#10:18pm

[trvlytylar]

i think of you often.

[blue-butblooming]

I never got to the point where I felt comfortable enough to tell you I was in love with you, but I was. I told you so many things about myself… I told you secrets I never felt safe enough to tell anyone but my sister and my parents. Things were never really sure with you. But I did know that I was sure of how I felt. I knew I loved you. I knew I was in love with you. I honestly think I might still be in love with you, despite the way you acted. Despite the way you treated me. Your apologies meant nothing in the end. I never told you this, either, but I felt safe with you.

I’d hoped you would have known that from the things I told you. But maybe all that did was make you uncomfortable with me. Maybe it made me damaged goods to you. Maybe that’s what drove you away. But the problem is, despite how unsure things always were with you, I still miss you. It’s hard to get over how being around you made me feel. It’s hard to describe how happy I was when we were together. It made it so that all of the uncertainty was worth it. Every “I don’t know” vanished when I was with you. And when you smiled at me? God, when you smiled at me… I swear I could’ve flown. I thought you understood me in ways that no one had ever really understood me. We bonded on so many different levels, but maybe that didn’t matter. I guess now I’ll never know. And maybe I don’t want to, because maybe it would just hurt if I knew. And that’s not worth it, to me.

Someday, I’ll get over you. But right now I guess it’s just not the time. Sometimes I really just don’t care. Sometimes it’s earth shattering all over again. Sometimes it’s all I can think about. I wish I knew where things went wrong, but that wouldn’t change anything. That wouldn’t fix anything. What compelled you to lie to me… what compelled you to hurt me in the ways that you did… I’ll never know. I’ll never understand. You told me you were open to see where things went. We were going on dates. I was ready to tell you I loved you. But I guess that’s not what you wanted to hear. Maybe you only ever wanted to play with me, despite what you said to begin with. I suppose that’s okay… but it’s hard in the long run, and I don’t think I will ever understand. Maybe I don’t want to know, and I’ve said that before. I want to let you stay in my life, but just seeing you hurts, you know? Seeing your name and your face… it hurts. And I’m so tired of hurting myself. I’m so tired of letting myself hurt when I can prevent that hurt. When I can choose to move on. So I will choose to move on, as quickly as feels safe. As quickly as I feel comfortable with. I can’t promise myself that I won’t continue to hurt in the meantime, you really did quite a number on me, after all.

And I don’t know if you sent that friend of yours to spy on me, but you’re not going to find what you’re looking for.

You know what you did. Consciously or not, you know. And for now, that will have to be enough. Because I know I was not perfect either, and I’m sure there were things I could have done better to repair things and to turn things around even despite how hurt I was. But at least I was honest with you.

[blue-butblooming]

When I don’t feel okay, you are my safe space. My favorite place to be. I don’t have to explain anything to you or tell you why I might be feeling low. You allow me to just be. To just breathe. To just sit with you. To just sit with my feelings and you don’t ask me what right I have to feel any one way. You are a safe place for me to rest when everything is too hard. And I will never have enough words to thank you for it.

[the-things-i-wish-i-could-say]

I have the desperate urge to write, to create art, to release what I’m feeling because I think that release could be beautiful in a tragic sorta way; but I can’t find words. I can’t put what I’m feeling, or lack there of, into words. It’s like everything that I’ve learned about language in my 18 years of life haze just *poof* gone.

It’s hard to call yourself a writer of any sort, or to say that you write songs to cope when you haven’t written in weeks and when you desperately want to write, you just can’t.

[lolima]

في حاجات لو اصرينا نعرفها هنتقهر‘ ولو عديناها هتفضل شاغلانا وواجعة قلوبنا .

[catkutku]

Yay for Lightspeed! Now there is only one song left to S rank! I just need to...

Um...

Hmm.

I just need to

TEST YOUR MIGHT

[illbequietnow]

list of things I don’t like about myself:

my eyes

my teeth

my nose

my chin

my hair (sometimes)

my arms

my breasts

my tummy

my back

my hips

my butt

my thighs

my calves

my feet

my smile

my laugh

my voice

to be continued

[bakugocommitdie]

I rlly like bakugo. I rlly like him. He’s my fave. I feel ya bro. I understand ya. Do I feel ya?? Do? I? I dunno. I understand you bro. Bro. Bakugo... good stuff right there. I like him. I like... bakugo? Bakugo? Good? I understand boi. I see. I see! Where ur coming from. I understand. Sometimes I... I feel ya?!?!!?!? Do I??? But I understand nonetheless... bakugo... I love bakugo... wait. I feel ya?? Bakugo I feel ya??? Wait?? I suppose. Bakugo is some good stuff. That’s nice. Nice nice bakugo. I want. Bakugo irl I be friend. Trust me I know how to be friend. Bakugo seems difficult but ... I try. I understand? I like bakugo.