A l e x i t h y m i a

Pure Non-sense

[spuriousdreams]

How empty of me to be so full of you

[spuriousdreams]

I've never been good enough for you.

[spuriousdreams]

Probably met you around this time last year. Oh the smile you painted in my face, the pain you made me feel, and lessons you've taught me, it will remain in my memories.

Thank you for the experience.

I am happy now, I hope you are too.

[spuriousdreams]

Jump. Now.

[spuriousdreams]

You're a time bomb. And I'm the one who has to watch the numbers go to zero.

[spuriousdreams]

First, they shower you with affection, begging to see what's inside your guarded heart. Then when it comes to a point that they break past all the walls, the doubts and fears, a point where you love them greater than they love you, that's when they slowly pull away.

[spuriousdreams]

And then it hit me. I understood where I stand in your life. It was never as high and significant as you played it out to be.

[spuriousdreams]

I saw a girl bungee jump off of a bridge once, with the cables and harnesses and all that.

I can only imagine how it feels. It must be terrifying, free falling hundreds of feet from the ground. Will my knees go weak when I see how deep the fall is going to be? My vision might go blurry when I think of the wires attached to my body breaking. Maybe my heart will heart drop when I finally take my feet off of the platform. And when I'm falling? Will I wish for it to never end?

I wish I can jump off of a bridge like the girl I saw once, without the cables and harnesses and all that.

[spuriousdreams]

No one will get to meet that side of me anymore. Just you.

[spuriousdreams]

I've felt more alone with you than I did when I'm by myself

[spuriousdreams]

Not everyone's going to cross the ocean for you just because you did for them.

[spuriousdreams]

And I hope you know My Love, that when I say thank you every night I don't just mean it for you, it is also meant to the universe— for in this lifetime he chose to give me to you.

[spuriousdreams]

Your words are but a mometary relief in the face of confusion, a short-lived fantasy of calmness inside my head— sometimes I worry it might make me numb.

[spuriousdreams]

Just to be clear, I never needed anyone. I never imposed on someone to fix my problems or to stay with me. I don't need someone to save me. I put up with myself, fix myself, help myself since day one. I'm the only one I need.

[spuriousdreams]

The only thing you make me feel is sadness and even then, I'm grateful, because at least I get to feel something again.

[spuriousdreams]

For the sun belongs to the clouds and the moon belongs to the stars. I am now letting go, my sun.

[spuriousdreams]

She said she loved your mysteries, but what if she realized that there was never a mystery to solve in the first place? What if she mistook the non-sensical workings of your mind for obscurity? And what will happen then, if she realized all of this?