Nakilala ko siya nuong 2011, transferee student ako from another university at ganun din siya. At first, ayoko sa kanya dahil mukha siyang vain. Mas makinis pa siya sa akin. Ang sungit pa ng aura niya because he rarely smiles at laging may nakasuksok na earphones sa tainga niya. Para bang ayaw niyang kausapin siya ng kahit sino. He rubbed me off the wrong way. Weeks after, he was late on our class. At ang natira na lang na vacant seat ay ang nasa tabi ko. Hindi ko inaasahan na iyon ang oras na unang beses kaming magkakausap. I didn't know why I was so damn nervous that time. I didn't even like him. At hindi rin naging maganda ang una naming pag-uusap. He was so damn rude. Akala ko iyon na ang huli naming pag-uusap. Akala ko hindi na ulit kami magkakatabi. I was wrong. Boy, was I wrong. After that, lagi na siyang tumatabi sa akin at hindi ko naman pinipiling umalis sa usual seat ko kahit wala namang seating arrangement. We became study buddies. Ako ang nagre-review sa kanya whenever we have tests or quizzes. We became friends dahil lagi niya akong kinukulit. Laging gusto niyang magpalitan kami ng ideas. Dahil din sa kanya tumaas ang grades ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero lagi akong nag-aaral the night before our class. Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko nun kung bakit nag-aaral ako just to impress him. Lahat na nakakapansin sa palagi naming pagsasama. Lagi nila kaming inaasar. Foolishly, I started to have feelings for him knowing na he's unreachable. Isama na rin natin ang dahilan na may girlfriend siya nung time na yun. Baliw na baliw siya sa babaeng yun. Dumaan ang dalawang semester na hindi na kami naging magkaklase sa kahit anong subjects namin. I felt so alone sa school dahil wala akong masyadong friends at hindi kami madalas magkita. Sobrang tuwa ko tuloy na pagdating ng isang semester na naging magkaklase ulit kami. And this time, tatlong subjects pa. Parang hindi nagdaan ang dalawang semester at bumalik sa dati ang samahan namin. We grew closer. Naging sandalan namin ang isat isa sa mga hell weeks. Nagtulungan kaming maiangat ang isat isa. But we both failed on own of our core subjects. Hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin alam kung blessing in disguise ba yung pagbagsak naming dalawa sa Physics. That summer was both the best and the worst summer I've ever had. Hindi ko inakala na may mas ipaglalapit pa kami. Para bang hindi makukumpleto ang araw naming dalawa na hindi kami magkasama. Hindi siya mapakali kapag may iba akong lalaking pinagtutuunan ng pansin. One time, he even went bat-shit crazy when I changed seats. Pinagsigawan niya sa buong classroom ang pagtataka niya kung bakit ako lumipat ng upuan. He thought we should always be together. That it was us against the world. I was so mortified that I immediately went back to my original seat, beside him. He just smiled smugly. Lagi niya akong hinahanap-hanap. Lagi niya akong niyayayang sumama sa gala ng classmates namin but I had to decline. Every time na tumatanggi ako, pabigat ng pabigat sa pakiramdam ko kasi I know I'm disappointing him and I'm missing out a lot. Even now, nagsisisi ako na sinusundo ako ng father ko after ng summer classes. Akala ko pagkatapos ng summer ay magtutuluy-tuloy ang lahat. Na kahit wala kaming subjects together, ganun pa rin kami sa isat isa at may constant communication. We were closer. I know there's something going on between us. The sexual tension was there. The chemistry was palpable. Pero mali na naman ako. Lagi na lang akong mali. I didn't know he was having girls on his pad. I didn't know he was kissing another girl behind my back. I clearly misinterpreted everything. I clearly misread his mixed signals. And now, two damn years after... Why are you still on my mind? Madaming dumaan pero hindi tulad nila, iba ang staying-power mo. You're still here. Maybe because I never confessed my feelings for you. Maybe because I didn't and couldn't have the closure I needed. Kasi nga diba, I was wrong. Because for you, there was nothing going on. But for me I was falling so damn hard and it was all for nothing. So for the last time... Goodbye, BB.
izzy806
gummygunk
jbbartram-illu
snowghoul
