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Louis backstage at Ruisrock photographed by Janita Autio

#SCREAM #louis tomlinson #ruisrock24 #070724

It has been so many months since November when I last gazed into his beautiful big green eyes. I still remember every detail of his handsome face, his beautiful messy hair, and his disarming smile that could melt the coldest heart. His intelligence, his kindness toward others, the way he spoke about the people and things he loved—all these qualities made a lasting impression on me.

Until I met him a few years ago, I didn’t think I’d ever have a huge crush again. There was an undeniable attraction. He could hold my gaze with such intensity, his face so captivating at times. He made me feel seen and good about myself, noticing things about me and expressing them without hesitation. He occasionally made me blush. Even in my most discouraged and bad moods, he managed to make me smile. I always looked forward to seeing him again, even on my worst days.

We first met in 2022, and exactly a year later, I found myself back in the same place where our paths initially crossed. Our connection deepened over time as we spent more time together, and he became an important part of my life for several months.

There were also things about him that occasionally bothered me. He could be moody and somewhat distant or even aloof at times (typical of his Aquarius moon). He noticeably got irritated when other men flirted with me, but I have to admit that it somehow made him more attractive. I appreciate a hint of jealousy and possessiveness in a man, but of course, not in a harmful way. On another note, he shared my tendency to be very energetic and somewhat restless at times—traits typical of a fire sign (him with Aries Sun and me with Leo Sun). Despite these occasional issues, I could easily overlook them because of how charming and handsome he is.

Parting ways in November was, in hindsight, a good thing because I could see myself falling in love with him. The timing wasn’t right, and certain boundaries made it impossible for us to be together. Perhaps this was all it was supposed to be. Maybe he played his part in my journey, but I am glad and thankful he was part of it and helped me reach the next stage. I think of him from time to time—of what he would say, how he used to look at me and sometimes stare at me as if he was studying my face, how we used to joke and laugh, and how he encouraged me and showed me that I was capable of things I never imagined.

He made me enjoy and love something I never thought possible. He was the right person at the right place at the right time in my life. Sometimes, like tonight, I long to see him again, to lose myself in his eyes, and to feel the warmth of his smile once more. Who knows, maybe one day we will meet again. For now, I will cherish his memory and the profound impact he had on my journey.

trigger warning: suicide/death

sobrang nakakalungkot ung mga balita na nagpapakamatay/suicide ung tao. especially, mga teenagers :((( pailan na yon dito sa barangay namin ngayon taon. parang every other week or month twing umuuwi ako, may namamatay, kundi suicide, atake sa puso. kaya sobrang nagaalala rin ako whenever im not around with my parents. kaya madalas, nagmemessage na talaga ako sa kanila kinukumusta, kahit mga kapatid ko ganon na rin kasi ayokong may mangyareng ganon samin. hindi ko alam mararamdaman ko. kasi ako, kaya ko ang lungkot at walang kausap, pero hindi ko alam kapag ibang tao na dahil hindi naman tayo pare-parehas ng strength at mental capacity. :(((

PLEASE, check on your friends and family. Hindi natin alam ang pinagdadaanan ng isa't isa, hindi natin mababasa iniisip nila. Hay buhaaay. Be nice to strangers na rin as soon as kaya. *nagsabi ung rude sa customer. pero kupal kasi sila tbh. ibang usapan yon*

Stay alive, my friends |-/

#post #important #personal #070724