Hux continued tapping away on his data pad, watching the changes to the map beaming out from his desktop holoprojector.
“Did you not hear what I said? Desist, I have work to do.”
“I can’t stop, you are irresistible.” Kylo leaned forward and nosed at Hux’s nape, as his arms snaked around his belly.
Hux huffed out a breath, feigning annoyance. His body was already unconsciously tilting back to rest against Kylo’s chest; his eyelids trying to flutter closed at the feel of warm exhalations dancing over his skin.
“As pleasant as your attentions are, it is critical that I get these coordinates accurate. I need to concentrate.”
“Mmmhmmm.” Kylo’s fingers were unbuckling Hux’s belt; sliding it free; letting it drop to the floor.
“Kylo.”
“Hmmm?” Kylo nosed into Hux’s neck and began working his jacket buttons open.
“Are you listening to me at all?”
“Of course. I am always listening to you, General.” He draped the jacket over the cool blue arm of the sofa where they sat.
“Marvelous. And yet your hand appears to be sliding into my trousers.”
“On top of. My hand is on top of your trousers.”
“I stand corrected. It is, however, stroking in a most distracting way.”
“Apologies. Is this better?”
“You are squeezing, now.”
“Well. Gently.”
Hux sighed and twisted in Kylo’s embrace so he could look his Supreme Leader in the eye.
“Ren.”
“Hux?”
“Fifteen minutes, can I have fifteen minutes to finish this?”
“Of course! I’d never allow pleasure to come before work.” His broad hand snuck under Hux’s regulation black undershirt, skimming over his ribs.
Hux turned back to his projection and made some adjustments on his data pad. As the map model updated, Hux tapped his index finger against his chin, and opened the communique on the table to re-read it.
“I’ve nearly got - “ Hux cut himself off with a yelp as Kylo had found a nipple and was now rolling his thumb over it.
Kylo grinned into Hux’s hair as he tugged him closer.
“You’re insatiable.”
“And you love it.”
Hux let his head fall back and turn, his lips finding Kylo’s and sharing some just-a-bit-off-target kisses. Kylo gave a little moan and increased the pressure of his hand in Hux’s lap.
“Quit it, or I’ll bite.”
“That’s not going to discourage me, General. I like it rough, and I delight in wearing your marks.”
Hux gave another sigh, and fumbled for the projector remote.
“I surrender. Clearly tracking down the source of the Resistance’s financing is not top priority at the moment. I suppose I can get back to this in an hour.”
“Mmm…I think it’s best to plan on several hours, General.”
Ajay was not good at handling stress. He also refused to talk about his stressors, and bottled it up and sealed it tight with a cork. Grace had learned to accept this, because every time she sat him down to ask about what was bothering him, she was met with irritation and claims of, “I’m fine, Grace!”
Eventually, she learned to just leave it alone.
Ajay functioned best in high-stress environments. It’s why he decided to pick up being Rory’s campaign manager as soon as he decided to run, and pick up a job at the cafe--fast-paced, mind-consuming things were the way he functioned best. Despite hating reading Heart of Darkness, Conrad’s observation that busy, everyday tasks is what kept us distracted from the bigger issues of life really resonated with him. He liked using the mindless work to drown out the stuff that really plagued him.
Grace learned to respect this. Some things you just weren’t meant to push. But Ajay’s tendency to bottle up all his stress and ignore the things that were really affecting him began to affect those around him. He was much more stringent with Rory and the way he behaved (“The way you behave will affect your campaign, Rory! All eyes are on you now!”), more emotionally distant from Grace (“Grace, I’m fine. I’d tell you if something was wrong.”), and more aggressive in his indignance towards Erin and her running Ray’s campaign (“You scheduled a pool-noodle duel in the middle of our flash mob, really?! Do you not have tact?!”). His tensions were high, and it was bringing down the morale of the group around them. Erin began sitting away from him at the lunch table, and Ajay was quiet other than talking to Rory about his campaign.
He wasn’t the person Grace kissed in his car the night of the cast party anymore.
Despite his new attitude, he still took Grace on dates, took her home from school. But it was on those car rides home that Grace saw how much Ajay was really bottling up, because it all came out in the form of road rage.
While he wasn’t happy-go-lucky whilst driving before, his soft, exasperated What the fuck?!’s had become an angry, “What the fuck, asshole? Learn to use your turn signal! What idiot at the DMV gave you a license?!”
After a week straight of silent brooding at the lunch table, minimal conversation in the hallways, and even more yelling in the car on the way home, Grace knew that this wasn’t a wound that would heal on its own. If anything, it was festering, and Ajay wasn’t letting her get anywhere near him with an antibiotic.
“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Ajay had yelled at the car in front of him, which had ignored his horn as he sat through the green light in the left-hand turn lane, only going once it had turned yellow, effectively trapping everyone else for another red light.
“Ajay,” Grace said softly. His knuckles were turning white from how tight he was gripping the steering wheel, his jaw clenched tight. She could practically hear his molars grinding together “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Grace. I thought we’ve been over this.” He snapped, not turning to meet her eyes. She glared at the side of his head.
“Pull over.”
“What?”
“I said pull over. As soon as this light turns green, turn into that Rite Aid parking lot. We need to talk.”
“Grace-”
“I said pull over, Ajay!” Now she had raised her voice, and she watched him visibly deflate as she sat back in her seat, allowing herself to untense. “Pull over.” Her voice was softer now, sounding as deflated as Ajay looked.
The tension in the small space while they waited for the light to turn green was so palpable Grace felt like she was suffocating. The silence was suddenly the loudest she’d ever realized it could be, but maybe it was just the blood rushing in her ears. She focused on the steady tick of the turn signal, the soft volume of the local news station crackling from the radio. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Ajay, who was viciously chewing on his lower lip, so she focused on her hands instead, twisting a small opalite ring on her left middle finger over and over again.
The minute-long wait at the red light felt like a year instead, and she was so on edge that the gentle bump of the car as it went over the parking lot’s apron made her jump. Ajay pulled his car into an empty stall at the back of the lot, where it was emptiest. He cut the ignition and kept his eyes forward, waiting for Grace to say something.
“Ajay, something’s wrong with you.” Perhaps it was a harsh accusation, but it wasn’t made without forethought and collection of evidence beforehand.
Ajay didn’t say anything, but he swallowed, and she saw his Adam’s apple bob against his portrait.
“Over the past week, you’ve been miserable to be around. You’re not you, Ajay, and you’re not letting anyone help. You’re not letting me help.” Her throat tightened. “Do you not trust me enough to tell me what’s wrong?”
There was a beat of silence, before Ajay took a breath.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you,” he whispers. “I just don’t like talking to people about my issues.”
“Ajay.” Grace’s voice was firm. “They’re issues, and deserved to be resolved! Do you really think you letting them sit will make them go away?”
“You know,” Ajay’s voice was tense. “I take you home everyday because I care about you. But if you’re gonna use these ten minutes as a place to corner me, I’ll just let Rory take you home instead.”
“Are you kidding me?! Has you bottling up all your anger eaten away at your brain?! Why can’t you see that I care about you? If I didn’t, I would just let you sit and suffer in silence!”
“Maybe that’s what I want!” He yelled back, finally turning to look at her. Her eyes widened as she saw his, bloodshot and brimming with tears. “Maybe it’s what I deserve!” His voice broke, and so did Grace’s heart. She had never seen Ajay cry before, and she quickly decided it was one of the worst things she had seen in person with her own two eyes.
“Ajay,” she whispered, bringing her hands up to his biceps, where she ran her hands over them comfortingly. “Please, please, please tell me what’s wrong.”
There was that extremely loud, palpable silence again. Ajay spent a good thirty seconds trying to gather his thoughts, opening and closing his mouth as he decided what to say. A tear rolled down his cheek, and Grace watched it fall onto his lap, staining the dark jeans he wore.
“My parents are getting a divorce,” he whispered, voice wavering. “And I don’t know what’s going to happen to me or Mohit. And as of right now, I’m effectively failing my math class. I can’t focus in class anymore. Or anywhere, really. At work yesterday, I can’t tell you how many times I mixed up milks, even though they were right on the cup. I had so many people get mad at me.
“I don’t know what to do anymore, Grace. My parents are more distant than ever, and I feel like if I talk to one of them, it’ll look like I’m taking sides. And I don’t want to create even more tension between the two of them.”
“Oh, Ajay, I’m so so-”
“I don’t want pity, Grace. Please.” He turned his face away from her, quickly wiping tears away.
“Okay,” Grace sighed, bringing her hand up to his left cheek and turning his face back towards her. She gently rubbed his cheekbone with the pad of her thumb. “I’m not pitying you. I care about you more than anything. I want nothing more than to see you happy right now.”
He attempted to give a wavering smile, where only the corners of his mouth quirked up. It didn’t reach his eyes, and Grace thought that a forced smile was infinitely worse than no smile at all.
“Being here with you is a nice break from everything.” He unbuckled his seatbelt, leaning over the center console to press his face into her chest, hiding the flood of tears beginning to fall. She hugged him, running her hands through his hair. “I’m sorry for being such a dick this week.”
“It’s okay, Ajay. I can practically see how stressed you are.”
“It doesn’t excuse my behavior.”
“No, maybe not, but you’ve been bottling up every single emotion you’ve had. It’s been leaking out slowly. I think we’ve all noticed that you acted like this because something’s been wrong. And something has been wrong, Ajay. You have every right to be upset right now.” Grace’s voice was gentle, and Ajay forgot how much he needed someone to just speak gently with him. In his household it had been nothing but blood-curdling silence or hate-fueled yelling. He wasn’t sure which was worse.
They sat in silence again, but this time it wasn’t suffocating. Sure, the sounds of Ajay’s quiet crying into her chest broke her heart, but she was comforted knowing that he finally opened up to her, and the silence was because he couldn’t speak, not because he wouldn’t. They sat for a long time, Ajay leaning uncomfortably over the console, his arms wrapped tightly around Grace’s waist, and one of her arms around his shoulders, her free hand stroking his hair. His shoulder eventually stopped shaking, and he pulled away, wiping his nose on his sleeve. Grace made a face, grabbing a napkin out of his glovebox and handing it to him.
“C’mon, Snotty. Use your resources.” She was trying to lighten the mood with a lighthearted joke, and her heart swelled as he took the napkin with a chuckle, wiping his nose with the paper instead.
“Sorry, I’m not the prettiest crier.”
“None of us are, silly. My face turns redder than Ms. Amoros’s hatchback.”
Ajay barked out a laugh. “God, she really chose the most ostentatious, ugly red possible.”
Grace laughed in return. “I know, and my face turns even redder than that! Effectively making me the ugliest crier here.”
Ajay lightly shoved her shoulder, shoving the crumpled up napkin in the paper bag he kept for trash in his backseat. He reached into the open glove box for hand sanitizer. “Grace, no matter what state of emotion you’re in, I guarantee you’re still mind-numbingly beautiful.”
“I’m trying to cheer you up and you’re still complimenting me!” She exclaimed, and he laughed at her, eyes visibly brighter despite still being swollen from crying.
“As my boyfriend, it’s my job. Regardless of my state of emotion.”
“You’re relentless.”
“Relentlessly in love with you.” His voice was sincere, even through the thickness in his throat that came with post-crying.
“Well then I’m relentlessly in love with you, too.” Grace smiled, running her hands through his hair again. “Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? My parents love you, and you know it’s always an open invitation. I’ll even ask my dad to make your favorite pancakes.”
Ajay finally broke into a bright grin, the one that reached his eyes. “But you always say how you get sick of pancakes.”
“For you, I’d eat pancakes until I’m sick if it meant you were happy.”
“Y’know, that doesn’t exactly sound like a bad thing.”
“I’m trying to be sappy and you’re ruining it!” Grace was laughing full-on at this point, and she was relieved that he seemed to be much happier than he was ten minutes before.
“As your boyfriend, that’s also definitely my job.”
