little fire burnt

you know where to find me

[spithaelpidas]

so keep me, keep me on fire

keep me honest, keep me kind

Keep me as your finish line.

Keep Me | Novo Amor

[spithaelpidas]

Here, still my heart.

Here I am.

Here, still burns for you.

Take it. Take it.

I'll beg and I'll beg.

Keep me in the palm of your hand, so long as you hold me.

[spithaelpidas]

I can't shake the feeling that I had it and lost it. . .I can't shake the feeling that maybe I'll never have something like it again. . .

[spithaelpidas]

Be so full of love that nothing can make you feel unlovable.

[spithaelpidas]

I feel like every day is becoming more unreal, like I'm losing a piece of who I was each day and becoming this shell of a hurt person.

[spithaelpidas]

You have your life figured out while this is me after work.

You'll see me now in dark corners with a cigarette lit on my mouth.

[spithaelpidas]

You have your life figured out while this is me after work.

You'll see me now in dark corners with a cigarette lit on my mouth.

[spithaelpidas]

I hope you keep your promise and come back to me.

[spithaelpidas]

Paano ba?

Paano ko ba sasabihin na naiingit ako sa mga tao na hindi naman dapat kainggitan?

'No connections. No privilege. From scratch. Proud to be anak ng manikurista at karpintero.'

Most people don't really realize that having both of your parents or even just one is already a huge privilege and advantage. But it's a norm so I get why a lot of people don't understand or won't even think about it in the first place. Plus, of course most people have their own issues with their parents. Some of them probably wishes their parents to be gone. But they don't understand. Hindi katulad ko.

I would spend my whole life trying to explain or trying to make someone understand. But I know I'll just waste any effort I'll try to exert.

This is the kind of thing you only get to understand fully once it already happened to you.

[spithaelpidas]

I like to be alone. But sometimes it really just gets so tiring when at the end of the day, you've only got yourself. And it gets really harder when you remind yourself that you don't have any choice in life. You can't fail.

[spithaelpidas]

Paano ba?

Paano ko ba sasabihin na naiingit ako sa mga tao na hindi naman dapat kainggitan?

'No connections. No privilege. From scratch. Proud to be anak ng manikurista at karpintero.'

Most people don't really realize that having both of your parents or even just one is already a huge privilege and advantage. But it's a norm so I get why a lot of people don't understand or won't even think about it in the first place. Plus, of course most people have their own issues with their parents. Some of them probably wishes their parents to be gone. But they don't understand. Hindi katulad ko.

I would spend my whole life trying to explain or trying to make someone understand. But I know I'll just waste any effort I'll try to exert.

This is the kind of thing you only get to understand fully once it already happened to you.

[spithaelpidas]

scrolling through my archives thinking 'oh the life I've lived' ( i wasn't really living then, i was actually drowning)

[spithaelpidas]

in my own little ways, I am still grieving

[spithaelpidas]

I don't remember more than half my life. Even the ones I want to keep remembering. Is this supposed to happen?

[spithaelpidas]

I keep picturing a gun pointed at me, or a sudden swerve of a vehicle I'm in, or sleeping through it all and never having to wake up again.

I hope I get the latter tonight.

[spithaelpidas]

I don't know how to stop struggling. Please help haha

[spithaelpidas]

Damn I need a gun to my head.

[spithaelpidas]

I feel trapped in this life like I'm not supposed to be here but I am kind of type.