Mar 15, 2018
(kylymä)
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(kylymä)
TRaaaaaaaaaaaaap BR style cumpadre
guys, I just went to get groceries so I can make Sunday breakfast starting like @now but I really need to share this short tale of my trip because it was just such a jazzy little surprise at 5 in the am.
So as any good Dallasite knows, grocery shopping at Walmart is best done between the hours of 12-2 and 5-7 in the early morn. The crazies come out from 2-5 after they get home from the bars/clubs/crackdens and at all other times during the day you will run into a variety of old elementary school teachers, raucous and unrestrained toddlers in tiaras, bitchy moms falling off their yoga highs looking to rebound with fiber bars and skinny girl margaritas, and high school classmates whose names you've forgotten. This is a time-tested fact, and I ran into 2 of these 4 groups just earlier today. (Yes, Walmart twice in one day--I'm BuCkWyLd & I noez itt)
So after doing a quick sweep of the facilitaay (7 minutes roundtrip! like have you ever been able to get in and out of a Walmart in 7 minutes?? 5 AM ROUNDUP MY FRIENDZ) my sister and I went to the register and got in line behind the beefy dude in the black wifebeater ahead of us. And he was like scrounging around for $krilla and taking some time so I naturally went to the As-Seen-On-TV wall ((my mecca guys!!)) to check out The Strap Perfect™--which btw I've heard is a total treasure! but anyway my window shopping was interrupted by BeefyDood calling out something to me from the registre. at which point I was confused, bc I have terrible hearing (THANX DAD) and at first I thought he was asking me for a few spare dollas which freaked me out bc I didn't have any cash and he also had a lot of tattoos and I'm way too judgmental, but then he repeated himself and what he actually said was,
"You know you shouldn't be buying that turkey...
and he had one of those smirky cute half-smiles and then I realized that BeefyDood wasn't tryna scam me but also wasn't hitting on me (SADTIMEZ, i really need to learn to interact with males with less anxiety) but more importantly what he was telling me was that there's apparently a bunch of recalled turkey in the U.S. with salmonella!! HE SAVED ME FROM (un)CERTAIN DEATH.
well anyways, I still bought the turkey, bc the cashwrap lady told me it was of the unrecalled variety, and bc she had already rung it up and I'm lazy, and bc I like to gamble with death (?), but I just felt so light and happy on the way out.
because there's hope, guyz. this dude was like SO-Intimidating-At-First-Glance but IRL was also just a nice BeefyDood tryna help out a coupla gals at the grocery store.
my sister pointed out on the way home that he had really nice eyes. <<windows to the soul, yall>> and that he was actually a bouncer, so that's why he was scrounging around for $inglez, bc he had just gotten off work at da strip club, where he gets paid to be around fiiione ladies and beat people up (as told to the cashwrap and eavesdropped on by my sister).
all in all the whole grocery trip + revelation took like 9-11 minutes probably, but I've just spent like 30 giving you all the unnecessary details about it.
I guess I just wanted yall to know that Stripper Stan* is a gem yall, a total gem.
you can be Beefy and Tatted-up and have infinitely deep Pools-of-Blue for eyes and beat people up for a living and still just be a friendly guy who is up-to-date with healthnews and wants to keep his neighbor from making perilous grocery decisions *name has been changed to protect the identity of the unknown. my sister made it up, OKAY
As you may have noticed...
...I've totally been slacking on updating my blog and here's why:
My Audio/Sound Technology program is taking up most of my time, the rest of which, is being hogged by my spectacular new boyfriend and guess what!
I'M PERFORMING AT TACOMA HEMPFEST
...with "The Academy" which is the music group/artist collective I'm in. It's not on the flyer this time. We're Special Guests, but look out:
THE ACADEMY IS TAKING OVER