It's done! I've finished My Daddy Likes Boys! I hope you like it! If people like it, I'm going to write a couple sequels in the same universe. Read here or on AO3.
Chapter 1: Two daddies?? Cool!
My daddy likes boys. I don't know why that's such a big deal. I'm not a dummy. I understand that they don't mean he likes boys just as friends like me and Hank from my class. Otherwise, mommy and daddy wouldn't have broked up. I get it. It's about in love. Like Aladdin and Jasmine. They aren't both boys, but that's okay. I'm sure there are other examples of boys I'm just not thinking of.
Mommy already sees other boys. Daddy comes to watch me when she goes on her "dates" and we watch Bluey on TV or play hungry hungry hippos. Daddy is great at games, but I'm better because I always win. Still, daddy deserves to play games with someone he can beat. Someone he can go on "dates" with. Maybe on a magic carpet. Daddy likes cars, and that's a very cool and special kinda car. I wanna ride on one. Maybe if daddy's boyfriend has a magic carpet I can ride in the backseat and fly up high. That would be cool. That would be super cool.
I started kindergarten in the Fall. I'm in Mr. Tozier's class. He wears funny, colorful shirts and does voices that make me laugh a lot. When we learned about animals he made all the sounds. My favorite was when he made the goose sound. Mr. Tozier is the coolest.
And a boy.
And daddy likes boys.
Then I had an idea. My daddy and Mr. Tozier could be in love! That's a great perfect idea. I just needed to find a way to get daddy and Mr. Tozier to talk. When they talked they would obviously instantly fall in love because they are both awesome and fun and they both love me. It would be the greatest thing to have two daddies!!
I started small. Daddy tells me every day that I'm brave and I decided to prove it. I made sure Mr. Tozier was close and I climbed up higher in the jungle gym than I had ever climbed. The other kids watched and some waved and giggled. By the time Mr. Tozier noticed how high I climbed and started running towards me, it was too late. I bent my knees like a frog. Mr. Tozier saying ribbit ribbit popping into my head as I hopped off the roof (where I definitely wasn't supposed to be) and fell hard onto the ground.
Plop
I yelled and yelled and yelled some more. How was I supposed to know it would hurt THAT much. Mr. Tozier reached me quickly with his kind blue eyes twisted up in worry. "Frankie!" He yelped. "How'd you even get up there?" He was concerned, but I couldn't help but notice he also sounded impressed. This was going perfectly according to plan even though my arm hurt a whole lot.
Mr. Tozier carried me to the nurse's office. "I'm gonna call your parents, okay? Just sit tight buddy." I made a froggy sound and his worry melted away just long enough to do an, admittedly much better, froggy sound.
He rushed out the door. Oh no. "Call my daddy!" I shouted after him, hoping it was loud enough. My voice was usually louder, but my arm hurt too much! I waited to let my tears fall down my cheeks for after Mr. Tozier left. He probably thought I was very brave. Mr. Tozier and daddy will talk about how brave I am all day long until they fall in love.
Daddy didn't come. Mr. Tozier must not have heard me. When I saw mommy come through the door with her arms stretched out like she was ready to clean my dirty cheek with her spit, I cringed a bit and then started crying. This time it wasn't from the pain. Well, it wasn't just from the pain. This was going to be harder than I thought.
Chapter 2: Frankie's Big Break
I had a lot of time to plan my next move while I was at the doctor then at home. My arm was broken and got put in a huge cast. It's so hard and heavy. I drummed on the wall with it when mommy wasn't looking, she always told me to stop even though it made the best sound.
That made me think of my next idea. I couldn't keep getting hurt and going right to the hospital. I'd be off too much school and all my bones would be in casts until I couldn't move. I can't make Mr. Tozier and my daddy fall in love like that! I need at least one limb free!
When I got back to school, all the kids wanted to talk to me and sign my cast. I noted that I'd let Hank sign it first, after I talked to Mr. Tozier. Unless Mr. Tozier wanted to sign it first. Then he could. Sorry Hank.
Mr. Tozier sat at a big desk with papers all over the top. I could just see over it. He looked down at me, looking over his big thick glasses. He must have a really hard time seeing with glasses that big. My eyes are perfect, everyone says so, but daddy probably doesn't care about perfect eyes. I tried to focus.
“Frankie?” Mr. Tozier said. “What is it?”
“Next time I get in trouble, can you call my daddy instead of my mommy?” I said. I thought if I was as obvious as possible that he would definitely get it right next time.
Mr. Tozier's brow furrowed. “Well, you weren't in trouble, Frankie, but why do you want me to call your daddy? Is something going on at home?”
I really thought about it. No, not really. Home has been kinda boring. Daddy always looks sad when I'm with him, but mommy always has boys around all the time. I just want my daddy to be happy too. Not with lots of boys though, just Mr. Tozier. I didn't like getting used to lots and lots of new boys because some of them smell funny and have weird mustaches.
“Frankie?” Mr. Tozier asked. Oops, I'd been thinking too much.
“No.” I said quickly and walked away. I didn't even remember to ask him to sign my cast. I guess Hank could do it first after all.
After all the kids got done signing my cast with lots of cool things, Hank drew a dinosaur, I went to work. I knew daddy would definitely come if I was in danger, but it didn't work the first time. I decided I had to do something different. I had to get in trouble.
It happened at recess. Mr. Tozier was watching everybody, but I wanted to make sure he was watching me. I took a big breath in and let out a loud scream. Mr. Tozier looked up but so did everybody else. I'd have to explain why I was doing it to all my lots of friends later. They'd understand. With all my might, I pushed over the big wood play kitchen and all the kids playing house ran away. The play plates hit the ground over and over one at a time. It sounded like rain.
Mr. Tozier rushed over. Yay! “Is everyone okay?” The other kids nodded. When he looked at me, he didn't look mad. He looked worried. That made me worried too.
He took me to the place I go to when I get off my bus and had me sit in the big plush chair. Once he was in the other room, I got up and pressed my ear to the door. He was talking to somebody. I think on the phone.
“I think something might be going on at home.” Mr Tozier said. I sighed. Not really. Just call my daddy. Say I'm in big trouble. “Oh, a divorce? That's gotta be tough on him.” It wasn't tough at all! What was tough was getting my daddy and Mr. Tozier in one room. Ugh!
Chapter 3: Why Does Everybody Ask if I'm Okay??
How was I supposed to know they'd just make me talk to some lady? That is not what I wanted at all.
“Frankie,” She said gently like she was talking to a puppy. I'm not a puppy. “Can you please tell me how things have been at home?”
“Why does everybody keep asking me that!” I knew it wasn't polite to shout, but I was getting so frustrated! “Sorry, things are just fine. I'm happy.”
Even though I told her I'm happy she still looked sad. What was going on? “Are you happy when you're with your mommy?”
I felt a big frown on my face. “Yeah, I guess!” I folded my arms. Things were fine. Mommy was just kind of boring sometimes. She just wanted me to dress up nice and be polite. I was so sick of always being so polite.
“What about your daddy?” She asked.
I smiled. “Well, daddy is the best. We play games and watch TV but he's lonely and needs a boyfriend like my mommy has.”
The lady's eyebrows raised up like they were gonna bump into her hair. “A boyfriend?” She asked. “Maybe you mean a girlfriend.”
I rolled my eyes. “No! My daddy likes boys!’’
Talking to that lady was so pointless. She didn't even help me with how to get Mr. Tozier and my daddy together. I hoped I never had to see that lady ever again.
My mommy drove me home and fussed with my hair when she buckled me in. “What did you say to the nice lady?” She asked me.
“I told her daddy likes boys.” I explained, getting a little tired of always having to explain myself.
Mommy's eyebrows did the same thing as the lady. It's a little silly for her to be surprised. I knew she knew that already. She didn't say much else. She just got in the front seat and drove us home.
When Daddy came to pick me up the next day, I was so excited. It was the weekend and Daddy always planned a fun activity. I wanted to see the new Sonic movie and get lots of popcorn.
It was taking mommy and daddy a really long time to come get me in my room, so I hopped off my bed and sat on the top of the stairs looking down at them through the bars. They looked upset. They had angry eyebrows and folded up arms.
“You told him about your little perversion?” Mommy said. I didn't know what that meant, but what did daddy tell me about? Maybe about the big black cats at the zoo.
Daddy held up his hands. “No, I didn't tell him anything about that. I don't know how he found out.” Maybe not about the big cats after all.
“Well, tell him you don't. Tell him you like women like you're supposed to.” I opened my eyes really wide. Was this about daddy liking boys? What's the big deal! Mommy likes boys too!
“Daddy can like boys if he wants to!” I ran down the stairs to stand up tall next to daddy.
They both looked down at me with their mouths hanging open. Close your mouths, gosh! “It's not normal.” Mommy said in a calm voice. I was so sick of people talking to me like a puppy or a baby or something.
I held out my hand. “Daddy, I wanna go.” I didn't feel like talking about this. I had important things to do.
Daddy looked down at me, surprised. Mommy looked mad. They looked at each other for a few seconds before daddy grabbed my hand and we started walking out. I smiled wide.
“Wait!” Mommy called after us, but we didn't stop or look back.
We were gonna have a wonderful, awesome time watching Sonic and eating popcorn and then after that I would think about my next plan. Daddy and Mr. Tozier were gonna be happy if it was the last thing I did!
Chapter 4: Hank's My Best Friend Ever!
"Okay Hank, this is very important.” I started to explain. It was nap time, so I had to whisper. I had my mat pulled up right next to Hank's. Hank had a big smile while he listened. He was always a good listener. Probably because I told lots of good stories. “My daddy likes boys.”
“What else would he do?” Hank poked his cheek. “You're a boy, so if he didn't it would be really sad actually.”
“No, no.” I waved him off with my cast. “I mean he likes boys like mommies like daddies.”
“Woah.” Hank said. “That's so cool. I wish my daddy likes boys too.” I knew I could count on Hank to see things my way. My daddy was pretty cool after all.
“I think my daddy should be in love with Mr. Tozier.” I explained and smiled a lot. It was such a great idea.
Hank didn't smile, he looked worried. “But Frankie, he's our teacher.”
“So, what?” I folded my arms.
Hank seemed like he really had to think about it. That made sense because he was being silly. “It's weird.”
“That's a horrible reason, Hank.” I shook my head. I really expected more from my best friend ever.
“What if he treats you different?” Hank pushed his fingers together.
I huffed. What a dumb thing to say. “It would only be good different cause he'd give me less work and maybe let me go home early.” I hadn't thought about any of that, but a teacher daddy had to have perks.
“Woah.” Hank said. “Okay, what do we do?” I knew Hank was a good friend! Now I had a whole helper! We'd definitely make it happen!
“Well, I already tried this.” I proudly held up my cast.
“You did that on purpose?” He asked, scrunching up his face. What was the big deal? It didn't even work.
“And when I knocked over the kitchen.” I smiled wide. They were all very good plans, so the next one would definitely work!
Hank frowned again. “That broke off the sink and now it doesn't fit.”
“It was for a good reason.” I said. “My daddy needs love!”
“I guess so.” Hank still pouted, so I made a funny face and oinked like a pig. That's what Mr. Tozier would do.
Hank giggled a lot until a girl on the mat next to us said, “Shhh!” That just made us giggle more.
We put my plan in action just after nap time. Hank went up to Mr. Tozier and got his attention. “Look, Mr. Tozier!” He said, then started trying to put his whole fist in his mouth. I had to try really hard not to laugh. At first, Mr. Tozier watched, but as I expected, he tried to stop him after that.
That's when I made my move! I slipped behind the cubbies on the wall. There was just a tiny little bit of space, but I slipped in like a super spy when no one was looking. I could still see everything! My plan was working perfectly.
A few minutes later, everybody got their bins from the cubbies to start working. Hank went straight back to Mr. Tozier. “Excuse me, Mr. Tozier?”
“What's on your mind, Hankster?” He winked. I sighed. What was my future other daddy doing giving fun nicknames to other little boys? Very inconsiderate!
“Have you seen Frankie?” Hank asked. The smile grew wider on my lips. I tried hard not to giggle. Mr. Tozier's smile went away completely. He hopped up and started looking all around. I held my breath. He checked in the lockers. Good thing I decided not to hide there! That was a close one. He checked in the trash can. I definitely wouldn't have ever hid somewhere like that. Unless I got really desperate to think of a good spot I guess.
Mr. Tozier looked back at Hank. “Hank, do you know where he is?” I crossed my fingers in both hands. Hank, please don't be a tattletale at a time like this! “If you do, please tell me. Neither of you will be in trouble.”
Hank shook his head. “I think you could call his daddy.” Hank added. Yes! I knew Hank was my bestest friend ever for a reason! We did it! My daddy was about to meet the love of his whole life!
Chapter 5: They Meet and I'm Cute
It got a little boring waiting in my hiding place. My back hurt too because the plug on the wall was poking it, but it was all worth it for my daddy!
Mr. Tozier had been pacing around and Hank was obviously trying really hard not to look over at me. He was doing a very great job.
It felt like forever and ever, but finally I heard someone stomp in the room. Daddy! I could tell it was him. I was so happy I almost gave up my hiding spot. I put my hand over my mouth just in case.
“Unbelievable.” My daddy said. “Your one job is keeping the children in your care safe and my child breaks his arm and then goes missing! I hope you don't like your job.” I frowned. This wasn't right. They were supposed to fall right in love at first sight!
“Sir,” Mr Tozier started talking, surely he would fall in love with my great, awesome daddy! “With all due respect, this is not an easy job. They haven't replaced my classroom aide since he quit.” I remembered Ms. Ramsey. She snorted when she laughed. I always wondered when she'd come back. “Trust me that the welfare of my students is the thing I care most about.”
“So, is it just my son that you are lax with?” Daddy said, still sounding angry. This wasn't good!
“No. I care very much about your son.” Yay! I knew I was the favorite. He'll definitely love my daddy just so he can be my other daddy. I'm so cool. “I've actually been very worried about him. He's been acting out a lot.” More like I've been trying really hard to get you two knuckle sandwiches to be in love! Give me a break.
“Of course he has been with this level of instruction and look at this deathtrap!” My daddy held up the broken part of the play sink and waved it around.
“Frankie broke that actually. He just shoved it over while other kids were playing with it.” I smiled, a little proud even though that plan didn't work.
Daddy frowned and crossed his arms. He had the line in his face he got when he was worried and the other one he got when he was mad. “Well, can't you watch him better? If you just-” Daddy put a hand over his mouth. Mr. Tozier put a hand on daddy's shoulder. It was happening! Frankie Kaspbrak you genius! “I'm sorry.” Daddy said. “This just isn't like him.”
“From what I understand, he's going through a lot right now.” Mr. Tozier said with his kindest tone.
Daddy gasped. “Are you trying to blame this on the divorce? You're the one that lost my son!” Daddy's voice squeaked like it did the time I found a baby rat and brought it in the house as my pet.
“I'm not blaming it on anything.” Mr. Tozier was so calm. I wanted him to make a cool animal sound so my daddy would stop being so mad. “I think he's probably hiding. It seems like it's been about attention. It's like he wants me to call you. Specifically you. I don't mean to pry, but has the divorce made it difficult for you to spend time with him?” That's not it at all! I do want to see daddy more and everything, but that's not why I was making these really smart plans. Clearly I was doing something right because it worked.
“No. That's ridiculous. We should call the police. A kidnapper could be getting further and further away by the second.” No! That wasn't what I wanted at all. It was time to make my great reveal! They'd both be so happy to see me and we'd all laugh and smile together.
I started trying to wiggle out of my hiding spot, but when it got to my arm with the cast with lots of decorations on it, it didn't budge. Uh-Oh.
Chapter 6: Stuck (but Being Really Brave About it)
My cast made a loud smacking sound as I tried to pull it free. Before I got my arm unstuck, everyone looked up from talking and stared at me. They had big eyes like owls, hoot hoot, Mr. Tozier might say.
Daddy's eyes were all watery and he rushed over. “Frankie, oh my god. Have you been here this whole time?” He gave Mr. Tozier a really mean look. “He's been here the whole time and you couldn't find him? How is that possible?”
Mr. Tozier shrugged. “I said I thought he was hiding, but I'm very sorry about all this.” He still looked very stressed out and his eyes were all red.
“You can't just relax because you think something is true when my son could be in danger.” Daddy always talked with his hands and started to talk really fast when he was mad, so he was probably very mad.
I kept trying to wiggle free, but it wasn't happening. Oh no. “I'm stuck.” I said interrupting their boring conversation that wasn't even about being in love.
“Stuck? Oh God. Your arm?” Daddy asked. I nodded. It was very obviously my arm, but whatever. “Does it hurt?”
I shook my head, but it was kinda hard cause there was barely space to breathe. “No, it doesn't hurt even a little bit.” I was super brave after all.
“How did you even get back there?” Mr. Tozier asked, he sounded pretty impressed.
“I just wiggled.” I said with a big smile showing all my teeth.
My daddy bobbed his head up and down like a gulping fish. Splish splash . “Have you tried to wiggle out?” Daddy wiggled as if I didn't know what wiggling was. I wiggled my whole way back here in the first place!
“Yeah, I did try it! I wiggled and wiggled, but I'm still stuck.” I pushed out my bottom lip. So frustrating! My plan wasn't working well at all.
Daddy chewed on his lips. “Your mother is not going to be happy about this.” He said it all quiet like he wasn't even talking to me, but he obviously was.
He tried to pull on my cast, but it hurt. “Ow.” I said.
“Sorry, I'm sorry.” He let go of me right after like it hurt him too.
“Excuse me, Mr. Kaspbrak?” Mr. Tozier called my daddy something funny, tapping on his shoulder. I guess he can't call him daddy, but my daddy's not even a teacher!
Daddy turned back to look. “What?” He breathed out really hard, like whoosh .
“Let me try, I have an idea.” Mr. Tozier said.
My daddy kept breathing loud. “Fine.” He stepped away from me.
Mr. Tozier did the thing where his fingers make little cracking sounds. I giggled. He was so silly. “Okay, Frankie. Are you scared?”
Of course not, I was obviously being very brave. “No.” I said.
“Alright, let's see…” He looked all around the small, dark place where I was. I tried not to think that it was so small and dark, but it was hard not to think it. “Do you think you can jump out of there really fast when I say go? You can race to your daddy.”
I smiled wide. That sounded like a fun game. “Okay!”
“What are you going to do?” Daddy asked.
Mr. Tozier winked at him. “I have a plan, just stand back.” My daddy's face seemed kinda blotchy and red. I hoped he wasn't getting sick cause he was so worried about me. That would be bad. He nodded and took a few steps back.
Hank looked up at my daddy. “Is Frankie going to die?”
Daddy just looked at him with a crinkly face, but Mr. Tozier said. “You trust Mr. Tozier, don't you, Hankster?” Hank smiled and nodded a lot. Me too. He was gonna be a great other daddy.
Mr. Tozier pushed something that made a loud clicking sound and wrapped his big, huge arms around the cubbies that were making me so stuck. He leaned back with all his might making weird little sounds that were pretty funny. I could see more light after that. “Go Frankie!” Ready, set , go and Frankie Kaspbrak was off like the flash! I did a really cool job coming out by kicking off the side of the cubbies.
I ran up to daddy and jumped up into his arms. We both smiled a lot, but then, there was a big, loud crashing sound. I looked over from daddy's arms and I saw Mr. Tozier being crushed under the big, heavy cubbies.
Hank pulled on my daddy's pocket. “Is Mr. Tozier gonna die?” He asked. Good question. I hope not. How could he be my new daddy if he died!
Chapter 7: Two Tomatoes Make a Salad!
No, no, no! I started rushing over to Mr. Tozier, but daddy put his hand out and I stopped. Daddy went over really slow.
“I'm a-okay!” Mr. Tozier said from under the cubbies. “Don't worry about me! I have a hard head!” Mr. Tozier definitely did cause he ran into stuff all the time! He always said ‘it’s okay I have a hard head ' or ‘another bruise for my bruise collection' . I had a bruise collection too.
Daddy made grumbling sounds and bent his knees next to the cubbies that were crushing Mr. Tozier's whole body. “Don't be ridiculous. You should definitely be seen by a doctor after this.”
“Nope, years of being reckless have made my head basically a head of steel. Nothing could penetrate it now. My brain is well protected.” Said Mr. Tozier. Yeah! He had to be right. That made sense.
“That's not how it works at all, dummy.” Oh. “Once you get one concussion, every one afterwards gets worse and worse and worse. How many have you had? Maybe I should call an ambulance.” Daddy held a hand to his head like he did when he was about to put me in time out. Mr. Tozier was about to be in time out.
“Please don't do that.” Mr. Tozier said. He really didn't want to go to time out. I didn't blame him. It's super boring in time out.
“What's a concussion?” Hank asked. It was a good question. I could have answered it, but I let daddy feel smart.
“A brain injury. It's very serious.” Daddy said quickly.
“What's an injury?” Hank asked again.
Mr. Tozier answered that question from under the pile. “A booboo.” He said.
“Oh!” Hank said. I already knew that, but that answered the question for Hank. Mr. Tozier and daddy were very smart.
Daddy shook his head fast like a dog. “That's enough of this foolishness. We're getting you out of there.” He rolled up his sleeves and started pulling on the cubbies. “What on earth? How could they possibly weigh this much? I should definitely call someone.” He said.
“That won't be necessary, Mr. Kaspbrak.” Said the voice of Mr. Tozier from under the pile. He was really stuck good. “Can you just pull and I'll push?”
Daddy breathed loud like a dragon. “Okay, fine. We can try your idea first.” He tapped his foot fast like a bunny. He was being lots of funny animals!
The stuff moved probably because Mr. Tozier moved, not because there was a bunch of friendly mice trying to help. Sad. “Good. On three.” Mr. Tozier said. “One, two, three.” Daddy pulled up breathing hard and turning red as a tomato, but the cubbies were going up that time. I could finally see Mr. Tozier. He was pushing. He was all red too. Two tomato faces. We just needed green lettuce for one of mommy's salads. Icky. I giggled.
“Is this funny to you, Frankie?” Daddy asked, breathing really hard. I nodded, still smiling, and he made an even funnier crinkly face. I loved my daddy so much. He was so funny.
After Mr. Tozier pushed all the way up, daddy moved over to help push. Push, push push. Then it was all the way up, but the stuff was still all over the ground in a big mess. Mr. Tozier was definitely gonna get grounded.
“Thank you.” Mr. Tozier said, but he turned around and he slipped on a notebook like it was a banana peel. Woosh . He tumbled and bumbled into my daddy and they both did a funny dance before falling down on the ground. Mr. Tozier was crushing my daddy cause he was way bigger.
Oh, no!
Wait, no. This was perfect! They were basically hugging! That's what people that love each other very much do. It was working! I was a love genius.
Chapter 8: Friends??
They both got up really fast and rubbed down their clothes like mommy did to me right before school. “Are you in love now?” I asked because I was getting very tired of waiting.
Daddy got a weird expression on his face like when he told me he wasn't gonna be with mommy anymore. I started to feel scared because I didn't know why he looked at me like that. “Oh my god.” Daddy said.
“No, Frankie.” Mr. Tozier smiled, so that made me feel a little better, but it meant I didn't do it yet.
“Is that what all this has been about?” Daddy said. I nodded. “You want me to be in love with your teacher?” I nodded again. I really did want that. “Oh my god.” He closed his eyes really tight. “I am so sorry, Mr. Tozier. This is all very embarrassing. Maybe we could talk in the other room?”
Mr. Tozier nodded. “Just for a minute, okay? I don't have an aide right now.”
“Sure, that's fine.” Daddy said.
Mr. Tozier looked at us kids and put two fingers from his eyes then to point at us. “Don't do anything I wouldn't do.” We all giggled because it was funny, but I felt bubbly in my stomach. Maybe my plan would never ever work.
Daddy went with Mr. Tozier out the door. When the door shut, I ran up and poked my eye under the door. I couldn't see anything really, but I could hear a tiny bit better.
“I'm so sorry about this.” Daddy said. “He must be taking the divorce really hard.” I was not.
“I understand. I'm flattered he seems to want me as his step parent. Maybe that means I'm doing something right.” Yeah! The rightest ever!
“I hope this isn't overstepping telling you this, but he found out I was divorcing his mother because I'm gay. I didn't tell him, but we must not have been careful enough talking about it.” Gay? No. It was cause Daddy liked boys! That's all. Gay was something bad mommy talked about.
There was time with no talking, but I couldn't see why. “Oh.” Mr. Tozier said. Good, they were still there.
“Oh God, it was totally over stepping, wasn't it?”
“No, no. Actually, I was thinking maybe he somehow found out I'm gay and that's why he picked me.” Gay? What was it with all this gay?
There was another long time with no talking. “Oh.” Daddy said.
“Sorry, maybe now I'm the one talking too much. I do that a lot actually. I thought since you were too, it might be okay, but I promise I would not usually tell a parent of one of my students that.”
It sounded like Daddy laughed a little but lighter than usual because he usually sounded like a cackling witch. “It's fine. It's nice to not be the only one. I wasn't exactly in the community before now.”
“Well, I'm free to talk anytime after 3pm.” Mr. Tozier said. Daddy did that different laugh again. Like a kitten laughing. It was weird.
“What are you saying?” Daddy asked. Mr. Tozier was pretty clear. That's because that's when school ended.
“If you want to come here around then or shoot me an email that would be fine by me. It's easy to feel lonely when you're entering a brand new community. I'll be your first gay friend. If you want. No pressure.” Gay.. hmm. If daddy and Mr. Tozier were gay it couldn't be bad.
“That does sound nice.” Daddy said. “I’ll think about it.”
“Frankie is a great kid.” True. “Maybe if you have a talk with him about it, now that we know what's been going on, he'll stop. Divorce is confusing for a kid.” Mr. Tozier said all that, but I was not confused at all. I knew exactly what was going on.
“Sometimes it's best, that's what my therapist says. I actually kind of wish my parents divorced.” Daddy said. That was weird. Daddy only had one parent. Grandma. She pinched my cheeks too hard.
Mr. Tozier laughed a little. “Is that so?”
“Oh, no. That was totally too much, right? You don't need my life story.” Daddy said his voice was going fast.
“It's totally fine. What are friends for?” Mr. Tozier said.
“Thanks.” Daddy said. Friends? Friends?? That's not in love at all! Friends are what I was with Hank. That was not going to end with Mr. Tozier being my other daddy. What a nightmare!
Though, I guess it wasn't so bad. Daddy needed friends and I really really liked Hank and all my other friends. I guess if that made daddy happy, I could be happy too. What are sons for? I wanted to be a great son. That's why I did it all in the first place! Daddy and Mr. Tozier were gonna be good friends and that was that!
Chapter 9: That Was Fun, but I'm Bored Now
After that day, daddy came to get me from school all the time! It was so great! I guess mommy didn't mind staying at home and relaxing while daddy picked me up. He really was best friends with Mr. Tozier. That was great.
They talked and talked. Blah, blah, blah I had important stuff to do. At first, I listened in. I'm a growing, curious boy, but it was all just boring stuff I didn't care about.
Still, I loved daddy having a friend and coming to get me. I got to play with all the best toys all by myself. Daddy did the weird kitten giggles, but I was happy his witch laugh came back sometimes too. He must have been getting more comfy with Mr. Tozier. That's nice. Mr. Tozier would say something very funny and daddy would punch him in the arm and do his witch cackles.
After they talked and talked, sometimes they would both come over and pretend to be giant monsters that came to get me and pretend destroyed the play kitchen. I laughed and laughed as they chased me.
One day, Mr. Tozier almost knocked the cubbies over again. Daddy got really upset and did a karate chop in the air talking about safety blah blah blah , but Mr. Tozier showed daddy that it only came off the wall if he flipped this switch thing. Cool! He clicked it and daddy squeaked like a scared mouse, but Mr. Tozier clicked it back before the cubbies crushed us all forever.
Life was pretty great until we started staying at school later and later and I was missing my favorite shows like teenage mutant ninja turtles. I liked watching it before we had to eat dinner. “Come on, daddy.” I said because we'd been at school for at least sixty hours.
“Just a minute.” Daddy said. He was playing a boring card game with Mr. Tozier. Mr. Tozier kept losing. That was good. Daddy deserved to win since I always beat him at all the actually fun games.
Mr. Tozier put down his cards showing all their faces which was probably bad because daddy could see all of them in his hand. “It's okay, we shouldn't keep him.”
“But,” Daddy started. No, daddy. Time to go.
Mr. Tozier smiled wide with lots of teeth. “Maybe you can beat me at cards at my place sometime?”
Daddy smiled a little too, but just like a little c, not with lots of teeth. “Really?”
“I think it's a good time.” Mr. Tozier said. It was a good time because it was the time I would usually be watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Daddy took a long time to respond, then when he did, he was quiet like a whisper. A whisper for no reason. “Okay. Frankie will be with his mom all day tomorrow.”
“It's okay daddy, you can see Mr. Tozier without me.” I said. I thought it was nice of me to say that. They were trying to find a time that I was free too, but I can't always be babysitting them. Daddy had to learn to hang out with his friends by himself once in a while.
Daddy and Mr. Tozier smiled. “Thanks Frankie.” Daddy said.
Mr. Tozier messed up my hair which is good cause I liked it best messy. “Yeah, buddy. I'm glad we have your blessing.”
“Nobody sneezed.” I said. I didn't say bless you to anybody, but maybe Mr. Tozier forgot that. They both laughed.
“So, tomorrow?” Daddy asked Mr. Tozier.
Mr. Tozier nodded a lot like a weird bird. Big bird, haha . “I'll text you the address.”
Daddy spent too long just waving at Mr. Tozier, so I pushed him along. It was like he was a broken toy just waving and waving. “Are you okay, daddy? Why are you doing that? It's weird.”
Daddy pulled back his hands and started to walk finally. “You think?” He asked me for advice, which was good because I gave the best advice.
“Definitely.” I said.
Chapter 10: Best Matchmaker: Frankie Kaspbrak
Daddy didn't pick me up every day after that, but still a lot. Mr. Tozier always went from happy to sad when he saw my mommy, but lots of people did that. I was happy if it was daddy or mommy because when it wasn't daddy every time anymore, it got to be fun again to stay at school and play with all the fun toys all by myself. Sometimes I wished I had Hank to play with too, but at least there wasn't a line for playing with the kitchen.
There was one day that Mr. Tozier was acting weird all day long, and he was just smiling at me, but not happy, more like scared. Weirdo. When Daddy came Mr. Tozier didn't seem surprised like he usually did. He'd say like ‘what a nice surprise' usually when daddy came. This day, he just lifted his hand in the tiniest wave I ever saw and daddy just did it right back. What was going on!
“Hey, Frankie?” Daddy said.
I felt my face scrunch up. “What?”
“We would like to talk to you about something, kiddo.” Mr. Tozier said. He kept rubbing his hands together. Weird, weird, weird .
“Fine.” I said and I plopped down on the beanbag. I liked the orange and blue one best and since it was only me, I could have whichever one I wanted.
Mr. Tozier and daddy pulled over two chairs. The one daddy pulled made a screech sound at first. “Sorry.” Daddy made a squeaky sound with his mouth instead of the chair and lifted it up to wobble like a penguin the rest of the way over.
“So, Frankie.” Daddy coughed and Mr. Tozier put a hand on daddy's shoulder. I was starting to get freaked out! What could be so important! I was scared because maybe my fish died cause he wasn't looking so good when he was napping on the top of the water in the morning.
“Gosh, just spit it out already.” I said, wiggling in the beanbag. If they were gonna tell me something bad I wanted it to be over so I could cry and get done crying in time for my show.
“Sorry, um,” Daddy coughed again.
“Are you sick daddy?” Oh no. Maybe daddy was gonna die! That's way worse than a fish.
“No, um, I,” He coughed again. No.
I started getting my crying out early. I cried and cried and yelled. “Daddy's dying! You're gonna say you're dying.” I cried some more just to be sure I'd get it all out.
“No. I'm fine.” Daddy said. “I'm not sick.” He said that, but his face was all red and Mr. Tozier looked worried. He was gonna lose his best best friend and my best best daddy. I cried louder.
“We're in love!” Mr. Tozier said and squeezed my daddy's shoulder more.
What?
What!
WHAT?!
I hopped out of the bean bag like a bunny. “What?” I said.
“It's true.” Daddy held his hands out. “I'm not dying. We're just in love and going to be starting a new relationship. We wanted you to know. I know this is probably strange for you, but-”
I opened my eyes wide. It worked. I started laughing and daddy looked more worried, but my new future daddy smiled wide. IT WORKED! Of course it worked. I never gave up and it worked because I'm the best matchmaker in the whole world! “You’re welcome.” I said.
“What?” Daddy said, but Mr. Tozier Daddy laughed with me. He picked me up and spun me around until I was dizzy and daddy started laughing too. This was definitely going to be so super fun! I was glad they had me because if it wasn't for me, daddy might have been alone forever and ever and Mr. Tozier wouldn't have a great and very cute new son!
Chapter 11: Epilogue: My New Plan!
My name is Frankie Kaspbrak and now I'm seven whole years old and very mature. After helping my daddies fall in love, I helped them decide to get married too! Wow, what would they do without me?
The most important thing was, what was I going to be? Probably best man, ring bearer, flower boy, and guy that says you may kiss the bride! Though, they'd have to say something else this time. Would they say, you may kiss the groom? Maybe we should skip the gross kissing altogether. Ew.
My original, first daddy said I could only pick one and probably I couldn't be the priest without lots more work and school, and I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to tell them to kiss anyways. Papa Richie (that used to be Mr. Tozier) said I should live my dream and I could be everything and do the wedding as a one boy show. That might be a lot of work though. Maybe I'd be the flower boy because I like flowers and if I lost the ring, I'd probably be in big trouble.
Flower boy it is! I got lots of pretty flowers that I picked out and I helped my daddies pick off all the petals to put in a little white basket. I smooshed em when I took them off, but Papa Richie said it was okay cause I'd just be throwing them. I was excited to make a big flower mess.
Mommy wasn't gonna come to the wedding. I told her that was stupid because it would be fun and the best time ever. She thought I should still call Papa Richie, Mr. Tozier, but that would be confusing since he wasn't even my teacher anymore. Plus, my name might get to be Frankie Kaspbrak-Tozier! They said I could decide, but I was still thinking about it. It sounded pretty nice.
After all that was figured out, I had time to think about the real most important thing. Since I did such a wonderful job with my first plan of getting daddy and Papa Richie to fall in love, I decided I could basically do anything. It was a lot of power, but Spiderman says to use it for only good things, so that's what I was gonna do.
It was time for the wedding, and I was hiding under the biggest table with Hank. He was my plus one. We took a break from eating the cake that we took from the back of the cake so no one would notice. We had icing all over our fingers, but we could just wipe it on the table cloths, so it was fine. “Okay, Hank. I have a new really amazing plan.”
Hank sighed loud. “It better not be you getting stuck again. I was worried.”
I shook my head a lot. “No, no. Hank. I'm gonna get a baby brother.”
Hank smiled. “Is your mommy pregnant?”
I rolled my eyes. “No, Hank. Are we at my mommy's wedding right now? Gosh.”
He looked confused. Hank, you gotta think about these things. “But, who?” He asked me.
“My daddy is gonna have a baby with Papa Richie.” I said. “I’m gonna make it happen.”
Hank's mouth opened wide. “Woah.” He said.
“So, you're in?” I held out my pinky.
He wrapped my pinky with his pinky. “I'm in.” Hank was the best. Maybe I'd marry him one day too. He'd be pretty good at helping me with my plans for forever.
The plan was ready. Here it goes. I had all my flower petals in the basket and I tossed them and smiled and looked cute and everyone was looking at me. Then, Hank was free to go up to the stage. He whispered the secret plan to the priest (that's what they're called) and gave him a bag filled with a special surprise.
I smiled from ear to ear! It was all gonna happen! Just like last time! Daddy and Papa Richie got up to the front and I stayed where I was supposed to stand, then it happened.
The priest smiled. “This is a little unusual.” He said. “But a little boy told me you all had a surprise you wanted to share.”
“A surprise?” Daddy asked.
Papa Richie said, “Okay, sure, show us the surprise.”
He pulled out the surprise from the bag. It was a baby doll and long paper that said, ’it’s a boy' that I very secretly took from the store when I was with mommy. “Congratulations?” The priest said.
Daddy stared and turned red, then more red, but an angry red. He yelled. “Frankie Kaspbrak-Tozier!” It sounded nice, just like I thought it would! I told my daddy I decided that's what I wanted to be called just that morning, and I was happy he remembered. Papa Richie tried to cover his mouth, but I knew he was laughing.
I didn't actually think that would work of course, it takes a few tries like last time, but, eventually, I was definitely getting that little brother!
