How do I make a very thinly veiled joke cry for help.

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@smuppetprogenitor-blog
How do I make a very thinly veiled joke cry for help.
I feel like fucking death. Like death himself swooped down and kissed me in the form of this GODDAMN PUPPET.
It talks. I swear to fuck it talks.
☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ death is c0ming
H... Hey. This thing still exists, huh...
Totally forgot about it.
Oops, forgot this was a thing. Anyway, all’s well. Not that anyone cares about me or what I do. Just saying.
caeciitas:
@smuppetprogenitor @egobusting @f1rstk1ss @embellishedbookworm
Greetings t9 y9u all and welc9me t9 my 6l9g. I wish t9 greet y9u a little 6etter, 6ut I am still exhausted fr9m a few fights I have had t9light. H9wever, I can let y9u kn9w that my name is Kankri Vantas and I h9pe t9 c9ntinue speaking with y9u all.
Sup man, you’re fine. I go by Bro. I’m not normally up this early but you know, sleep is a bitch.
I’m not reading anymore of this tonight.
And I return to my life of pretending I don’t feel attachment to anyone except Sir Creamsicle the Wise and Dave.
There’s a cop here I’m leaving.
honkeros replied to your post: I don’t have hobbies what do I do.
i don’t got motherfucking hobbies either.
Ayy, nice.
cookbookind replied to your post “I don’t have hobbies what do I do.”
Freelance.
That’s not entirely wrong. You’re a lifesaver.
I don’t have hobbies what do I do.
Why yes Sharon, I am not, in fact, Dave’s father. Quite the shocker. Who am I? I do not exist, quit talking to me. Forget I was ever here.
I wear my shades inside so I don’t have to see your FUCKING FACE, HELEN.