I Fell In Love With the Way You Kissed My Knuckles
I fell in love with the insecurities. I fell in love with the differences, the complete fucking opposites, the silences that always fell, the arguments. I fell in love with the swing sets.
Right now, all that does for me is bring tears to my over critical eyes, halt my already slow breathing, & cause me to think about what’s so wrong with me. Why I don’t deserve someone who truly cares. Someone who doesn’t “care for friendships more than the relationship they’re in.” Someone who wants things to work as desperately as I do. Because god damn it, I will do everything in my power to make sure things are okay, to make things last. I may be young but that doesn’t deter me from wanting something that will be meaningful for a while. I think of all relationships as long-term. I’m starting to learn that that isn’t everyone’s mentality & I extremely disagree. I believe if you’re in a relationship you are looking ahead to a possible future and not wasting time. Maybe I’m just too realistic. Have too high of expectations for seventeen year olds. I did everything possible to make this work, “but you cared, just not enough.” Everything is now past tense. Even before we made the decision, you were already gone. You were already thinking in past tense verbs. “Cared”, “loved”, “did.”
I fell in love with the indecisiveness. I fell in love with that annoying ass weird New York-y accent you’d do. I fell in love with how you said my name. I fell in love with the puppies, the I’m sorrys, & “Rest In ‘words that began with P.’” I fell in love with the way you kissed my knuckles.
That’s how I knew it was over. You didn’t waste my time, as much as I want you to believe it. I’m sorry.
