H U L K L I N G

[skrulling]

"dude, we live on a floating rock. who care’s?”

[skrulling]

wicctastic​:

@skrulling

The soft glow from the TV lit up the room, throwing shadows across the dresser and closet. Billy, despite the time of night, was wide awake, dark eyes flittering to follow scenes of technicolor — circa…1995? He couldn’t remember what Teddy had said, he didn’t really care. Billy, for all intents and purposes, was experiencing a movie for the first time and Teddy had said it was a cult classic. One of his favorites. At that, he’d considered it a great movie to fall asleep to, his body flush against Teddy, spent and throughly exhausted. They’d occupied the better half of the night exploring each other and Billy had started settling into himself; the swirl of confusion surrounding him long dissipated. Teddy had a way of doing that for him though – making his utter lack of memories unrelated to his sense of self. He just was – and nestled against Teddy’s body, bare legs intertwined, his cheek pressed against his chest– this was serene. Peaceful. Except for the blood. The screams. The movie he’d picked had Billy wide awake instead of rocking softly to sleep – and not necessarily out of fear, though he could hear the thrump of his heart behind his ears. He was intrigued and albeit, a little on edge, but mostly he couldn’t help the abject balking he had at some scenes. “She’s running up the stairs–” he heard himself say. “What the hell Teddy? You were supposed to show me something good, not the downfall of humanity.” he slapped his hand playfully against the smooth contours of Teddy’s stomach, his eyes flicking down for just a moment to where the sheet stopped just at the top of Teddy’s hips. With a sigh, Billy shot his gaze back up so he didn’t miss anything.

he was falling into a web of familiarity--the last few weeks had melted away with the rest of the world, and all that existed to him now was billy, the tv, and whatever snacks lay scattered over the sheets in various bags and bowls along he way. they’d retreated into a cocoon that exiled the outside world and he kept catching himself forgetting. it was moments of total bliss peppered with the abrupt jolt of reality needling its teeth into him--and even that barely mattered. because despite being amnesiac, billy was...well, billy. and there was something comforting that knowing even with no real recollection of their life or even his own, he wanted to be tangled up with him like this. he was beyond happy, even more so with billy pressed to his chest and an arm curled around him. the warmth of him nestled against him flooded teddy with sense of solace from head to toe reminding him that though he had always been grateful for billy, after experiencing what it was like to lose him, this moment was more precious to him that words could have ever fathomed to articulate. it swelled his chest like an over expanding balloon, resonating a softness between his ribs that could only ever belong to billy kaplan.

as his hand swatted his stomach a laugh bubbled out of him, genuine delight rippling through him for the first time in felt like an eternity. “this movie practically established this cliche, okay--trust me, it was creative for its time.” he replied. “the ending is gonna throw you, i promise.” teddy kissed the top of his head and tightened his arm around him a little more, tracing small circles around his lower back with his fingers. he took a twizzler from the bag and put it in front of billys face for him to take a bite out of if he wanted it. it was kind of cute to see him witness things for the first time again and somehow they had found a way to makegood out of an otherwise undesirable situation.

[skrulling]

wicctastic​:

The low, husky, sleep laden voice of Teddy’s drifted through Billy’s ears like an erotic song, the sensation traveling through him like a spark and igniting a fire at the base of his belly. Waking up like this – comforted, warm, safe, it had been more than he’d imagined when he’d first woken up in this world — alone, scared, confused. Billy’s body and soul kept reaching out towards something, and it hadn’t been until he was standing dumbly in the exercise room did it finally feel like he’d come home. The worries, the stress, the insecurities he carried in his chest were enough for him to keep an emotional distance between him and Teddy – at least at first. It wasn’t until that soft, smooth voice of his offered memories with his words and spoke to him like he was the beginning and the end for Teddy. It was — a lot to take in, especially at their hour of the night, but Billy hadn’t once felt uncomfortable. The thoughts of worry had faded away, leaving him open and welcoming. Waking up under the weight of Teddy’s arm, feeling his body flush against his own, was something he would have thought impossible. He was just too handsome, too welcoming, too easy to talk to. Teddy had so much love in him that Billy couldn’t understand why that was directed at him — and it made him long for memories he didn’t know if he’d get back. He hated feeling like he was in pieces, broken apart by what people knew of him and what he knew of himself (which was hardly anything). Still, Billy had accepted what Teddy was offering as soon as they’d laid down together, even if it had been unspoken. 

Closing his eyes as Teddy’s lips pressed against his forehead, Billy’s whole body sighed, his legs shifting unwittingly and moving against Teddy’s. It was a mix of the morning and a mix of Teddy, but as his hips shifted, Billy felt the heat between his legs press against Teddy and, despite the immediate lurch in his chest, Billy didn’t push away from him. Instead, Billy tilted his head up and just kissed him, the question Teddy asked fading between them. 

he knew billy well enough now that he was familiar with all of his tells. so when his hips rocked forward, he didn’t need the strain beneath his jeans to tell what came next. though it was a welcomed surprise. as billy’s lips pressed to his, it ignited something in him that had fallen dormant in the weeks he’d been gone, and for a fraction of a second teddy had forgotten all about any talks of lost memories and lost time. instead he fell into him, gently reaching up to grab the back of his neck. he rolled him backward just enough that teddy could prop himself up on his forearm. his breath labored and the fabric of his sweats quickly became stressed over the building tension beneath them, pressing into billy’s thigh. he was entirely and blissfully consumed in kissing him, and it killed him to have to pull away, even the fraction of an inch he needed to speak. somehow he gained some level of awareness “we should--ah...we should stop.” his breath came heavily, and even as he said the words, he hated them. it was near impossible to stand by them. “if we keep going i wont be able to.” he murmured, tone barely just above a whisper. “it just feels..” not wrong--nothing else would feel more right, but he couldn’t shake the voice in the back of his head that somehow felt like he was taking advantage of him. “i don’t know.” he shook his head slightly. he kissed him again, briefly. it took ever fiber of his self control to keep himself in check, to not let himself get carried away and slip right into old routines. they were fundamental parts of their relationship for him, but for billy it was a blank slate. somehow it felt inappropriate. he took a long, deep breath to try and center himself, to clear the fog from his mind and cool down. 

[iseeonlyangels]

[skrulling]

wicctastic​:

@skrulling

The conversation had bounced back and forth as Teddy showed incredible patience through Billy’s questions, allowing him to navigate through the confusion and worries that weaved through the maze of his mind. With each passing moment, it became easier and easier for Billy to settle into his own skin and to start to accept what Teddy had been proposing. At some point, Teddy had gone to shower and Billy had settled back against the pillows, having kicked off his shoes. He’d stayed there, arms wrapped tightly around himself, looking up at the ceiling, at the stars that glowed dimly against the painted backdrop. He was still looking at them when Teddy had returned, settling onto the opposite side of the bed. Teddy had abandoned the idea of wearing a shirt somewhere along the way from entering the shower and getting into bed, and Billy struggled to maintain eye contact, his peripheral constantly coaxing him to carry his eyes down. It was an intense attraction that was overwhelming even in the late hour, but their conversation had continued until his ability to provide conscious thought was getting more and more difficult. Eventually, Billy had slid down, succumbing to the comfort and warmth of the sheets. Whereas he’d struggled to find rest when he’d first collapsed here, as he faced the middle of the bed and Teddy mirrored his pose, Billy found that it was a lot easier to fall asleep with Teddy next to him. Dreams didn’t come easily to him – they hadn’t since he’d first woken up, and all Billy felt was an endless fall into a dark recess. During the night, his body had instinctively sought comfort from the warmth beside him, his only escape from the terrors of his empty mind. When the sun had finally broken through the blinds, Billy had opened his eyes to find that he was pressed tightly against Teddy’s chest, his forehead against warm, bare skin, and their legs had become intertwined throughout the night. He could feel the soft rise and fall of Teddy’s chest as he drew in breaths, and for a moment, Billy just stayed in this moment, comforted and at peace. Teddy’s heavy arm was tucked around him, enveloping him in a safe and warm space. He could’ve stayed like this forever, the empty holes in his mind long forgotten and he tried to close his eyes again, but Billy knew this couldn’t last forever. And he wasn’t really referring to the morning. 

With a shaky breath, Billy pushed back just far enough that he didn’t break the embrace but he could now see Teddy. For a moment, he just admired the soft contours of his face, drinking him in, memorizing what he could. He was…too incredibly beautiful for Billy to comprehend, and when he thought of himself, he couldn’t understand how this man could really feel so intensely about him. If Teddy’s words were to be believed, Teddy was completely and absolutely in love with Billy – and Billy understood the feeling. Teddy wasn’t a difficult person to fall in love with and as the emotions between them mixed with the pull in his chest towards Teddy, Billy could recognize the feeling swirling inside of him as love. As love for Teddy. As his dark eyes traced lines over his features, Billy wished he could remember the things they’d talked about – their first date, their first kiss – the times they’d left the city just to get a better look at the stars. Teddy had unloaded so many stories, so many pieces of a much bigger, much more convoluted puzzle that was their relationship. It felt so wrong to take up Teddy’s time, considering he couldn’t remember all the big and little things that made up their relationship. Billy couldn’t even say if were the same person he’d been before he’d died, or if he’d come back as just a shadow, a ghost of who he was.

teddy didn’t sleep much throughout the night and when he did, he would awaken every hour with a sense of trepidation that gripped him with its tightly bound jaws. it wasn’t until the weight of billy’s body lying beside him registered that he felt it’s release. and eventually he’d succumbed to the inescapable desire to pull him into his arms. even unconscious, billy didn’t seem to mind. only then, finally, tucked as close to him as possible, did teddy finally drift into a deep sleep, and his tightly coiled muscles found a way to shake the stress from the last few weeks. when the sun came peeking through he blinds, he ignored it, choosing to sink deeper into the mattress. he event attempted to pull him closer despite the unfeasible ability to physically do so. they’d spent hours going over parts of billy’s life that teddy could share. he explained things to him that billy had once shared with him, intricacies that teddy had tucked safely in the back of his mind to the map that defined his boyfriend. it was both strange and nice just talk to him again. it had been a while since they pulled an all nighter like that. especially one so innocent.

eventually, though, teddy could no longer avoid the inevitable of waking up. despite how much he wanted to lie in this bed with billy for as long as time would let them. when he opened his eyes, he found billy was already awake and looking at him. a soft smile pulled at his lips and teddy kissed his forehead. “good mornin’.” he murmured, and his heart swelled ten fold just being given the liberty of that simple action. it still didn’t feel real, and parts of him had been convinced at some point he’d awaken in the middle of the night to find it had all been a fever dream. which is more than likely the reason he’d bound him between his arms, a physical reminder that he was very real and very alive. and though things were far from normal or ideal, he was not willing to take even this for granted. not after knowing what it was like to lose him--and not in the way the skrull and kree had forced them to cut ties when he took his title as emperor of the alliance--in the kind of way that tore a hole so big he knew he could never love like this again. he didn’t need the devastation of billy’s death to know billy was it for him, but it was more than clear now. and it was something he never wanted to live through again.  “how’d you sleep?”

[skrulling]

wicctastic​:

What a loaded question. Billy wanted to know why he’d died, where. Who else? He wanted to know why it felt like a part of him was missing, why he felt a strong bond to the person in front of him but also to someone else. That connection wasn’t as…emotionally charged as this one, it was more wholesome. Brotherly. Billy wanted to know why no one had been there when he’d been brought back. The mutant named Jean had been aided by a tall man in a visor who looked at her the same way Teddy was looking at him. He considered that maybe he was alone in this world, and Teddy was the only person he had. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that a part of himself was running around and close by. But Billy’s endless train of questions had to start and end somewhere, so he tried to narrow it down to the less difficult questions. Some of them he wasn’t even sure he did want to know. “You said you were something else.” There was a small flicker of curiosity at his question, something that ignited despite the absolute mess he was. “Is that a metaphor or-”

at the question, teddy looked down at his feet. it shouldn’t feel like a big deal--and logically he knew that it wasn’t--but for some reason he just felt anxious about it. especially because before they’d sort of discovered these things together, now he was having to throw it at him. “no it’s not a metaphore.” teddy said. he forced his eyes back up to billy and crossed his arms, leaning forward on his knees, almost retracting into himself. “i’m half kree and half skrull which technically makes me an alien.” he left out the part where he was green and could shape shift because he wasn’t trying to overwhelm him. “which is weird because for the most part the kree and skrull hated each other but recently they came to an agreement and have formed an alliance...which i was asked to be emperor of.” he said the last part slowly

[skrulling]

wicctastic​:

I’m something different. His hesitancy to offer a direct answer had Billy frowning. Billy wasn’t sure if he’d asked the wrong question — maybe whatever relationship they had was superficial. Maybe they didn’t go into details like that. Still, as Billy crossed into the dimly lit room, he was struck again with that dizzy feeling, like he wasn’t going to be able to stand for much longer, so when Teddy offered a seat next to him, Billy gladly took it. As he settled onto the mattress, Billy caught glimpses of the pictures again – one was right on the nightstand, not too far from him. His dark eyes lingered for a moment before drawing up to meet Teddy’s and yeah. Same guy, wasn’t it. “Three years.” He’d known about how long he’d been gone. They’d told him of how long he’d been in stasis while two other mutants had gone missing. He wasn’t offered a lot of information beyond that, and it seemed every one wanted to remain tight lipped about the whole ordeal. At least until they could fix all of this. He’d wanted to know how much time he’d lost with Teddy, how much meaning they could have built. He expected weeks, months, but not years. But then again, every time Billy caught the longing in Teddy’s eyes when they looked at each other, he started to wonder if maybe. “I wish I remembered.” he admitted softly, breaking away from Teddy’s gaze to sweep across the room. “It all feels so — empty. Like I should know what I’m looking at, but nothing ever comes. I’m sorry. I just wish I could remember.”

teddy watched him quietly. the last thirty minutes felt like a dream, one that he would awaken from sooner rather than later and find the same bed they were sitting on to be empty. it was surreal seeing him sitting there--alive and whole. he’d never imagined that this moment would be stained by the inability to hold him the way he wanted to, yet he wasn’t greedy and he would take simply breathing the same air and existing in a world billy kaplan inhabited over the emptiness he’d had before. as billy spoke, teddy watched his features, silently appreciating the lines of his face and he same warm brown eyes that had once regarded him with a different kind of gaze to them. “it’s not your fault.” he said softly. “we can fix it, there’s a lot of telepaths. this is probably just a screw up of some kind.” he wasn’t sure who he was reassuring at this point. “but...in the meantime --what else do you wanna know?” teddy asked. 

[skrulling]

wicctastic​:

Teddy. A spark of electricity traveled through him and god – Billy really wanted to know him, to understand why it was so easy, so simple, to be enveloped by his touch and to not immediately want to run away from it. Teddy. He wasn’t the type of guy to give Billy the time of day, and even without memories, Billy knew that. Just before he turned away, Billy caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror – he was boring. Average. He was uncomfortable and nervous and entirely unsure, and he had a sinking feeling that was just him and not a symptom of an empty mind. He could only stare dumbly at Teddy’s wide, bare shoulders as he stepped in front of him to prop open the door and he just stood there for a moment, both transfixed and confused. He’d have to have heard it wrong. The dissonance to separate Teddy’s physical expressions from Billy’s unwavering belief was almost too strong for him to travel down any other avenue, but he couldn’t get around the soft tone, the sadness in his eyes, and the way he kept looking at Billy like he…loved him. It’s what had Billy following him back out of the gym and back up a set of stairs, his mind constantly bouncing between the kiss, the embrace, the touch, the words. He was so engulfed in it, if Teddy had spoken somewhere along the way to the room, Billy hadn’t heard it. He wanted it to be true, more than anything. He wanted whatever Teddy was offering, even if Billy was hesitant to take it. “You’re not a mutant then.” he heard himself say as they entered the hallway that led back to the room. He could see the door he’d left open, see the soft glow from the stars as they neared. “Or we’d be on the island, right?” It was his first step into the whole ‘we’ scenario, even if it felt foreign and strange to say. Billy knew how he felt, knew the attraction (and god, what an attraction it was) was there, but Billy couldn’t remember if he’d ever come to terms with it. “How long?” have we been together? He couldn’t ask the full question and a part of him just hopped Teddy understood. 

at the first question he hesitated only briefly. it had been a while since he was ashamed of his true form, billy had never seemed to mind, he’d even assured him of that a few times, but by they had also known one another for a while too. right now his mind was a blank slate, there was room for...well, anything. “no, i’m not a mutant.” he said. he entered their room and waited for billy to step inside before he shut the door. “you can go to krakoa, obviously, but...i’m something different.” he said. he busied himself by making his way over to the dresser and digging through the clothes until he found a black shirt and he shrugged it on over his head. he turned to face billy then and moved to sit on the edge of their bed. the same bed that he’d spent lying awake at night, desperately wishing for a moment like this one--albeit under better circumstances, but honestly he’d take him alive and amnesiac over dead and hopeless. “you died three weeks ago.” he answered, a beat, and then he realized that may not have been the question. “--we’ve been together for three years.” he added softly. they were three of the happiest years of his life. “do you wanna sit?” he asked and motioned to the spot next to him. partly because he didn’t want to have to tell him he was an alien while he was standing and also because he really just wanted to be closer to him.

[crocodilebytamino-deactivated20]

Lords Of Empyre: Emperor Hulkling (2020) #1

“You know, I’m gonna miss the moon when you blow it up or whatever.”  “Well. It had a good run.” 

[skrulling]

wicctastic​:

For half a moment, Billy understood why he’d been warned not to go chasing after memories and answers his mind may not have been ready for. His eyes traced lines over his shoes and he tugged at the fabric of his sleeves, pulling them down over his hands. A shudder ran through him, one that caught in his throat and he had to wipe at his eyes to stop from turning into a mess right here, under the bright fluorescent lights of a very public room in front of a person his soul knew, but his mind didn’t. In the short minutes between soft spoken words, Billy went through a series of movements, even more uncomfortable in his skin now than he was before. Eventually, he just wrapped his arms around himself while he struggled to process. 

Billy still hadn’t brought his eyes up from the floor until he saw bare legs and he forced himself to look up, his gaze lingering as he passed his shorts up to his bare chest and he couldn’t help the tingle that shot down his spine. Absently, Billy’s mouth opened and he drew in a deep breath, suddenly needing to refocus. “I’m sorry - what?” yeah, he had to have misheard that somewhere along the way from the floor to his face. He’d definitely said friend. And not – because there was no way in hell, memories of not, he was interested in Billy. But the kiss– “Together? Do you mean the one where the walls are painted? And the ceiling?” where the photos had been. Where Billy had tried to sleep but couldn’t. Every piece of the puzzle, even the abject declaration, that told Billy that the person he was being drawn to meant more to him than just a friend, was being pushed away by a sense of logic Billy somehow trusted more than what was being said. More than what he even felt. 

“Okay.” because, while he was unconvinced of a lot of things, Billy did agree that they were too in public to continue this conversation. Even if they were closing in on midnight and the halls had been empty when he’d come down here. “I uh– don’t really know the way back.” he admitted sheepishly. 

hew knew billy to be nervous--but it had been a while since he was this nervous. and with the added bonus of teddy feeling unsure of what was appropriate in terms of displays of affection in instances of one’s boyfriend being recently resurrected with total amnesia, it made it hard for him to reassure either of them. though he just wanted to kiss him again, teddy settled for placing a soft kiss on his forehead. the smell of him brought a wave of mixed emotion crashing over him and pooling in the center of his chest. it was a blend of longing, adoration, and a twinge of sadness. but he was determined that as long as billy was at least alive, they could figure just about anything out--together. as long as billy wanted that. “yeah it’s our room--we share it. together.” the corners of his lips quirked up. “you’ve been there already?” it was probably what he meant by photos--they had a few on the dresser. “c’mon i’ll lead the way.” he reflexively reached for his hand and upon realizing, he let his fingers slip between billys loosely and he let go again. “sorry--habit.” he murmured. he walked toward the gym door and pushed it open, holding it for billy to follow. “uhm--i’m teddy by the way.” the words felt strange as he said them. “i mean, my name’s theodore, but you call me teddy.” he added lamely. 

[theoraeken-a]

[skrulling]

wicctastic​:

Even though Billy had been the one who had put the distance between them, watching him shift away to sit down made his chest ache. God it hurt, and he absentmindedly rubbed at the center of his chest, swallowing hard. What had been mere minutes of security had vanished in a puff of smoke and Billy felt so vulnerable again. Alone. A part of him wanted to play out some fantasy that he’d come back whole, but something in the back of his brain told him that there was no rooms for falsities here. He couldn’t lie to that face even if he’d wanted to. And he didn’t.

Shuffling on his feet, Billy took to looking straight at the mirror, watching movements that belonged to someone he didn’t recognize. He hadn’t known what he was thinking. He’d been drawn into this gym by something – an emotional tether he’d apparently misread. Misread the kiss. Misread – all of it. Rubbing at his eyes, Billy forced himself to stay put even though he wanted to run back into that room that didn’t belong to him and disappear. 

“Nothing.” his voice cracked as he said that word, dropping his hands at his side. “Someone was supposed to fix this, but he’s missing something.” He couldn’t remember what. “I didn’t even know my name. It still feels weird to say. They didn’t tell me anything. No family, no friends, not if I had a–” his gaze shot towards his shoes and Billy let the word die between them. “I thought they’d tell us more, but they haven’t. They said we had to wait, but I couldn’t. Everything feels so wrong.” At this point, Billy was rambling, all the emotion he’d been struggling with had breached whatever lid he’d placed to contain it all and he’d just — burst. “There’s something so wrong here. I can’t stop feeling like I’m missing something. I’ve just wanted someone to tell me what’s going on so I can stop wondering why I feel so lost and alone.” 

the explanation somehow managed to make him feel an ounce better and worse all at once. all he knew was that charles was in charge of the memories, though he didn’t know enough about xavier or he process to know what he would be missing that made it so that he couldn’t do his damn job. what he didn’t understand is how or why they’d let him just run around without even knowing his own fucking name. “it’s billy.” he said, “your name’s billy.” he finally looked at him again, and his features softened, a longing taking residence there. he just wanted to hold him. he wanted it more than anything. 

“and you’re not alone. there’s a lot of people who love you--i love you.” his voice grew soft at the end and after a moment he forced himself to his feet, gravitating back to him again, only he stopped a couple of feet away, trying not to press the situation and make it any more complicated than it already was. he’d imagined this moment a few hundred times, but never did it go this sorely in his head. it was an odd cocktail of emotion to be so elated to see him alive and breathing, yet have it tainted by a lack of him not even being able to recognize himself. the ache to reach out and pull him in gnawed at him, but he fought it. “maybe we can go somewhere else and talk.” the gym wasn’t exactly private even if they were the only two there. he was sweaty and only half clothed which was less than desired for a serious conversation. “i’m your boyfriend by the way.” the words felt dry on his tongue and he felt dumb as he said them. “but we don’t really have to talk about that right now.” god, did he even still want to be his boyfriend? was this even something that should be discussed at the moment? “we have a room together, though, if you want to go sit in there. we can talk.” he offered, trying to feel like less of a total idiot. 

[skrulling]

wicctastic​:

Billy didn’t move much – not when he brushed his hair out of his face and not when he felt the warmth of his forehead against his own. Some part of him wanted to be here, to be enveloped in this warmth, even though he had no rights to that feeling. His memories hadn’t been restored, and yet Billy had settled into a series of motions that seemed familiar, even if they weren’t. The words, the low cadence of his voice, it all felt so incredibly familiar, even if Billy struggled to find purchase in memories that didn’t exist. At the sentiment, Billy’s brows knit together and before he could address it, another question came, and the answer built up in his chest, becoming jumbled. “I don’t know.” It came automatically as his dark eyes searched a pair of light ones for answers he didn’t even know how to ask for. “I’d just assumed, from the–” he waved his hand awkwardly in the air “you know, that you knew me.” Suddenly, a sense of tension built up in his spine as his brain went into whirlwind mode, throwing so many possibilities at a board with no answers. “Did I—” misinterpret? No, because his tone had given Billy an indication of something. Care? He actively stepped out of the man’s arms, putting a physical and emotional distance between them as he tried to sort out the jumble in his head. “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know who anyone is. I–” he tried to swallow the building frustration at the whole situation, but it was starting to boil over as he realized how lost he felt. “I just want answers, I just want..” Billy pushed his hands into his hair and inhaled deep, trying to bring himself back to ground zero. Back to how he’d felt when he’d been pulled into strong arms and held. 

it was a toss of as to which hurt worse -- his words, or the way he stepped away from him. both tightened his chest like someone had buried a fist beneath his sternum and was steadily asphyxiating the muscle that beat there. everything about him screamed it was the real deal--this was billy--the love of his life, the only person he could ever envision any kind of future with. like the settle down, get married, maybe have a couple kids one day kind of future. yet as the weight of his words rolled in it became clear billy didn’t remember any of that. i don’t know who you are. 

he needed a second. he side stepped and sat down on the nearest bench, pressing his elbows into the tops of his knees, his gaze hit the floor and stayed there. he wiped his face quickly, the remnants of happy tears threatening to turn into that of something more akin to devastation. this wasn’t supposed to be how it worked. with the weight of reality settling in, his brain was starting to question things. --like, when did they even get the people they needed to do things like bring mutants back? maybe he was so out of the loop from burying his head in the sand he hadn’t heard the news. but surly someone would have told him--kate would have told him. “what do you remember?” he could’t bring himself to look up, instead his blue eyes remained fixed on a spot on the ground and his brows were pinched together intently. 

[skrulling]

wicctastic​:

Billy caught fast movements and jumbled half words and had no real time to react. Even if he’d wanted to, his body wasn’t listening – his feet so far cemented into the floor that his legs were numb, but his whole body was on high alert. What had been hazy days filled with wandering thoughts that never found purchase in a mind empty of memories had become a whirlwind of emotions that swirled inside of him, a scream in the back of his mind that he couldn’t understand. Couldn’t hear. But something was reaching out to him, and Billy had been so eager for breadcrumbs that when the man from the photos bolted towards him, he didn’t want to move.

Couldn’t, anyway.

The pictures in the room, the sense of longing in him – Billy wasn’t stupid, but even as the man approached him, he expected something. An embrace. A conversation. What he hadn’t expected was for two hands to find the sides of his face and the sensation of a stranger’s lips against his own. Still, he instinctively melted into it, his body shuddering as if his whole being was letting out an exhale. Reaching up, Billy cupped his hands, feeling a warmth that brought a bit of feeling back into his fingers. In this moment, he felt grounded, like the tornado of confusion and lost thoughts were finally settled. The storm passed. For a moment, Billy wasn’t trying to sift through an empty darkness with no light. 

And then there was another set of movements before Billy could even begin to respond to the string of questions, though Billy had a feeling they were being tossed out with a wild confusion not unlike his own. Strong arms wrapped around him, and Billy tentatively wrapped his arms around his waist, his eyes closing as he just took a moment to breathe. Something about this just — felt right. And he wasn’t ready to break away from the only thing that settled him. 

But reality was setting in, and even if Billy knew something important existed here, he was embracing someone who essentially a stranger and that started a line of questions he couldn’t ignore. Especially a stranger who’d just kissed him like both their lives depended on it. It had only happened a few moments ago, and yet the memory of it was one of the only ones he had. He replayed it over and over again in his head, and a heat swirled at the bottom of his belly that bloomed up and pinked his cheeks. Pulling back, despite how much he hadn’t wanted to, Billy looked up at features he tried so hard to recognize. To remember. But the lines of his face were foreign, even if he looked at Billy as if they’d known each other for years. 

“You’re the man from the photos.” His voice cracked somewhere along the way there, an emotion in the back of his throat that he recognized as pain, but couldn’t find a source. That’s what it was like, living with no memory of anything. The body knew more than he did, and it responded in ways Billy couldn’t even begin to understand. “No one’s been really able to fill me in,” Billy was having a hard time looking at him directly, so he dropped his gaze down, which didn’t help, considering he hadn’t put on a shirt in his rush to meet him. If he traveled down any further, his mind would start to wander, so Billy elected to just find a point over the man’s shoulder. That was only somewhat easier. “Everyone’s been so concerned with-” his brow scrunched a bit. “Carlyle? Ch-” he stopped fishing and just shook his head. “A mutant who can fix this and no one’s really been available to talk to.” Billy unstrung his arms from around the man’s waist, the sensation of safety leaving him as he started to talk about this. Remind himself of all of this. Whatever moment he’d been engulfed in was fleeting, and now he was just lost again. 

“Based on your uh – reaction,” the red in Billy’s cheeks darkened. “I’m guessing you have some answers.” 

though he could feel the warmth of his skin and he was solid beneath his finger tips--his head was swimming and felt so light that none of it seemed real. he finally looked at him, still so close that he was practically seeing double. he smoothed some of his brown curls out of his face and pressed his forehead to billy’s. he took one long breath of relief and on the exhale his heart sank into his gut. all of his elation deflated right out of him. a pinch of his brows and teddy straightened some. you’re the man in the photos --the words echoed around in his ears like a cacophony of forks in a grinder. the words hung in the air like they were strangers or something. “what do you mean, baby?” he felt like he was grasping at straws, trying to glue an answer together out of fragments and missing half the pieces. “answers to what?--what photos?” he asked. there was something off, it was subtle but there. it was in the way he looked at him, a lost haze to such familiar eyes. it set him on edge, preparing him for the worst--a part of him still fretted over the idea that it could be a shifter, yet the other part of him assured him that he knew him well enough to tell the difference. something was wrong though, he just didn’t know what and it felt like the slow unraveling of a thread. 

[skrulling]

wicctastic​:

It was 11pm and Billy had stared straight up a ceiling he didn’t recognize for what felt like hours, his eyes constantly outlining the little glow in the dark stars that had been put up there a few months ago. Maybe a year. He couldn’t remember. That was the point though, wasn’t it? He couldn’t remember. Since waking up from a swirl of darkness and being told that while his body was alive, his mind wasn’t, Billy hadn’t slept. He hadn’t really eaten either. He certainly hadn’t tried to pick up pieces of himself in other people. There was an emptiness in him, an ache that ate away at him and he couldn’t shake it. He’d stayed on Krakoa for a while before finally moving in to what was his old room, but the bed was bigger than he’d expected. So was the room itself. It was clean and well maintained, but that hadn’t been what caught Billy’s eye. On the dresser, the nightstand, and the bookcase were various picture frames with him on one side and someone else on the other. Someone that had a face Billy didn’t recognize but when he’d picked up any of them, the ache in his chest just grew worse. When he’d laid down on the bed, the emptiness had overwhelmed him, because it felt so wrong to be here, by himself. So he’d laid awake; it’d only been the start of one night here and all he’d been able to focus on were the stars and the painted mural that ran across the ceiling. Despite his lack of memories, Billy sure as hell knew he hadn’t painted that. Just knew it. 

Finally giving up, Billy rolled out of the bed that wasn’t his (wasn’t solely his) and put his shoes on. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for. Maybe the man in the pictures. Maybe someone with answers. No one had really been overly forthcoming. Apparently they were waiting on another mutant to restore their memories, and some were worried about the precedence of being returned without receiving them immediately. Something about messing up the order. They hadn’t given Billy a lot of information beyond his name and where he lived, even if that felt like a massive injustice to his personal psyche. He was a wandering ghost with no tether to this world and he felt…incredibly alone. 

His fingers traced the walls as he walked slowly down the hallway, eventually finding a stairwell and walking it down, instead of the usual up. He made sure to remember what floor he was staying on, since he had a feeling the entire building looked the same and he’d just get lost. To think that, at some point, this was his home? It made the twist in his gut worse. The echoing of his shoes was the only sound he heard for a while as he went down, down, down, the stairs, until he heard the faint clanking of what sounded like weights hitting a floor. It was behind a door that Billy paused at. He couldn’t see in very well, but even so, the ache in his chest built up until it wasn’t him leading his feet anymore. It was the pull, drawing him to pop open that door and slip inside. A part of him warned that he shouldn’t be here, that he was interferring with something that he shouldn’t, but Billy had never been good at listening to his head. Not where his heart was concerned. 

Following the sound, Billy rounded the corner and immediately stopped, his whole body slamming to a dead stop so fast that he felt it ricochet through him. Across the way, on a bench, was the man in the photos. The ache had turned into a full blown scream and a part of Billy wanted to break down completely, right there, but he kept his feet planted. Opening his mouth, Billy tried to speak, but he didn’t know what to say. Didn’t even know if he would hear him. Even if he’d had his memories, he didn’t know how to not stand there like an idiot, not with him looking like that. 

their room had begun to feel suffocating. sleep was next to impossible and being in there was borderline agonizing. it was a constant reminder of the way things used to be. untouched clothes in the dresser, the faint smell of his cologne on the sheets, the slightest whiff of which would awaken some deep part of his brain that had long ago associated with billy’s comforting presence. so he spent his days, and some of his nights, busying himself. a good way to trick his body into sleep was making sure he was so exhausted by the time his head did hit the pillow that consciousness was no longer an option. and sometimes it didn’t seem to matter how tired he was, his restless thoughts still plagued him, even with his eyes closed. sometimes he dreamed he was there, sometimes he dreamed he was dying again, other times he dreamed they’d brought him back---whatever the scenario, the end result was all the same. he’d wake up to an empty bed and a room full of his things that he wouldn’t dare throw out, even if the sight of them did make him miserable. they also brought some twisted kind of comfort, like he was waiting for him to come home or their stillness meant a piece of him would always be there. 

tonight was the kind of night he needed to blow off some steam. the gym was a good way to do that, not that it alleviated any of the ache in his chest, but it did expel some of the pent up energy. some of the anger, the frustration in feeling so fucking useless he could pound holes in the punching bags until they were pouring sand onto the floor and he was on his knees crying. it was a bonus that this late no one was around. he was in the middle of a set when the door swept open. he pumped out the last two and dropped the weights back, removing an ear bud as he stood. “--if you need the machine I’m almost...” the words dried up on his tongue. as he came into view he felt like all the blood drained right out of his head-- like the world suddenly shifted sideways and he was going to lose his balance. the air was sucked right out of his lungs and he wasn’t actually a hundred percent sure he wasn’t hallucinating. how was this happening right now? the gears of logic started to churn and a part of him wondered if it was some asshole shifting into billy’s face, but a bigger part of him wanted that to be wrong, god he would give anything for this to be the real deal. “what are you--how is this...” he lost the words to form whatever half thoughts were coming out of his mouth and he found his feet moving on their own accord. left, right, one right in front of the other . 

what did the technicalities matter at this point? it was him--he knew it was him. he cleared whatever distance was between them in a matter of seconds and when he made it to him, he grabbed him and kissed him--he kissed him like his life depended on it, like kissing him was the only thing that would make sure he stayed real. god, he felt real--he smelled real. “please be real.” he murmured, taking in the first real breaths since he got that goddamn call. “how is this happening--how are you here right now?” he pulled away just enough to talk, afraid to open his eyes and watch him vanish. so he just focused on the warmth of his skin beneath his finger tips and the heat radiating off his body. a stream of tears had found their way down his cheeks as he pulled him in, wrapping his arms around him like holding him alone would make it so that he’d never go anywhere again.

[skrulling]

wulfsbne​:

Rahne nodded, stewing in the awkard silence while she pondered what to say next. They had both lost somebody near and dear to them – in more ways than one - Rahne’s heart ached at the thought. Every time she closed her eyes she saw her face. Dani’s face.

“I’m sorry, Teddy. Really am. Just feelin’ a bit helpless at the moment.”

“i’m sorry--that  was mean, i shouldn’t have lashed out at you.” he replied. they were all going through something, it wasn’t just him--even if it did feel entirely isolating. “i get what you mean. i feel like the rug keeps getting pulled out from beneath me.”

[skrulling]

@wicctastic​