The heartache that is etched into Mickey’s face as he gazes at Ian. He thinks this is it. He’s never going to see him ever again once goodbye passes between them. This is the love of his life and he feels like fate (maybe even Ian) are being cruel to him. It’s so easy to just get in the car, drive through that border and into a new life in Mexico. But maybe he also knows it’s not that easy for Ian. Which makes it all the more hurtful that he isn’t taking it. That he’s choosing to say goodbye.
Of course he was going to lunge into that kiss. Taste his only love for what he fears will be the last time.
He asked in some anger to mask the hurt and fear coursing through him. He can’t go on without Ian. At least, he doesn’t want to. Because it’s Ian. This man who made him brave. Showed him a side of himself he never even knew was there. And he tastes like home for Mickey. He needs that kiss because he needs to feel that sense of home as he stumbles through Mexico.
Of course he was going to trail his eyes up and down Ian’s face. Slowly taking in every detail, crease, and freckle. This man he thought was so beautiful and alluring even when he was this terrified and closeted kid. He thought Ian was stunning then. He thinks Ian is stunning now. Maybe he’s scared he’ll forget what Ian looks like when the time passes. He can’t have that. So, he better take in everything now.
Goodbyes are hard. Harder when you don’t want to say them. Mickey nor Ian never actually say the word. Maybe it would have made it all too real. They said their own version of those three words. Ian’s more blunt and traditional. Mickey’s hidden under trying to mask what he’s truly feeling. But Ian knows what he means. He knows what he means. Maybe he was crying as soon as he got past that border. Thinking of the man with the red hair and green eyes. The man he was thinking of as The One since he was young. Thinking, “God, I’m never seeing him again”
Is it really any surprise that he went running back the second he was given the chance? Of course he would go running. He walks in with this air of confidence. His heart was probably hammering away though. Fearing that Ian might reject him once more. But he’s also excited because there he is. This man who’s face he worried he’d forget. And that man looks at him with those familiar eyes. Speaks to him in that familiar voice.
The thing about loving is that it’s hard to get past them. Falling out of love takes a lot. Mickey didn’t want to fall out of love though. He wanted to remain wrapped in that feeling he shared with Ian. Because that was a safety net for him. Perhaps he looks at Ian as this guiding angel. Which made him want to protect him all the more. Even if Ian doesn’t want him that way anymore, he’ll do everything in his power to keep the other man out of harm’s way. Because regardless he still thinks of Ian as The One.
He was relieved when Ian smiled at him, climbed on him, caressed him, trailed his eyes up and down his face. Of course he was going to pull him in and kiss him. Taste him when he hadn’t in so long. He’d almost forgotten how good he tasted. But then it all comes rushing back the second their lips intertwine. Ian’s here and wanting him. Ian is still The One. He’s this man that once he knew when they were kids just surviving. This man who still fits into every crevice of him. He probably felt a rush of euphoria wash over him because here was Ian Gallagher. Ian Gallagher was his home and he’d finally gotten back to him.
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