#*:p

[mitahz]

Chapter 418:  a small heart

[b-beams]

Ooooh you know adjacent to this which i find really fascinating is people’s ability to judge what is ooc or ‘he would not say that’ i think it’s soooo neat!!!!!!!!! I find it really tough, including with actual people.

I can imagine hypothetical scenarios for like ‘here’s a situation,what are multiple ways it could go, now imagine them’ and also retroactively come up with various possibilities for why something happened or someone acted the way it did, but as soon as i have to weight them by likeliness based on a specific person? I find it so hard to model that! Which is a nightmare when buying gifts 😅 Predicting responses….

I find people even who i think i know well quite unpredictable and sometimes they’re surprised (or even hurt like ‘you think i would do that?’) which is crushingggg and i really struggle because like it’s not like i’m saying i think you’re a bad person!​ its not like ‘i think you could do that’ its like ‘if you add up a certain number of factors this could be a possible outcome’ and it’s hard for me to definitively dismiss some outcomes by adding in ‘model of persons behaviour’ as a factor. My models aren’t so good, or at least i feel that way compared to the confidence with which many people act! I can just imagine scenarios turning out in one billion ways. And the reasons that people make choices that lead to specific outcomes? Are not so easy for me to predict 😅

like anything that happens I’m rolling with it in terms of ‘things that could hypothetically happen’ and that doesn’t mean i like them or am adaptable or whatever! I just feel like i find things generally precarious and unpredictable so even though i hate certain outcomes and get really stressed about what could happen like. Anything pretty much COULD. Or no that’s not really true i just struggle to weigh up what is most likely. And what i think might happen doesn’t necessarily correlate to what ends up happening. Whichhhhh to bring it back around to The Character is why i find it so fascinating when people can say things so definitely.

[eerie-asterisks]

impossible for me to make a post right the first time i always have to go back and edit it 6 times over the next 2 minutes because i messed it up in some way

[awritersrejections]

I heard something about Russian forest spirits 👀

hey! took me a second to realize this was about my ramble-tags and not just a general heads up about one of my favorite subjects XD 

and then, actual gasp because, oh man—this is the story I never get to talk about! because it’s too weird and will never get made! but, you asked, so :P

madness below the cut ;) 

So, Asylum! 

Once upon a time, a woman has an encounter with a vodyanoy (russian water spirit), and becomes pregnant (its own, longer story). After the woman gives birth, the vodyanoy comes to claim the child. Instead of fighting to keep the baby as the vodyanoy expects, the woman fights to go with the spirit and become like him, a being of wild power; she’s ferocious and strong, and bored out of her mind as Russian noble. The vodyanoy decides she’s a better get than the child ever could be, and he takes her into the wilds. (She expects to become a rusalka, a female russian water spirit. Instead she becomes a wolf. She’s delighted, and starts amassing power among the spirits of the forest. She’d like to return to times when humans knew to fear spirits, and there was nowhere wild things couldn’t go, if they chose.)

Anyway, the kid is named Dimitry. He grows up with an older sister and a kind, nervous father who doesn’t like to talk about how his wife went mad and ran off into the woods.

Fast forward 25 years. It’s 1916. Things are tense in Russia. 

One day, Dimitry has an audience with the Tzar, as nobility sometimes does. Some words are said, Dimitry loses his temper, and official reports will state that the Dimitry attempted to kill the Tzar by drowning him. (No one will mention the fact a sphere of water formed around the Tzar’s head, and only went away when a guard knocked Dimitry unconscious. The Tzar’s close advisor Rasputin says it’s best to leave such matters to him.) 

In any event, the upshot is Dimitry is allowed to plead insanity—a plea he fully believes. Since he can’t be executed due to his noble ranking, he’s sentenced to life at one of the monasteries being used as a prison/insane asylum.

But Dimitry doesn’t get to just go be a sad crazy boy. The monastery has its own strange politics—including but not limited to the abbot’s estranged, would-be-psychologist brother Dr. Alexey Adashev, who is very excited to study Dimitry’s madness. But as Alexey pokes and prods, the two of them come to realize that Dimitry may not be as mad as they think, and there is one hell of a storm coming. 

And that’s where our story starts! 

Also, Dimitry is very gay and eventually he’s gonna find himself torn between Alexey and a particular leshi who wants him to take up arms against his mom. it’s a fun time :P

[nabees2]

[mitahz]

Volume 42: I Am Here!

Watashi ga Kita!

[b-beams]

Experiencing desire…. I would like a beautiful container so i can put my medications all in it on my kitchen table and it will look beautiful instead of cluttered……..