[falseknees]

*_______________*

[disorderrd]

someone: hey how are u feelin ?

me: oh, im not

[understands]

[cognato]

me: *is born*

me: I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one that I have never asked to be a part of,

[xanaxandcoffee]

parents: we did the best we could

me: you fucked up a perfectly good kid is what you did. look at me. i've got trauma.

[themorningrarchive-deactivated2]

the kid is fending them off with a fucking hockey stick

[yyyesman-deactivated20190207]

i love this one because theres no other way to possibly interpret this

[guy]

grandma: DO YOU WANT AN APPLE

me: no thanks grandma

grandma: HERES YOUR APPLE

[mydays]

are u: “sorry?” or “excuse me?” or “what?” when you dont hear/understand what someone says

[redditfront]

Heckler - via http://ift.tt/1Sx9QoD

[just-shower-thoughts]

English is weird. Because “you ain’t shit” and “you are shit (piece of shit)” are insults and “you are the shit” is a compliment.

[222manythoughts]

People: watch your language

Me: oh fuck, sorry

[snout]

being a macroorganism is so stressful. i want to know what my cells are doing. I don’t like how unsupervised they are

[ripe]

[onlyblackgirl]

Mood.

[the-haven-of-fiction]

Big mood.

[parrotiny]

i want to know what bears think sometimes

[mediocrechick]

[parrotiny]

[pumpkinspicedcoochie-deactivate]

it really does only take one basket of laundry you procrastinate putting away before your whole life turns to shit huh

[kitduckworth]

oh my god

[sleepygyaal]

[thebootydiaries]

Employer: so tell me, why do you want this job?

Me: I must survive capitalism