soulee @sundaze-moongaze - Tumblr Blog

it’s so ironic how everyone is expects you to treat them top-tier but they treat you half ass as fuck. literally i’m over doing favors for people and trying my hardest to add peace and ease to peoples lives when it’s

1) never recognized

2) never reciprocated

people take advantage of those who have showed them that they’re here to stay... and how fucking backwards is that bullshit

i love how every tine i think about going back to mount pleasant i get physically ill from how fucking depressed i was there yet i don’t even feel welcome in my own home because “everyone is a lot happier when i’m not around” thanks mom for making me feel so welcome in the place i have called home for the last 16 years.

it’s extremely soft and on brand of me to still get all giddy n excited whenever i’m about to see brandon

feeling like absolutely nobody in the entire world loves me & appreciates my existence the way i love and appreciate them is actually really shitty. within the last week of being back in mount p - my anxiety has been so bad i have been physically ill. i have highly considered going to just talk to someone in the counseling center because i don’t even know who to go to about this because anytime i even try talking about it with anyone no one actually cares or it’s a pissing contest of who has the worst case of anxiety or sadness. this isn’t who i am and i hate that i’m being consumed by negativity and darkness. feeling like every part of my soul and my being are critiqued and ridiculed as i live my life. i don’t even know if this is true or not because i feel like everything is a fucking illusion because of how anxious and sad i am. i keep wanting to just sink in my bed and it’s hard to even go to work to make money- usually i can at least turn on auto pilot but when i’m shaking even trying to talk to tables or scared that all of my tables hate me for no reason- it’s an issue. i don’t know what the fuck is going on

it’s strange how eating disorders have a funny way of never really ever *completely* going away because some days you sit there n think how every single one of your problems could be solved by being skinny which isn’t the truth or realistic or what i know is right at all but it’s gross how these ideas can circulate around my head even when i know they’re wrong and invalid

not to flex but every guy i’ve been with asks me why i taste so good n the secret is........ water 🤩