#;revelations

[spiderspeaks]

> ..I..I finally understand. I think.

> Yes.. I’m almost certain.

> It’s as clear as day. 

> .. How could I have been so blind..?

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Who do you feel closer with? Your sister or brother? Who do you think has helped you adapt more to lift without the One Tail?

Come ask my character really hard questions about themselves, their past, or their relationships.

          Had he truly just been asked such a question? He could never decide something like that. The value of a human life, two lives could hold favour to any other, but to Gaara, their existences were tied together. If something was to happen to either of them a part of him would die too – he was sure, after the display which they had given when they ran to his rescue upon the Akatsuki that they would think the same thing. Gaara did not often show them how much he cared for them, but they were his family, and there was not a thing he would not do to keep them safe. Through the years, they had gone from being those he shared blood, to husks of meat he would one day come to kill, then further to the point that he could call them his ‘sister’ and his ‘brother’. Not just the words, but the meaning could finally ring true, hold purpose.

There was a certain bond he had with both of his siblings, unique to each of them and strong enough to make this question impossible for him to answer. They had been there when he had been shown a flicker of light, and while he did not look at them at first, when they arrived, they were ready to attack Sasuke and Naruto – whether it was to get the mission done, or to protect Gaara, he still did not really know. Yet still, they would help carry him out and take him home. They could have disposed of the defeated weapon, leave him in the forest to become someone else’s problem, but they did not. They took him home, and they believed him when he issued his apology. At first, it was nothing more than apologizing for that day, but it easily began to blossom for everything – He was sorry he hurt them, terrified them, got out of control, the senseless killing, forgetting the genuine aspects to Yashamaru’s lessons, being his darkness induced psychopathic tendencies - and for simply being a brat.

He did not know how long it took to get their actual forgiveness, rather than just having them say that it was okay, that they were saying what he wanted to hear to make sure that he did not turn around and try to kill them. Kankurō held his doubts, that he was unsure of what Gaara would be able to do with how the village saw him, that he did not think that Gaara would be able to win them over. Everyone was afraid of him, afraid of what he could do and of the beast that lingered just under his skin. Temari would offer her own suggestions too, and she was the one who showed her fear through actions that were uncertain, but when her baby brother asked her questions, she would be quick to answer. She would also be the first to whisper in his ear how he should respond to an unknown situation.

               ‘Smile Gaara, smile! You’re going to scare them looking like that.’

Now, whenever he ran into a situation where he became unsure, it would be her voice that filled his mind. Giving him gentle pushes, little reminders of what to do. Shukaku no longer influenced his thoughts, and instead hers provided him a comfort he never realized he would gain from someone that was not actually inside his head. She took away his fears, and Kankurō gave him another sense of support. Both gave moral, but Kankurō’s words reminded him of Yashamaru, but unlike their uncle (or very much like, depending on how one looked at it) he never thought that he would lie to him, or tell him what he wanted to hear to encourage him. They had faith in him. It took time to grow, but it was there. It was there and it did not fade, even on days that Gaara seemed to be low. Never did they give up on him, even with their doubts.

Both of them became intricate parts of his life, and he could not even begin to measure how they were truly close to him. He knew they were important, but until that particular instance with the Akatsuki did he come to realize he was not a bother to his siblings, that he mattered to them. The above thoughts were things that became more apparent afterward, and he came to recognize their importance to him. When he was weak, stiff from the (hours?) of being dead. Kankurō and Naruto had been his support when they walked the way back, and Temari was always close too. She was no longer afraid to be near Gaara, to touch him or to push the boundaries that would have otherwise made her tremble in fear years ago. She kept his ‘fans’ away, and when they rested, both siblings stayed by him, and whispered things he did not really remember now – but their presence had been enough.

Waking from death was still much like a blur. Expressions were what he remembered. No one had been angry at him, not a single person looked at him as if he was a monster (and frankly, he was not, without Shukaku), but outside of Naruto’s, Temari and Kankurō were the faces that he remembered. Kankurō looked as if he was amused, like he was looking at Gaara’s child self, instead of the Godaime Kazekage. The relief was there, along with how he called him his “little brother.” Temari, she looked as if she had just been relieved of a thousand pounds from her shoulders, and began to ‘mother’ him so to speak, all while keeping her bodyguard persona as opposed to the caring sister that he knew her to be, that both Kankurō and Gaara knew that she was.

When they got home, everything inside Gaara felt different. As if he was within a lucid dream for the first few days of the Konohagakure ninja leaving the desert terrain. He had moved sluggishly, and Temari or Kankurō would always be behind his back, but they did not treat him like he was broken. They were rightfully worried about him, ensuring that he was able to go through the motions, and that he did not push himself too hard – not that it stopped him from going out and training to ensure that he could still use his techniques. He was slower, and without a great deal of his chakra. They helped him, constantly. And that was not including the first few times which he tried to sleep – one of the greatest markers, once Shukaku was ripped from his being.

Sleeping was a major thing he had to adapt to; sleep without fear of losing his soul, of having his attitude altered and deranged by Shukaku’s influence. But it did not stop the nightmares from coming. All the death - murders - caught up with him along with his broken mentality, fear of being left alone, devoured by his inner darkness. Yashamaru and a mutated image of his mother even made a few appearances. He remembered waking up screaming, or in a cold sweat gripping his chest. One, if not both siblings would be there. Temari kept him tucked under her arm, holding him the way that his uncle had when he was sad or lonely; Kankurō would always keep close to him, waking up instantly to watch him and ensure that he was able to rest peacefully, and, more importantly, both Temari and Kankurō made sure that he would actually wake up.

There was so much more about his siblings, and how much that they helped him that he could not remember it all. All he knew, was that they were always there. Even when he did not deserve it. Loneliness was constant when he was Shukaku’s Jinchūriki, and it continued even afterward, though they made it more bearable, and gave him a source of light. They gave importance to his existence before anyone else in Sunagakure had. He was not seen by them as their Kazekage, or even as a bearer of a Bijū. He was their baby brother. They deserved more than Gaara could ever give them, and he could not thank them enough for everything that they had done – and continued to do for him.

“I am close to them in different ways, I cannot say I am closer to one than the other. Temari and Kankurō mean too much for me to choose between them in terms of something as vague as you question. They also did everything that they individually could to help me feel… whole after Shukaku was taken from me. They did not treat me like I was broken, but they did not treat me as if everything was normal. They were exactly what you would expect, when fearing losing one that you love. I cannot say either of them helped me more than the other, for they both gave me the things that I needed, and still need… My neechan, and niisan… They love me, and I love them. We are a family… There is nothing closer than that. Their mere existence draws me close to them, and keeps me, me.” and that was something he certainly needed with the chaos within his mind still raging constantly.

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          How to view ‘teachers’ was always rather shorthanded with Gaara since the death of his uncle - the person who acted more like a father, tutor and caretaker than any other adult figure in his life - escape Baki, but even he did not do much for Gaara beyond keeping his siblings safe when he became hungry for blood. After everything, he had thought that teachers were nothing more than pawns to instill the beliefs they and village figure-heads want to be carried to the next generation. They held little worth in his mind, and if they were to die in the past, Gaara would not have batted an eye.

Iruka had proven to be different, and over time he grew to understand just how so. While he has only had a few choice encounters with him, he is not deaf to the impact he has had on Naruto Uzumaki, and once he learned more about him, he found himself being reminded of someone else long since gone. It has also opened his eyes that those who teach do much more than instruct within the classroom, and has even allowed him to see more of what the teachers within Sunagakure have to offer; including Baki.

To have someone believe in you, even when the rest of the world is set on shutting you down gives one a power that cannot be snuffed out. It was not understood by Gaara in his youth, and after his fight with Naruto he still did not really comprehend, yet as the world continued to grow around him he cannot ignore the true impact that teachers have on their students even long after their graduation. As such, Gaara respects Iruka and everything that he had done - for he did what his own uncle could not, and never betrayed the trust that was built between Naruto and himself.

While others in the Leaf might have wished him dead, it is his belief that Iruka never would have followed through with it. As such, there will always be a certain ‘awe’ Gaara carries in Iruka’s presence even if he will not own up to it..

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          So many people assume that Naruto is the one that caused Gaara to reach the position of Kazekage. That is true, only to the degree that he caused the change in Gaara’s character. He re-awoke the child that had been pushed aside by darkened intentions brought on by his family’s betrayal against him. The blond has always been his source of encouragement, the person he hoped to become more like - an idol, of sorts. However, the desire to be like another is not what would get him to his position.

Their drive was what got them to where they both are. Everything Gaara did from the moment he left Konohagakure’s Chunin Exam had been by his own hand. His heart was able to stay within the light, and he could even begin to live without having to rely solely on Shukaku’s instruction. The duo are very much alike in the most obscure and minisule ways. Some things people think are obvious, but when you break it down, there is much more to their relationship than being Jinchūriki – the fact that their Bijū are Shukaku and Kurama simply added to them.

Upon the same path, they had always been. Never quite within reach of one another’s hand, Gaara always felt that he would always be a step behind. Despite reaching Naruto’s dream of becoming a Kage, Gaara knew that he was still lacking in what he and Naruto both desperately wanted. When Naruto supposedly ‘passed’, Gaara managed to get a little head, to the point that he could lightly graze his fingers to the blond’s.

However, the moment that Naruto ‘returned’ to the land of the living, Gaara would practically leap to the other, and grasp his hand tightly. There is still something shattered within them both, their legs shaken yet carrying on. Through Naruto’s pseudo smile Gaara can see, and now will refuse to leave his side. With those others that love Naruto so dearly Gaara will walk shoulder to shoulder with the blond. Equal to one another. Never will Gaara’s grasp release now that he has a hold. Over his dead body, would he allow Naruto to fall again.

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          It is needless to say that since a certain blond’s death Gaara has become protective of Sakura. Most might assume it would extend to battle, but Gaara would only become ‘protective’ of Sakura in a fight if she got wounded. Both are well aware that they have grown from their first encounter in the Chunin Exam. He was no longer a monster - at least, not a wild one - and she is hardly the weak little girl she had once been. If he was to jump at her and to be met with a kunai as he had back then, slapping her against a tree would not be so easy - if at all accomplished.

She is not a damsel. She is a warrior, one which Gaara recognizes with great respect, so why would he demean her by sheltering her when she is more than capable of splitting an opponent in half faster than he can crush them in sand? Her skills excel many of his own, but there is one thing that makes them similar and the moment that he saw it reflected upon her face

What Gaara wishes to protect is something already fractured, something she hides behind a fake smile. He knows she is able to handle herself outside of battle as well as in, however… He also knows much more on what it is like to have a broken heart, and to lose those that are closest and dearest. Before the war, the bond they had with Naruto was their closest connection, Now, that is still so, but at a much deeper level.

While he is uncertain as to Sakura’s views of him, Gaara has a deep affection for Sakura - something that should be implied, given that he believes the medicine to the heart to be love. He wishes to protect her heart with this medicine and, if she would allow, to keep her heart from becoming harmed anymore than it had been since that incident in the war. He does not wish to take anyone’s place, but he hopes his presence dulls the ache; if only a little.

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random q&a anon: is gaara the jealous type? be it friendship or romantic

Out of Sand —

Depending on the situation, yes and no. Gaara can get the ‘feeling’ of jealousy, especially when he feels like he might be losing someone he cares about to someone else. He registers it as irrational and tries to keep from letting it show.

But, from being alone for so long, the thought of losing anyone he cares about is almost unbearable (especially if such bond is really strong. Like, if he thought he was losing Naruto internally he’d be a mess). Jealousy is an emotion that all people can have and Gaara really is an emotional person who just internalizes everything.

So - yeah. He’d be ‘jealous’ only if he gets to the point of feeling that he is losing his friend/lover to another and finds the situation either unfair or just… Irrational jealousy.

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Gaara's views on "sex", brought on by having to somewhat explain birds and the bees in this ask.