#...it's not funny.

[pollenprince]

*...wowie. *Time sure runs fast. *Just to think of it, today is the day when... *When... *...

*...today is the day when I died.

[pollenprince]

*...It is a bit funny, though. *How old am I now? Ten? Ten-ish? I don’t know really. Technically I must still be around eleven, but with all this time mash it’s hard to say... *But sometimes I feel so ancient. Like I have been here forever. Like I have lived a thousand lives. Even Asgore and Toriel seem so young compared to me. Everyone seems so young. Like I am the only grown up in a land of children. *I am supposed to be a kid, too! I want to be a kid. I am just not sure how. *It’s like I... forgot how to be one.

[pollenprince]

You once had the ability to reset right? Well do you remember any of that?

*…*I…*I remember…

(The flower trailed away, falling quiet and still. Resets. There were so many.Nice ones at first, where he still held on desperately to the crumbs of his former personality - to what was left of Asriel. Nice and warm and light and silly ones, that’s what those runs were. He tried to help people back then, he tried to solve their problems and reunite families and set lovers together, and he was so popular - everyone’s star - everyone’s hope - everyone’s friend. And he tried hard. He went overboard, trying. He did everything he could: he read books, he played games, he led rock bands to fame and glory-but what was it for?No matter what he did, he felt nothing - at best there were shadows of emotions, weak copies of what he was supposed to feel: joy, excitement, pride… But never love. Never care. Never happiness. Not even a hint of those.All those wonderful silly runs left them numb. Completely empty.)

*I remember…

(At some point… he got tired of the faces of his ‘friends’, of their smiles. He got tired of seeing them enjoy all those things like feelings and happiness and families - things that he wasn’t allowed to have anymore. He got tired of faking smiles and laughter. Got tired of feeling like he was the corpse among the living.And he tried to feel something else.Anything else.That’s where his worst runs began - at first, just an offended face, a hurt soul; then, a broken bond; a shattered friendship; a corrupted love, a destroyed family.Then, the first pile of dust.Negative emotions were so much stronger. And he ached to feel anything, anything at all - be it sadness, be it fear, be it regret, be it anger, be it rage, be it self-hatred. They were so beautifully raw, so wonderfully intense - he almost felt alive sometimes.It lasted him for some time.But then it lost its zest as well. Once again he was left numb and bored and restless, unable to love, unable to grieve. What was it all even for?)

*I remember everything…

[pollenprince]

*I just... *... *...do you ever get a feeling that things are going too good? Like, it... it isn’t supposed to be like this. You are not supposed to be like this. Yeah, right now it’s fine, you’ve got nothing to worry about, you are safe and probably not even hated much, but... *It’s just too good to be true, you know? It feels like there is something coming to destroy it all. To smash that little nice and safe world. Because happiness can’t last long. *...Not for me, at least.

[pollenprince]

*I am not "edgy". *At least I am not trying to be. *You have no idea how it feels. *I have been stuck for an eternity, always struggling and always failing to feel something. Anything. I couldn't love. I couldn't care. I couldn't even die. It was a neverending torture. *And someone decides to choose the same fate willingly. *I... I don't understand. I can't understand.

[pollenprince]

*... *There is snow. *It came from the hole in the ceiling and fell on the flowers. I guess they will wilt now. It's fine, I can grow more. *I hope they won't get cold down there.

[pollenprince]

*Do you know what time of the year it is? Yes! It is the day dedicated to a nice man tortured and killed by other nice people for setting weddings! So celebrate this great holiday properly! Show your dear ones that you care about them by giving them dead plants, unhealthy desserts, toy killer animals and romanticized internal organs! And enjoy their brief presence before your eventual separation by death, distance or lack of interest.