#!soumako

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at some point after sousuke and makoto move in together, makoto starts noticing that there are times when sousuke seems... more tired than usual. despondent. listless. the shadows under his eyes grow deeper, darker. he doesn't realize what's behind it until he stays up late to study. sousuke sleeps on the couch, but suddenly wakes up, sucking in a deep breath as he does. makoto turns around to see sousuke staring at the ceiling with wide, wide eyes. makoto reaches out, puts a hand on his forearm and asks if everything's okay sousuke sits up, unable to meet makoto's eyes. it's nothing, he says, but he gets up and retreats to the bedroom. makoto doesn't hesitate in following him. sousuke sits on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. makoto sits next to him and waits, hoping sousuke will open up on his own (since being together sousuke has started to be more open, to trust makoto with feelings he'd usually keep to himself). finally sousuke starts talking. 'sometimes i have dreams about swimming on the international level. swimming with rin. even nanase has started to show up,' he says with a laugh. 'but then i wake up and remember—' and he clenches his fists. 'i'm happy, makoto, i'm so happy with you and at university, which I thought would never happen, but sometimes i remember what could have been and i—' makoto takes sousuke's hand in both of his and squeezes, shushing him gently. 'you don't have to explain,' he says. 'there's nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be sorry for.' sousuke puts his head on makoto's shoulder. makoto makes no mention of the growing dampness on his shirt. makoto waits until sousuke falls asleep, watching the lines disappear from his eyes, before he allows himself to follow.

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fic: too much, too well, too far

makoto runs from what they could have, and sousuke chases him down for the same reason

for soumako week. prompt: angst. 570 words.

written for sara, my soumako partner-in-crime, and who fleshed this scenario out with me last night. <3

His throat is closing up, leaving him incapable of breathing and of processing and of even thinking. All because Sousuke is looking at him with red-rimmed eyes and with fists clenched at his sides.

Makoto had been expecting this conversation since this morning, when he left his apartment—the one Sousuke had just moved into. 

(left, completely and utterly, with nothing except a note saying 'sorry, sousuke, but i can't do this' left on the empty pillow)

Barely able to look at Sousuke, Makoto finds himself wishing he could have avoided this conversation just a little longer.

He should know better by now, though—and he does, because he knows Sousuke.

And because he knows Sousuke: Makoto realizes, in a burst, that Sousuke has not cried. he has yelled and begged, but he has not cried.

Not once.

He has been holding back all day, since he woke up this morning to find Makoto gone from their bed.

Makoto can see it in the lines on Sousuke's face—the question there:

what did i do wrong—

please explain to me—please, Makoto, please.

Sousuke has been holding back for all this time. 

Makoto remembers words about Sousuke relaxing around Makoto.

He remembers how Sousuke slowly but surely lowered his guard around Makoto.

He remembers the first time Sousuke cried openly in front of Makoto.

And now they have reverted to square one.

All because Sousuke knows that crying will only make Makoto feel guilty, will make Makoto want to come back (and Sousuke will not resort to coercion; he knows better, now).

Sousuke knows this because Makoto told him.

Makoto told him so much.

Too much, always too much—he'd brought them both here, to this point, because he just couldn't keep his bleeding heart to himself.

He messed up, and the aftermath is staring him in the face.

(the aftermath is Yamazaki Sousuke on the verge of tears, and Tachibana Makoto does not know how to cope with that)

His hands wind through his own hair, clutching at the strands.

It doesn't make any sense, really.

Not at all, not when it all had been going so well—

but that's just it—

Too well, all too well—that was the problem.

He'd given too much and he'd given too soon.

He never expected this.

He didn't expect Yamazaki Sousuke to work his way into his life and into his apartment and into his bed and into his heart.

Not so quickly.

And he couldn't look at Sousuke—Sousuke, who dreamt so much and wanted for so much—without remembering he would never reach the level Sousuke was aiming for.

He'd never anticiated this relationship.

He let it take him by surprise, and then he let it go on for too long.

He lingered, he stayed even knowing what was happening, that he was getting too attached.

Sousuke won't look away.

This would be so much easier if he stopped looking at him with those eyes.

Makoto puts his face in his hands, shoulders shaking,

I'm sorry, he says, he chants, over and over.

The words don't make it past the sobs stuck in his throat.

There are so many things the apology is for, but right now, it is because Makoto has the nerve to cry when he is the one that left in the first place.

He cries while Sousuke stands in silence, eyes still rimmed red. 

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i-am-weis replied to your post: “stalkersuke replied to your post: “more soumako coaching au things....”:

RIN USING THE OPPORTUNITY TO PLAY CONFIDANT FOR MAKOTO BY GETTING HIM TO TALK ABOUT SOUSUKE AND ANY FRUSTRATIONS AND RIN TOTALLY TEASES THE SHIT OUT OF SOUSUKE FOR THE LOSER THINGS HE DOES THAT RIN HEARD ABOUT FROM MAKOTO AHHHHH I love it I need this

everytime i think it's impossible for me to be more enamored with you you prove me wrong

[rovmustang-archive]

YOU AND I ARE ON THE SAME WAVE LENGTH. I WAS JUST THINKING OF HARU AND SOUSUKe growing together through sousuke coaching haru (but where haru was at uni where w/ makoto/sousuke). Haru was on the team and sousuke was part of the team as he rehabbed/trained and one day sousuke is watching haru swim and is like "if you're boast about only swimming free, you better do it perfectly and you are being inefficient on your recover" and slowly they work together and begin to understand each other

god bless i approve of this so much, yes, thank. 

haru at first being kind of like. ‘you think i don’t know this already?’

and then realizing that sousuke spent the better part of middle school and high school not only training intensively but also reading and studying technique bc while haru was not swimming, sousuke was pushing himself as hard as he could in every way possible.

haru coming to respect someone that’s still so determined to be around the water, coming to respect someone with such a respect for the pool and what it takes to be a part of that. and respecting that sousuke let rin show him how a relay is one of the best things to be a part of.

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stalkersuke replied to your post: “more soumako coaching au things. or: an au of the au. jfc someone stop...”:

you can't just describe these things and not deliver (especially the thing about sou > haru and makoto > rin) PLEASE

but like that combo makes so much more sense bc sousuke wouldn't hold back on haru and would make sure he actually cared about his time and his technique and harnessing all of that raw potential. haru and sousuke reaching a very solid level of mutual respect and appreciation. haru appreciating that sousuke knows when to hold back. mutual appreciation for simple, easy conversation (and a lot of nonverbal communication that frustrates rin to no end. sharing stupid rin stories all the time.)

rin on the other hand already cares about that—he needs someone that's going to come in and make sure that energy is channeled to the right places rather than getting frustrated or angry or smth else. makoto knowing when rin needs a new challenge. makoto making sure rin is taking care of himself. also making sure that rin isn't getting distracted by haru bc makoto Knows All and knows how to deal with it. 

also i am nothing if not full of unfulfilled potential when it comes to fic oops

[rovmustang-archive]

more soumako coaching au things. or: an au of the au. jfc someone stop me i have drabbles to write

sou and mako spend their four years in uni, learning spots physiology/training/therapy/what have you, holding down part-time jobs (full-time in the summer) at a small swim club as coaches

when they graduate they shift into full-time work for a bit, but it's not looking too good bc they're actually overstaffed but the owner doesn't want to cost anyone a wage so won't lay anyone off, but the club really is struggling for money—

and then 'lo and behold, up-and-coming swimming stars matsuoka rin and nanase haru drop by the club, spawning quite a bit of publicity for the club. but ultimately rin and haru take them aside and tell them that the olympic team is looking for trainers and, well, they want sou and mako to consider applying, bc they both have degrees and a shitton of coaching experience and references from the darlings of japan's swim team

basically i want sou and mako to travel the world together with the national team (and i'd want them to maybe become rin and haru's personal coaches except plot twist i'd make sou haru's coach and makoto rin's) 

and i want rin teasing sousuke mercilessly for his crush on makoto

[rovmustang-archive]

[drabble] all there is

for nanifuku, who prompted: "all that i have" + soumako.

this is from the sharing an apartment during uni au i posted about earlier. sousuke being stupidly intense, as usual. makoto being a bae, as usual. 

also, i'm still accepting prompts so you should send me some.

They've been here for most of the night. The table bears the weight of their notes and textbooks. Pencils and highlighters litter the table alongside empty or forgotten mugs of tea and coffee.

The only light comes from the lamp on the table to Makoto's right, casting the room in a warm glow. He lost track of time some time ago, but he knows they've reached that particular time of night where reality seems to shift just a few degrees off its axis. It's as though the the rest of their apartment has faded into the indiscernible darkness, leaving their sitting room as an island unto itself—leaving them as the only inhabitants.

It could be the sleeplessness talking, but—the world feels incredibly small.

(Maybe cozy would be a better word.)

Makoto chances a look across the table to see Sousuke flipping through the anatomy flashcards they worked on earlier that night, quizzing himself in silence. Makoto returns his eyes to his notes, but he's—well, he's not really looking at them, to be quite honest. 

He lifts his head with purpose this time. "Want to go through those together?"

Sousuke looks up, eyes coming into focus on Makoto. A smile lifts the corner of his mouth, and he passes the stack over with a quiet "sure."

Makoto decidedly ignores the way Sousuke brushes his fingers against his open palm.

(Synapses fire in Makoto's brain, sending a shudder straight down his spine.)

He does not think about how that touch is just one instance amidst many others, that they have become more frequent and linger longer each time, as though Sousuke is testing some unseen boundary line.

He does not think about how he's been doing the same exact thing—even now, by asking to study in tandem rather than just in the general vicinity of each other.

And he certainly does not think about how he's noticed that no longer do they carefully orbit each other, but instead spend a great deal more time overlapping with each other. 

Except, well. Sousuke is looking at him with such a level of intensity and single-minded focus that Makoto is finding balancing his thoughts incredibly difficult.

"Makoto?"

Makoto clears his throat and finally looks down to the first flashcard.

"What function does the orbitofrontal cortex serve?"

Yes, the world feels very small tonight.

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stalkersuke replied to your post: “Makoto, on the other hand, enjoys lounging about in either oversized sweatshirts and pajama pants or one of his plaid shirts, sweat pants (which he does later steal from sousuke), and glasses and that does sousuke in bad. How can makoto be so effortlessly hot without even trying???? And then one day he notices makoto is in one of his plaids and his sweats and he has to go for run so he doesn't jump him right then.”:

SOUMAKO CLOTHES SHARING, EEP. sousuke having a Thing for seeing makoto in his clothes. when they move into their new apartment sousuke hides all of makoto's clothes for the first weekend so he has to share sousuke's or go naked.

plot twist: one day makoto just shrugs and does indeed go naked. no class, no problem. sousuke realizes his mistake very quickly.