[skamelias]

CHAPTER 10

Title: SKAM SEASON 5 - Elias

Main: Elias Bakkoush

Chapter: 10/10 - “THANKFUL”

Summary: A season 5 continuation of SKAM with Elias Bakkoush as the main. The blog @SKAMELIAS will be updated in realtime with subchapters, text updates, instagram updates. On friday the full chapter is posted on ao3

[skamelias]

THANKFUL

10.4 Fredag 8.12.17   20.46

(((Dør For Deg-Ezzari)))

The night sky overhead contained a vivid mix of golden starlight and swirls of deep blue, awakening Elias’ senses as he fell in step next to Laila, walking up the stairs leading to her friend Anja’s apartment. She was wearing a crimson v-neck sweater and simple black skirt. Elias was speechless when he first saw her an hour ago, his mouth had literally fallen open in awe.

In an effort to be completely present in this moment, he closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh air around him, cataloguing each and every detail.

Even dreams didn’t feel this good.

Elias had been here once before, as he recalled that day four months ago when he’d walked into a strange and unfamiliar apartment to pick up his sister’s jacket, unaware his life was about to change. Once again face to face with the white door, Elias rang the bell. An amusingly odd feeling came over him, as if he was reliving that moment. He almost expected to hear classical music drifting in from a far off room.

The door swung open in front of him and a flash of blond hair peeked through. Anja squealed in delight as she took in Laila standing there carrying bags of food in one hand and her musical equipment in the other.

“LAILA!! You’re here!! I’m so glad you made it. I have some of the equipment you dropped off earlier sort of set up in the back corner of the living room, so you can just drop the rest of the stuff near that area. I’m so excited that you’re DJ-ing the party tonight.” Anja was practically bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.

Laila grinned up at her friend lovingly. “I’m so excited, I haven’t spun tables in a while so it’ll be interesting to see how it goes.”

Elias was surprised once again to find yet another hobby Laila had picked up, as he learned earlier, on her travels visiting her dad overseas. She continued to surprise him everyday.

“Oh hey, Elias right?” Anja said, glancing back at Elias who walked up the stairs behind Laila.

He nodded, smiling at her. The initial embarrassment from his awkward pick up attempt a few months ago, all but gone.

“Come on in.” Anja opened the front door wider, allowing them to step through. “Oh also watch out for my cat, he’s a real asshole and he likes to walk right in front of people’s feet, trying to trip them.”

“Oh I don't think I saw a cat last time I was here, what’s his name?” Elias asked.

“Karl.”

Elias frowned slightly at the strange name before he strolled through the entryway, the cozy atmosphere of the small space immediately wrapping around him like a warm blanket. He glanced at Laila to his left who was rearranging the music supplies in her hands, eyes scanning the room for the corner Anja had set up for her.

As she spotted it, she beamed and nudged Elias before saying, “I’m going to go set up.”

He nodded and gave her his best look of encouragement.

She wandered off into the crowd and Elias fell back, searching for the guys and Sana. Surprisingly his gaze fell on a friendly face in the crowd; it was Isabel.

Elias hadn’t seen or heard from her since they had hooked up. He recoiled internally as he thought about that regretful night. Elias had made so many mistakes the past few weeks, but he heavily regretted hurting Isabel.

His old self would have considered turning around and avoiding her, but he didn't want to be that person anymore. Elias hunched his shoulders up resolute in his intentions and strode over to her standing with a red cup in her hands.

Isabel’s face brightened instantly when she saw Elias, giving him a warm, amiable smile.

“Hey Isabel, how have you been?” he asked in genuine interest.

“You’re so sweet, I’m great. Never been better,” she replied and he believed her words. Her bright eyes were full of joy.

“I wanted to apologize again for being such a dick the last time I saw you,” Elias looked down nervously at his feet before meeting her eyes again.

“Elias you don’t have to keep apologizing. In fact I’m glad that we didn't work out. Because if it weren’t for that, I never would have met Trine. She’s amazing, we’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks now.”

She?

Elias did not see that coming.

But good for Isabel. He was happy that she had clearly moved on, it had been weighing on his conscience for a while now.

“That’s awesome. So is she here tonight?” Elias asked, looking around even though he had no idea what Trine looked like.

Isabel nodded, she turned to her right and pointed out a tall girl, close to Sana’s age with long brunette hair. Isabel waved to her across the room, and Trine smiled back at her, affectionately.

Elias turned back to Isabel and said, “Seriously I’m really happy for you Isabel.”

“Thank you! And what about you? Are you seeing anyone?” she asked.

He blushed as he unconsciously searched for Laila in the throng of people. Finally, he spotted her loose flyaway curls a few feet away, moving around frantically as she tested out her equipment. “I am. Her name’s Laila.”

“Oh, I think I know her, she used to be friends with those Pepsi Max girls? Trine used to hang out with them too, but she left because she said they were terrible friends. Trine always spoke fondly of Laila though,” Isabel mentioned.

He grinned hearing that. “Yeah she’s one of a kind.” Elias looked up and spotted Sana in the crowd, mingling with Adam and Mutta. “It was great talking with you, I’ll see you later. I definitely want to meet Trine, she sounds cool,” he said.

“You too, for sure I’ll introduce you guys, talk to you later.” Isabel waved bye to him and made her way over to where Trine was standing, placing a kiss on her cheek softly.

(((The Next Episode-Dr. Dre)))

At the start of the new song, the bass shook the walls as everyone got on their feet, bodies pressed close to each other, letting loose.

It seemed like Laila had gotten her tables set up. As he glanced at where she was standing behind the turntables, he couldn't help but notice the intense look of concentration written on her face.

Elias made his way over to where Sana was standing, nodding to Mutta and Adam.

“Congrats bro on your editing internship!! I’m so proud of you,” Sana added, punching him lightly in the shoulder.

“Thanks Sana.”

“You got it?!!” Mutta exclaimed.

Elias nodded, unable to contain the grin that spread across his lips. “Bro, that’s amazing,” Adam said.

“Thanks Adam!” Elias gazed around the room. “Where’s Yousef and Mikael?” he asked suddenly.

Sana rolled her eyes and said, “Where do you think?”

When he didn't answer she continued. “They’ve only been here five minutes and they already challenged each other to a dance off,” Sana said half exasperated, half amused.

He turned to look over at the crowd in the middle of the dance floor and sure enough he could see them already in full swing. Yousef was doing a passionate variation of hip-hop street dancing while Mikael was breakdancing furiously. All the while, the group of people around them were hyping them up.

At that moment, Chris came up to them, grabbing Mutta’s hand as she said, “Come on, let’s dance!” she said shaking her hips, dragging him into the congregation in the center of the room.

Adam went and joined Yousef and Mikael on the dancefloor, jumping up and down, pumping his head.

“I’m dating a literal five year old,” she half shouted over the music as it got louder.

“You knew what you were signing up for when you agreed to date him,” Elias countered.

“True.”

(((Wild Thoughts-DJ Khaled)))

Elias glanced up at Laila who smiled back at him. She slid the mega headphones wrapped around her ears off her head, and stepped down from behind the tables, making her way over to him.

“Aren’t you in charge of the music for the whole night?” Elias teased as she stood in front of him, sliding her hand in his.

“I’m allowed to slip away for one song,” she replied. “Besides, don’t you want to dance with me?” She put on an endearing look that he couldn’t resist. His heart beat wildly in his chest as his eyes met hers.

All at once, they both fell into the rhythm of the song, hips swaying in time with the beat. They moved together as one, falling into step with each other.

As he spun Laila around in his arms, he couldn't help but feel incredibly lucky for everything and everyone in his life.

Looking around at his sister, at his friends, at this amazing group of people around him, Elias knew he had so much to be thankful for.

ENDING CREDITS

(((Lions-Skip Marley)))

Writer (Ep 1-4) & Producer

Anna (smoothyousef)

Writer (Ep 5-10), Beta (Ep 1-4), & Co-Producer

Anisha (savedbythespell)

Co-Producer & Editor

Cristina (sanabakkousk)

Illustrator

Rida (ree-duh)

Promoter

Simone (ur-nitemare)

TAKK FOR ALT

Thank you to our beautiful readers who love Elias as much as we do and who’ve kept us going through this project. We can’t thank you enough for your lovely comments and investment in this fic. We love you all!!

[skamelias]

[skamelias]

BETTER GET USED TO IT

10.3 Torsdag 7.12.17   18.23

(((Cobrastyle-Teddybears)))

“Ugh, missed again? Come on Elias, get your head in the game,” Yousef scolded him.

Elias had his arms outstretched before he dropped them to his sides once more, almost rolling his eyes at the seriousness with which Yousef was taking this game. He was so competitive when it came to Sana. Why couldn’t he just realize she was better than him at basketball?

Adam laughed loudly next to him, “Nice High School Musical reference.”

“Sorry coach, I was distracted,” Elias said grinning widely.

Mikael gave a sly smile as he looked at Yousef and said, “Are you going to start breaking out into song and dance any moment?”

With Sana hovering in front of him, Yousef faked right and then shot left as he threw the ball over to Adam.

Adam tossed Elias the ball midair and he caught it swiftly, dribbling before he passed it to Mikael, closer to the net. Glancing over, he saw Laila winking at him as she smirked and stole the ball from him, dribbling up to the hoop before sinking a layup.

Laila had come over to the Bakkoush household to play some basketball with the guys and she and Sana were currently kicking their butts. He would never admit it though, he couldn’t give them the satisfaction.

“She shoots, she scores,” Laila shouted, raising her arms above her head and high fiving Sana who smiled back at her in triumph.

“I thought you said you weren’t good at this?” Elias managed, in disbelief and amazement.

Laughter bubbled through her. “I was just trying to be humble. I’ve won multiple championship titles at my past schools,“ she said somewhat shyly.

Elias didn’t think it was possible to be even more impressed with her, yet here he was. He shook his head to refocus on the game at hand. He would be lying if he said he didn’t want to still win, despite how skilled the girls were.

“Game on.” Elias said in a brash, too overconfident manner.

They met in the middle as Mutta dribbled the ball between them, looking for any available openings to shoot from. He settled for passing it to Mikael who dodged Sana’s steal attempt and ran straight forward, driving the ball into the net, making a faint ‘whoosh’ sound.

Sana rolled her eyes and crossed her hands over her hips. “You got lucky…once. It won’t happen again.”

“Ooh what’s the matter, is Ms. Big Shot over here worried I’ll take her title?” Mikael teased.

“No, more like I’m worried you’ll hurt yourself. Check it.” Sana said with all the confidence of an Olympian Gold medalist.

She motioned for the ball and went to stand behind the 3-pointer line at half court. Raising her arms above her head at a precise angle, Elias watched his sister, position the ball in her hand. As she threw it, he saw it sail through the air before passing neatly through the hoop, barely grazing the net.

Yousef nodded enthusiastically raising his fists in the air, shouting “THAT’S MY GIRLFRIEND!!! RIGHT THERE!!” He pointed at her in pride and Sana beamed up at him, taking a mock bow.

“Wow, Yousef what the hell?! Whose side are you on?” Elias said shaking his head.

After a few celebratory moments on the girl’s side, Adam started off with the ball this time, dropping into a semi-squat. He locked eyes with Mutta who stood a few feet away and nodded at him. No doubt nonverbally communicating what he was going to do.

He bent low, dribbling close to the ground before he took off straight towards the hoop. But just as he was passing to Mutta, Laila swooped in and grabbed the ball from out of the air, a competitive glint in her eyes.

She dunked the ball into the net, hanging onto the rim for a few seconds before touching back down to the ground.

The boys collectively groaned as Laila gained another two points for her and Sana adding to a grand total score of 36 to 8 in their favor.

“Do you want to call it? I think we pretty much defeated you guys.” Laila said, tucking the ball under her arm, panting slightly.

“This is like a whole other side of you, I’ve never seen before,” Elias said, gazing at her in wonderment.

Laila shrugged and grinned despite herself. Sana gave her another high five and went in for a post-game congratulatory hug.

“I can’t believe we were completely destroyed by TWO girls,” Adam complained.

“I can,” Yousef said, wiping the sweat from his brow and winking at Sana.

“You better get used to it, with Laila on my team, we are unstoppable. Hey, we should form a basketball team!” Sana said eagerly looking at Laila for her reaction.

Laila’s eyes widened. “We should. I know a few other girls who would be interested that we can get to join us.”

“I feel sorry for whoever has the misfortune of competing against you guys then,” Elias chuckled.  

“Well, I should get back home, it’s almost dinner time.” Laila said, packing up her things at a casual pace.

“Okay, I’ll call you later tonight?” Elias said, leaning closer to her and brushed his forehead against hers before pressing a brief kiss to her lips.

He could hear the guys jeering in the background, one of them wolf whistled. He could have sworn it was Adam. Elias broke apart from her, a faint tinge of pink bloomed across her cheeks as she said, “Sounds good.”

He let go of her and watched as she made her way off the court waving bye to the rest of them, bag in hand.

“Dude, why didn’t you tell us Laila was a basketball champion?” Mikael said.

“I didn’t know either,” he replied.

“Elias seriously, if you don’t marry Laila, I will,” Sana said unexpectedly, her dimples popping out.

[skamelias]

[skamelias]

[skamelias]

[skamelias]

PROUD

10.2 Mandag 4.12.17   15.48

Elias hit send on his latest application, letting out a silent breath of relief as he leaned back in his desk chair. It was getting close to the deadline and he just wanted to be done with this whole process.

As he checked his email inbox, clearing out the junk mail, a new message popped up, the name in particular caught his eye. His heart beat once, twice, in rapid succession as he clicked on it tentatively, his fingers crossed as the message loaded.

Dear Mr. Bakkoush,

My team was very impressed with your video essay/submission for our film editing internship position. Your creativity and ingenuity are just what we are looking for and I think you’d be a great fit at our company. Please find attached a schedule for a tour and introduction with me and a few other key staff members at Tordenfilm. Additionally, let me know the time and date you are available to start. Congratulations and I look forward to meeting you!!

Best,

Erik Sørensen

Senior Film and Video Editor

Tordenfilm AS

Elias’ heart stopped in his chest.

He couldn’t believe it. He’d actually got the internship. When he applied a month ago on a whim, he knew there was no chance he would ever get it, that it would go to someone more qualified, someone with more experience and more skill than him. And yet here he was, staring at the email in incredulity, reading and rereading the words over and over until they finally sunk in.

He ran his hands over his face in shock before he pumped his fists in the air in pure excitement and adrenaline, doing a little happy dance.

Elias felt like he was walking on air right now. And he knew just what he wanted to do in this moment besides call Laila with the good news.

He walked the short distance to the hallway bathroom, washing his hands and face thoroughly. After he was done, he wiped his face dry with the linen towel hanging on the wall and made his way back to his bedroom.

His eyes scanned his belongings looking for the worn out and faded prayer mat before he found it laying on the side of his nightstand near his bed. Getting up from his desk, he sauntered over and grabbed it from it’s hiding spot, placing it gently down on the floor.

He smoothed out the ruffled corners and sat back on the heels of his feet. Taking his phone out of his pocket he opened the compass app and repositioned himself.

(((Ultralight Beam - Kanye West)))

A few minutes later, Elias brought his forehead to the soft material of the mat beneath him, silent in his sheer gratitude. He was surprised to find a tear had escaped his eye unconsciously; feeling at complete ease for the first time in forever.

Was this what it felt like to experience complete serenity?

Lastly, he turned to the right and then the left, reciting the respective duas and breathed out a deep sigh of relief. He wiped the tear away with the back of his hand shakily.

As he got up from off the ground, he bent down and picked up the mat, rolling it back up and tucked it away again.

“ELIAS!!”

The sound of someone calling for him drifted in through the crack in the door.

He recognized the voice; it belonged to his mom. He pulled his door wide open and poked his head through. “YEAH MOM?”

There was silence.

“WHAAATT MOM??” he repeated, louder this time.

“You don’t need to shout,” said his mom as she suddenly came into the hallway a disapproving look in her eyes.

Elias fought the urge to roll his eyes before saying, “Did you call for me?”

“I did, I wanted to know if you will help me unpack the groceries?” his mom replied.

He nodded, following her out of his room and towards the kitchen.

“I just offered Salah,” Elias said.

His mom turned to face him, a loving smile on her face as she said, “I’m glad.”

“Also I got that internship I applied to a few weeks ago,” Elias mentioned casually, his tone careful and controlled, although inside he was still bursting with elation.

She gazed at him then in adoration, “Elias that’s wonderful, what is the internship in? Are you getting paid?”

“It’s for film editing, and yeah it’s paid. It has flexible hours, so I can work in between school if I get in,” he disclosed.

They had reached the kitchen and Elias spotted the brown paper bags lying on the counter, waiting to be unpacked. He made his way over to them and paused as his hand hovered over the carton of eggs.

“Mom, if I tell you something, do you promise not to freak out?”

“Elias, why do you think I will freak out? Have more faith in your mother.”

He let out another deep breath, his voice barely above a whisper as he said, “I’m seeing someone…”

His mom scrunched her eyebrows together, “What did you say? I can’t hear you when you whisper.”

Elias cringed, this time speaking at a normal volume, “I’m seeing someone. Her name is Laila. She’s Muslim.” He looked at a blank spot above her head, avoiding her eyes.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her raise a hand to her cheek, but to his surprise she was smiling.

“You’re not yelling or lecturing?” Elias asked, clearly confused.

She scoffed and raised a hand to her hip, “Elias why do you make these assumptions about what I will do?” She shook her head at him, the dimpled smile that matched her daughter’s returning to her lips as she said, “Elias, all I’ve ever cared about is your happiness and I can tell you’re much happier than you have been for the past few months.”

Well that was probably true.

“Yeah well the past few months, I’ve been….sort of going through some stuff…” he trailed off, unsure if this was a conversation he should be having with his mother. “But the truth is I want to be a better person, a better son…someone you can be proud of.”

“Oh Elias.” She gazed at him warmly. “You have already made me so proud.”

Elias’s heart lifted at those words. As cheesy as it seemed, he’d desperately wanted to hear those exact words for so long, and his wish had finally come true.

It felt better than he could have ever imagined.

[skamelias]

[skamelias]

THE NEED TO FIT IN

10.1 Søndag 3.12.17  10.36

(((Jeg Har En Pige-Skinz)))

“This is my favorite episode,” said Elias as he leisurely stretched his arm around Laila on the couch next to him.

They were at Laila’s apartment watching TV on the plasma screen in the Ogutu living room. It was early in the morning, earlier than Elias was used to being awake, but Laila was a morning person and when she’d called him over to hang out, he knew he wasn’t going to miss the chance to spend more time with her.

As she snuggled slightly closer, his heart kicked into overdrive. After all these months, she still got that reaction out of him.

He turned and looked over at Laila. Her frizzy curls fell softly over her doe brown eyes which were glued to the screen a few feet away.

The happiness felt like it was pouring out of him.

“You said that about the last four episodes,” Laila said, laughing lightly, he could feel the rise and fall of her chest.

He raised a hand to his heart in mock hurt. “I can’t choose then, they’re all so good!”

“I’m glad you suggested we watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine together, I can’t believe I’ve never seen it before,” Laila shook her head in disbelief.

“I couldn’t believe it either. But it’s okay, because now you love it too.”

“I do. Also I love the fact that it’s got such a diverse cast. I remember growing up, it was hard to find shows with people that looked like me.” Laila noted.

Elias nodded.

Representation was important to him too. It was hard to come by when the media and news outlets always seemed to portray Muslim people as the bad guys.

“Yeah I get what you mean. Being a first generation Moroccan kid living in Norwegian society,  you sort of feel like an outsider. Especially as a Muslim, growing up with the stigma surrounding yourself isn’t easy,” Elias replied.

“I can’t imagine. I mean it was always a different experience for me as well because I never knew which half of me I was supposed to connect more with. You know being mixed race, it sometimes felt that I wasn’t white enough or I wasn’t black enough, so I didn’t quite know what identity I belonged to.”

Elias had never thought about that before. About what it must be like to grow up biracial, or even multiracial.

“And of course there’s the racism. My mom deals with worse because she has darker skin than I do, but I still experience it.” Laila sighed.

“I’ve always felt the need to fit in with Norwegians, like if I blended in, they wouldn’t see me as any different from them. I remember during Russetiden, I knew I wanted to be on a bus so I would be considered ‘Norwegian’. I guess my sister had the same idea as me.” Elias chuckled as he thought about Sana’s Los Losers van, happy that she was taking her fate into her own hands and not letting her actions be dictated by others.

“I felt the same way, that’s why I joined those Pepsi Max girls in first year….looking back now I see that was a pretty bad decision.” She furrowed her brows as she undoubtedly recalled the drama those girls had caused.  

Elias remembered what Sana had gone through all those months ago at the hands of a few ignorant people. It was all so pointless and unnecessary. He hoped his sister never had to experience something like that again.

“Anyway that’s all in the past. I’m just happy that I’ve moved on and realized that I don’t need to be on a Russ bus to be happy or to fit in,” Laila said.

Elias smiled hearing those words. Laila was so self-confident and he found it incredibly endearing to be around her energy.

He leaned closer to her, in an attempt to kiss her, but at that exact moment his stomach chose to grumble as loudly as possible in the almost quiet room.

He pulled back slightly and chuckled in mild embarrassment. “Sorry, I skipped breakfast this morning.”

“You don’t have to apologize. Come on let’s get something to eat,” Laila said, languidly getting up from the couch and pulling Elias up too.

He followed her eagerly into the kitchen and looked around at the spotless white granite cabinets and countertops. Elias was definitely out of his element standing there, unsure where anything was.

“Since it’s almost lunch time anyway how about we make some pasta?” Laila suggested.

“Make?” Elias looked at her quizzically. “I barely even know how to make toast…” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

Laila threw her head back as a burst of laughter erupted through her. She covered her mouth with one of her hands, trying to hide her smile. “Oh wow, okay I guess we’ll be working in beginner’s mode then. I’ll go easy on you.”

Elias quirked his lips. “Okay, that sounds good.”

“Can you cut the vegetables?” Laila asked.

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, which ones are you going to use?”

“I was thinking some bell peppers, zucchini, and maybe some broccoli?” She offered as she started taking them out of the cupboard in front of her and placing them on the counter.

“Wow, so healthy. If it wasn’t for my mom’s cooking, I’d probably eat junk food 5 days out of the week.”

She laughed as she took out a mixing bowl, “That does sound tempting. Since my mom works late hours, I’ve sort of taught myself how to cook watching YouTube tutorials. Not the most conventional method I know, but some of them are really interesting and fun to watch.” She glanced over at him to see how he was doing. “Oh, you have to wash those first,” she added with a knowing smile, as she saw him attempt to cut them right away with the knife she handed him.

“Oh yeah, that makes sense,” Elias said as a blush crept across his cheeks.  He ran the vegetables under the cold water in the stainless steel sink by the back wall.

“The only things I watch on YouTube are Vine compilations and music videos so no judgment here,” He continued, as he gingerly chopped the green bell pepper on the cutting board.

“Oh my god, I miss Vine,” Laila said fondly in a slightly melancholic tone.

“It was truly ahead of it’s time. We didn’t deserve it.” Elias expressed mournfully.

They looked at each other before they both cracked up, unable to suppress their laughter.

Laila waved her hand in between giggles, “Okay, okay, let’s boil some pasta.”

Elias rubbed his hands together. “I’m ready.”

[skamelias]

CHAPTER 9

Title: SKAM SEASON 5 - Elias

Main: Elias Bakkoush

Chapter: 9/10 - “AS STRONG AS YOU”

Summary: A season 5 continuation of SKAM with Elias Bakkoush as the main. The blog @SKAMELIAS will be updated in realtime with subchapters, text updates, instagram updates. On friday the full chapter is posted on ao3

[skamelias]

AS STRONG AS YOU

9.3 Fredag 1.12.17  20.03

“Does this shirt make me look fat?” Adam asked.

“Oh my god are you seriously asking me that right now?” Mikael replied in amusement.

The boys had come over to the apartment to head over to a party near Grünerløkka together. ‘A boys night out’ was what Adam had called it.

“It's a valid question,” Adam said.

“Is it though?” Even chuckled.

“Come on Adam, you look fine,” Yousef winked.

“Thanks Brosef.” Adam replied, laughing earnestly.

“Is that Yousef’s new nickname?” Elias said, quirking his brows.

Adam nodded, bouncing on his heels back and forth, a bundle of excitement for the night ahead.

“Thanks I hate it,” Yousef said with a deadpan expression.

Adam pouted slightly in mock hurt.

“Yousef, you shouldn't talk that way to your elders,” Mikael scolded, turning a disapproving glare on Yousef.

“I’m three weeks older than Adam!” Yousef protested, rolling his eyes.

Elias chuckled softly.

It felt good to allow himself this happiness, especially when his heart was still in pieces.

A week with no response from Laila meant Elias had gotten the message loud and clear.

He didn’t know if he would ever hear her infectious laugh again, or see the small wrinkles around the corners of her eyes as she smiled at him, or glimpse the captivating way her fingers glided across a piano almost effortlessly.

Elias didn’t want his love to be a burden but it was starting to feel that way.

But maybe it’s for the best.

He would let his heart bleed for a bit and then he would move on. He had to.

Elias would look back at this heartbreak in a couple of years, when this feeling was nothing but a distant yet familiar memory, an echo in the course of his life.

Instead of wallowing in his misery, he chose to focus most of his anxious energy into his film school applications and learning new editing techniques which had been the perfect distraction.

Elias finally felt like he was channeling himself into something productive instead of hitting the self-destruct button.

The sound of boisterous laughter woke him from his musings and suddenly he remembered where he was.

Mikael was doing his impression of Yousef flirting again by throwing scraps of paper at the guys.

Just as he was about to join in, the doorbell rang abruptly and the boys quieted down around him.

“Are you expecting anyone?” Mutta asked, walking the few feet to the window to peer outside.

Elias shook his head.

“Ummm Elias…” Mutta looked back up at him in bemusement. “You might want to see who’s here…”

He frowned and strode over to where Mutta was standing, his head resting against the window pane and craned his neck to get a good luck down by the front door steps leading up to his apartment.

Fuck

He filtered through all the available curse words that immediately came to mind.

This couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not when he’d just resolved himself to getting over her.

Laila was standing in front of his apartment door, looking left and right nervously.

“It’s Laila,” Elias said in a surprisingly monotone voice.

“What?!” Yousef and Mikael exclaimed at the same time.

“Did you tell her to come over?” Adam asked.

Elias shook his head no as the gears in his mind turned, mentally calculating whether he should talk to her or not.

“Are you going to talk to her?” Even gazed at Elias sincerely.

He was silent, unsure. On the one hand, Elias wasn’t strong enough to have his heart broken again. But on the other hand, what if she wasn't here to break his heart, what if...

There was only one way to find out.

“I need to talk to her.” Elias resolved rubbing the back of his head, his shoulders tensed up in anticipation. “You guys have to go,” he said, slightly harried.

“What, you’re kicking us out?” Mutta complained.

“Bro, he has to win back his girl,” said Adam, a satisfied smirk on his face.

Elias rolled his eyes as he motioned for them to grab their stuff and leave through the backyard.

There were grumbles and shouts as the guys barely managed to quickly and clumsily half jog out of the backdoor into the chilly night air.

He closed the door behind them but not before giving them a small apologetic wave.

As he walked downstairs, he nearly tripped over his own feet in his haste, until before long he was face to face with the metal door.

Elias slowly pulled it open.

Suddenly, all that talk about moving on, was just words. Meaningless when the object of his affection was standing in front of him, slightly shivering in the cold, arms wrapped around herself.

Elias’ knees felt weak and so did his heart.

A slew of emotions passed through him then.

Hope. Sadness. Love. Agony.

(((Tell Me-R.LUM.R))

“Hey,” said Laila.

“Hey.”

Elias meant to sound indifferent and unaffected by her sudden presence but his voice had a soft undertone to it.

“How did you know I would be home?” Elias asked in an attempt to break the uncomfortable silence.

“I didn’t. I guess I was trying to be spontaneous and was hoping you’d be here.” She looked down almost guiltily. “Can I come in?” she said finally.

Elias nodded and stepped back a bit to let her in.

She followed him up the stairs up to his apartment and once inside, Elias closed the door with a soft click.

He was afraid to turn around and find that he was just imaging her there. That she was just a figment of his imagination; what he wanted to see. But when he turned, she was still standing in front of him, clasping her hands to her wrists skittishly.

“I guess you’re probably wondering why I’m here?” Laila started.

He swallowed audibly. “Are you here to tell me that it’s all too much for you and that being with me was a mistake?” Elias offered.

Laila furrowed her brows in confusion.

Shaking her head, she took a deep breath as she said, “Elias I’m so so sorry. I know I've been really hot and cold with us. I'm not doing it intentionally I promise…” Her eyes pleaded with him, desperate for him to understand.

“Last Friday… I shouldn't have left when things got hard I know...I was just scared. I'm not trying to justify it, but that's the truth. My feelings for you are so strong that I was overwhelmed.”

She looked away before turning to him again.

“And I was just trying to protect my heart because I was scared this--” She pointed between the two of them “--would only end in heartbreak.” She looked at him without breaking eye contact, her gaze steady. “But I don't want to hide anymore. I don't want to run away. Because that's exactly what I was doing before.”

Elias felt like the wind was knocked out of him. She was saying everything he'd hoped she would for days, for months. Yet he couldn't help but feel a little wary of her changing her mind again.

After a few seconds of silence that felt like a lifetime to him, he cleared his throat and said, “We can't know what's going to happen in the future, whatever happens is going to happen, but that shouldn't stop us from living right now.”

Elias paused. “How do I know you won't leave again when things get hard?”

Laila’s shifted, a remorseful look passed across her features. “You're right. I know I pushed you away...multiple times. And that I hurt you. It's just that Aleksander has this hold on me. I see him in every guy and it's so hard to trust anyone…” Laila looked close to tears.

(((It’s You-BØRNS)))

Elias desperately wanted to reach out to her then but he knew he needed to give her the time and space to come to him.

“I guess I just expect the worst, so that when bad things happen I can sort of be prepared. But I know you're a good person and someone worth fighting for.” Laila looked at him through watery eyes.

“Laila I'm so sorry that you went through so much, but I hope you know that you can trust me. I'm not going anywhere. I want...to be there for you.” He reached across to her and gently brushed away a tear that escaped from her eye. “Did I ever tell you, I think you're the strongest person I've ever met. I wish I could be as strong as you,” he whispered.

“Elias you're much stronger than you realize. You had the courage to keep trying to figure out who you are and who you want to be despite society’s expectations and stereotypes.”

Elias heart fluttered at her words of encouragement.

He bridged the gap between them and brought his lips to hers in a moment of pure need and devotion.

The kiss was heady.

Elias was unable to open his eyes for a few moments afterward: reliving the kiss over and over again in his mind.

Laila ran a thumb over his lips affectionately before resting her forehead against his. “I never get tired of that.”

“Me neither.”

[skamelias]

[skamelias]

[skamelias]

[skamelias]

IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT

9.2 Onsdag 29.11.17  17.26

(((Biking-Frank Ocean)))

“No that’s the dumbest idea, we’re not doing that,” Elias laughed in reply to Mikael’s suggestion for their next Hei Briskeby video.

The guys had come over to create ideas for their next video, but they weren’t exactly in a productive mood.

“Well we have to choose something, the last time we ran out of ideas, I was stuck with makeup on my face for four days,” Mikael said exasperatedly.

“I told you how to get it off, you’re the one that didn’t use the wipes Sana gave you,” Mutta interjected, shaking his head.

Mikael rolled his eyes stubbornly.

“Anyway, I was thinking of sending in a few of my earlier videos edits for film school applications,” Elias added in an attempt to change the subject.

“That’s awesome,” Even nudged Elias’ shoulder in approval.

“Just make sure when you start making movies, you tell diverse stories and cast actual people of color in roles,” Mikael said.

He nodded, “I’ll be sure to, maybe I’ll put you in one of my movies Mikael,” Elias grinned, laughing lightly.

Mikael put on his cheesiest smile then, squinting as he slid his black sunglasses onto his face dramatically. “Who me? I can’t say I’m surprised, I would be the best choice…obviously.”

The guys cracked up as Adam smacked the back of Mikael’s head.

“Hey Mikael, this is random but whatever happened to that girl you made out with a few months ago? What was her name again? Mutta asked, curiosity laced his voice.

Mikael shifted suddenly, a slightly uncomfortable look on his face. “Uhhh…nothing, I don’t know. I wasn’t that interested in her…” he trailed off looking at his fingernails in interest.

“But when’s the last time you went on a date? Seriously we need to set you up,” Adam mentioned.

Mikael shrugged him off as he said, “No… that’s okay… I’m good, really.”

Elias peered over at Mikael, who looked visibly distressed, as if he was fighting an internal battle. Suddenly, that text from Ali flashed across his mind. He wondered if Sana had been right?

“Actually, there’s something I’ve been wanting–no needing to say….I’m not sure how to…” Mikael struggled to get the words out.

“You guys know that stage when everyone starts finding girls attractive?” Mikael finally managed.

“Puberty?” Mutta asked.

“Are you giving us ‘the talk’?” Yousef joked.

Mikael rolled his eyes and half-grinned despite himself. “No, I’m not mature enough for that.”

Adam snickered. “Yeah I remember when that started happening.”

Elias noticed Mikael eyes grow serious as he said, “It never happened for me.”

The room was quiet then.

“Wait, what do you mean?” Mutta asked.

Even shifted in his seat, almost as if waiting with bated breath for Mikael’s next sentence, watchful eyes on him.

“I mean…I’m not attracted to girls….” He paused.

Elias raised his brows in surprise.

“I-I like guys” Mikael looked downcast and Elias’ heart sank in his chest as he realized how long Mikael had probably been holding this inside him, afraid of disclosing his true self to the rest of them.

Why hadn’t Mikael told them?

He thought back to that day a few weeks ago, outside the cafe,  Mikael had looked like he’d been caught, his face fraught with worry that Elias had seen him when he wasn’t supposed to.

Even’s eyes widened in disbelief, a brief flicker of something flashed across his eyes.

As if reading his mind, Mikael glanced over at Even, a nonverbal look passing between the two of them. Mikael appeared almost apologetic.

Adam was the first to break the silence, “Thanks for trusting us enough to tell us, Mikael.”

“I was really nervous because I’ve known you all for so long, and it just felt like you knew this one version of me, or you had this idea of who I was in your heads and I didn’t want you guys to treat me differently,” Mikael confessed.

“How could you think we would ever treat you differently?” Yousef exclaimed. “You’re still the Mikael we know and love, nothing’s changed.” He smiled at Mikael.

Adam and Mutta nodded in agreement.

“Mikael, you could have come to me…” Even started.

“I know, I just…felt so guilty last year when you kissed me and I freaked out. I was still denying it at that point and I guess I internalized some things. And then after that we couldn’t reach you and we heard you tried to….” Mikael said in a distressed-filled voice. “Anyway I felt like I drove you away so I’m sorry for that.”

“It wasn’t your fault!” Even insisted. “I had a lot of stuff going on with me back then but the point is I’m in a better place now and you shouldn’t beat yourself up anymore about the past.” Even held out his hand for a fistbump which Mikael reciprocated, smiling back at him.

“I’m glad you’re doing better, Even,” Mikael admitted.

“So that girl you kissed at that party a while ago…” Mutta said abruptly. He was sitting with his feet tucked under his legs, on the edge of his seat, as if enthralled by a fascinating revelation.

“I guess I was trying to pretend like that was me until it actually was, but..it doesn’t work like that.” Mikael said.

“Isak could have told you that,” Even said lightly. The teasing took away some of the tension.

Mikael’s mouth broadened into a wide grin. “True.”

“Wait, wait, wait, so all those times you said you were meeting someone, who was that? Was it Ali?” Elias asked, in need of some clarification.

Mikael stilled, a suspicious glint in his eyes. “How do you know about Ali?”

“So it’s true, he’s the one you were meeting?” Elias counted, a smirk written plainly on his face.

He watched Mikael roll his eyes heartily before saying, “Yeah, alright, you got me, I was meeting Ali.”

“Ali? The guy who’s doing an internship with your father? The one Sana brought home that one time?” Even asked.

“Yeah, him.”

“Mmhmm, so are you guys dating?” Even winked playfully.

“What? No! No we’re not–that’s not. No, I just think he’s cool. Whatever, leave me alone.” Mikael brushed him off.

Adam gave him a deadpan look before he burst into laughter, the rest of them following suit behind him.

“You’re really funny Mikael, maybe you should be a standup comedian instead of an actor,” Mutta said wiping an imaginary tear from his eye.

Mikael flipped him off.

[skamelias]