Rough sketch I never finished and probably won’t even if I keep coming back to it. I do love this story I’ve written for these characters-- I just wish I had the braincells to make it actually come to life.
"It's coming soon. I'm going to visit Japan," Adam's voice is not the usual tone, there's not hint of chiding of exasperated amusement. In fact, Joonyoung is almost certain he can pinpoint the hesitation marks that are left through his best friends words. Like he knows Joonyoung hasn't forgotten, but then -- he doesn't know.
Joonyoung was not the type to let his bottom lip tremble and his eyes water; the rocker didn't even drop the sleepily curved smile across his lips as he sat slumped across the counter top in the cafe. It was late, everything was closed. The dim kitchen lights left on and coffee spread across the counter top. "I think we should go with these two for the new season's coffee," Joonyoung stated as he ignored his friends words; breezed over them and focused on why he was told to come over late on the Friday. The cafe needed some new coffee's selected and who else could do such a thing but Joonyoung? He lived off coffee, smoke and beer -- and static lights when he could. "I like them," the rocker let his eyes crinkle into crescents and lifted up the pen to begin writing down the exotic name of the beans.
At least his fame raised the customer rated for a little while -- though it had died down as time passed.
"I won't be here from the second of November. I'll close the cafe down while I'm away," Adam continued to explain details that Joonyoung didn't want to know, or hear -- or think about. Halloween used to be fun, until it became the day before the month that a close friend died; a precusor. Kobayashi Sota. November 5th. Joonyoung still didn't think he answered his phone at all if it would ring on that day, and he certainly didn't sleep during those few days. It didn't matter if it was years ago, or only yesterday -- the effect of his friends death remained in the same stilted denial. Joonyoung could neither forget or let go--both felt impossible--and so instead, he buried himself anywhere else. "I'll be back on the seventh. Five days," Adam added as if those words would make Joonyoung express anything more than he usually did.
"I'll tell him that you got signed, and you're too busy. That you're sorry," Adam always said that. That he would apologize for Joonyoung's absence.
"I'm not sorry for it," Joonyoung exhaled, given up on writing the names of the coffee beans and exchanged it for scribbling in an annoyed manner. Not often did he get angry. The boy wasn't an angry one, he prefered to ignore the negative. Which might have been why he was dropping the pen and pulling his jacket on over his shoulders.
Fingers were curled on the front of Joonyoung's shirt and the rocker paused to look across the counter as his best friend; the one whose expression soften and yet etched with he's own form of pain. This was why Joonyoung never said anything, why he never went, why he preferred not to hear what his best friend was going to talk to his dead friend about -- Joonyoung didn't want to know. Still, the grip didn't ease as Joonyoung tugged at the collar of his shirt, straightening out the fabric. Adam knew there was little he could say. Joonyoung had visited Sota once and he'd never gone back again. Especially not around November. Life was a nicer scenery when he could pretend that his friend was merely away, out of sight, in Japan and living quietly.
Sota did only wish to live quietly -- until he got behind the drums.
Emotional weakness was rarely a side of himself that Joonyoung enjoyed to show, espcially around Adam. Ever since they ended what they were, that undefined relationship they shared, Joonyoung had tucked away the frayed edges of himself in belief that it was for the best. His eyes lingered on the light tremble of Adam's curled fingers, before he painted a wide curve across his lips and let his head roll to the side. "I know you blame yourself for not being there, Joonyoung, but--"
"I'm not going, I'm busy," Joonyoung's lips were knotted with annoyance as he shook his head, and tugged that last step away from his best friend. They'd never fought; even when they disgreed or despised one anothers decisions -- they never fought. No loud words, or violent shouts. One of them folded to the other, one of them broke into a smile or a stupid joke; they moved on without a need for apologies. "My hyung and sister-in-law will have Eun-Chan in a couple days, I'm going to be an uncle. I have schedules with Sphere. They won't let me just run off to Japan for a week," he added his defense, his excuses; they were much stronger this year than the last ones.
"I need a smoke," Joonyoung mumbled, rubbing his eye as he half-turned away and waved a hand towards the front. "You don't need anything else."
That was a statement of fact more than a question.
"I'll transfer some more money into the company account to pay for what we need."
A weak nod came from Adam, Joonyoung's gaze flickered over his best friend who began to clean up the selection of coffees they'd been picking from. Guilt, regret, frustration -- Joonyoung licked the dryness from his lips as his head nodded in a shallow manner. Both friends reconciled with the fact that neither of them would see eye to eye again this year. Adam would go and he would apologize for Joonyoung, and Joonyoung would remain in South Korea and pretend nothing was wrong.
Joonyoung hated this time of year most.
His fingers dug into his pocket for his packet of bad habits, licking the end of one with his lighter as he wandered more than drew a direction to him. In fact, he had no plans to go home. Not where he would be left alone with his own thoughts and the truth. Lit cigarette pressed between two fingers as he dialed his older brothers number and listened to it dial out. A forced grin plastered halfheartedly across his features when he heard the other end pick up.
"Is Hanmi awake? I want to talk to Eun-Chan," Joonyoung spoke into the phone with a light tone, a playful one and he scoffed when he heard his brothers answer. A familiar greeting and that hitch of exasperation that came when Joonyoung was requesting something that he didn't understand. "Eun-Chan knows his uncle -- just give my favourite sister-in-law the phone," he huffed, almost childishly into the phone. The rocker's steps became paced and steadied, balanced in one line like he was across the precipice of something. Cigarette placed upon his bottom lip, eyes centered on the path in front of him and phone tucked to his ear as he waited for his older brother to do as he was told.
Once he was informed that the phone was on loudspeaker by Hanmi, Joonyoung laughed; one that was settled in his throat, rose to his lips and didn't meet his chest, or his eyes.
"I'm going to sing you a song I'm writing, okay~?" Joonyoung spoke cutely to the unborn nephew through the phone line. Though his gaze fell inches, and his tongue dug into the backs of his teeth. "Hyung's not in the room, is he?"
How are you today?
Are you still crying?
I didn’t know I would hear
You crying like that
I know that nothing I do or say
Can comfort you
You’re not alone without anyone and crying, right?
Do you even see me?
Me, in pain from seeing your tears?
Do you even hear me?
My words that I’m carefully saying?
How are you today?
I start with those words again
I thought you would remember
That I am always in the same place, by your side
