been oh so busy the past (almost) 3 months so #hello #imback but I had a thought as soon as I woke up this morning and NEEDEDD to put it into words
I'm in a super happy and healthy relationship with the sweetest boy in the world rn whom i just can't get enough of (I miss him)
but back when I was in my first relationship like almost three years ago (and mind u!! I HATE the guy (my ex) as he was horribleeee to me towards the end of the relationship I HATE HIM and what counts is how things are in the present, not the beginning!!), during the early stages of it I was just so different to how I deal and feel things now.
I wouldn't think about the fact that not responding to my text after 5 hours was a bad sign and I should be anxious about it, I wasn't anxious and I wouldn't overthink basically. I was so much more carefree at the time and now im....well.. yk an overthinker, AND IM TRYING TO FIX THIS cuz it's a horrible feeling and I hate feeling like this. Thank fuck my bf is the most sweetest and most caring man eva but because of past experiences, I ended up like this.
So yeah thinking about how I was in the past, with my ex during the beginning when I was much more secure in myself, I miss that.
But am I just so glad I met my boyfriend at the time I did, we did meet on a dating app.. (lemme just get that out the way as having casual encounters and "meet cutes" out in the wild is quite rare these days 😭😭 especially as a socially awkward and anxious girly like myself....) and I was honestly on that app with little to no expectations..just for funsies! (dating apps mostly suck as u know lol!)
My boyfriend is the sweetest, most lovely, most caring, most considerate person I have ever met and he just makes me the happiest!!! girl in the world and god how have I only known him for less than 3 months?!? where was he my whole life!! jk no but seriously, I'm glad I didn't meet him while I was 18 and immature but when I'm 20 and more... resilient? knowledgeable about the world? idk I just feel more myself with him than anyone in my life and thank fuck!!
I guess what I'm trying to say is that things take time but they'll definitely get better, funny that I know i was all about "20's are for ur independence!!" less than 3 months ago which I still ABSOLUTELY stand by, but coexisting and loving and being loved by someone WHILE also maintaining ur own independence so u grow as individuals TOGETHER is still extremely important!!
life really do be #swagasf sometimes
so hi Jesse if ur seeing this ily stinky (he won't ever see this omfg I'd be so embarrassed he'd tease me!!
thx for reading whatever nonsense I spat out this time, ttyl xx
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