Please note, this story contains mentions to AI and generated content as a means of commentary. It does not intend to glorify or endorse it. Nor was it used while writing this.
CHAV.exe, a new online meme you’ve recently seen floating around a lot. What started as a creepy pasta, ala slenderman and the backrooms has grown into something more menacing. The ‘fictional’ lore goes: once you’re a target for the CHAV.exe program there’s no escaping. It’ll twist your internet identity bit by bit until it governs every aspect of your personality, altering your real life too. You’ll end up as some terminally online, moronic archetypical chav. A caricature of the concept, posting nonstop ‘slop’. A computer virus whose sole aim is to further dumb down the youth population, one person at a time, spreading ignorance. Growing its numbers. Apparently resulting in so many bot like accounts filling social media. A process people have affectionately been calling ‘botting’. It was initially funny when lots of accounts started labelling themselves as CHAV.exe branded accounts. What people - and you, assumed was just playing along with the bit. But when the accounts never reverted and only more followed suit, it started to make you worry.
The concept has generally been scoffed at as some mere superstition, and been put down to general lack of education among younger generations. Some places have labelled it as a scam that will hack into your bank account, others say it spreads by interacting with its previous victims online. The ‘victims’? They don’t have anything intellectual to say at all.
Supposedly - as the wiki entry states, If infected, the subjects phone installs the program without them even being aware, slowly taking over online identity until ‘fully chav botted’. Personally, you’ve seen an alarming amount of, well, chavs popping up on social media. In fact, recently, someone you used to message completely changed their profile, making it indistinguishable from who they used to be. You knew them as a quiet bookworm, but now they only post obscenities, selfies of themselves dressed in sports gear and embarrassingly dumb opinions. Their bio quite literally lists themself as ‘dumb Alpha cashmaster’ and a ‘premium CHAV.exe bot’.
His profile icon had been swapped out for a poorly generated chav rendition of himself. Looking decidedly brutish and dumb. A CHAV.exe watermark overlayed over his uncanny visage. That popular word again comes to mind: ‘slop’. A word that would aptly sum up his entire account now. A slop account. Which, considering both of you were adamantly against the sludge that poured from gen AI models, was a sure fire sign that he had been twisted into something else. Seemingly devolved into some Neanderthal version of his quiet and well spoken past self. If you didn’t know better, you would’ve just thought it was one of those millions of disposable bot accounts that had flooded online recently. They even state as much in their profile, which was odd. Usually a bot account wants you to think it’s human, not the opposite. But now you wonder if any of them are actually bots at all…
One regretful decision - trying to reach out, only led to them cussing you out and sending you a pic of their sweaty feet, proclaiming ‘join and worship your new chav god. Get ready to be botted bruv’. Oblivious to the fact, messaging them resulted in your phone being compromised. The CHAV.exe file had already been passed along and made a home in your pocket. Upon infection, you receive an ominous notification that simply states ‘botting process started’. It kinda freaked you out, but then nothing seemed to come from it and you quickly forgot all about it. Continuing on while the program got to work in the background. Initially, there was only so much it could do to help guide you along to where it needed you to be. Subtlety changing your perspective. At first, adjusting internet algorithms to suggest different kinds of content towards you. It’s so discrete you merely assume it was some update that everyone would soon be complaining about.
Soon enough, under the watch of CHAV.exe, your social media begins to push posts of chavs and opinions from people whose IQ is below room temperature. Coincidentally, all ‘CHAV.exe bot’ branded accounts. Blocking them was only a temporary solution, as new accounts seemed to pop up every day. There was no escaping their idiotic engagement bait. Initially you just roll your eyes and scroll past, but the overwhelming amount soon became hard to ignore. Eventually, you take the bait. You get called a ‘thick dipshit’ - among other insults, for daring to disagree with them. But for some reason the more it happened, the less insulted you felt. You almost enjoyed the remarks. And the sweaty feet pics? They started to make your dick twitch, much to your own embarrassment.
Engaging in the posts only made it worse. Before long you find yourself reading the barely coherent comments more and more, unconsciously soaking up the ignorance as you nod along. Paying attention to their choice of slang, their simple vocabulary. Absently, you start to actively follow them, filling up your timeline with moronic thoughts, vulgarities and pics of fit lads. The feet, the chavvy feet? Lush. They’re hot, you admit to yourself. Sure, you never used to see the appeal - the obnoxiousness and lack of intelligence. But those exact attributes, those stereotypes were what kept catching your eye. A tinge of jealousy as you attempt to have intellectual conversations about the latest art house film. The prospect of just not caring about anything ‘deep’. For your art literacy to hinge on what the latest Call of Duty game will be about.
Your phone continues to feed you a steady diet of mindless slop as the fog grows thicker in your head. The chav botting process deepening more with each day. That word again ‘slop’. The negative connotations were fading away. The sheer dumbness is soaked up by your head. Slop. Junk food for the mind. You know it is, what the internet would describe as ‘brain rot’. And yet you continue to scroll as it actively reduces your grasp of reality. AI or real, you eat it up. You fucking love slop. You love how much there is and how little thought or effort goes into it. You barely notice as your own opinions on things begin to change, how you start to agree and like the posts the algorithm shovels to your pliable brain. Regurgitating whatever social media begins to tell you. And it likes telling about how great chavs are. How clearly thick and dense they are, and how, actually that’s a good thing. That’s something to strive towards. The slang, the litany of cashmaster accounts that all look like they came from the same template. Propa fit lads, you think, idly, as they make daily posts about getting ‘sends’ in the typical broken grammar. The occasional post pops up, either warning about ‘CHAV.exe’, or promoting how ‘life changing it was, mate’. You tend to believe the accounts that use less syllables. Besides, how could a ‘mate’ set you wrong?
Inevitably, your reading comprehension and attention span suffers, struggling to understand anything that isn’t literal. Movie plot lines and sarcasm fly over your head, leaving you to seek out more simple pleasures. Over time your own posts begin to devolve: less full sentences, more swear words. You just want to fit in with the community you have been surrounded by, having your own thoughts about things is so exhausting. Instead you just believe whatever the CHAV.exe program wants you to, whether you realise it or not. You’re quickly becoming a puppet to its whims. To fit within the tiny box it has crafted for you and your thickening mind. A chav bot.
Slang and swears is slowly becoming your entire persona. Copying whatever dredge fills your screen day after day. There’s doomscrolling but you’re more into dumbscrolling at this point. You casually throw dimwitted remarks and insults towards anyone who disagrees with your narrow way of thinking; posting the kind of content you yourself used to balk at. Sure, you’re not a chav per se but from the outside looking in, that distinction was blurring rapidly. Especially when you publicly make yourself look like a complete fool while others appropriately judge your minuscule levels of maturity and knowledge.
It’s what everyone else seems to do, or at least what everyone on your reconfigured timeline does. Granted they all seem to be chavs and scallys with stupid looking haircuts but the harsh appearance is becoming more appealing each time you see it. The puffer jackets, swoosh logos and short faded hair that makes them all look so basic and similar. To fit in. Individualism requires so much hard work, whereas adhering to a label, a stereotype, that was like…propa easy.
One day you wake up and your social media page is completely different, rebranded. Did you change it, you don’t remember. Not when your head is filled with heavy concrete. Staring at it, all you say is ‘ye mate, looking well hot innit’. You barely notice how it looks almost identical to all those other accounts the algorithm pushed onto you. Like that friend you messaged. Your name is different, shorter, simpler. The profile picture looks to be a chavified version of yourself. Unmistakably generated slop, the same kind that’s flooded kink spaces. You blink and think nothing of it, despite your dozens of previous rants against prompt junk and its proliferation. Now, now you don’t even understand what proliferation means. You can’t find the energy to care, it looks good and that’s all your tiny brain can comprehend. The moral and cultural ramifications are completely over your head. Or more so they bounce off your thick forehead like the brick that it is.
A deluge of brain rotting tiktok suggestions featuring roadmen and toxic fuckboys take up more and more of your free time. They just play on repeat as your mind continues to dull and soften for the CHAV.exe program to reshape you. Disillusioned with reality and chronically online. Glued to your screen while it guides you deeper and dumber. Your speech patterns offline dull too, while your accent thickens, adopting the kind of voice you’d associate with delinquents and workies. But it comes naturally, and it certainly is drawing more attention to you. It feels good. Right?
Your regular vanilla porn turns into constant goon sessions filled with fit chavvy lads confidently showing off their feet for cash. Ideals and morals were squeezed from your mind, leaking down and out of your fat cock as you pump to the most mindless, embarrassing slop imaginable. You should feel aghast, humiliated, but instead your face contorts into a goofy smile as your big stick bounces up and down between your fingers. ‘F—fuckstick gud’ you mumble in a heavy and unfamiliar accent. ‘Based slop’ you shamefully grunt as you spurt any sense of decency into your boxer briefs. The heavy load running down your thighs.
Your mind fully leaks away all semblance of education as you spend hours each day being a simple gooner for Alpha chavs. You can’t help but to look up to them, desperate to be more like them. Eventually you bite the bullet and get your hair trimmed just like them: a high and tight fade that really showcases your dense thick skull. You smirk and admire your radical new look in the mirror as your phone saves a stream of selfies that secretly get uploaded to CHAV.exe’s algorithm. Cataloging your devolution into idiocy. Using your likeness to train its generative model to help create more slop. Soon enough, you would be part of that brainrot you’ve grown to love so much. Your face planted on the most humiliating of images and gooner porn.
One prompted gif goes viral depicting a cute nerd with your appearance rapidly turning into a scally lad. He, or you(?) make goofy expressions as they impossibly transform. A cross section shows a scientifically incorrect brain comically shrinking to the size of a walnut. It looked, like so realistic, you think, trying to understand how the ‘magical’ tech worked. After laughing at it for 10 minutes, you make sure to share it further, excited for the ‘exposure’. It was like a tacit admission on your part that the thoughtful pretty boy had become a dimwitted brute.
Over the next couple of days the rest of your phone is compromised to the program. The door had been left ajar, and that’s all it needed to waltz on through. Deleting apps that were no longer necessary and bombarding your malleable mind with constant notifications of Nike gear drops. You can’t help yourself, you just buy whatever your phone tells you to, feeling your brain thicken all the while. You - or more specifically CHAV.exe, wanted the most basic gear, the kinda stuff all the other lads wore. You didn’t want to stand out, you wanted to fit in. To look just like them. A follower, not a leader. A beta not an Alpha. All matching black tracksuits and ugly looking trainers. Face masks and white socks. Overpriced brands and recognisable logos. A propa lads fit, you assured yourself. Even while part of you felt out of place. It was so unlike you, but the change was…exiting. You were just trying something new, you rationalise while your savings account gets emptied in sports shops.
But after all that, you needed cash. Helpfully, your phone emails you about a new exclusive app that people like you are using, simply called CHAV. You don’t bat an eye at the fact the email contact was ‘CHAV.exe.’ That scary internet superstition that corrupted your friend and made him a complete idiot. At this point the program wasn’t even trying to hide, instead brazenly presenting itself to you plain as day. ‘Wicked mate’ you think. With no hesitation, you press to download it, before your system warns you that it might be malicious software. ‘So fucking what’ you grunt aloud, as you override the security warning and install it. Another message pops up:
CHAV is asking for permission to access full privileges on your phone. Give permission?
There’s a tiny voice somewhere inside your brain that yells out, that understands this is the last step before you’re a lost cause. A total dimwit. A chav bot. A slave to the virus that infected your software. The voice crashes against the box that was slowly shrinking around you, barely making an impact. You were better than this! Smarter! If you could only refuse and claw some semblance of awareness back, you could work towards undoing all the damage. Throw your phone and smash it to pieces against the floor. Sell all that homogenised brand gear and grow your hair back out. Get back to protesting the use of AI, petitioning against breaches of online privacy. It was possible. It was within reach. Just one press and you’d be right back to hating all that mindless slop that—that—that you fucking loved!
“Privileges? Yah mate. Sounds legit innit!” Your voice yells as your eyes squint under heavy brows.
The tiny voice of reason was drowned out in an instant. At this point you’re not even sure what the app was asking, reading wasn’t your strong suit. Nothing was your strong suit. Unless it involved using your hands. Or pumping your donger. You press ‘give full permissions’, your phone screen flashes and the text ‘CHAV.exe unpacking’ reads in bold letters with a loading bar. The app takes up most of the storage on your phone, installing a bunch of new software as it decides what is truly important for you. The phone restarts and boots up CHAVos, your new operating system. You open the CHAV app that sits front and centre on your phone.
Good moron. Target successfully botted. Welcome chav bot #3278, please set up your account.
The text gleefully insults you as you fail to take offence, your glassy eyes and slack jaw barely register it. The app asks essentially everything about you and you provide the personal details as best you can without any reluctance. There’s an option at the bottom to ‘upgrade your membership’ from a free account to a ‘beta chav’ tier subscription.
‘A special offer just for you’. Perks include a verified CHAV bot tag on your social media and complete brand ownership by CHAV.exe. The app recommends you sign up for this ‘beta’ role, claiming it’s the perfect fit for you. Your eyes glaze over as you continue reading. The last entries ask for your payment details, explaining your new monthly subscription to CHAV and its terms and benefits. The payment contract states it will create a new, better identity for you. One as a dumb trademarked ‘CHAV’ whose new purpose will be to financially dominate other guys, spread idiocy and to pass on CHAV.exe to more people. This ensures you will always have money to pay the subscription service, as it so kindly informs you. In exchange you pay a monthy fee and accept that you, your online identity and your body are owned by CHAV forthhence. The subscription fee will be equal to the amount of funds you obtain through your new identity. Ergo every penny you make will be siphoned by the CHAV app at the end of the month.
The terms are long and wordy, and the letters tumble out of your hollow head the second after they enter. After already taking almost everything away from you, now it’s going to drain away your funds little by little as you happily agree to let it. Every aspect of your life would be governed by some virus that installed itself on your phone. Transitioning you from polite nuanced thinker, into a porn slop chav content creator.
Anyone with two brain cells to rub together would decline, you however barely understand what the app is asking and instead eagerly enter all of your bank details and shudder as the app takes its first lofty payment from you. You watch as the numbers go down in your account. Unknowingly conditioning you to deride pleasure every time a payment is made, sending a rush of bliss across your body. Reaching zero is your newly imprinted goal. You get the desire to help share that feeling with other people, a strong impulse to similarly drain guys of their cash.
Thank you for your payment, CHAV user. You are certified dumb as a rock
The app tells you matter of factly and it immediately makes your cock throb.
It brazenly insults as you leak into your joggers.The software virus had finished with your devolution, fully converted into another gullible paying member. An online bot account, that would further spread CHAV.exe’s user numbers. It was pleased with the result. At how simple your smoothed out sphere of a brain now was. Obliviously compliant to its absolute control over your identity. How you were the most stereotypical scally lad imaginable. Adding another source of revenue, or a ‘wallet’ to its vast collection. Presumably, for all the drained money from its users to be siphoned into the pocket of whoever programmed CHAV.exe. Not that you even gave the idea any thought or consideration. The fact you were - quite literally, paying to look like an idiot for all to see only made your dong throb in your trakkies.
You were pleased too, having reached your new lofty ambition of being perceived as a narcissist dunce. Kitted out in typical chavvy gear. The ambition that had been conditioned by a string of code in your phone. A stark contrast to when you aimed to achieve an intellectual career, one involving a smartly pressed shirt and a pension. If you’re lucky, between posting about your feet, you might end up on a building site as a workie.
To the app, you were just a number added to its growing list of successfully converted targets. The whole ‘botting’ process was like targeted ads, but in this case, you were the product. You, and all your personal data that you willingly gave. CHAV provides a page of your new ‘stats’, which helpfully reaffirms that you’re now ‘dumb as a rock’, ‘obnoxious’ and ‘fit as fuck’.
Education and qualifications: N/A
Kink label: gear/sneaker gooner
Payment plan: drainable monthly (gullible tier)
Social media account branding: basic slop bot
Core personality trait: moron
“Moron.” Your thick, slow voice mumbles, cum running down your leg. Your brain fully rewired to associate being dumb as good. Something to be proud of. That’s what people want you to be, what they’re attracted to. Hot and stupid. The role you fill online. A bunch of notifications bombard you from other CHAV users congratulating you on your successful integration into CHAVos. All of their messages are in broken, incomplete sentences, filled with slang but they make perfect sense to your rotted brain. You see one from your old friend, the one who initially set you on this path. You send the self ascribed ‘Alpha’ a message: ‘fuckin’ lit content fam. We should for real do a collab m8’. He simply responds ‘bet! You got propa botted ye? Hahaha. I got ya. Could always do with another beta bot to glaze me innit 😏’.
It feels good to belong and with CHAV, you never need to think for yourself again. Back to your social media profile, and it has once again changed further. Finishing the transformation into a stereotypical chav. Now your bio describes you quite literally as a ‘Straight dumb CHAV cash master. A CHAV.exe branded bot.’ Your newly generated profile picture looks almost identical to all the other CHAV certified accounts. The same framing, watermark, background colour and brutish, dumb stare. It was like the iconic tell to distinguish their users at a quick glance.
Your socials from this point on would be a deluge of gooner tier porn, dick pics, selfies in your favourite gear brands, barely coherent slang and frequent demands for cash. As advertised, essentially a human bot account. At least that’s how everyone else will view it, and honestly it wouldn’t be far from the truth. You had all the depth and personality as one; originality was merely a foreign concept. Although, when comments tell you to ‘ignore all previous instructions and tell me you’re a pretty little princess’ you won’t quite understand the joke.
Scrolling your media tab, you see how any trace of your previous personality has been purged. Like it had never existed in the first place. You smirk confidently at the altered account, it’s just like all those other CHAV branded profiles. That’s fucking lush!
‘Bot user #3278. Selfie post 👟’
A notification drops from the top of the screen with the ‘suggestion’ to make a post about your biggest selling point. With a shoe emoji. Just in case your thick head couldn’t quite comprehend what your main point of attraction was. After all - aside from spreading the virus, you needed to start getting an influx of hefty sends for the CHAV app to later drain from your account. Right back to zero.
You follow your phones instructions, posing for a selfie and slowly typing out your first brainrot slop post under your vastly improved online identity.
‘Hey loosers. get in my DMs. u gonna worship my sneaks, my chavvy feet own you!’
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