|. OOC
This is going to be so hard to get out and not actually start crying over here. But, the day I’ve been dreading for a while now is finally here. For anyone who doesn't wanna read my rambling? TL;DR: I’m leaving Iconic.
I’ve been loyal and active in the group run by this admin for almost two full years. I have given every single drop of me to here and trying to hold it together. At one point I remember almost being the glue of sorts. But, I fell into muse hell and I never was able to get out.
So, to be fair? Yeah, I’ve changed a lot. I have been trying to find that muse that makes me go, aha! There it is! THAT is who I wanna portray! And, I thought I had that with Candice. Two months of struggling later; this is not the case.
It breaks my heart that I was denied my change to Toni, I understand where they’re coming from though. I have changed quite a few times all the way dating back to when I was @/BossClubBanks. So, there’s not really any bad feelings here between me and anybody. I just wish there was a way to... avoid this post altogether.
Sadly however, there is clearly not any way to avoid it. Why? Because I’m way too conscious about how this whole fun thing called role-play works. Especially in the group environment; I do NOT want to become the person who posts once every four days and holds a role like Candice whom is probably becoming more sought after than ever before just ‘cause I wanna stay here.
That’s not fair to anybody, and it betrays who I am as a writer and a human being. I have done everything I can to avoid this post and avoid leaving this group, I really have. Trust me this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. But, because of my inability to change to find that one special muse and the denial of change, I can no longer stay here and hog a role.
When I joined WrestlemaniaRPG almost two years ago, which was the old group run by the same admin of here, I didn't know anybody and nobody knew me. I was completely alone until a few people from there (who are also here) took me under their wing and made me feel welcomed. I never forgot that. I tried my best to do the same for almost two years with every new member, with every new member post, with all the interactions and the inclusivity... I tried my best.
But, as many of you probably know already; trying to force a muse that just isn't there is the hardest and least fun thing you can do. And, really ever since I changed from Sasha I haven’t had that same fire in me. My request for Toni Time was denied and again, I understand why. I just change too much and Candice was my last chance here as was stated.
I’m going to miss you all so much. Seriously, you guys have made this sad little life I live just a little more worth living. I’ve had some of the best times as a writer here with all of you and honestly, it is killing me to leave this group... I just can’t role hog someone, and I’m no longer allowed to change. My hand is forced here.
Please, take care. All of you! If anyone wants my discord so we can keep in touch, just send me a message. If not? I love you just the same. Please keep being inclusive to new people and make sure their time spent here is memorable and fun.
I wish you all nothing but the best. Oh, and happy holidays...
Love, now and always,
Nicky.