i kind of fucking hate it here
i was going to try to write something about it but im too fucking tired of it all to even do that
i just want to do nothing
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my brain is fucking taunting me with all of the things i could have
every night i go to sleep and dream of a life worth living
and then i wake up back in this one
a whole universe to explore and im stuck in this little fucking basement
but i don't like the bitterness. it tastes wrong.
im just sad
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i miss my friends
but i also hate them
sometimes i just want them all to go away
i imagine hitting the reset button
and replacing them with the people in my dreams
but then i realize they're all already gone
and the people in my head are the shadows of what they used to be
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sometimes i wish the dreams would stop
if im going to live in this miserable in between of valorant and minecraft at least let me forget there's a richer life that I'm living in the shadow of
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i hate how many directions i almost go in
so many interests but not one of them to sustain me
i live forever dancing on this stupid sheet of ice
constantly moving around looking for a thick spot
because right now if i stand still ill fall through
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or maybe this is what the water feels like
maybe this is what falling through looks like
maybe I'm trying in vain to climb back up onto a surface that keeps cracking beneath me
i wonder how long until i freeze
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now im still sad but writing this has been so creatively unfulfilling that i was getting depressed and now I'm at the tired stage. so i guess we go back to bed to wake up tomorrow and do it again.
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fucking whatever dude
