#{cale}

[overx]

what have you crafted from my workshop?

a statue

bit by bit, you carve away the shape of a person, a figure that starts to feel more real the more material that you cut from around it. you make the legs, the arms, the torso, the head; this is your masterwork, your galatea. as you are carving the face, something slips; your hand, maybe, or a fault in the material, a defect in your tool. it leaves a slight chip across the figure’s smooth cheekbone. it has already been carved. it cannot be removed. you finish the rest of the statue. it is wonderful, by all accounts; if you can muster the ability to show it to others, they tell you that it’s a beautiful piece of art. you can’t take your eyes off the chip, though. the mark. no matter where you are in the room, your gaze finds it again, unerringly. you stare at it for hours. you dream of it at night. no matter how lovely the figure may be, no matter how beautiful the face, the imperfection haunts you. you start to hate what you’ve made. hate the mark. hate the figure as a whole. when you are alone with the piece, your fingers start to twitch. when you look down at a pile of smashed stone, you can’t tell if you are still caught in one of your desperate dreams. one of your hopeful nightmares. in the rubble, you can see a piece of the face. the chip still remains.

[overx]

Eccedentesiast (Xanti or Cale)

Eccedentesiast (noun): A person who fakes (or hides pain behind) a smile

[overx]

[Cale]

How loosely or strictly do they use the word ‘friend’?

Veryyyyyy loosely. He'll say it to anyone that hasn't tried to take his head off, frankly. It goes hand in hand with the sunshine persona after all. You're his 'friend', until you're a threat. With how he speaks to and about people, you won't be able to tell the difference between someone he's known for months and someone he met yesterday. It's intentional of course, friend to everyone, ever reliable and trustworthy. Better that you think he trusts you.

[overx]

[Raz, Cale, Crim]

How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just the audience knowing?

For Raz, this depends entirely on the era in his life and also who he's talking to. As a human, he was more likely to hide how he was feeling. Between his constant poor health issues and him being pretty sheltered... he was usually eager to make a good impression on others. Never wanted to disappoint his parents, either.

That carried over into his "next life" more intensely for a long time. He wasn't aware he used to be human, so his emotions were treated as 'side effects', an afterthought to be studied. Not genuine. It became inconvenient, really, to have them at all. He's doing his best to grow out of these lines of thought, but he's still selective about what he shares and with who. Everything is still easy to fake, but Raziel tries not to do it, when he catches himself starting to with people he cares about.

With Cale? Maybe his greatest curse is feeling the need to be disingenuous. To put everyone above himself, and smile while he does it. It's about being the light in the dark, the few hours of sun in deep winter. He'll always carry on, even when he doesn't want to. Help you up, even when he's falling apart.

That's not to say every single thing he shows people is fake, maybe for you the smile is real. Maybe for someone else it isn't. Unfortunately, you probably won't ever know the difference, if you know he's doing it at all. ...there are also times the mask slips. Particularly when he's surprised, you're likely to get a much more real reaction out of him. Cale tries hard to anticipate the thoughts and motives of others, so this is easier said than done, but far from impossible. Much like Rock, he can also struggle to contain his anger. They are capable of being much, much more alike than Cale is comfortable admitting.

For Crimson, it should be no surprise that he isn't very open. As Zero-- even if he doesn't remember it-- he lived a life with all eyes on him. A celebrity war hero, a beacon of hope and change. It isn't much different in this era; a prized museum piece paraded around with constant fanfare. People he's never met admire and fear him. It probably works in his favor that he's naturally unexpressive, he's got the poker face of a champion. Crimson is not, however, a liar. Rather, he just won't respond to anything he doesn't want to answer. He's quiet most of the time anyways, so it takes a keen eye to notice anything out of the ordinary. There are perks to always being an outsider, an observer, and it's that no one knows him well enough to begin with.

He isn't immune to extreme emotions though, he just hasn't been put under enough pressure for the dam to break. For him, the things that would stress most people out, that would be emotionally debilitating, are the norm. He expects and death and loss every time he is sent into action. Whether he likes it or not, he will irrevocably create change in someone's life, such is the purpose of a war machine.

He doesn't have anyone left to confide in, anyways.

[overx]

(Cale)

10. If a lot of people, possibly innocent people, have to die in order to make a real change, is it worth it? Can you live with their deaths even if it helps people in the present?

Interview my OC about questions that have no easy answer, [accepting]

".......really goin' for the throat with that one, huh? Can I get a softball question next time?" It's an attempt at lightening the mood, at sidestepping the deeper conversation to come. His arms cross, a contrast to his genial tone moments ago.

The truth is, he's thought about this exact scenario countless times. What does it take to make real change? Sacrifice. That is the conclusion he's come to, time and time again. If he's lucky, it will only be his own.

...but no one is ever that lucky.

"No one wants blood on their hands, I don't have t' tell ya that." Cale's smile is a sad one, but it's clear already he's made up his mind. "In a perfect world, no one gets caught in the crossfire. Only the corrupt are punished. That's the dream, right?" A cause built on hope that crushes none. "....life ain't perfect though. Even the worst people have families, after all. There's no day where everyone lives. No day where mistakes aren't made. People will be hurt, an' people are already hurtin'."

"We can argue in circles all day about the cost. About what a single life is worth. A dozen lives. Hundreds. Thousands. We can try t' weigh the present's sufferin' against the future's peace... but honestly? There ain't a clean answer. You can't calculate potential. Can't put sorrow on a spreadsheet."

"No... actually. That decision will never be worth it, and you still have to make it all the same. I would do it, so someone else doesn't have to."

[overx]

(Cale, Dirge)

willow :   how does your muse handle sadness   &   depression ?

With Cale? You won't hear about it, won't see it. Those are lonely things that live inside him. Everyone carries their own weight, and he will not have his burden others (even when they'd like to share the load). He tends to self isolate and/or dive deeper into work when these things plague him. There's not really any self soothing, unfortunately.

It's worth keeping in mind that he comes from a universe where the world is dying. A place where the average person has experienced food insecurity, the death of a loved one, a life changing injury, and so much more. In his mind, his experiences and emotions are not unique, and therefor not worth voicing.

Better to be a light for others, than the one who needs lifting up.

Grief is a funny thing for Dirge. Former mortal, now reaper. He has seen so many at their lowest, so many lost in the throes of fear, pain, and sorrow. He has also lived those things, known what it's like to feel that emptiness in every part of yourself. It's like an old friend now, a specter. He's come to understand that this is a thing that haunts most everyone. In that way he's reached a sort of acceptance of those depressive parts of himself. Dirge is a lot more self aware than he used to be, and in the moments he feels low, he seeks comforts.

There is also a sort of catharsis in helping those who pass on, in being the gentle embrace at the end of suffering. Life is unkind to many, but death does not have to be.

[overx]

(Cale)

rhododendron :   is your muse receptive to warnings   &   advice given by others ?

That depends entirely on who it comes from, and what it's about. Advice and feedback on the mundane? How to cook better for example? Sure, easy. He's happy to improve, happy to do anything he can to be more helpful. Warnings about more serious matters will be kept in mind, but not always heeded. Cale intentionally keeps a friendly and approachable exterior as I've touched on before, however he's much more skeptical than the people realize. If you're trying to give him a warning about someone or something, chances are he's already keeping a close eye on the situation. He's also keeping watch on you, and your motives for speaking up.

Trust is hard to gain. At the end of the day, his own experiences and observations matter most. He wants to see on his own, and there are very few people close enough to him to override that judgement-- and sometimes they're still ignored anyways. Cale carries with him a heavy sense of responsibility paired with cynicism, and while he doesn't believe he knows best per se... there's not reason to believe you do either.

[overx]

Cale

If you were reborn as someone/something new, who or what would you want to be?

If you could meet someone who has died, who would it be?

How did you die?

What’s the last thing you remember before death?

Is the afterlife/undeath exactly as you pictured it to be?

Do you wish you were alive and mortal again?

Was Death frightening to you?

What have you learned since your death?

When you meet living people, are they afraid of you?

If you could be brought back to life, would you accept?

Ask My Muse About Death | Accepting!

If you were reborn as someone/something new, who or what would you want to be?

"I don't really want t' be someone new." Cale doesn't mean to sound irritated but it just comes out that way. This fun hypothetical feels a lot less fun to the already deceased. "I wish I had more time as me."

If you could meet someone who has died, who would it be?

"...a lot of people. Poets. Authors. Artists. Musicians. There's so much of our past that was buried t' make room for today." Cale sounds wistful, but bitter.

"Why were those books burned? Movies banned? Art destroyed?" Rhetorical when he already knows the answer. Knows that suppression comes before preservation. "There are love stories I'll never know. Architects whose names are gone. Myths. Recipes. Languages..." he notices only now that his fist is clenched, and relaxes the intangible tension. "...how can ya pick just one person, when every life has so much value, so much to teach? The mistake is believin' only some people have a story t' tell."

How did you die?

"...I... wasn't careful enough." He shifts, grasping at the incorporeal fabric of his hoodie. "Sometimes, ya trust the wrong people with the right information. I knew there would be a reward for my head eventually, just... thought I wasn't worth enough yet."

What’s the last thing you remember before death?

Morbid. Should have expected that in hindsight. "...gets fuzzy," he admits, though he might very well be tiptoeing around the subject. "The thing 'bout it is... not all your systems fail at once. Depends on where the damage is, y'know?" Maybe in that way, he's fairly human after all.

"Pretty sure some of my internals that write memories in the first place took a beatin' before I was actually 'dead' so... I sorta remember gettin' jumped but... if you're hopin' for some messed up play by play, you're outta luck."

Do you wish you were alive and mortal again?

"Every day." A pause, a frown. "The work ain't done yet. Had a lot of ambitions." I wanted to save the world. Reduced to nothing but a spectator. "Lots of things I left unsaid t' a lot of people." How many of them were left in the dark?

...how many of them still thought of him at all?

Was Death frightening to you?

"...no," it's said with a slow thoughtfulness. "...I found him... familiar. Comfortable, in a way. I prob'ly shouldn't have," an awkward laugh. "...but he reminds me of someone I know. It's... almost nice t' see him around sometimes..." a fond smile. "...his partner, too."

What have you learned since your death?

"Oh, lots of things," the android gestures vaguely with his hand to himself. "I mean primarily the fact robots have souls I guess," he sounds a bit sarcastic, but not at all meanspirited. "Or that there's an afterlife at all. Plenty 'bout myself too, but you don't have all day for that."

When you meet living people, are they afraid of you?

"...depends on the person. I think seein' any spirit can bother those that ain't used t' it. I'm just lucky 'm not the most gruesome lookin' guy floatin' around." He shrugs, for the most part unbothered. "Still get weird looks sometimes."

If you could be brought back to life, would you accept?

"....yes, but I'd... like a little warnin', first. Just cause I'm dead doesn't mean I've got nothin' goin' on. It's called the afterlife, y'know." A grin from the spirit. "There's at least one person I'd like some time with before that happens. He knows who he is."