After a certain period of time I feel the urge to ignore(if irl) or delete them(if online). It depends on the person. I get terrible anxiety being close to someone. It's so scary. I often get panic attacks when I'm being close to someone. And then I shut down. It's illogical and rude to them to act this way and I feel shitty about it as well but it always happens so much anyways. I think I'm afraid they're going to hurt me or leave me, and so I always have to hurt and leave them first. Halp -QQQ
I understand where you’re coming from. It’s scary being close to someone, because this leaves you vulnerable and leaves you open to being hurt. But at the same time, friendships are something that can really enhance your life. It sounds like you were hurt in the past and that’s why you are pushing people away now. I think you just need to learn to trust again. It will be hard and take a lot of time and patience, but it can be done!
Check out these links about how to stop pushing people away / how to learn to trust again. I really think they can help! (Some of these may seem like they focus on relationships, but they can still be applied to friendships as well)
http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Pushing-People-Away
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-7617/how-to-trust-especially-when-youve-been-hurt.html
http://www.loveorabove.com/blog/learning-to-trust/
http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/positive-thinking-discussions/general-support/2566854-how-to-stop-pushing-people-away
As for the panic attacks, it’s important to remember that you’re going to be okay, no matter how terrible the panic attack may feel. When you’re going through a panic attack, try some of these things below to help you calm down.
Deep breathing. Close your eyes, and try taking deep, slow breaths, making each breath even deeper than the last. Close your eyes and breathe in through your nose slowly 1-2-3-4 and out through your mouth slowly 1-2-3-4. Close your eyes and focus on the way the air is entering and leaving your lungs. It may sound silly, but it can really help!
Progressive muscle relaxation. Starting with your toes, tense all the muscles as tightly as you can, then completely relax. Work your way up from your feet to the top of your head.
Visualizing a peaceful, restful place. Close your eyes and imagine a place or activity that is calming and peaceful for you. Concentrate on how relaxed this place or activity makes you feel.
Guided meditation, which you can find on Youtube
If you practice these things right when you start to feel anxiety riddled, you can prevent a panic attack altogether!
Here are some other things that can help during a panic attack:
Get a nice hot bath or cold shower
Get a soft blanket or soft stuffed animal and try to focus on the way it feels
Call a friend and talk it through
Drink a glass of water (or multiple)
Grounding techniques can help you focus on the present and therefore help you. Check out this link with a bunch of grounding techniques to try! http://mental-health-advice.org/groundingtech