kaide: Mm. I'm used to making a lot of decisions for work. I know how to sit down and think about something before doing it, to think about all ends and all aspects of whatever decision is it that I'll make. Um.. but this isn't work. You're not someone who words for me, you're not someone I work with and.. uh, this, it's not a work choice, so it took a lot of different types of thinking than in used to. I grew up in a home where I had two parents but only one was actually present as a good parent, I saw my dad sign off on papers every day, so him signing off adoption papers was way for him as long as it made my mom happy and she was able to have more kids and take care of them, raise them, be a mom when my sister and I were growing into ourselves. My mom is the best mom. Period. My dad? Could be worse, and I know I take after him a a lot, not voluntarily trust me, I wish I didn't. But I saw how my mom became a mom to my brother and sisters when they didn't have any family at all, they went from nothing to having the best mother, hands down. She stopped going to school for Gemma and I when we're were young and she stopped working in order to be there for my younger siblings. I've seen how one person like my mom can create a whole new dynamic, a whole new life for a kid who had no choice in the unfortunate circumstance they were put in, being given up, being put in the system... My mom and dad were only nineteen when they had Gemma. I'm twenty-four. I have a career, I have a reputation, I have a life. I... I don't think it's necessary to have the picture perfect everything, and I don't expect you to add to the things I already have. I don't expect you to work your way in to the point where there's no way out. .. Lilah, we are still getting to know each other and I'm sure there are things that happened before me that I don't know or need to know and I'm sure there are things happening right now that are things I don't know. Um, hmm. Over the past six.. seven months or so, I've been working with my lawyer and a handful of other people to help me do something. Quietly and easily. Something that right now at twenty-four, with the respect I have for my mom in what she's taught me and what I've taken from her.. it's important to me and you'll probably be confused as all fuck but, ... I'm in the middle of actually, uhhh, ah, I'm in the middle of adopting... a child. Mm. Which doesn't sound like me, I know. I'm aware. Me with a kid? Adopting a kid? Doesn't sound likely but.. you know what I want you to know and you see what I want you to see. And before right now, that was all soMetging I prefered you didn't know or see.
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