#11.4.2022

[louisupdates]

Louis Tomlinson, LTWT22: VIENNA [11.4.2022] 📸 redlinelwt

[louisupdates]

Louis Tomlinson, LTWT22: VIENNA [11.4.2022] 📸 live.incolour

[prosy-days]

April 11, 2022 - Day 296

Had a fun time exploring SFMOMA including Moved by the Motion by Wu Tsang.

[godsnameisjoy]

INTUITING

Date: 11 April 2022

Duration: 68 minutes at 10:18 PM

Depth:

Again, I have had a meditation session that can be split into two distinct parts for description’s sake.

I had a feeling that my meditation would shrink from average duration and it did. This feeling came after the previous day’s meditation. There is a pattern to my meditation duration chart on Insight Timer app. The durations increase for a few sessions and then shrink for a few. The good news is that over the years, the lowest point has only gone up. The durations are cyclical but in an upward moving spiral.

The up and down wavy duration pattern has much to do with the inward journey. One seeks the way within. Then, one is blessed with success. Immediately, the duration takes a dip. And then one spends sessions getting used to the new depth. This is when durations climb again. Until another new depth of mind is arrived at.

The first 37 minutes of last night’s meditation, contain a meditational milestone or perhaps several meditation milestones at once. I am not sure.

My mind expanded soon after I began meditating. I find it odd writing those words. And yet, it is the best description to an experience that is now a regular feature of my meditations. It is almost as if I am arriving at a spacious part of my mind instantly. And all thoughts carried in are getting spread out and faded out in the big inner mind room.

It is so strange but when I first experienced going from the conscious to the subconscious, it took me several sessions to arrive at my subconscious in an instant. It would take minutes of conscious calming to enter the subconscious. And one assumes that every new depth will come as a result of similar patience. Not true.

After one has taught the attention to turn inwards, it isn’t so much the fear of uncertainty. It becomes about one’s ability to manoeuvre new obstacles being thrown at one’s attention. Every new depth has its own set of distractions.

In everything I have written so far, I have written about stuff I am already familiar with. I am clearly avoiding describing the first half of my session from last night. There was a new depth!

There was a great gathering of energy felt surging within! The kind of gathering that seemed larger than my lower torso! My lower torso was contained in the energy! I couldn’t believe that more energy had been gathered! Isn’t an awakened Kundalini enough? Isn’t it enough that the spine allows freed up life energy to run like a stream within? Does it have to collect more energy? It is a lot of energy, as it is. And then to collect some more! Why?

Does one need so much and maybe more to allow God’s Blessed Presence in one’s life? Can a human ever match God’s energy? Ok wait. Jesus resurrects every Easter Sunday. Maybe it is possible, Christ knows. Maybe it is possible for a human to hold king like energies.

As far as my mind goes, there really are certain brain cells getting lit by energies that are otherwise caught in the spine. The good news is that benevolent energies awaken benevolent thoughts. I realised this last night. The bizarreness is with the subject of the thought.

I made a spontaneous and deep prayer for an aged Indian actor’s spiritual well being. I don’t even think about the actor or read about him. And to be making spontaneous prayers for him in the deepest part of mind, is bizarre. I am only going to mention the actor as one of the hashtags.

I really am not sure about describing intuitive thoughts just yet. My best depth may still be in an unclean intuition. I must not assume that I have arrived at superconsciousness. The other night I had the most absurd set of words being uttered by my mind: ‘the prince/king of Saudi Arabia is Masood(i)’.

The ‘prince/king’ word was so much of a mental whisper that I didn’t catch it. Also, I was beginning to leave the words when ‘Masood’ was being said. So I don’t know if my mind was informing me about someone who has an ‘i’ at the the end of their name or not. I do not take any of this seriously or consider it important.

It may be important to state these words out loud. They are delightfully absurd. Besides, if the thoughts are about prayer, they must be stated out even louder 😊. Let my intuition be scrubbed by God given Peace. Let the wildest thoughts pass my attention. It doesn’t matter. As long as benevolent energies occupy my head, I don’t mind losing every familiar thought.

I have an idea. How about me creating a little sub section in my blog with the headline: ‘Intuition inspired Google searches’? I can shrink the length of the blog if I don’t explain intuitive thoughts but make an absurd looking mention of them. Hah.

[puregrief]

Falling out of love is so bizarre. Who would've thought, huh? In this perfect setting and I don't feel a thing. Maybe just good feelings, but not love. Not anymore.