YOU CUTOUT EVERYTHING OF US , AND NOW I FACE YOUAS A BLIND MAN. a david x katsuya fanfic in which david goes through news of katsuya’s abuse, his death, and then sees his rebirth. i haven’t read everything with him in it so i don’t no how canon accurate this is. but hey !!! also for @dkafterdark
SOMETIME AGO ; the news veins its way down to him bludgeoning shock in to the very core of himself. he’d left the old grounds he and katsuya called home both on the loss of him and the sense that his days at the station were tying him to requirements he’d not needed. in being a PI he knew that he could service a wider range of people before the law would even care to consider them worthy. and so when mike does end up calling him to inform him off katsuya’s death he is outside of the feelings of what they had and it takes him a moment to remember exactly who and what katsuya was. you see it had been said to him that he’d be left alone, that the damage of losing katsuya would undo him and in a sense it did. no matter how much he had loved thomas he couldn’t hold on because he felt as though he wasn’t worth the time, wasn’t good enough because katsuya had just left. there were no words, no time for understanding and it was at that moment he had cut the seams of hope and jumped into the stomach of self-loathing , both on the circumstance that the past actions he had wanted sealed had been opened and then left to plague him by katsuya and the fact that he had hardly cared to call or consider him anything but a past memory. he sits on his bed feeling as though he was lodged in the mouth of a nightmare and that any moment now someone would call and say it was a prank but when he looks it up he finds the obituary and he breaks down sobbing. there are mentions of a kidnapping of abuse , and of rape. his stomach turns over on itself and he runs to vomit, how long had katsuya braved the agony before it ended him? Why was it that they had to pull apart so fully he couldnt have gauged any sense of his fear against himself? he is tied in the arms of guilt, and all he can think of is how he had judged him, how he had thought to hold on to him when it was better for him to go on, and he knew that he could have called him and not let his memory become a selfish ridding. he sits there with his fingers grasping against his neck as though if he tore it open the time they did have would come back. that everything he had sealed in side would come out and give him a sense of peace. he cries and cries until fatigue puts him to sleep.
NOW : you question him with the way your body postures away from him, he thinks to just come back to life and into your life once again as though there was no issue. “ david , are you okay?” he calls out to you, you do want to touch him but you don’t there is nothing between the both of you now, that man next to him seems to be a lover and so your face bunches and your hands turn to fists to hold the pressure you were bleeding into. you turn without a word and you leave. he has a look of bewilderment as you do, and says something to the other man in what you assume is japanese and he follows you. the moment his fingers touch your shoulder you lurch out of your skin. “ don’t katsuya don’t touch me.” he pulls back as though you’d put a knife against his skin, and he tries to understand. “ david i am sorry i left i had to because.....” you swat his hands and you don’t turn to look at him. how can you find words on the feelings you had been feeling since that night, of how your heart had scattered and how .you had nothing left but a chasm in your chest. You ploy a savage timbre and you question him without turning around because if you did he'd see how much you still cared and it would be a victory for him because there was still a large part of you that wants closure, or even to be with him to appease the damage his going had left. and you can’t have that because if you and thomas had any chance to truly be what you had to be for each other you had to kill this . " so your alive?" there is a pause between you to, silence arcs madly between the moment until he breaks. “ you knew?” he inquires and you nod . shaking as he slips around you hands against your waist and chin against your shoulders as once you would hold him. “ i am so sorry.” you don’t hold him back, you don’t want to break, you want to keep the anger because you know why he did it , why he would fake his death but the pain you had gone through had shattered the singular chance you had at a better life. you leave him against you and you cry quietly. there would be nothing between you two no but blindness watching the other as the ghost that had ruined.