mental health break, hiatus notice.
i’m not sure if i was on many people’s radars from earlier, but i’m doing okay now, i didn’t endanger myself &. i was able to properly talk things through with my boyfriend &. two close friends whom i live with. all my breakdown posts have been deleted, since no one needs to see that, LOL.
that said, some things i’d been told really shed light onto the fact that trying to integrate myself here is completely running me into the ground. my BPD has been situationally worsened by my failures trying to be active here, it’s draining me of any confidence in myself &. my relationships offline, &. completely ruining the enjoyment i get from writing &. having any presence in the community here, &. it’s leaking into my interpersonal relationships that aren’t online. i’ve brainwashed myself into thinking my worth completely lies in getting consistent heavy attention from as many people as possible, something unfair to everyone around me &. myself. though my wording may be blunt, i don’t blame anyone else but myself, because i set expectations far too high for anyone to achieve, &. i could also have put forth more effort &. used different methods. methods i perhaps don’t know of yet &. need to figure out on my own at my own pace, as my boyfriend worded it.
so, although i’m already really inactive as is, this is a kind-of-mostly-general-&.-indefinite-but-will-come-back-to-reply-to-like-2-maybe-3-people-before-most-likely-coming-back-fully hiatus.
i have to really work on my confidence &. not allow myself to be discouraged by not getting attention from certain or a lot of people, because once again it isn’t fair to anyone or myself, &. i’m only setting myself up for failure. it’s also not fair to myself to overthink myself into a grave, because my worth doesn’t lie solely in how much attention i garner. &. if i don’t know how someone feels about me, there’s no merit in overthinking it, something my boyfriend also told me.
―― places i will be in the meantime. DISCORD: ( ´_ゝ`)#4206 TWITTER: @kosuie PERSONAL TUMBLR: @decors
i am 100% more than happy to write, plot with, or simply chat regularly with people on discord, so don’t be a stranger. please don’t be because i’m still very lonely &. i need more than 5 friends.
i’m not sure who this post is really for aside from like, 2 people, but thank you for your understanding.
love u all, ricchan.
