. His eyes bore into hers for a few seconds, letting her talk and say all she had to. When she was over, Fabian shook his head, a smirk on his lips. The same smirk that he always used to hide his true feelings under, the one mask he always wore in these situations. “You think you can affect me with those empty words? You mean nothing to me, Cailin, I won’t let someone who doesn’t mean a thing to me hurt me anymore,” he lied, almost biting his tongue after what he said. Taking another deep breath, he tried to calm himself down, but failed. “Are you that desperate? You say ‘at least I can keep someone on my arm’ and that ‘you love him’, you think that I couldn’t have any of that if I wanted to? I have girls lining up to be with me, who do you have again?” He lifted his chin up slightly, smiling darkly. “Love is bullshit, there’s no such thing as love unless it comes from your own family. And by the way, you still need to date one more person, if second time’s a charm, because what you and I had, whatever the fuck that was, it never was love,” he finished, pursing his lips, trying not to think too much or let himself be too bothered by his own words. Lying that much was terrible, but he was glad he was a good actor to keep up with all the lies.

#{ & chat: cailin; }#CRIES IN DRAKE

ffsnaya

Cailin stood still, noticing that he wanted her to not talk. Taking a deep breath, she was about to turn around and leave, but something was stronger than her motive to leave. “You know what, I was going to apologize…” she said, stepping closer to him, grabbing his cigarette and throwing it to the ground, stepping on it. She didn’t know why she did that, but she for sure knew it wasn’t good for him, and she hated the smell of it. “But fuck it. You have no right to be here. You told me seven months ago that you never loved me, and that you didn’t care, and yes I vividly remember that night. You don’t have to be here. This wouldn’t be the first time you rebelled against my mother, and trust me I know those other times you did. There are hundreds of other art galleries around the world you could go to. But I don’t need nor do I want you here.” she said, letting out a breath she was holding in. Cailin didn’t mean some of the things she said, knowing well deep inside she wanted him there.

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Fabian’s eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets when she grabbed his cigarette and stepped on it, the action followed by a ton of words and accusations. He wasn’t expecting that from her, she used to be very calm and centered, it always kept him grounded, but a few months away and that had changed. He felt like he didn’t know the girl standing in front of him anymore. “Look, Cailin, I do whatever the fuck I want with my life, if I want to follow what your mother requests of me, I will do it. Besides, it’s one painting of yours in the middle of a bunch of others, don’t let your ego get the best of you, you’re not even ten per cent of this gallery,” he crossed his arms, pretending like every single word she spoke didn’t feel like a knife to his heart. “You didn’t have any right to sleep with my own brother either, and oh look, you fucking did it. Guess we can’t always get what we want, huh?” He unfolded his arms, shaking his head. “Don’t worry about it, I just promised I’d stay until your freaking presentation of your painting and then you won’t have to see me again, ever, in your whole life. You can go on and get married to Mister ‘I’m not exactly sure I’m straight’ you’re dating.”

#{ & chat: cailin; }#{ he's onto xavier }

ffsnaya

Cailin watched as he walked away, and she immediately felt guilty for her actions. It was as if her old self was coming out again. She turned to Xavier, and gave him a small smile. “I’m gonna go and find myself a drink.” she said to him, before moving away from him. She felt her heart beginning to race again as she felt every memory come back to her. To those moments with Fabian, and how she was never the way she acted. Although she’s changed, and is better at standing her ground, Fabian always manages to bring her old self back. When she found the back patio, where he was located, she slowly stepped out and took a few steps towards him. She didn’t know what to say, or what to do, but something in her pulled her to there. She watched the small cigarette in his hand, something she always hated, and looked back up at him. Her hands came together in front of her, and tried to distract her anxious feelings. “Fabian..” she said in a low voice.

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Fabian had his eyes closed, trying not to think too much about what just happened. In an hour or so, he’d be able to go back home, sleep for a few hours until he had to be up to film another episode of his series. At least he had that to keep him entertained, whenever he was playing his character, he felt like he didn’t have to deal with his own problems. As he took another drag of his cigarette, he heard Cailin’s voice, as well as the sound of her heels clicking against the floor, his head immediately shooting up to look at her. “Don’t,” he said, lifting one finger up in front of his face. “You don’t have to explain, and I don’t really care about your explanation anyway.”

#{ & chat: cailin; }#oh wow that was short i'm sorry

ffsnaya

Cailin jumped in and introduced the two. “This is Xavier, my boyfriend, and Xavier, this is Fabian. My mother manages him, so we know eachother.” She felt the pain in her chest when she couldn’t say the word friend, not even knowing what they were. All she knew is that she couldn’t let Xavier know what they had, and Fabian couldn’t know about the deal they had. Xavier gave her a slight look, knowing something was off, but continued by wrapping his arm around her waist, and pulling her closer to him. Cailin knew she wanted another arm around her, but the pain brought her back, and she refused to let that show. She let a very fake smile spread across her face, feeling a vengeful vibe within her, and not caring to let to go.

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As soon as her words confirmed his assumptions, Fabian wished he’d have Floyd Mayweather punching him in the stomach non-stop instead. The pain would be much more bearable than what he was feeling in that moment. His eyes wandered from her face to his arm around her, the word ‘boyfriend’ still ringing in his head like a thought he couldn’t shake off. Looking at the painting once more, Fabian took a deep breath and then smiled, his body stiff as a rock. “Well, your painting’s great, and it was nice meeting you, but I have a -- thing, I have to do, so I’ll see you around,” without another word, Fabian moved towards the other end of the gallery, feeling like punching himself in the face, before walking outside to the small patio behind the building and taking a long, deep breath. Pulling out his pack of cigarettes, he lit one up and smoked, his back against the wall.

#{ & chat: cailin; }#actual representation of his face

ffsnaya

Cailin was struck back at the response he gave. She knew her harsh tone wasn’t going to start the conversation well, but she didn’t expect that. “Good publicity? I don’t need your fame or image to help my paintings. Clearly they’ve been doing well without you.” she snapped back, and she wasn’t planning on holding it back. Over the months that she’s been away, she’s developed a new sense of independence, and starting to do things for herself, and not for others. Before she could say another word, Xavier came up behind her and planted a kiss on her cheek. She suspected that he noticed her discomfort, and came to save her. “Hey, I know you. You’re Fabian, I’m a big fan.” he said reaching out and offered his hand for a shake. Cailin watched the interaction between the two, knowing they both are clueless of the background she has both guys.

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“Tell that to mommy dearest, not me,” he replied in a bitter tone, she was being awfully ungrateful for his presence, and although he wasn’t expecting anything else, it still wounded him. Then, a guy he didn’t know about and never had seen before, came up to Cailin and kissed her cheek. Somehow, that seemed to irk him immensely, as the guy extended his hand to greet him, he only smiled back, nodding his head towards the unknown male. “Pleasure, and you might be?” He asked, his tone a little harsh, probably the drugs taking their tool on him. Normally, they’d have a calming effect, but due to the situation, they just seemed to be amplifying his worst side. His eyes averted to Cailin’s, and, as he noticed the way the two of them interacted, he felt his heart skip a beat. He was probably her boyfriend.

#{ & chat: cailin; }#here we freaking go

ffsnaya

Cailin looked down into her drink, trying to keep herself distracted, until she heard the sound of her mother’s voice coming in her direction. Her eyes moved up, and she was met with Fabian’s eyes again. Her heart began to race, now being within a few feet of him, and not knowing how to react. “Uhm– Thank you.” she said quickly, and put on a small smile. “I’ll leave you two alone to catch up,” her mother spoke up, and began to walk away. For the first time, she wished her mother wouldn’t leave and do what she did best, which was create conversation, and lay out her opinions. Trying to find a sense of calm, she drank the rest of her glass, and set it down on a ledge next to her. She connected her eyes back to his, and looked at the face that she was absent from for seven months. “What are you doing here?” she said immediately, coming out harsher than she expected, but was too late to take back.

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Fabian watched as Cailin’s mother walked away from them, a loud sigh escaping his slightly parted lips as he once again turned his attention to the painting. He wasn’t really planning on talking to her, the memories of their last conversation still very vivid in his head. However, those plans were crashed once she spoke to him, a humorless laugh leaving his lips, as if the whole thing wasn’t uncomfortable enough already. “Harsh, love,” he turned his head in her direction, eyeing her up and down, a smirk then carved on his lips. “I’m not here for you, don’t worry, your mother begged me to come, it’s good publicity for your painting,” he spoke, his hand then lifting to touch his hair, closing his eyes for a second, his head suddenly feeling a little heavier. Maybe the blunt was finally kicking in.

#{ & chat: cailin; }

ffsnaya

Cailin smiled at the middle aged woman in front of her. “Thank you so much, this is one of my favorite pieces, and it’s one of the most complex pieces that I did.” she takes one glance at her painting and back at the woman before moving her eyes behind her and to someone she never would have expected to see that night. Her heart turned into knots as her eyes laid on the guy. the guy. the guy that was apart of her painting. She tried to focus on the words the woman was saying in front of her, while her mind urged to focus on the guy across the room. After a minute, the woman moved along, and she was alone. Cailin tried to act casual, and like she wasn’t struck by something. She reached over and grabbed a glass of champagne, disregarding the fact that she was underage, and took a sip.

sikefabian-blog

Fabian was staring at one of the paintings, rubbing his own eyes here and there, trying to keep them open. As he looked up and to his side, his eyes met the eyes of someone he hadn’t seen in a while -- Cailin. He knew she was going to be there, he was there for her painting anyway. But that didn’t make it any less hard. “There you are!” Katherine, Cailin’s mother, finally found him and hugged him tightly, a hug he barely returned, still too numb to even react. Before he could object, she was dragging him towards Cailin, going on and on about how beautiful the painting was. His eyes averted Cailin’s face and settled on her painting, the view in front of him like a punch to his stomach. “Hum, yes, it’s very beautiful, congratulations,” he spoke slowly, dragging his words, trying not too sound as affected by it as he clearly was.

#{ & chat: cailin; }#cue the pain

ffsnaya

Cailin stood in front of the painting, created by her, wearing a black body con, and black pumps, with her bright red lips to make it pop. With her hands crossed in front of her, she stood still, and watched as everyone walked past. Some admiring what was next to her, and others coming up to her, to give her good feedback. Out of all the paintings that she could have put on display, this was the one that caught the gallerists’ eye. She never expected anyone to see this piece, considering she wanted it kept away for herself, but with one slip up, and a lot of begging, she’s standing here displaying one of her most personal pieces. She snaps out of her gaze, and puts on a smile, ready to greet those in front of her.

sikefabian-blog

Fabian kept replaying in his head the words of his manager. ‘It’d be very important for me if you could come, show your support to Cailin’, little did she know what had happened between them. But one night at a gallery was also one less night he could ruin his image in, and that was important to his manager, so of course he said he’d go. Now, as he exhaled the smoke one last time before stepping on his blunt, he was regretting his decision. Taking a deep breath, he made his best impression of a smile and walked towards the gallery, immediately being swarmed by paparazzi whom his bodyguards took care of, making his way into the gallery. As soon as he was inside, he fixed his jacket and started looking around the art, greeting some people here and there, trying to hide the fact that he wasn’t in his best state.